Seagull Flashcards
The more I write the more I think it’s not a matter of old forms and new forms; what’s important is to write without thinking about forms at all just right, and pour out whatever’s in your heart.
Knock on window
What’s that? It’s so dark I can’t see a thing. Who’s there Nina! Nina! Nina! Nina, it’s you! I knew you’d come. I knew it! All day long. I’ve had this terrible sense of something wrong… Oh, my darling, my wonderful, darling, you’ve come back! Come on now, we’re not going to cry!
There’s someone here.
No, there’s not.
Lock the door; they may come in.
No one will come
I know your mothers here. Please lock the door… 
There’s no lock on this one. I’ll pop a chair against it; don’t be afraid nobody’s going to come in.
Let me look at you
It’s lovely here nice and warm… This used to be a parlour didn’t it? Have I changed a lot?
Yes… You’ve gotten thinner; it makes your eyes look larger. Nina do you know how strange this is seeing you like this? Why didn’t you want to see me? Why didn’t you come see me before this? I know you’ve been here almost a week now. I’ve been going to stand under your window, was a beggar.
I was afraid you’d hate me. Every night I dreamed you were looking at me and you didn’t recognize me. I wish you knew… Ever since I got here, I can coming out just to walk around the lake. I walked by this house several times; I just couldn’t bring myself to go in let’s sit down
Let’s sit and talk and talk. it’s so nice here so comfortable and warm… can you hear that wind caught? There’s a passage in Turgenev… “ happy the man on such a night, who has a roof of his own in a place by the fire…” I’m the seagull… No, that’s not right. What was I saying oh yes Turgenev “ and may the Lord help all homeless wanderers”. It doesn’t matter.
Nina. Don’t cry, you’re… Nina!
Robert matter; I feel better now. I haven’t cried in two years. I came out here last night late to see if our theatre was still standing. And there it was. And I cried for the first time in two years. It made me feel better, lighter somehow. See? I’m not crying anymore.
So now you’re a writer. You’re a writer and I’m an actress. We’ve both been sucked into the world pool. And that was such a happy life, back then. We were still children. I’d wake up in the morning and start singing. I was in love with you, I was in love with fame … And now? I have to get up early tomorrow morning to catch the train to yelets, third class, with all the peasants, and in yelets I have to put up with the intentions of dirty minded businessman, who claim to love art. What a horrible life!
What are you going to yelets for?
The theatre they’re hired me for the winter season.
It’s time for me to go.
Nina. I cursed you. I hated you, I tore up your letters in photographs, but I realized every minute that my soul was tied to yours forever. I can’t not love you, Nina, I just can’t. Ever since you left, since I saw my first story and print, my life has been unbearable. My youth got snatched away, and I feel as if I’ve lived in 90 years already. I call your name, I kiss the ground you walk down, everywhere, I turn, I see your face.
Why are you telling me all this? Why?
I am all alone, no one loves me, I’m cold as an empty cave, and everything I write is dead. Stay here with me, Nina, please! Or, let me come with you!
Get up grab coat
Nina. Where are you going? For god sake, don’t leave me!
I’ve got a carriage waiting at the gate. Don’t come with me; I want to go by myself.
Can I have a drink of water?
Where are you going now?
Back to town.
Is your mother here?
Yes. The worst on Thursday, so we sent a telegram asking her to come.
Why did you say you kiss the Ground I walked on? You should’ve killed me instead.
I’m so tired! I want to rest, I just want to rest! I’m the seagull… No, that’s not it. I am an actress. That’s it.
*listen at door
He’s here, too. He is, isn’t he? Well, never mind. He never believed in the theater, he laughed at all, my dreams, and little by little. I stopped believing in it too. And then all the emotional stress, the jealousy; I was always afraid for the baby… I started getting petty, depressed, my acting was empty, or in emptier… I didn’t know what to do with my hands, I didn’t know how to hold myself on stage, I couldn’t control my voice. You don’t know what that’s like to realize you’re a terrible actor. I am the seagull… No, that’s not it… Remember that seagull you shot a man comes along, sees her and destroys her life, because he has nothing better to do… Subject for a short story. No that’s not it… 
*rub forehead
What was I saying? Oh yes, the theater… I’m not like that anymore. I’m a real actress now, I enjoy acting, I’m proud of it, the stage intoxicates me. When I’m up there, I feel beautiful. In these days, being back here, waiting for hours on end, thinking and thinking, I could feel my soul grow stronger day after day, and now I know kostya , I understand, finally, that in our business - acting, writing, it makes no difference – the main thing isn’t being famous , it’s not the sound of applause, it’s not what I dreamed it was. All it is, is the strength to keep going, no matter what happens. You have to keep on believing. I believe, and it helps. And now, when I think about my vocation, I’m not afraid of life. 
