Act One Scene Two

Question 1

(Martha): No Portia stop it! Be quiet! Willie! Could you get the door, please, I’m having trouble with my corsage

Answer 1

Sorry Mother, I’m still in my robe. I simply can’t do things as quickly with this damn sling on my arm!

Question 2

(M): Well then you shouldn’t have invited your friends for the weekend. And on Christmas Eve

Answer 2

But that makes it festive. Besides, none of them has any other family to speak of

Question 3

(M): Oh, balderdash. I find this very odd. You were shot just two weeks ago and you need to recover

Answer 3

I am recovered. I’m simply lame at the moment. Like Richard the Third, “I am not shaped for sportive tricks nor made to court an amorous looking glass

Question 4

(M): Willie, this is not the time with people waiting at the

Answer 4

“And that so lamely and unfashionable that dogs bark at me as I halt by them”

Question 5

(M) Willie, will you stop it and get the door

Answer 5

I can’t go to the door in my bathrobe, Mother. I’m not that eccentric

Question 6

(F): If Connecticut is ever attacked by Rhode Island, this house will be the first line of defense

Answer 6

And the snow fell gently upon the little stable. And there, in front of it, was a manger made of wood, and in the manger was a boy-child

Question 7

(Madge): Willie-boy

Answer 7

Madge, dear! And Aggie!

Question 8

(Aggie) How is your arm? Are you in pain

Answer 8

Oh it’s much better, thank you for asking. Simon, how are you?

Question 9

(Simon): It’s good to see you, sir

Answer 9

I see you’ve all arrived safely, despite wind and weather

Question 10

(S) It’s getting pretty dicey out there

Answer 10

“Blow winds” eh and “Crack your cheeks”

Question 11

(F) Spout Till you have drenched our steeples, drowned the cocks

Answer 11

But even then the morning cock crew loud. And at the sound it shrunk in haste away

Question 12

(F): The knave turns fool that runs away

Answer 12

Where’s my fool? Ho! I think the worlds asleep

Question 13

(F) To sleep perchance to dream

Answer 13

To sleep, no more

Question 14

(F): Ha

Answer 14

Felix, you scoundrel! Were you making fun of me down here?

Question 15

(F) Moi?

Answer 15

I do have the proof

Question 16

(F): What in God’s name was that

Answer 16

My latest goody! Microphones here and here and I can turn them on and off all at the light switches

Question 17

(S) How do you play it back

Answer 17

It’s called a “remote control” First presented in 1903 to the Paris Academy of Science and under development ever since. It sends signals through the air without wires. The military is starting to use them

Question 18

(Martha): You darling boy. He always looks after me. Unlike some children I know who will remain unnamed

Answer 18

An ill-favored thing, sir but mine own

Question 19

(M): He’s our butler. Can you imagine, we have a butler

Answer 19

I gave him the night off

Question 20

(M): What?!

Answer 20

He looked tired and we’re all family really

Question 21

(M) Oh, Willie, how could you?! With your bad arm you can’t even help me!

Answer 21

Oh of course I can help. Look: I’ve been meaning to do this for two days now. Frame it

Question 22

(S) I suppose there’s been no progress finding the man who shot you

Answer 22

Well, the police are stuck but I believe I’ve found something

Question 23

(Others) What/ But What/ What is It

Answer 23

Do you remember the note that was left at the stage door on the day of the shooting?

Question 24

(A): I do. Old Noggsy told me the envelope was addressed to you, but the note was blank.

Answer 24

Exactly. And the police lost interest in it. But I’ve been subjecting it to some tests upstairs in my laboratory, and in the end it was a matter of trial and error. Take a look. It took a few tries but I mixed a little sodium carbonate into the alcohol, so it isn’t just the heat that’s doing it, it’s also the chemical

Question 25

(S): Maybe it's a German code. I mean with Hitler and all

Answer 25

Possibly. On the other hand - Aggie could you please hand me that Shakespeare on the bookstand? You see, most people don't realize that when Sherlock Holmes says "The game is afoot" in the "Adventure of the Abbey Grange" he is in fact quoting Shakespeare

Question 26

(S): And "I-I-I-1-3-5" is

Answer 26

Act 3, scene 1 line 135. At the marking

Question 27

(S): What's a watermark

Answer 27

An impression pressed into the paper when it's manufactured

Question 28

(M) Well, you've certainly made it a jolly Christmas, Willie

Answer 28

Oh, stop it. We shouldn't jump to conclusions. Someone could have swiped the paper, in which case no one here is involved at all. Ladies and Gentlemen to the Swiper, Cheers

Question 29

(M): Isn't it wonderful dear?

Answer 29

Hm? Yes. Of course it is. Absolutely

Question 30

(M) And you're so brave to get married again after what happened the last time

Answer 30

Mother

Question 31

(M) Well she is. I mean her husband died on their honeymoon, didn't he? That's what I heard

Answer 31

Mother, for heavens sake

Question 32

(M): That's what I heard. They say he was loaded. One of the richest men in the entire-

Answer 32

That's it. I give up

Question 33

(M): Oh Willie, stop it. I hate it when people beat around the bush. It's like you and Penelope. You were married, she died, you miss her and there's an end to it. And it makes you feel better when we talk about it, doesn't it?

Answer 33

Yes it does

Question 34

(All): The happy couple

Answer 34

Wait. Wait Hold on for a moment. I believe that our final guest has arrived and she's pulling into the dock this minute

Question 35

(M): Who is it?

Answer 35

Guess

Question 36

(A): Is the in the show

Answer 36

No, not in the show, but in show business

Question 37

(S): Do we know her?

Answer 37

Well you certainly know of her

Question 38

(M): Willie, would you stop being coy! My God, he could drive Saint Joan to drink. Just tell us who it is

Answer 38

It's Daria Chase

Question 39

(S): I was in a play last year and appeared in a bathing suit. She wrote "Simon Brights audacity in the role was largely in excess of his equipment

Answer 39

Well, she's clever at least

Question 40

(A) Here, Here/ I Agree

Answer 40

Al right, fine. She's writing a profile of me for Vanity Fair and she asked to come to one of our weekends. Now like it or not, Daria Chase is the most influential columnist in the country. Her profile of me will give us more free publicity that if I'd shot Lincoln. So I suggest that as a courtesy to me you are at least civil to Miss Chase and that you get off you asses and go greet her at the dock. Thank you

Question 41

(F): You're up to something, aren't you?

Answer 41

You didn't tell me

Question 42

(A): I couldn't. I didn't have the courage

Answer 42

Courage?

Question 43

(A): I didn't want you to think less of me

Answer 43

But Simon is a fine fellow.

Question 44

(A): He's more that that

Answer 44

What I mean is

Question 45

(A): I know what you mean. He's ordinary. He's "nice." He's easy to please. Well he is those things. And he's in love with me

Answer 45

Are you in love with him?

Question 46

(A): Of course I am. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. And he's very, very kind. When I needed him, he was there in an instant.

Answer 46

Of course he was

Question 47

(A) But I was in love with you. You just. you didn't ask me. I gave you every chance. I offered you everything

Answer 47

I know you did. And I was too foolish to take you up on it. I had some misguided notion that I was being loyal to my wife's memory

Question 48

(A): It's been ten years since your wife died

Answer 48

Yes, I know

Question 49

(A): Oh William

Answer 49

Aggie, listen. You're going to be fine. The best man won. I'm sure of it. And for Heavens sake, just look at me. I'm old enough to be your slightly older brother

Question 50

(A): Thanks. Thanks a million. It's just that I.. I mean, I though that you felt something. You treat everything as a joke! Even that horrible attempt on your life

Answer 50

Not as a joke, my dear, but as a game, which is a different thing entirely. Look, we have chosen this mad life of ours, and we'd be insane not to accept it for what it is. Do I go to an office? No. Do I wear a tie to work? No. We're actors. We wear silly costumes. We put on noses made of putty, for God's sake. We don't want to be grownups. We're all Peter Pans and a good thing it is too. I don't want to leave all the fun behind because I've reached some magical age of regret. That's what they want us to do, you know, all those gray faceless accountants, and I won't do it. I won't. I don't ever treat life as a joke - I treat it as the most glorious game ever invented. Love and heartbreak? Game. Life and Death? The greatest game the biggest adventure. Shakespeare got it right on the nose. Henry the Fifth charging into battle against overwhelming odds and what does he cry? :It's all a game and if I diem I die." So let them praise me, hate me or shoot at me - but at the end of the battle, I will have lived, even for a moment. And if you think you need Simon in order to live like that, then take him, by all means! Cling to him! Don't hesitate for a second! I will, however, miss you unutterably.

Question 51

(F): Gillette! Guess who's here? It's our old fried Daria Chase (D): Merry Christmas! Oh William! My dear, sweet vulnerable man! How is your arm? Your heart? Your soul? Ah! After that ghastly shooting I thought I'd never see you again! That or I'd find you limping like a broken lion to the final watering hole

Answer 51

And here I am as right as rain and twice as healthy. Daria you look magnificent.

Question 52

(M): I had Felix (D): And didn't everyone

Answer 52

Daria, let me introduce the rest of the clan. This is my mother, Martha Gillette

Question 53

(M): We've met before. Very briefly, at a party. But I do read your column. In fact, I keep it right next to my bed in case I can't get to sleep at night

Answer 53

Mother

Question 54

(S): As do you

Answer 54

I didn't know that you two -

Question 55

(ALL): Oh my God / That's amazing!

Answer 55

Why didn't you tell us?

Question 56

(D): No I mean the murder this morning Don't tell me you don't Do you know about it

Answer 56

I'm afraid I do. I was going to tell everyone after dinner

Question 57

(A): Who was murdered

Answer 57

Noggs

Question 58

(S): Stage doorman Noggs

Answer 58

I'm afraid so

Question 59

(A): Oh no

Answer 59

The police asked me to identify the body this morning. It happened late last night, apparently

Question 60

(D): I was there

Answer 60

Excuse me?

Question 61

(S): Or natural causes, like a heart attack

Answer 61

That would be very comforting indeed, except his throat was cut from ear to ear with a razor blade

Question 62

(A): Shh! Stop it! She'll hear you

Answer 62

Let's leave the doors open so we can hear the music, shall we?

Question 63

(M): Are we still going through with it

Answer 63

Absolutely