Croquet scene 1 Flashcards

1
Q

Isn’t it exciting, dolly?

A

What?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
2
Q

To be here. Today.

A

I um- I don’t quite know how I got here.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
3
Q

I’m like that, I forget things all the time.

A

I mean I was just talking to that scary man and now I’m- Now I’m here. Sorry where am I exactly?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
4
Q

Silly dolly. You’re at the queen’s croquet ground.

A

The queen of Hearts?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
5
Q

Aren’t you more excited than you’ve ever been? A game of croquet and then tea.

A

I don’t really know anything about croquet.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
6
Q

Gosh dolly, don’t say that anywhere near her majesty- the queen’s mad for croquet.

A

Is the queen here?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
7
Q

She’ll be here any minute, for the big match. Do you really mean to tell me you’ve never played croquet?

A

It’s a bit old fashioned where I come from.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
8
Q

Darling dolly, come over here and let me show you.

A

Um, look, there’s something I should tell you.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
9
Q

Don’t tell me- you think I’m so much calmer since you last saw me, my skin’s looking so much better…

A

Yeah, it’s just- You know the baby?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
10
Q

The little pig.

A

Yes.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
11
Q

You’ll need one of these.

A

Thing is, it turned out it was actually a pig.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
12
Q

Yes, I know. Horrid little thing, caterwauling all the- Here you are- this might be the right size.

A

The thing is, um, I’m terribly sorry, but-

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
13
Q

No, that’s too short.

A

I’m everso sorry but I’m afraid it ran away.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
14
Q

What about this one? What ran away?

A

The pig. The pigbaby. I’m really sorry. It just ran off, so-

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
15
Q

Oh don’t worry about that, dolly. Getting that baby off my hands was the best thing I ever did- I can’t tell you how much better I feel- calmer, more adjusted, freer, less tense- so much less tense, I was carrying all this tension in my neck, in my shoulders- No dolly, you’re holding it the wrong way up.

A

Um, OK.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
16
Q

And you must greet it nicely.

A

Sorry?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
17
Q

Say hello.

A

Um, hello. Flamingo.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
18
Q

You’ve got to be very polite or it won’t hit when you want it to.

A

Um, sorry. Mr Flamingo.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
19
Q

Isn’t this fun? Now, you need a hedgehog as well. That’s the other good thing about losing this silly baby- now the queen will surely have me back. As soon as she sees me she’ll- You don’t think she’s only got me here to make up the numbers or something, do you?

A

I’m sure not.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
20
Q

Here’s a good beginners one, try this. Just give it a little tap with the flamingo.

A

Isn’t that cruel?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
21
Q

Hello, my name is Roger and I’m going to be your hedgehog for today- any questions at all, don’t hesitate to ask. Now feel free to hit me as hard as you like- I am a professional. Though I would ask you to please avoid the facial area as I need that for my modelling contracts.

A

Modelling?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
22
Q

So I roll up like this and then you hit me.

A

With the flamingo.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
23
Q

The white rabbit there, attending to every royal whim in his usual indispensable way, the model of discretion.

A

Does the white rabbit work for the queen?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
24
Q

Yes indeed.

A

If he works for the queen that must mean I’m in the right place, musn’t it?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
25
Q

The queen now rising from her royal seat to address the crowd- a reverent hush, if you please.

A

She looks like my mum!

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
26
Q

Most dear, most loyal, most delicious subjects.

A

She sounds like my mum, too-

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
27
Q

It is with great pleasure that you would like to thank me for laying on such magnificent spectacle this afternoon, and for the love and fidelity that you enjoy. From me.

A

This means I’m definitely in the right place.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
28
Q

I think we can all agree that there is no-one in all of Wonderland more wonderful than me, and for that you are of course, profoundly grateful. From the bottom of your hearts.

A

I should go speak to her and then maybe she can click her fingers or her shoes or something and get me out of here.

29
Q

Sorry miss, you can’t go over there.

A

But I need to speak to my-

30
Q

Come on, we don’t want any trouble- off the green, please.

A

But I want to talk to the queen.

31
Q

I simply cannot tell you how pleased you all are to be here, in the presence of me. Me are happy to invite you all- or those of you still in possession of your heads at that point- to croquet tea at which my homemade tarts will be served to the most deserving among you. But before that- to the match. What a happy coincidence that croquet, my favourite sport is also the favourite sport of Wonderlanders everywhere. And what an exciting game we will have today- a champion, undeafeated for twenty-five matches, and an unknown challenger. Who among you is brave enough to take this quest for glory? I SAID- who among you is brave enough to take on the challenge?

A

Why won’t anyone volunteer?

32
Q

Never mind that the last challenger had to have a hedgehog removed from his buttocks- he was right as rain in no time. Come on, Wonderland. Where’s your lust for adventure? I WANT TO WATCH SOME CROQUET. If no one volunteers then off with everyone’s head. Off with his head, and her head, and his head and his head and off with their heads over there and…

A

If I play, I’ll get to meet the queen, right?

33
Q

You play?

A

What d’you think, guys?

34
Q

Do you know, I can’t today, I’ve got to go to the chiropodist.

A

Come on, let’s be brave, let’s do it.

I’d like to be the challenger, please.

35
Q

Could this be the shortest game in the history of this venerable championship?

A

That’s the man- that’s the man I saw! He’s the champion?

36
Q

The Knave of Hearts.

A

But he can’t be- I saw him-

37
Q

You musn’t leave him upside down for too long- the blood all rushes to his head.

A

I’m so sorry.

38
Q

Oh yes, that’s much bet-

A

Oh god, is he alright?

39
Q

He’ll come around any minute.

Any minute now…

A

Is he going to be OK to play?

40
Q

Classic shot. A player at the very top of his game.

A

He was cheating!

41
Q

Action replay!

A

That’s not what happened!

42
Q

Yes, keeping herself in a steady second place, there.

A

Yeah, OK, I’m trying my best.

43
Q

Well played!

A

That’s not fair.

He’s giving my hedgehog food- that’s cheating.

44
Q

Free shot to the Knave!

A

What? No!

45
Q

Yes, i’ve a card here saying Happy Birthday Betsy from all your friends in Wonderland border patrol…

A

This is stupid- I might as well give up.

46
Q

I’m sorry- I’m a sucker for a bit of bread and milk.

A

If he’s going to play like that, cheating all the time. I can’t beat it. And anyway, everyone wants him to win.

47
Q

No one beats the Knave of Hearts.

A

Yeah, I can see why. No one gets a fair run.

48
Q

Seems to be for someone called Alice.

A

I’m Alice, that’s me.

49
Q

Sounded a bit worried.

A

My dad- Dad? Mum? I’m here- I’m trying to get back. If they can send a message, they must be close, musn’t they? I must be near the end. Ok, guys. Let’s win this so I can get home.

50
Q

Win this? How can we win this? No one beats the-

A

Yeah, you said. But wouldn’t it be amazing if we did beat him? Why should he get away with it, playing like that? He smacked that poor flamingo’s head really hard.

51
Q

That was my cousin Harold.

A

Let’s do it for Harold.

52
Q

But how can we do it?

A

I don’t know, but why don’t we- Give it our best shot. You just have to do the best you can with what you’ve got, don’t you?

53
Q

My best shot…

A

Literally your best shot. D’you want to be the kinda flamingo that just gives up when things get difficult?

54
Q

No. No, right, come on then. For Harold.

A

Roger? Who’s to say you can’t fly if you want to?

55
Q

Yes. Yes, you’re right. I’m a champion in the making. Let’s play the game of our lives.

A

This is so massively cheesy it’s got to work.

56
Q

Seconds away from coming face to face with her majesty.

A

Hello.

57
Q

I beg your pardon.

A

Hi. I mean, here I am, so-

58
Q

Are you addressing me?

A

Mission accomplished, here I am. Mum.

59
Q

Mum?

A

OK, no, sorry- just you look a lot like my mum, so-

60
Q

The medal your majesty.

A

Hi.

61
Q

I wanted the knave to win. He’s my favourite.

A

Yeah, I’m sorry. But I needed to speak to you. And the duchess sort of said the only way I could do that was to play croquet and get presented to you at the end.

62
Q

The Duchess said this? The Duchess?

A

I’ve done everything I was supposed to do, yeah? So now I’m ready to go back, because I think my dad is kinda worried about where I am.

63
Q

The Duchess!

A

Look, I’m happy to hand the medal back and give it to the Knave if you want to for some kind of technicality because I want to go home really, more than I wanted to win at the croquet.

64
Q

But your majesty- You’re my best friend!

A

No- wait- please- I need to speak to you-

No- please- please come back-

No no NO!

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.

I mean what else do you bloody want me to do?

I’ve played the stupid game, I’ve done the Heart thing- it’s not a place, I’ve tried that, and it’s not a person I mean I’m running out of options here, I’m struggling for any kind of idea at all. I’ve tried to talk to all these mental people but d’you know what? They’re all mental. Nobody’s given me anything that’s even remotely useful- what, a stupid piece of nonsense poem and I’m supposed to go ‘oh yeah, eureka, I know exactly what to do now’.

65
Q

Has anyone seen Alice?

A

Mum?

66
Q

We can’t find her anywhere.

A

I’m here!

67
Q

Have you checked the attic?

A

The attic’s Joe’s room, I can’t go in there.

68
Q

She’s not been out in two weeks.

A

Mum? Can you come get me? I’ve got nothing left. I don’t know how to get home, mum. I’ve got nothing.

I mean yeah, I’ve got this stupid poem, but-

This is literally the last thing I’ve got. Twas brillig and the- What, is this a code, or an anagram, or- Brilling. I mean what does brillig mean? I’m stuck on the second word. What’s the point in even trying?