Exercise 4.1

Question 1

Revise for emphasis:

Universities are acting more like businesses and less like schools these days.

Answer 1

Universities these days are acting less like schools and more like businesses.

4.1 (note: “businesses” is the most important word here, and therefore it should come at the end of the sentence.)

Question 2

Revise for emphasis:

His arguments were weak regarding global warming.

Answer 2

His arguments regarding global warming were weak.

4.1 (note: “weak” is the most important word here, and therefore it should come at the end of the sentence.)

Question 3

Revise for emphasis:

Americans are most concerned about privacy in the digital age.

Answer 3

In the digital age, Americans are most concerned about privacy.

4.1 (note: “privacy” is the most important word here, and therefore it should come at the end of the sentence.)

Question 4

Revise for emphasis:

When we examine the results of this study, there is a troubling trend that stands out.

Answer 4

When we examine the results of this study, we find a troubling trend.

4.1 (note: “troubling trend” are the most important words here, and therefore they should come at the end of the sentence.)

Question 5

Revise for emphasis:

The time to eat has arrived!

Answer 5

It is time to eat!

it-shift 4.4

Question 6

Revise for emphasis:

The president’s approval rating has plummeted, according to recent polls.

Answer 6

According to recent polls, the president’s approval rating has plummeted.

4.1 (note: “plummeted” is the most important word here, and therefore it should come at the end of the sentence.)

Question 7

Revise for emphasis

Forgiveness ultimately sustains a marriage.

Answer 7

What ultimately sustains a marriage is forgiveness.

what-shift 4.4

Question 8

Revise for emphasis:

Teach your son respect if you want him to succeed in life.

Answer 8

If you want your son to succeed in life, teach him respect.
Or (even better):
If you want your son to succeed, teach him respect.

4.1-2 (note: “respect” is the most important word here, and therefore it should come at the end of the sentence. But “succeed” is also an important word, and therefore we can place it at the end of the first clause.)

Question 9

Revise for emphasis:

Entire ecosystems have yet to be explored.

Answer 9

There are entire ecosystems that have yet to be explored.

there-shift 4.4

Question 10

Revise for emphasis:

Jesus admonishes us not to set our hearts on man’s kingdom but on God’s kingdom.

Answer 10

Jesus admonishes us not to set our hearts on the kingdom of man but on the kingdom of God.

of-shift 4.4

Question 11

Revise for emphasis:

America needs not better economic policies but better preaching.

Answer 11

What America needs is not better economic policies but better preaching.

what-shift 4.4

Question 12

Revise for emphasis:

You will never guess what happened–aliens visited me!

Answer 12

You will never guess what happened–I was visited by aliens!

create emphasis through passive verbs 4.4

Question 13

Revise for emphasis:

The king confesses his crime and then falls upon his own sword in the final scene.

Answer 13

In the final scene, the king confesses his crime and then falls upon his own sword.

grammatical complexity 4.5 (note: the phrase “in the final scene” is less grammatically complex than “the king confesses his crime and then falls upon his own sword,” and thus we should put it first.)

Question 14

Revise for emphasis:

Photovoltaic cells, which are responsible for the absorption of photons and subsequent conversion of energy, are special devices that aid solar panels.

Answer 14

Solar panels rely on special devices called photovoltaic cells, which absorb photons and convert them to energy.

complexity of meaning 4.5 (note: we should move the more complex information (e.g. “photovoltaic cells” and “photons”) toward the end. Also, note that we can also increase clarity by removing nominalizations.)

Question 15

Revise for emphasis:

Musicians frequently struggle to earn enough money to take care of their daily needs in life.

Answer 15

Musicians frequently struggle to make a living.

emphasis through concision 4.6

Question 16

Revise for emphasis:

In as little as three years I might retire.

Answer 16

I might retire in as little as three years.

4.1 (note: “three years” are the most important words and therefore should come at the end of the sentence.)

Question 17

Revise for emphasis:

Positron emission tomography or PET detects radiotracers, a kind of radioactive chemical, administered intravenously by doctors, who can use this revolutionary technology to identify neurological disorders.

Answer 17

Doctors can identify neurological disorders through a revolutionary technology called positron emmission tomography or PET, which works by detecting radioactive chemicals called radiotracers that the doctor injects into a patient’s veins.

complexity of meaning 4.5 (note: we should move the more complex information (e.g. “positron emission topography,” “radiotracers,” etc.) to the end of each group of words.)

Question 18

Revise for emphasis:

The elder rebuked the missionary, “Cannibals will eat you!” to which the missionary replied, “And worms will eat you!”

Answer 18

The elder rebuked the missionary, “You will be eaten by cannibals!” to which the missionary replied, “And you will be eaten by worms!”

emphasis through passive verbs 4.4