Celebrity List Flashcards
(23 cards)
You go first.
(Dave’s second line, after he’s prompted Angela with “Okay ready?”
(Dave is a bit embarrassed, giggly.)
Alright, alright. The number one
celebrity I would make love to if I
get the chance: Beyonce.
(Angela only looks at him.)
The singer.
I know. It’s I wasn’t expecting something so – “radio friendly.”
She’s the most famous person on earth, though. That’s point of making celebrity eff lists. We’re never going to meet these people so
it’s safe to fantasize about them.
ALT
She’s the most famous person on earth, though. I mean, it’s a celebrity eff list, we’re probably never going to meet these people, so it’s safe to fantasize about them. That’s the point.
What is celebrity, really, though?
Yeah. Good point. Who do you have?
Okay. The first celebrity I would bone is Johannes Klimpatrick.
Who? (Johannes Klimpatrick)
The lead singer for Wolfcats.
I’ve never heard of them. That’s
like an indie band?
They’re about to blow up, yeah. Who’s next on yours?
Okay this one’s kind of a little
indie, too. Billie Eilish.
(off Angela’s nonplussed
reaction)
No?
No I think her music’s great. For like a high school dance or car commercial or something. My number two’s Nick Flang.
I don’t… (Nick Flang)
He’s the lead guitarist in Wolfcats.
You really like that band.
I’ve seen them live twenty times.
Really? Where?
Around town.
They’re a local band?
They’re gonna be huge soon. Want a pin?
(She rummages through her pockets and finds a handful of pins
and a sticker.)
You can put that on your skateboard.
You know I drive a Honda Civic.
(She takes back the sticker.)
Why do you have so much of this?
My friend Caroline works their merch table. She’s in an open relationship with Johannes. Apparently the dude’s up for anything.
So, like, you might actually have a chance to make love to these guys?
So? You get to sleep with Beycone if you meet her and she likes you.
(She can’t say the last part without smirking.)
The guitarist of a local band who’s dating your friend isn’t a celebrity.
Oh so you’re only an important person if the mainstream corporate media says so? Ok, Mr. Gatekeeper.
(annoyed) I’m sorry. You’re right. These people are probably super famous in their world and I’m just a square.
Who’s next on your list?
ALT
(annoyed)I’m sorry, You’re right. These people are super famous on the Whyte Ave bar scene and I’m just a square.
Who’s next on your list?
Dobson Carruthers…
Oh is he the drummer in Wolfcats?
Well, yeah. But to me he’s just another regular at the bar.
He’s just some guy who hangs out where you work?
(defensive)
And a couple other places!
Anyway, it would be rude if I didn’t put him on my list. I’m on
his.
How? You’re not a celebrity at all.
ALT
ok, lots to unpack there but first off, you’re not even a celebrity at all
What do you mean? I work at a popular bar. Everyone knows me.
You know what? If you want to sleep with these “celebrities,” go for
it. All this exercise has taught me is that you’re way too cool for me
and we don’t even have a sexual fantasy in common.
ALT
You know what? If you want to sleep with these “celebrities”, go ahead, all I’ve learned from this exercise is you’re way too cool for me and worse we don’t even share a single sexual fantasy.
There are more names on our lists. We might have one in common.
I don’t know.
Let’s count to three and say our last celebrity name at the same
time. If those names have nothing in common, then it’s a sign we just don’t belong together. Okay? On three. Three, two, one…
Jar Jar Binks – from Star Wars!
(They gaze at each other. It’s miraculous.)
Jar Jar Binks – from Star Wars!
Now that’s a celebrity fantasy.
Ok, now that’s a celebrity fantasy.
EXTRA Dave:
ha, I thought you were going to tell me about the bass player
Angela : oh Cory Rozak? Nah, I’ve already crossed him off but it’s for the best, I don’t think I’d be able to walk after another round.
(Someone knocks at the door.)
The pizza’s here.
ALT
thank god
(She opens the door. It’s Jar-Jar Binks in a pizza delivery
uniform.)
Jar Jar: Hey I got a small kolrhabi sprout
and an extra-medium cheese.
(Angela and Dave share a look.)
Let’s do this.
(They high-five.)
