Chapter 8 - Liking, Friendship, and Love Flashcards

1
Q

major factors in attraction, liking, and love

A

proximity (need to interact), rewards (cost v benefit), similarity, social bonds (trust, gossip, social exchange/reciprocity), traits attributes behaviors, and love

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2
Q

We usually become friends with people who

A

like us, give us rewards at low cost (don’t have to work to be friends)

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3
Q

for romantic relationships, attraction between people generally begins with

A

physical attraction

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4
Q

when you’re in a bad mood, you think more about

A

inward problems; not ideal for making friends, but existing friends can help regulate your mood

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5
Q

What’s the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?

A

friends are more similar in attitudes and interests, greater intimacy and trust/disclosure, reciprocal bonding and support

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6
Q

benefits of having a friend for life

A

having at least one high-quality friendship that provides social support and companionship, trust, significantly predicts well-being and can protect against mental health issues like depression and anxiety and some health benefits across the lifespan

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7
Q

the stages of play and friendship

A

parallel play, associative play, cooperative play, middle school years, high school years

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8
Q

parallel play

A

very young children; playing alone, side-by-side

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9
Q

associative play

A

3-4 years; some interaction, some sharing, maybe copying; friendship starts here

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10
Q

cooperative play

A

mutual interaction; theory of other minds and empathy, social rules; board games, puzzles, outdoor play

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11
Q

friendships in middle school

A

true friendships come and go quickly (especially for girls); kids develop their own interests and begin to think about the world around them; parents matter, but friends and social media are important influences

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12
Q

bullies

A

high self-esteem, get rewards from bullying, get power and status

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13
Q

friendships in high school

A

sense of self is more stable; friends are selected based on similar interests, attitudes, and values (same as adulthood); males - often from friendships through doing stuff together; females - more conversation and discussion (not huge differences); may form opposite-sex friendships without the sexual element; conformity decreases

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14
Q

self-esteem is lower in young adulthood

A

because of high stress, changes, etc.

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15
Q

young adulthood

A

college or work become a source of new and often long lasting friendships; self-esteem is lowest here

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16
Q

In adulthood, new friendships develop from

A

work, with parents that have children (similarity); people marry and have children later; planned housing developments are designed to help meet others and create neighborhood bonds

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17
Q

after kids leave the home

A

adults have closer relationships, but fewer; similarity is still the biggest factor (education, income, politics, mutual interests/proximity)

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18
Q

older adulthood

A

friends start to leave you, but capacity for love and friendship remains; personality changes much less after age 50 (still need love, socialization, and friends

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19
Q

gossip

A

serves as social bonding; relaxed discussion about an absent party; informal, entertaining; usually about social norm and rule violations; approximately 64% of daily conversation is about other people

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20
Q

functions of gossip

A

social grooming (strengthen friendships), establish norms in a group, check your agreement with friends, identifies free-riders

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21
Q

how we gossip

A

about equals or superiors; more interest in gossip about people that matter to us; prefer negative gossip about enemies; prefer positive about allies

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22
Q

people high in social intelligence know:

A

when, to whom, and about what to gossip; when done right, you’re seen as a team player and socially connected

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23
Q

Yik Yak can make people feel connected because it’s a form of gossip, but it can also

A

lower self-esteem; can increase depression and anxiety; difficult to defend against anonymous

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24
Q

Why do we like the people we like?

A

Reward theory of attraction

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25
Q

reward theory of attraction

A

we like people whose behavior provides us with maximum reward at minimum cost; weakness - huge numbers of factors that are rewarding and it depends on the situation/context (oxygen is a reward if you can’t breathe)

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26
Q

trans-situational reward

A

a reward that is a reward in most situations (first aid, CPR, money);

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27
Q

we like people who evaluate us positively, BUT

A

we have problems interpreting motivation of the person giving praise (we’re skeptical)

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28
Q

flattery

A

we like people who flatter us, as long as they don’t have ulterior motives; people with higher social intelligence (good people skills) can assess honesty better than others

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29
Q

Jones study

A

Groups (evaluated by grad student): positive, negative, neutral evaluation; half ss in each group are aware that the evaluator would later ask them to volunteer for something; ss asked opinion of evaluator; findings - we like people who praise us, so liking dropped for those who knew they were going to be asked for a favor

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30
Q

when others do us favors

A

we like people who give us useful information, even if help is unintentional (minefield game)

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31
Q

Franklin - turn an enemy to a friend (opposite of Carnegie, who said do favors for them)

A

get them to do a favor for you

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32
Q

problem with the reward theory of attraction (we like people whose behavior gives us maximum reward at minimum cost)

A

too many factors - rewards matter, but they’re not everything and they depend on the situation

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33
Q

we like people who evaluate us positively (but it’s complicated)

A

we have trouble interpreting motive - is it true praise or do they want something?

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34
Q

exchange relationships

A

reciprocity of rewards and costs - seek equity

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35
Q

communal relationships (we-ness)

A

still want fair and balanced, but we don’t keep score; you both exchange favors freely, without keeping track; this is for closer friendships

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36
Q

personal differences in friendship

A

some have many friends, some have few; quality is what matters; we are social and we want socializing; hermits are rare, and usually have mental disorders or addictive disorders

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37
Q

humans like honesty

A

we have honesty detectors - want to know if someone is trying to manipulate us or cheat us; groups punish cheaters and free riders because they violate social norms and can harm group

38
Q

humans like competent people

A

we want to be right so we surround ourselves with highly competent people to increase the probability of being right (but not too competent because that threatens self-esteem)

39
Q

pratfall effect

A

participants liked the nearly perfect person (92% on test, but spilled coffee best, more than no spill person who is smart) too perfect is a threat to self-esteem (liked average person (30% test) who spilled coffee the least)

40
Q

gender differences to pratfall effect

A

only holds for men - prefer the highly competent blunderer (less of a threat to male self-esteem); women preferred the competent person with no blunder (better for mating)

41
Q

military research at West Point on leadership

A

the person who is slightly better than average in MOST things is the most liked for leadership, not the person who is really good at everything; social skills are important

42
Q

physical attractiveness

A

very important at first; matching hypothesis - couples match up on relative attractiveness

43
Q

what is beautiful is good stereotype

A

for women, being attractive did not affect starting salaries, but did influence salary after they’d had the job for a while

44
Q

attractiveness Burger King study

A

single people viewed pictures of dating profiles; for men, physical attractiveness was the most important factor for dating interest s; for women, preferred less attractive men if they had high status

45
Q

sex differences in mating strategies (still debated)

A

males seek signs of reproductive fitness (youth and beauty); females seek signs of resources (wealth) to support children

46
Q

big age differences in couples are somewhat

A

rare; most settle down with similar attractiveness, education, and attitudes

47
Q

perceived attractiveness increases

A

after marriage, because you wouldn’t marry someone who wasn’t attractive

48
Q

flirting

A

to chat or tease a person in a playful way; indirect (mistakes happen) to let another know you are attracted and interested in them

49
Q

physically attractive people are less influenced by

A

flattery

50
Q

“negging” game

A

pickup lines that begin with a mild insult; “Those shoes must be really comfortable given how ugly they are.” breaks cognitive preparation for a pickup line and changes to central route processing); mild blow to woman’s self-esteem, so she might try to gain his approval

51
Q

When single women are most fertile, they prefer

A

alpha-looking men (when they are less fertile, they are attracted to “nice guys,” more than sexy guys)

52
Q

good looks get our attention, but in the long term,

A

other factors become more important

53
Q

Why does perceived attractiveness increase?

A

perception of attractiveness is like an attitude (subjective and unfixed), so cognitive dissonance and justification cause you to see beauty

54
Q

in the past, men looked to reproduce ______, while women needed to reproduce ______. Why?

A

widely, wisely; marriage used to be for economic reasons and alliances, not love; this theory is still debated, but both genders seek healthy, similar, nice parners

55
Q

(Aronson study) highly attractive female researcher interviews male college subjects - 1. half men receive highly favorable evaluations from her, 2. half received unfavorable evals.

A

when the researcher was unattractive, the men didn’t seem to care what she said, but when she was attractive, they liked her exceptionally when she gave favorable evals, and disliked her exceptionally when she gave negative evals.

56
Q

other important factors for attraction

A

physical proximity, similarity and attraction, and mis-attribution of arousal

57
Q

misattribution of arousal

A

process where people make a mistake in assuming what is causing them to feel aroused

58
Q

liking people makes people like us more, which

A

makes us like them more, etc.

59
Q

the self-fulfilling prophecy of liking

A

participants who thought they were liked behaved in more likable ways (disclosed more, disagreed less, and behaved in a warmer way)

60
Q

mutual self-fulfilling prophecy

A

if people like each other, they disclose more, disagree less, mirror their behaviors, scootch closer, sync conversations, and act warmer

61
Q

low self-esteem people don’t believe compliments, but

A

they will accept insults from loved ones because of self-verification (insults match low self-esteem)

62
Q

Kiesler and Baral economic-ish model of self-esteem

A

people feeling insecure take less romantic chances because they have less money in the bank

63
Q

Do people “fall in love”?

A

no; love requires work

64
Q

how love has changed over time

A

before Enlightenment - term to describe soldiers’ feelings toward comrades; marriage was economic and political; suffer on earth for happiness after death; church changes led to individual “loving God”; after Enlightenment - Humans have right to be happy on Earth and if good will go to Heaven

65
Q

in the male college student study where they either thought they did very well or very bad on a test and were later introduced to a female student who was plain or attractive,

A

those who felt secure about themselves showed more romantic interest toward attractive woman, those less secure showed more romantic interest in the unattractive woman

66
Q

Are there differences between hetero and homosexual couples?

A

no, but homosexual men have more sex because men have more sex

67
Q

the paradox of choice (more is not always better)

A

Schwartz - some choice is better than a lot of choices (we can freeze up and do nothing)

68
Q

Porcupine dilemma

A

The more you love someone, the more they can hurt you. They also know where to stick the knife.

69
Q

Sternberg’s Love Triangle Theory for the many types of relationships

A

triangle of elements that together form consummate love (intimacy + passion + commitment), lacking any of them transfers you to a different type of love (liking, romantic love, companionate love, infatuation, fatuous love, empty love)

70
Q

two phases of love (continuum)

A
  1. passionate love (intense emotions, desire for proximity, sexual attraction, preoccupation with other, easily jealous)(euphoria of dopamine) 2. Companionate phase (passion, intimacy, and commitment to a partner; “us against the world, we-ness” with greater emotional stability and deep caring)
71
Q

research shows that

A
  1. conflict is inevitable (it’s how you handle conflict that is important - condescending signals bad trouble); 2. romantic passion declines over time because life takes work; 3. most people are insecure so problems arise
72
Q

Do couples have more sex before or after marriage?

A

typically before (frequency declines after a year)

73
Q

The worst things for a relationship

A

condescension (disdain, patronizing, looking down upon

74
Q

relationships need authenticity

A

freedom to share true feelings and problems; we like the other better when we share the good and the bad and overcome problems

75
Q

straight talk

A

share your feelings honestly, but don’t be condescending by attacking the other person’s personality

76
Q

romantic jealousy

A

thoughts, feelings, and actions that follow a threat to the existence or quality of a relationship, generated by the perception of a potential romantic attraction between the partner and a real or imaginary rival (not pleasant, at extreme levels leads to hostile aggression and domestic violence); an anxious attachment style increases jealousy

77
Q

some personality traits are better for relationships (OCEAN)

A

openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, AGREEABLENESS, NEUROTICISM (can’t control their impulses, highly emotional); attachment style also affects relationships

78
Q

cognitive interdependence

A

committed partners think of themselves not as separate individuals but as a couple; use more plural pronouns like we, us, ours, etc. (using plural pronouns can help your relationship)

79
Q

to keep a relationship together

A

cognitive interdependence, positive illusions and attributions, (and more external attributions for bad behavior), distort reality by thinking about what can make us happy, rather than me, willingness to sacrifice, play together, perceived superiority of their relationship to others

80
Q

positive illusions and attributions

A

committed partners judge each other’s faults to be relatively trivial (no big deal and relationship should make us, not me happy)

81
Q

Couples that play together

A

tend to stay together

82
Q

Research shows that couples therapy is effective, but only

A

if used early, when problems start; later, there’s too much damage to be undone

83
Q

straight talk

A

a way of being authentic while communicating concerns; “I feel upset when you seem to ignore my suggestions.”

84
Q

If you use straight talk, you

A

say feelings, not judgements (attributions) to keep from activating the other’s psychological immune system; it’s important to express your feelings immediately and directly

85
Q

forgiveness

A

committed partners offer forgiveness after a betrayal more easily than less committed partners do (so it tells the partner you’re committed to the relationship)

86
Q

It’s less stressful to forgive an intimate partner than to

A

hold a grudge

87
Q

the same part of your brain that hurts when you’re in physical pain

A

hurts when you’re ostracized

88
Q

“Being left out in the cold” study

A

people were asked to recall either a personal experience of social inclusion or social exclusion, then they estimated the temperature in the room; people who recalled being rejected felt the room was significantly colder

89
Q

ostracism

A

social rejection; activates similar regions in the brain that handle physical pain

90
Q

Tylenol dulls the pain of

A

social rejection; ostracism

91
Q

happily married women were less stressed out in an fMRI after being shocked when they held the hand of

A

a stranger, then even more relieved when they held their husband’s hand