Gun to End Of Show

Question 1

LIONEL: …I have better things to do today than to marry a bridal terrorist.

Answer 1

Come on! What are you doing sitting alone, in the park, on a beautiful Sunday in the spring, reading? You know as well as I do that you should be with your wife, or girlfriend, or someone! Right?

Question 2

LIONEL: I like being alone. And outside.

Answer 2

What’d you do last night?

Question 3

LIONEL: I… had dinner with some friends.

Answer 3

Did you have a date?

Question 4

LIONEL: No, these were just friends. People like myself.

Answer 4

Lionel, aren’t you tired of being single and straight in New York?

Question 5

LIONEL: Well, of course, I get depressed.

Answer 5

You start thinking, is there no one else in this world for me? Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life alone?

Question 6

LIONEL: Sure. That happens.

Answer 6

Me too. But you see, I’ve solved that problem for both of us.

Question 7

MAY: I’ve solved that problem for both of us.
LIONEL: How?

Answer 7

We’re married.

Question 8

MAY: We’re married.
LIONEL: Not really.

Answer 8

We will be in a few minutes. I’ll confess to you, I looked around for quite a while before I decided to ask you to marry me.

Question 9

MAY: … decided to ask you to marry me.
LIONEL: Really?

Answer 9

Sure. We were all at the entrance to the park for the better part of an hour before I headed in this direction.

Question 10

LIONEL: I’m flattered.

Answer 10

Now I think you’re a handsome guy, and I know you think I’m kind of pretty, otherwise you wouldn’t have gone along this far, right?

Question 11

MAY: … you wouldn’t have gone along this far, right?
LIONEL: Well, yes.

Answer 11

So we have physical attraction going for us!

When the ceremony is over, we’ll go to your place and make ourselves a honeymoon. Come on, be a sport! Whaddaya say?

Question 12

LIONEL: I say you’re crazy.

Answer 12

Who isn’t?

Question 13

MAY: Who isn’t?
LIONEL: True.

Answer 13

Your parents alive?

Have they been pressuring you to get married?

Question 14

LIONEL: A little. But they live in Florida, so it’s only once a week.

Answer 14

They’ll be thrilled for you. They can die happy now.

Question 15

LIONEL: But I don’t know you.

Answer 15

If you knew me, we’d date for a while, then we’d have a talk about commitment and all that other stuff, then we’d end up breaking up. We’d be even older than we are now and still alone. Not a pretty prospect.

Question 16

MAY: … Not a pretty prospect.
LIONEL: Not at all.

Answer 16

But now that we’ll be married, we’ve got something to hold on to. Something substantial. An emotional and moral commitment founded on the sacrament of marriage as an institution. With the help of the BTP workshops, our marriage will be an inspiration to millions of individuals like ourselves. Sure, we’ll have problems. But we’ll work through them all! We’ll make it work. We’ll be stronger for it. For us, and for the kids.

Question 17

LIONEL: The kids?

Answer 17

Of course we’re going to have kids.

Question 18

MAY: … kids.
LIONEL: How many?

Answer 18

Just two.

Question 19

LIONEL: I like kids.

Answer 19

So… wanna go have a honeymoon? Or do you wanna meet your maker?

Question 20

LIONEL: You know, you’re not entirely wrong.

Answer 20

I knew you’d see the light.

Question 21

LIONEL: More than once, I’ve broken up with someone because we were simply afraid of that final… commitment.

Answer 21

And what held you back?

Question 22

LIONEL: The fact that it might be the wrong decision, or maybe knowing too much about one another.

Answer 22

So you made no decision, right?

Well guess what?

I’m here to make that decision for you.

Question 23

LIONEL: I’m getting married.

Answer 23

We’re getting married.

Question 24

LIONEL: Wow. Things happen so quickly nowadays. And for the most bizarre reasons.

Answer 24

Are we going to your place for a honeymoon, or are we going to go straight to the reception?

Question 25

LIONEL: Reception?

Answer 25

What’s a wedding without a reception?

Question 26

MAY: What’s a wedding without a reception?
LIONEL: You’re right.

Answer 26

Reception first, then honeymoon. Ok?

Question 27

LIONEL: Don’t I get to invite people, too?

Answer 27

Sure. We can go to your place, get changed, and while I’m unpacking, you can make some calls and they can come to our wedding reception.

Question 28

LIONEL: Where is it?

Answer 28

The Plaza.

Really. If you’re gonna do it, you gotta do it right.

Question 29

LIONEL: What if you hadn’t found a husband today?

Answer 29

I had to find a husband today, or else I would have been a failure. Not only to myself, but to the party. Today is my wedding day. I didn’t know who I was going to marry, but I knew that I was going to be married by four o’clock today, hell or high water.

Question 30

MAY: … hell or high water.
LIONEL: And you are.

Answer 30

And I am. So can we proceed?

Question 31

LIONEL: Mrs. Lionel Stark.

Answer 31

Lionel?

You may kiss the bride.