Grief Notes 6

Question 1

CHARACTERISTICS OF HELPING FUNERAL DIRECTOR (WOLFELT)

Answer 1

EMPATHY
RESPECT
WARMTH & CARING
GENUINENESS

Question 2

– the ability to enter into and share the feelings of others

Answer 2

EMPATHY

Question 3

– the ability to communicate the belief that everyone possess the capacity and right to choose alternatives and make decisions

Answer 3

RESPECT

Question 4

– the ability to be considerate and friendly as demonstrated by both verbal and non-verbal behaviors

Answer 4

WARMTH & CARING

Question 5

– present one’s self sincerely (more your 3 selves are together, the more sincere you will be)

Answer 5

GENUINENESS

Question 6

PHASES IN THE HELPING RELATIONSHIP (7):

Answer 6

1. ENTERING INTO THE HELPING RELATIONSHIP
2. BUILDING A HELPING RELATIONSHIP
3. EXPLORATION & ASSISTANCE IN HELPING FAMILY UNDERSTAND THEIR ALTERNATIVES
4. CONSOLIDATION AND PLANNING
5. IMPLEMENT AND ACTION
6. CONCLUSION OF THE FUNERAL PROCESS
7. POST-FUNERAL SERVICE FOLLOW UP

Question 7

– a member of the family has phoned your funeral home and informed you of the death of a family member. The family member has asked or your assistance

Answer 7

ENTERING INTO THE HELPING RELATIONSHIP

Question 8

– you respond by showing a willingness to assist the family, you offer counseling on what needs to be done now. You respond with concern and care to any questions they may have

Answer 8

BUILDING A HELPING RELATIONSHIP

Question 9

– you listen and explore with the family the variety of alternatives available to them with regard to the funeral, you gather facts, explore feelings and seek mutual understanding.

Answer 9

EXPLORATION & ASSISTANCE IN HELPING FAMILY UNDERSTAND THEIR ALTERNATIVES

Question 10

– you assist the family in coming two decisions about the funeral that bests meets their needs. You jointly develop a specific action plan design to best meet their emotional needs at this time

Answer 10

CONSOLIDATION AND PLANNING

Question 11

– you conduct a funeral service that follows the planning model development with the family, you also bring together a variety of helping resources within your community to assist in this action oriented helping process

Answer 11

IMPLEMENT AND ACTION

Question 12

– you assist the family with a sense of closure upon completion of the funeral. You might join the fellowship that often occurs following the completion of the funeral

Answer 12

CONCLUSION OF THE FUNERAL PROCESS

Question 13

– after the funeral, you might have a structured follow-up plan to offer additional assistance to families, you may serve as an information and referral source for additional help-oriented services within your community

Answer 13

POST-FUNERAL SERVICE FOLLOW UP

Question 14

phase of developing new interpersonal skills

Answer 14

1. INITIAL LEARNING
2. UNCOMFORTABLE USE
3. CONSCIOUSLY SKILLED
4. NATURALLY SKILLED

Question 15

– the phase involves learning that some skills are available to you, that you may not have known about. This may result in a combination of excitement about learning something new and some fear about the acquisition process
*remember – with appropriate training and practice you can acquire the ability to communicate even more effectively

Answer 15

INITIAL LEARNING

Question 16

– in this phase you have increased your awareness of some new ways of communication but probably experience some difficulty in using the new skills. You may feel mechanical and like this really isn’t you speaking or listening. You do not feel spontaneous because you have to think very carefully as you attempt to use any new skills

Answer 16

UNCOMFORTABLE USE

Question 17

– in this phase you begin to use the skills more effectively however; you continue to be more self-conscious as you use them. You are getting better at using the skills, but they still feel somewhat mechanical. You can begin to use language that is natural to whom you are.

Answer 17

CONSCIOUSLY SKILLED

Question 18

– this final phase occurs only after you have completed the training and practice the skills extensively. You must use the skills on a daily basis over and extended time to get to this level. The skills come naturally and comfortably without you even consciously thinking about them

Answer 18

NATURALLY SKILLED

Question 19

ESSENTIAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Answer 19

1. ATTENDING OR LISTENING
2. PARAPHRASING
3. CLARIFYING
4. PERCEPTION CHECKING
5. LEADING
6. QUESTIONING
7. REFLECTING FEELINGS
8. INFORMING
9. SUMMARIZING

Question 20

when the funeral director physically communicates interest or give attention to the person (giving undivided attention by means of verbal and non verbal behavior)

Answer 20

ATTENDING OR LISTENING

Question 21

– a method of restating the person’s basic message in similar but usually fewer words. (expressing a thought or idea in an alternate and sometimes a shortened form)

Answer 21

PARAPHRASING

Question 22

– the process of bringing vague content in the interaction into clearer focus or understanding. (clarifying goes beyond paraphrasing because you make a guess about the persons basic message and restate it)

Answer 22

CLARIFYING

Question 23

where you ask the person for verification of your understanding of what has been said over the past several statements. (check that understanding is taking place with the other person)

Answer 23

PERCEPTION CHECKING

Question 24

anticipating where the person is going and responding with a positive encouraging remark. (it is you, slightly anticipating the persons direction of thought)

Answer 24

LEADING

Question 25

– a method for gaining information and increasing understanding

Answer 25

QUESTIONING

Question 26

when you express in fresh words the essential feeling stated or strongly implied of a person

Answer 26

REFLECTING FEELINGS

Question 27

– sharing of facts possessed by a funeral director (providing information that will allow the person to make an informed decision

Answer 27

INFORMING

Question 28

– a method of trying to gather several ideas and feelings at the end of a period of discussion or the arrangement conference. ( a brief review of points covered in a portion of the counseling session)

Answer 28

SUMMARIZING

Question 29

What are the barriers to effective communication?

According to Wolfelt

Answer 29

Funeral Director Dominance 
Dominating behaviors 
The “bombarder”
Inappropriate self-disclosure 
To offer platitudes 
Discouraging the expression of emotions 
Emotional distancing

Question 30

Dominance is an interaction with another person best described by the following:
(1) general sense of impatience, (2) (changing the subject, (3) attempting to persuade and (4) lecturing or preaching.
The “dominator” often thinks he/she knows the answer before the question is even asked. He/she thinks they know exactly what people should do and likes to tell them when and how to do it.
This person is often a very poor listener.

Answer 30

Funeral Director Dominance

Question 31

communicate a sense of disrespect for a person’s ability to decide what is best for self.

Answer 31

Dominating behaviors

Question 32

might run off a series of questions such as “what was your father’s date of birth”?, “where was he born”?. “was he a veteran” ? Bombarding with questions communicates that the funeral director is interested in facts, not feelings. In addition, this pattern of interaction is usually difficult to change. Oftentimes, it forces the other person into a passive role which hinders further communication.

Answer 32

The “bombarder”

Question 33

is focusing too much on yourself. Self- disclosure behavior usually bores people to death. This type of funeral director likes to talk about self, particularly personal experiences. He/she becomes so involved relating his/her experiences the family is left out of the discussion. Self disclosure on your part can be appropriate on occasion; however, in general, the best procedure is to keep the focus on the family you are assisting.
•
It’s not about you!

Answer 33

Inappropriate self-disclosure

Question 34

or false reassurance is to distance yourself from the person you are attempting to help. When someone has experienced the death of a loved one, false reassurance often leave feelings of loneliness, misunderstanding and emptiness. They don’t want to hear cliches like,”time heals all wounds,” “everything is going to be just fine” or “hang in there”.
You will be better off exploring painful realities than to communicate an attitude of false reassurance

Answer 34

To offer platitudes

Question 35

Don’t make comments similar to, “tears won’t bring him back,” and “ he wouldn’t want you to cry.” Crying is nature’s way of releasing internal tension in the body and allowing the mourner to communicate a need to be comforted. Becoming a helping funeral director means making a commitment allowing people to share their emotions and tears.

Answer 35

Discouraging the expression of emotions and tears

Question 36

can occur in helping relationships in different ways. Detachment occurs when you simply perform the required tasks while maintaining a sense of personal aloofness and distance.

Answer 36

Emotional distancing