Flashcards in Chapter 9 FSPAC- Explaining death to children - test 3 Deck (11)
- Already developed misconceptions can be surprising
- Do as much touching and holding as possible to make them feel more secure and less afraid
- Do not be afraid to say that you don't know
Find out what they already believe
- Explain why you are sad
- Reassure them it is okay to feel sad and cry
- Tell them it is okay that they are not sad
- Tell the truth
- Do not create lies to protect them (can cause future resentment)
- Honestly means using direct, simple, clear language that a child can understand.
Let children know that you feel sad and let them see you cry.
- Never tell them the person went away on a trip and will return later
- Never equate death to sleeping
- Do not tell them that God took the person or that the person died because he was sick.
- may be afraid you will die or anyone who is sick will go to the hospital and die
- Reassure that illness and death do not go hand in hand and that you plan to stay alive for a long time
- The child may ask when the person will be back even after being told they are dead and will not return. This should be answered truthfully each time.
Although it is difficult for young children to understand the finality of death, it is best to confront the issue honestly.
- Reassure them that they did not make the person die.
- Explain that they may even feel angry at the deceased for dying.
- Let them know that this is normal and even adults feel this way sometimes.
Children may think something they said or did made the person die.
- Attending or not attending the service
- Selecting the casket
- Deciding on whether or not to view the body
- Choosing special objects to put in the casket
- Choosing which clothes the deceased will wear
- Choosing the grave marker and what will be written on it
- Picking out the urn for cremated remains
- Choosing the location to spread the ashes
- Selecting the burial site
- Selecting flowers, music, and readings for the service
- Participating in the service
- Closing the casket for the last time or being involved in this process
Options that can be presented to the child or teenager attending a funeral service
- What if the person's possessions, if any, would be like to keep?
- When does he think he will be ready to return to school?
- Does he want to see the cremated remains?
- Would he like to see the death certificate or the obituary?
- Would he like to participate in a support group?
- How would he like to memorialize the person on the anniversary of his death or on special occasions?
After the funeral options that can be offered to children
- Who - will be at the funeral or memorial service?
- Where- will the service take place?
- When- will the funeral happen?
- What- is going to happen?
- Why- are we doing this?
Typical aspects of the funeral that may be discussed
- The deceased is in a full, open, or a partially open casket
- The body is cool in temperature
- The body does not move
- The body can not talk or see
- The body will not come back to life
- The body may have markings, etc. from injury or illness
- The body will look and feel different than the person did before death
List of important facts a child might want to know before choosing to view the body.
True or false:
At approximately the age of 4, a child should be encouraged to attend a funeral if he or she so desires. Attendance should be urged at an even earlier age if the child has gone to church services or has been at other public gatherings.
True or false:
A funeral is a sharing community process and a crucial occurrence in the life of every family.