Relational Climate
The degree to which we feel safe, supported, and understood in a relationship. Also referred to as relationship climate or communication climate.
Confirming or supportive climate
A positive relational climate based on mutual trust, respect, and support.
Disconfirming or defensive climate
A negative relational climate, characterized y defensiveness, negative judgments, and mistrust.
Self-Actualization
When an individual has developed a complete sense of who she is and what her strengths are, and routinely acts in a way that is consistent with that.
Levels of Confirmation
Level One- Recognizing another person’s existence.
Level Two- Acknowledging thoughts, feelings, or actions.
Level Three- Endorsement.
Recognition
Verbal and nonverbal behaviour signalling that we notice a person.
Acknowledgment
Verbal or nonverbal behaviour acknowledging a person’s thoughts, feelings, or actions.
Endorsement
Accepting a person’s thoughts or feelings as valid.
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Worry that others may be having positive experiences that you are missing out on.
Steps to Complete Listening
Hearing
Attending
Understanding
Responding
Internal Barriers to Listening
Emotional Noise,
Cognitive Distractions,
Premature Judgment
External Barriers to Listening
Environmental Distractions,
Information Overload,
Message Complexity
Emotional Noise
Stress, anxiety, anger, or any other emotion that interferes with our ability to focus our full attention on the speaker.
Solution- Mindfulness or self-talk
Cognitive Appraisal
Interpretation of an event in the context of our individual belief system, expectations, needs and past experiences.
Self-Talk
Internal thoughts that reinforce our interpretation of an activating event.
Cognitive Distractions
Something that is on our mind (a cognition) that we’re having trouble putting aside in order to focus on the speaker’s message.
Solution- Use self-talk or compartmentalization, or consider delaying the conversation if possible.
Compartmentalize
Mentally “filing away” our own issues temporarily.
Premature Judgment
When we stop listening to a message before the speaker is finished, either because we think we know what the speaker is going to say, or because we have already formed an opinion about the speaker or the message.
Solution- Be aware of stereotypes and hot-button issues; use self-talk to overcome them.
Stereotype
A generalization about a group of people that assumes that members of the group share common characteristics.
Ingroup/Outgroup Bias
Ingroup- Favouring others with whom we identify over those whom we perceive as different.
Outgroup- Downgrading others who are different or not in your group.
Self-knowledge
The conscious knowledge you have about your motivations, beliefs, expectations, values, strengths, and weaknesses.
Environmental Distractions
Solution- Eliminate the distraction, or change environments.
Information Overload
Interferes with our listening when we try to process too much information.
Solution- Take breaks; mentally review.
Message Complexity
The message itself is too complicated to absorb without turning your focus inward, and thus away from the speaker for a time.
Solution- Take notes; ask questions to clarify.
Counterfeit Listening Styles
Behaviours that, on the surface, may like listening, but are actually counterproductive to good listening.
Pseudolistening, Selective Listening, Defensive Listening, Stagehogging.
Pseudolistening
Giving only the impression of listening by nonverbal behaviours such as nodding, keeping eye contact, and verbal prompts.
Selective Listening
When we screen a message for certain topics or issues, and then either respond only to those aspects of the message or tune those parts out.
Defensive Listening
We perceive criticism when none is intended.
Stagehogging
When someone is talking to us, we use something the speaker says as an opening to jump in wit a story of our own.
Authentic/Active Listening Styles
Advising, Evaluating, Analyzing, Questioning, Minimally Encouraging, Supporting, Paraphrasing.
Helpful Listening Styles
Analyzing Questioning Minimally Encouraging Supporting Paraphrasing
Controversial listening Styles
Advising
Evaluating
Active Listening
Listening attentively, using verbal and nonverbal responses.
Advising
A listening response that offers advice.
Evaluating
A response that makes a judgment about the person or situation.
Analyzing
To offer a different perspective on the issue.
Questioning
Asking a question geared toward either clarifying your understanding of the speaker, or helping him or her work through the issue.
Minimally Encouraging
Encouraging the speaker to continue by giving short and unintrusive response both verbally and nonverbally.
Supporting
Saying something intended to validate the speaker’s thoughts or feelings, let the speaker know that you understand what he is thinking or feeling, or express support and concern for him as a person.
Paraphrasing
A listening response that reflects what the speaker is feeling and thinking, expressed tentatively.
Masculine Communication
Emphasis on status and competence.
Listening strategies- problem-solving, giving advice.
Feminine Communication
Emphasis on harmony and understanding. Listening strategies- Empathizing, supporting.