The muscles that attach the goddamn UE to the stupid ass trunk.

Question 1

How many goddamn muscles attach the UE to the stupid ass trunk?

Answer 1

6, idiot. (For some reason the Rhomboids are just one muscle. Bring it up with Dr. Carry, not me.)

Question 2

What muscles attach the UE to the broke ass trunk?

Answer 2

All the muscles you want to look Swol, that’s what. The Trapezius, the Rhomboids (major and minor), Levator Scapulae, the Latissimus Dorsi, the Pectoralis Major, it’s lil bro Pec. Minor, and Serratus Anterior.

Question 3

That’s a shit ton of muscles. How can I subdivide them for easier remembering?

Answer 3

Chill, bro. We got back muscles and chest muscles. The Pecs and Serratus Anterior are on your chest, the Trap, Rhomboids, Levator Scapulae and Latissimus Dorsi are on your back.

Question 4

Where is the goddamm Trapezius in relationship to the other stupid muscles?

Answer 4

It’s superficial to the lot of em. Superior to the Lats.

Question 5

How do those Rhomboids stack up?

Answer 5

Lil’ Rhomboid (minor) is superior to Big Rhomboid (major).

Question 6

What about the stupid ass Levator Scapulae? Where’s that asshole?

Answer 6

He’s superior to the Rhomboids. Meaning he’s closer to the head. Not better.

Question 7

Let’s look at those chest muscles. How do they fit in relationship to each other?

Answer 7

In order from most shallow to most philosophical: Pectoralis Major, Pectoralis Minor, and the Serratus Anterior.

Question 8

What does Serratus mean in that dumb dead language that is super useful for this profession?

Answer 8

It means “serrated” or “saw-like.” Goddamn it! Just look at the fucking thing.

Question 9

Ok now let’s get into the hard shit. Where do these muscles attach? Let’s start with the chest. What about the goddamn Pec. Major?

Answer 9

Well It’s a “Major” Muscle! Where do you think it attaches? Fucking everywhere on the front of you! Mostly the Sternum, some parts of the costal cartilage, and the clavicle. From there it makes its way over to the lateral lip of the intertubercular sulcus of the humerus.

Question 10

Intertubercular what of what?

Answer 10

Intertubercular sulcus of the humerus! Jesus. You got the Pec. Major on it’s lateral lip and the Latissimus Dorsi and Teres Major (which we’ll get into later) on it’s medial lip. So just remember, the intertubercular sulcus has got three fuckers attaching to it.

Question 11

Where does Lil’ Pec attach?

Answer 11

Pec minor goes from ribs 3-5 to the coracoid fucking process. This is the muscle that can both abduct (protract) your fucking scapula and also help you breathe better after you’ve run a 400 dash in like sub-50 seconds.

Question 12

Where does the asshole serratus anterior make its home?

Answer 12

It clings to ribs 1-8 like a little bitch and then wraps around to the anterior side of the medial border of the scapula.

Question 13

Ok now let’s look at those back muscles. Where does the Trapezius attach?

Answer 13

Ugh, fuck. This one is a lot. It proximally attaches to the external occipital protuberance (back of your fucking head), the superior nuchal (Old English for nape of your fucking neck) line, the nuchal ligament (what the fuck I thought we already went through this nuchal crap), and the spinous processes of C7-T12. From there it jumps onto your clavicle, acromion, and the spine of your scapula.

Question 14

Ugh. The trapezius sucks. Please tell me the rhomboids are easier…

Answer 14

They totally are! They go from cervical and thoracic spinous processes to the medial border of the scapula.

Question 15

Wait doesn’t something else attach to the medial border of the scapula?

Answer 15

Good memory! That would be the motherfucking serratus anterior. But serratus bro is on the anterior side and rhomboids are posting up posteriorly.

Question 16

Ok, let’s move on to the Levator Scapulae. Where does he attach?

Answer 16

My buddy LS is essentially a more superior version of the Rhomboids. He goes from cervical vertebrae to the superior part of the medial border of the scapula. But instead of attaching to the spinous processes, he attaches to the transverse processes, because he’s an asshole.

Question 17

So three things attach to the medial border of the scapula?

Answer 17

Goddamn right. Rhomboids, Serratus Anterior and Levator Scapulae. Get used to overlap like that. The body is a beautiful but stupid complicated thing.

Question 18

Ok our last back muscle connecting the UE to the trunk is Latissimus Dorsi. He’s pretty big if I remember correctly. Does that mean he has some complicated attachment points?

Answer 18

Now you’re gettin it! LatDo starts at the lower thoracic spinous processes, thoracolumbar fascia, and the iliac crest. He ends on the medial lip of the intertubercular sulcus of the humerus. Do you remember what else sits on to the intertubercular sulcus’s lips? I’ll give you a hint: It’s the two muscles up here with Major in their name. As in “Majorly Kinky.”

Question 19

Ok. I feel really good about those attachments! Can we move on to what the muscles do?

Answer 19

Fuck you. Fine, Ok. Ugh.

Question 20

Ok. Are there any functional groups we can create?

Answer 20

Of course there are. The body is redundant as hell. So the Pec. Major and Lat Dorsi do the exact same fucking thing EXCEPT the P. Major FLEXES your fucking humerus and the LatDo EXTENDS it. Other than that they both adduct and medially rotate your arm. Which makes sense because they both distally attach to pretty much the same place (medial (Lat) and lateral (P. Major) lips of kinky ass intertubercular sulcus) but proximally attach to different sides of your body.

Question 21

Any other functional groups?

Answer 21

Yeah. In GENERAL the chest muscles are going to PROTRACT (abduct) your scapula and the back muscles are going to RETRACT (adduct) your scapula.

Question 22

Ok now let’s get into details. What does the Latissimus Dorsi do?

Answer 22

Weren’t you just listening at all? LatDo and P. Major got a thing going on. The Latissimus Dorsi adducts and medially rotates your arm and also extends it (that’s backwards).

Question 23

What does the levator scapulae do?

Answer 23

Well, think about where that little fucker sits all superiorly up on your back. And think about its fucking name! It’s going to elevate (wingardium leviosa, bitch) your scapula. It also inferiorly rotates the lateral angle of your scapula.

Question 24

What do your rhomboids do?

Answer 24

Retract your goddamn scapula and inferiorly rotate the lateral angle of your scapula.

Question 25

Wait so both the levator scapulae and the rhomboids inferiorly rotate the lateral angle of your scapula?

Answer 25

Yeah! As they contract, that lateral aspect of your scapula is going to get pushed down. Basic cause and effect, idiot.

Question 26

Jeez you don’t have to be so rude. What does your Trapezius do?

Answer 26

Ugh. Well it has some complicated attachment points, as you might recall. So it does a lot of shit to your scapula. It elevates it along with levator scapulae, it depresses it (because it also tugs on it from below), it retracts it (like the rhomboids), but then it superiorly rotates the lateral angle of your scapula (with that same part tugging from below.)

Question 27

Ok, that’s it for the back. What does the Pec. Major do?

Answer 27

Oh. My. Fucking…. You don’t remember? It’s bros with The Latissimus Dorsi! It adducts and medially rotates the humerus but then flexes it (that’s forward).

Question 28

Ok. Chill. Sorry. What does Pec. Minor do?

Answer 28

Pec. Minor protracts (abducts) your scapula and also can help you breathe better (forced inspiration) if you stabilize your scapula.

Question 29

What does the serratus anterior do?

Answer 29

Protracts your scapula (along with Pec. Minor) and also superiorly rotates the lateral angle of your scapula.

Question 30

It seems like a lot of things are acting on the lateral angle of your scapula…

Answer 30

Yeah, it’s a pretty moveable angle (also just in general the focal point for scapular rotation). So the rhomboids and the levator scapulae inferiorly rotate it (force it downwards) and the serratus anterior and trapezius superiourly rotate it.