Croquet scene 1 Flashcards
Isn’t it exciting, dolly?
What?
To be here. Today.
I um- I don’t quite know how I got here.
I’m like that, I forget things all the time.
I mean I was just talking to that scary man and now I’m- Now I’m here. Sorry where am I exactly?
Silly dolly. You’re at the queen’s croquet ground.
The queen of Hearts?
Aren’t you more excited than you’ve ever been? A game of croquet and then tea.
I don’t really know anything about croquet.
Gosh dolly, don’t say that anywhere near her majesty- the queen’s mad for croquet.
Is the queen here?
She’ll be here any minute, for the big match. Do you really mean to tell me you’ve never played croquet?
It’s a bit old fashioned where I come from.
Darling dolly, come over here and let me show you.
Um, look, there’s something I should tell you.
Don’t tell me- you think I’m so much calmer since you last saw me, my skin’s looking so much better…
Yeah, it’s just- You know the baby?
The little pig.
Yes.
You’ll need one of these.
Thing is, it turned out it was actually a pig.
Yes, I know. Horrid little thing, caterwauling all the- Here you are- this might be the right size.
The thing is, um, I’m terribly sorry, but-
No, that’s too short.
I’m everso sorry but I’m afraid it ran away.
What about this one? What ran away?
The pig. The pigbaby. I’m really sorry. It just ran off, so-
Oh don’t worry about that, dolly. Getting that baby off my hands was the best thing I ever did- I can’t tell you how much better I feel- calmer, more adjusted, freer, less tense- so much less tense, I was carrying all this tension in my neck, in my shoulders- No dolly, you’re holding it the wrong way up.
Um, OK.
And you must greet it nicely.
Sorry?
Say hello.
Um, hello. Flamingo.
You’ve got to be very polite or it won’t hit when you want it to.
Um, sorry. Mr Flamingo.
Isn’t this fun? Now, you need a hedgehog as well. That’s the other good thing about losing this silly baby- now the queen will surely have me back. As soon as she sees me she’ll- You don’t think she’s only got me here to make up the numbers or something, do you?
I’m sure not.
Here’s a good beginners one, try this. Just give it a little tap with the flamingo.
Isn’t that cruel?
Hello, my name is Roger and I’m going to be your hedgehog for today- any questions at all, don’t hesitate to ask. Now feel free to hit me as hard as you like- I am a professional. Though I would ask you to please avoid the facial area as I need that for my modelling contracts.
Modelling?
So I roll up like this and then you hit me.
With the flamingo.
The white rabbit there, attending to every royal whim in his usual indispensable way, the model of discretion.
Does the white rabbit work for the queen?
Yes indeed.
If he works for the queen that must mean I’m in the right place, musn’t it?
The queen now rising from her royal seat to address the crowd- a reverent hush, if you please.
She looks like my mum!
Most dear, most loyal, most delicious subjects.
She sounds like my mum, too-
It is with great pleasure that you would like to thank me for laying on such magnificent spectacle this afternoon, and for the love and fidelity that you enjoy. From me.
This means I’m definitely in the right place.