Panch Lines (Act 2)

Question 1

Barfee: Luck of the draw. One moment please. A-N-T-I-H-I-S-T-A-M-I-N-E. Antihistamine Mr/Ms. Pancheee.

Answer 1

Doug Panch/Vice Principal Panch.

Question 2

Rona: That is very impressive. Especially the piano.

Answer 2

Miss Park your word is CAMOUFLAGE.

Question 3

Rona: Three spellers remain!

Answer 3

Miss Swartzandgrubenierre.

Question 4

Rona: Ladies and gentleman please turn off all cell phones, pagers, and-
Olive: Oh, it’s me – it’s my dad. Can I answer?

Answer 4

I’m afraid we can’t let you do that.

Question 5

(During Swartzy’s spill about her father’s day and pride month)

Answer 5

Does anyone mind if we get back to the spelling?

Question 6

Panch: Does anyone mind if we get back to the spelling?
Swartzy: I’ve been waiting on my word

Answer 6

I gave you a word.

Question 7

Panch: I gave you a word.
Swartzy: No you didn’t.

Answer 7

Didn’t I give her a-

Question 8

Panch: Didn’t I give her a-
All: No.

Answer 8

My apologizes. Sluice.

Question 9

Panch: Yes, it’s a body of water pent up behind a floodgate.
Swartzy: Are there any alternate definitions?

Answer 9

Why don’t you quit stalling and spell the damn word!

Question 10

Panch: Why don’t you quit stalling and spell the damn word!
Rona: Principal Panch!

Answer 10

Vice Principal Panch! Vice Principal! They won’t let me be principal!

Question 11

Swartzy: You’re lucky your parents are in India.
Olive: No, only my mom is. My dad’s coming from work.

Answer 11

I apologize for that incident. In my defense I’d like to point out that I’m lactose intolerant. Miss Ovstrosky.

Question 12

Barfee: Ew. There’s something sticky. I’ll take it from the crep. U.S.

Answer 12

We need a spelling now.

Question 13

Swartzy: Vug? That’s the whole word? Vug?

Answer 13

Vug.

Question 14

Panch: I’m sorry the correct answer is V-U-G. Vug.
Swartzy: So simple?

Answer 14

So simple.

Question 15

Mitch and Swartzy: Goodbye!

Rona: How exciting!

Answer 15

Will the final two spellers please step forward. Now the rules state that we continue spelling until someone misses a word. At that point, the final speller must spell the next word correctly in order to win the bee.

Question 16

Rona: I hear triumphant sounds of tympani. It’s my favorite moment of the bee.

Answer 16

Mr. Barfee. Coryza.

Question 17

Barfee: Hop home carrot.
Olive: Rap home cohort.

Answer 17

Mr. Barfee. Please spell astrobleme.

Question 18

Rona: Now remember, no speller can win on another speller’s mistake. Mr. Barfee must spell the next word correctly to take the Putnam bee.

Answer 18

Are you ready, William?

Question 19

Panch: Are you ready, William?
Barfee: Yes, thank you Doug/Vice Principal, I am ready.

Answer 19

Then please spell Weltanschauung.

Question 20

Barfee: S-C-H-A-U
Olive: It’s okay, Barf.
Barfee: U-N-G. Weltanschauung.

Answer 20

We have a winner!

Question 21

All: Champion! At the Putnam County Spelling
Barfee: Thank you all very much.
All: Bee!

Answer 21

On behalf of our sponsors “The Putnam Optometrists, you’ve got to see us to believe us” we’d like to present you, William Morris Barfay, with this two hundred dollar savings bond toward your future education.

Question 22

Barfee: I’ve worked so hard for this moment. All my life I have only been able to breathe through one nostril and today is no exception!

Answer 22

And this year there’s also a runner-up prize!

Question 23

Panch: And this year there’s also a runner-up prize!
Rona: There is?

Answer 23

Yes, as you know, if for any reason the winner cannot fulfill his duties as Putnam County Spelling Champ, the Runner Up must step in and assume all spelling responsibilities. So this year our sponsors are also offering a cash prize of twenty-five dollars to the second-place finisher.

Question 24

(Epilogues)

Answer 24

Vice Principal Panch found a new passion in life. Her name was Rona Lisa Peretti. After courting her tirelessly for over two years, she took out a restraining order on him/her. Still, he/she was grateful for the opportunity to experience love.