Belonging Cues Flashcards
Overcommunicate Listening
Really make an effort to show that you’re genuinely interested in listening to what the speaker is saying. Show this with your facial expressions and your verbal reactions. Do what you can to encourage the speaker to continue by asking questions and acknowledging comments. Avoid interruptions unless they’re “born of mutual excitement for the topic“ (75).
Spotlight your fallibility early on.
In any interaction, we have a natural tendency to try to hide our weaknesses and appear competent. If you want to create safety, this is exactly the wrong move. Instead, you should open up, show you make mistakes, and invite input with simple phrases like “This is just my two cents.” “Of course, I could be wrong here.” “What am I missing?” “What do you think?” (75). As a leader, this invites other people to share their input and feel safe doing so.
Embrace the messenger.
When someone brings bad news, make sure to support them and create a safe, family-like atmosphere. This will make them feel safe when having to tell you the truth about something negative next time. This is a great idea for teaching kids how to be honest.
Preview the future
Successful group leaders help team members connect the dots between present and a successful future. For example, I can tell Isabella, “I remember when I was your age and struggled with math too.” She sees that I am good at math now and this could help her feel like she could also be successful at what she wants to do.
Overdo your “thank you‘s.”
This is one I found particularly interesting because it wasn’t just about saying thank you when somebody does something for you or gives something to you. It was also about saying thank you to someone when they give you the opportunity to help them.
Be painstaking in the hiring/recruiting process
“Successful groups…have built lengthy, demanding processes that seek to assess fit, contribution (through deep background research and extensive interactions with a large number of people in the group), and performance (increasingly measured by tests). Some groups, like Zappos, have added an extra layer of belonging cues: after training is complete, they offer trainees a $2,000 bonus if they quit (about 10 percent of trainees accept the offer)” (81).
Eliminate the bad apples
Don’t allow anyone in the group to be negative. Either have them change the behavior or get rid of them.
Create safe, collision-rich spaces
This one is self-explanatory. This also gave me the idea of creating a student forum where students could communicate and maybe help each other out.
Make sure everyone has a voice
Self-explanatory too. It also gives me some ideas about how to ask students their opinions both about practicing, teaching and performance. Maybe on the student forum?
Pick up trash
This is what I would call a muscular humility—a mindset of seeking simple ways to serve the group. Picking up trash is one example, but the same kinds of behaviors exist around allocating parking places (egalitarian, with no special spots reserved for leaders), picking up checks at meals (the leaders do it every time), and providing for equity in salaries, particularly for start-ups. These actions are powerful not just because they are moral or generous but also because they send a larger signal: We are all in this together (85).
Capitalize on threshold moments
- Make initial moments super memorable and important
> …threshold moments don’t only happen on day one; they happen every day. But the successful groups I visited paid attention to moments of arrival. They would pause, take time, and acknowledge the presence of the new person, marking the moment as special: We are together now (87).
Avoid Giving Sandwich Feedback
- Give negative and positive feedback separately.
> They handled negatives through dialogue, first by asking if a person wants feedback, then having a learning-focused two-way conversation about the needed growth. They handled positives through ultraclear bursts of recognition and praise. The leaders I spent time with shared a capacity for radiating delight when they spotted behavior worth praising. These moments of warm, authentic happiness functioned as magnetic north, creating clarity, boosting belonging, and orienting future action (85).
Embrace Fun
Make interactions fun. Add laughter often!
