Alice in Wonderland - Jason Pizzarella - Alice Lines Flashcards
Learn script (Alice's lines) (184 cards)
1
Q
WHITE RABBIT. Oh, dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late. Oh, my ears and whiskers! Oh, my fur! Oh, my dear paws. How late it is getting! Oh, the Queen! The Queen! She will surely get me executed as sure as sure is sure.
A
Oh, what a fall! I’m not hurt, am I? I don’t think so. My, I wonder how many miles I fell down that hole? I must be somewhere near the center of the earth. Let me see. That would be four thousand miles down, I think; yes, that’s about the right distance, but then I wonder what latitude or longitude I’ve got to. I wonder if I fell right through the earth! How funny it’ll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downwards. I shall have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. (Curtsy) Please ma’am, is this China or Australia? And what an ignorant little girl she’ll think me for asking. No, it’ll never do to ask; perhaps I shall see it written somewhere—
2
Q
WHITE RABBIT. Oh, my paws. Oh, my fur and whiskers! Oh, the Queen, the Queen!
A
Excuse me, Sir— What a curious rabbit. Nicely dressed, though. Now, how shall I get out? If only it were not so dark—
3
Q
WHITE RABBIT. Oh, dear, oh dear!
A
There you are again, White Rabbit. Please stop, won’t you?
4
Q
SECOND ALICE. Wait, Sir! Oh, Sir - why you dropped your gloves. Sir-
A
Excuse me, girl—
Now wait a minute. That girl looked an awful lot like Alice. I mean, like me. I’m Alice. But if I’m Alice, who was that? Another Alice? Is that possible? How peculiar everything is today!
There must be someone who can help me here, someone who can show me the direction home. I’ll figure out WHERE I am first. That’s most logical.
5
Q
(A most extraordinary noise is heard going on from inside a house, a constant howling and sneezing, and a great crash, as if a dish has been broken to pieces. ALICE approaches the noise coming from behind a little door. She knocks and knocks. The noise continues and no one answers.)
A
Hello?! Hello? I know someone’s there.
6
Q
OLD SQUIRREL. What is it, now?
A
Where’s the servant whose business it is to answer the door?
7
Q
OLD SQUIRREL. Which door?
A
This door, of course!
8
Q
OLD SQUIRREL. To answer the door? What’s it been asking of?
A
I don’t know what you mean.
9
Q
OLD SQUIRREL. I talks English, doesn’t I? Or are you deaf? What did the door ask you?
A
Nothing! I’ve been knocking at it!
10
Q
OLD SQUIRREL. Shouldn’t do that - shouldn’t do that - Upsets it, you know. You let it alone, and it’ll let you alone, you know.
A
Could you tell me then, where I am exactly? I’m trying to figure out if -
11
Q
OLD SQUIRREL. Care for a nut?
A
No, no thank you. Sister said I’m not to accept nuts from strange squirrels. Or was it candies from babies? Or -
12
Q
FISH-FOOTMAN. For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.
FROG-FOOTMAN. From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.
A
Did you hear me knocking? I was knocking for quite some time.
13
Q
FROG-FOOTMAN. There’s no sort of use in knocking, and that’s for two reasons. First, because we’re on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.
A
Please, then, how am I to get in? I wish to see the Duchess.
14
Q
FISH-FOOTMAN. There might be some sense in your knocking, if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you might knock, and we could let you out, you know.
A
(Louder:) But how am I to get in?
15
Q
FISH-FOOTMAN. ‘til tomorrow, or the next day, maybe…
A
(Still louder:) Please tell me how to get in!
16
Q
FISH-FOOTMAN. We shall sit here, on and off, for days and days.
A
But what am I to do?
17
Q
FROG-FOOTMAN. Anything you like.
(The FOOTMEN begin to whistle.)
A
Oh, there’s no use talking to either of you. Why, you’re perfectly idiotic!
18
Q
(SECOND ALICE enters and runs right by the FROG-FOOTMAN and FISH-FOOTMAN and into the house. The FOOTMEN barely notice.)
A
I guess you don’t need to knock after all…
19
Q
(ALICE follows SECOND ALICE, past the FOOTMEN, opens the door and goes in. The door leads into a large kitchen. SECOND ALICE is nowhere to be found. The DUCHESS sits on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby. The COOK leans over the stove, stirring a large cauldron full of soup. A large CAT sits on the rug and grins from ear to ear. ALICE begins to sneeze.)
A
There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!
20
Q
(The DUCHESS sneezes occasionally as well. The baby sneezes and howls alternately without a moment’s pause.)
A
Please would you tell me, why your cat grins like that?
21
Q
DUCHESS. It’s a Cheshire cat, and that’s why. (Suddenly, to the baby:) Pig!
A
I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could grin.
22
Q
DUCHESS. They all can, and most of them do.
A
I don’t know of any that do.
23
Q
(As the DUCHESS hurries out of the room, the COOK throws a frying pan after her, barely missing. ALICE holds on to the baby with some difficulty, as it snorts like a steam engine, and keeps doubling itself up and straightening itself out again. ALICE manages to carry it outside.)
A
(To the baby:) Now, if I don’t take you away with me, they’re sure to kill you in a day or two: wouldn’t it be murder to leave you behind?
24
Q
(The COOK takes the cauldron of soup off the fire, and starts throwing everything within her reach at the DUCHESS and the baby–the pots come first; then a shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The DUCHESS takes no notice of them even when they hit her. ALICE manages to jump out of the way.)
A
(To the COOK:) Oh, please mind what you’re doing!
25
DUCHESS. If everybody minded their own business, the world would go round a great deal faster than it does.
Which would not be an advantage, just think of what work it would make with the day and night! You see, the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis - twenty-four hours, I think; or is it twelve? I -
26
(The baby grunts.)
Don’t grunt, that’s not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.
27
(The baby grunts again.)
If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear, I'll have nothing more to do with you.
28
(The baby grunts even louder. ALICE undoes the baby’s blanket to reveal that it is, in fact, a pig. ALICE, quite alarmed, sets the creature down. The pig trots away.)
Curiouser and curiouser...
29
(The CHESHIRE CAT appears sitting on a bough of a tree. It has a large grin, very long claws and a great many teeth, yet appears to be gentle.)
Cheshire Cat, would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
30
CHESHIRE CAT. That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
I don’t much care where -
30
CHESHIRE CAT. Then it doesn't matter which way you go.
- so long as I get somewhere...
31
CHESHIRE CAT. Oh, you're sure to do that, if you only walk long enough.
What sort of people live about here?
32
CHESHIRE CAT. In that direction, lives a Hatter: and in that direction, lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they’re both mad.
But I don’t want to go among mad people.
33
CHESHIRE CAT. Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I’m mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad?
34
CHESHIRE CAT. You must be, or you wouldn't have come here.
And how do you know that you’re mad?
35
CHESHIRE CAT. Well, then, you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.
I call it purring, not growling.
36
CHESHIRE CAT. Call it what you like. Do you play croquet with the Queen today?
I should like it very much, but I haven't been invited yet.
37
CHESHIRE CAT. By-the-bye, what became of the baby? I’d nearly forgotten to ask.
It turned into a pig.
38
(The CHESHIRE CAT vanished again. ALICE waits a moment, expecting it to return, but it doesn't. She considers which way to go.)
(To herself:) I've seen hatters before. The March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad - at least not as mad as it was in March.
39
CHESHIRE CAT. Did you say pig, or fig?
I said pig. And I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.
40
(This time the CHESHIRE CAT vanishes quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remains some time after the rest of it has gone.)
Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life! (Looking around:) Now, which way did he say to go again?
41
MAD HATTER / MARCH HARE. No room! No room!
There's plenty of room!
42
MARCH HARE. Have some wine.
I don’t see any wine.
43
MARCH HARE. There isn’t any.
Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it.
44
MARCH HARE. It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited.
I didn't know it was your tabie, it’s laid for a great many more than three.
45
MAD HATTER. Your hair wants cutting.
You should learn net to make personal remarks. It's very rude.
46
MARCH HARE. Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?
Exactly so.
46
MAD HATTER. Why is a raven like a writing-desk?
I believe I can guess that.
47
MARCH HARE. Then you should say what you mean.
I do; at least - at least I mean what I say - that”s the same thing, you know.
48
MARCH HARE. It was the best butter, you know.
What a funny watch! It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell what o'clock it is!
49
MAD HATTER. What day of the month is it?
The fourth.
50
HATTER. Why should it? Does your watch tell you what year it is?
Of course not, but that's because it stays the same year for such a long time.
51
MAD HATTER. Which is just the case with mine.
I don’t quite understand you.
52
MAD HATTER. Have you guessed the riddle yet?
No, I give it up, what’s the answer?
53
MAD HATTER. I haven't the slightest idea.
MARCH HARE. Nor I.
DORMOUSE. Nor I.
I think you might do something better with the time, than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.
54
MAD HATTER. If you knew Time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him.
I don’t know what you mean.
55
MAD HATTER. Of course you don’t! I dare say you never even spoke to Time!
Perhaps not, but I know I have to beat time when I learn music.
56
MAD HATTER. Ah! That accounts for it. He won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!
That would be grand, certainly, but then- I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.
57
MAD HATTER. Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse, when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, “He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!”
How dreadfully savage!
58
MAD HATTER. Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.
Is that the way you manage?
59
MAD HATTER.
“Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!”
You know the song, perhaps?
I've heard something like it.
60
MAD HATTER. And ever since that, he won’t do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.
Is that the reason so many tea things are put out here?
60
MAD HATTER. Exactly so, as the things get used up.
But what happens when you come to the beginning again?
60
MAD HATTER. Yes, that’s it, it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things between whiles.
Then you keep moving round, I suppose?
61
MARCH HARE. Tell us a story!
Yes, please do!
62
(The DORMOUSE falls fast asleep, face down into a pot of tea.)
He's asleep!
63
MAD HATTER. I like the beginning.
But there wasn't a middle!
64
MARCH HARE. Take some more tea.
I've had nothing yet, so I can’t take more.
65
MARCH HARE. You mean you can’t take less, it’s very easy to take more than nothing.
Nobody asked your opinion.
66
(ALICE doesn't know what to say to this: so she helps herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turning to the DORMOUSE - )
But what happened in the story?
66
MAD HATTER. Then you shouldn't talk!
(ALICE gets up in great disgust.)
Why, this is the rudest tea-party I've ever been to in all my life!
67
(ALICE runs off after her. The DORMOUSE falls asleep instantly, and the MARCH HARE and the MAD HATTER, not noticing ALICE, attempt to put the DORMOUSE back in the teapot. ALICE runs into a very high narrow wall. She notices HUMPTY DUMPTY sitting with his legs crossed, on the top.)
You look exactly like an egg!
67
(The MAD HATTER moves one place, and the DORMOUSE follows him. The MARCH HARE moves into the DORMOUSE’s place, and ALICE takes the place of the MARCH HARE. The MAD HATTER is the only one who gains any advantage from the change.)
(Speaking as she moves:) But I don’t understand why we're moving places. Really, I don’t think -
68
MAD HATTER / MARCH HARE. No room! No room!
(SECOND ALICE is frightened by this outburst and runs away.)
No, wait! Don’t be shy! There's plenty of room.
69
HUMPTY. It's very provoking, to be called an egg - VERY!
I said you looked like an egg, Sir. And some eggs are very pretty, you know.
70
HUMPTY. Some people, have no more sense than a baby!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men,
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again...
71
HUMPTY. Don’t stand there chattering to yourself like that, but tell me your name and your business.
My name is Alice, but -
72
HUMPTY. It’s a stupid enough name! What does it mean?
Must a name mean something?
73
HUMPTY. Of course it must! My name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.
Why do you sit out here all alone?
74
HUMPTY. Why, because there's nobody with me! Did you think I didn't know the answer to that? Ask another.
Don’t you think you'd be safer down on the ground? This wall is so very narrow...
75
HUMPTY. What tremendously easy riddles you ask! Of course I don’t think so! Why, if ever I did fall off - which there’s no chance of - but if I did - if I did fall, the King has promised me - with his very own mouth… to… to -
To send all his horses and all his men?
76
HUMPTY. Yes, all his horses and all his men, they’d pick me up again in a minute, they would! However, this conversation is going on a little too fast: it’s my turn to choose a subject - So here's a question for you. How old did you say you were?
Ten years and six months.
77
HUMPTY. Wrong! You never said a word like it!
I thought you meant “How old are you?”
78
HUMPTY. One can’t, perhaps, but two can. With proper assistance, you might have left off at ten.
What a beautiful belt you've got on! At least, a beautiful cravat, I should have said - no, a belt, I mean - I beg your pardon!
78
HUMPTY. If I’d meant that, I'd have said it. Ten years and six months... An uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked my advice, I'd have said “Leave off at ten” - but it’s too late now.
I never ask advice about growing.
78
HUMPTY. It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. It's a present from the King and Queen. There now!
Is it really?
79
HUMPTY. It is a - most provoking - thing, when a person doesn't know a cravat from a belt!
I know it's very ignorant of me
80
HUMPTY. Too proud?
I mean, that one can’t help growing older.
81
HUMPTY. They gave it to me for an un-birthday present.
What is an un-birthday present?
82
HUMPTY. A present given when it isn’t your birthday, of course.
I like birthday presents best.
83
HUMPTY. You don’t know what you're talking about! How many days are there in a year?
Three hundred and sixty-five.
84
HUMPTY. That seems to be done right - though I haven't time to see it done properly on paper just now. Anyhow that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents -
Certainly.
85
HUMPTY. And how many birthdays have you?
One.
85
HUMPTY. And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five, what remains?
Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.
86
HUMPTY. And only one for birthday presents, you know.
You seem very clever, Sir, but I really must be going -
87
HUMPTY. Do as you wish. Goodbye.
Goodbye, ‘til we meet again!
88
HUMPTY. I shouldn't know you again if we did meet, you're so exactly like other people.
The face is what one goes by, generally.
89
HUMPTY. That's just what I complain of. Your face is the same as everybody has - the two eyes, nose in the middle, mouth under. It’s always the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance - or the mouth at the top - that would be some help.
It wouldn't look very nice.
90
HUMPTY. Wait ‘til you've tried.
(HUMPTY returns to his position on the wall as ALICE walks away.)
Of all the unsatisfactory people I’ve ever met -
91
GENERAL. Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came through the wood?
Yes, I did, several thousand, I should think.
91
GENERAL. The King sent four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number. He couldn't send all the horses, you know, because two of them are wanted in the croquet game. And I haven't sent the two messengers, either. They've both gone into town. Just look along the road, and tell me if you can see either of them.
I see nobody on the road.
91
GENERAL. I only wish I had such eyes, to be able to see Nobody! And at that distance, too! Why, I can hardly see real people in this light!
I don’t suppose you know where the Queen is today?
92
GENERAL. The Queen’s that way. What do you want to see the Queen for?
Well, I don’t know her, you see -
93
GENERAL. That's clear enough, otherwise you wouldn’t want to see her.
It’s just that I’m trying to get home and -
94
(The GENERAL has galloped away. ALICE walks up to a large flower-bed, with a border of daisies, and a tree growing in the middle. A TIGER-LILY is waving gracefully about in the wind.)
O Tiger-lily, I wish you could talk!
95
TIGER-LILY. We can talk, when there's anybody worth talking to.
(Almost in a whisper:) And can all the flowers talk?
95
TIGER-LILY. I don’t care about the colour, if only her petals curled up a little more, she'd be all right.
Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of you?
96
ROSE. There’s the tree in the middle, what else is it good for?
But what could it do, if any danger came?
97
TIGER-LILY. Silence, every one of you! They know I can’t get at them, or they wouldn't dare to do it!
(Stooping down to the DAISIES, who are beginning to shout again:) If you don’t hold your tongues, I'll pick you!
98
TIGER-LILY. That's right! The daisies are worst of all. When one speaks, they all begin together, and it's enough to make one wither to hear the way they go on!
How is it you can all talk so nicely? I've been in many gardens before, but none of the flowers could talk.
99
TIGER-LILY. Put your hand down, and feel the ground, then you'll know why.
(ALICE does.)
It's very hard, but I don’t see what that has to do with it.
100
TIGER-LILY. In most gardens, they make the beds too soft - so that the flowers are always asleep.
I never thought of that before!
101
TIGER-LILY. Hold your tongue! As if you know what's going on in the world more than if you were a bud!
Are there any more people in the garden besides me?
102
ROSE. There's one other flower in the garden that can move about like you. I wonder how you do it -
There’s another little girl in the garden, somewhere? Is she like me? Exactly?
103
ROSE. But that's not your fault, you’re beginning to fade, you know - and then one can’t help one’s petals getting a little untidy.
When did you see her here?
104
ROSE. Well, there's already been two of you today, so I daresay you'll see another one soon, I'm sure.
But when she left here - do you recall which way she went?
105
TWEEDLE DEE. Contrariwise, if you think we're alive, you ought to speak.
I'm sure I'm very sorry.
105
TIGER-LILY. If I remember the last one of you went down that way towards Tweedie Dum and Tweedle Dee.
Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee? You mean like the poem?
106
TIGER-LILY. Where did you come from and where are you going anyway?
I seem to have lost my way, I'm afraid.
107
TWEEDLE DEE. Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.
I was thinking, which is the best way out of these woods? Would you tell me, please?
108
TWEEDLE DUM. You've been wrong! The first thing in a visit is to say “How d’ye do?” and shake hands!
(TWEEDLE DUM and TWEEDLE DEE each hold out a hand to shake hands with her. For fear of hurting the other one's feelings ALICE takes hold of both hands at once.)
It would never do to say “How d’ye do?” now: we seem to have got beyond that, somehow!
109
TWEEDLE DUM. Isn't he a lovely sight? Fit to snore his head off!
I'm afraid he'll catch a cold lying on the damp grass.
110
TWEEDLE DUM. Nohow. And thank you very much for asking.
(We hear something that sounds like a wild beast coming from the woods near them.)
Are there any lions or tigers about here?
110
TWEEDLE DEE. Why, about you! And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be?
Where I am now, of course.
111
TWEEDLE DEE. He's dreaming now, and what do you think he’s dreaming about?
Nobody can guess that.
112
TWEEDLE DUM. If that there Knight was to wake, you'd go out - bang! - just like a candle!
I shouldn't! Besides, if I’m only a sort of thing in his dream, what are you, I should like to know?
113
TWEEDLE DUM. Ditto.
TWEEDLE DEE. Ditto, ditto!
Hush! You'll be waking him, I'm afraid, if you make so much noise.
114
TWEEDLE DUM. Well, it's no use you're talking about waking him, when you're only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're not real.
(Beginning to cry:) I am real!
115
TWEEDLE DEE. You won't make yourself a bit realler by crying. There’s nothing to cry about.
If I wasn't real, I shouldn't be able to cry.
116
TWEEDLE DUM. I hope you don't suppose those are real tears?
I know you’re talking nonsense, and it’s foolish to cry about it. I really better be getting out of the woods, for it’s growing rather dark. Do you think it’s going to rain?
116
TWEEDLE DUM. No, I don’t think it is, at least - (Pulling out a large umbrella:) - not under here. Nohow.
But it may rain outside?
117
TWEEDLE DUM. Do you see that?
(TWEEDLE DUM points with a trembling finger at a small white thing lying under a tree.)
It’s only a rattle. Not a rattlesnake, you know. Only an old rattle - quite old and broken.
117
TWEEDLE DUM. I knew it was! It’s ruined, of course!
You needn’t be so angry about an old rattle.
118
TWEEDLE DEE. (Handing her a dishcloth :) Please tie this securely ‘round my neck.
What for?
118
TWEEDLE DUM. I hope you're a good hand at pinning and tying strings? Every one of these things has got to go on, somehow or other.
(TWEEDLE DUM and TWEEDLE DEE bustle about attempting to wear the quantity of things they've brought. ALICE attempts to help them, tying strings and fastening buttons...)
Really you'll be more like bundles of old clothes than anything else, by the time you're ready!
119
TWEEDLE DUM. Do I look very pale?
(Gently:) Well - yes - a little.
120
TWEEDLE DEE. And I've got a toothache! I'm far worse off than you!
Then you'd better not fight today.
121
TWEEDLE DUM. And I hit everything within reach, whether I can see it or not!
You must hit the trees pretty often, I should think.
122
TWEEDLE DUM. I don’t suppose there'll be a tree left standing, by the time we've finished!
And all about a rattle!
123
TWEEDLE DUM. I shouldn’t have minded it so much, if it hadn’t been a new one.
(To herself:) I wish the monstrous crow would come already and frighten them both away!
124
TWEEDLE DUM. (To DEE:) There’s only one sword, you know, but you can have the umbrella - it’s quite as sharp. Only we must begin quick. It’s getting as dark as it can.
TWEEDLE DEE. And darker.
It’s so dark, there must be a thunderstorm coming on. Look what a thick black cloud that is! And how fast it comes! Why, I do believe it’s got wings!
124
CATERPILLAR. What do you mean by that? (Sternly:) Explain yourself!
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I don't feel like myself today, you see.
125
CATERPILLAR. Who are you?
(A bit startled:) Who am I?
126
CATERPILLAR. YES. Who are you?
I - I hardly know, Sir, just at present - at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed since then.
126
CATERPILLAR. I don't see.
I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly, for I can't understand it myself to begin with. Changing is very confusing.
127
CATERPILLAR. It isn’t.
Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet, but when you have to turn into a chrysalis - you will someday, you know - and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little strange, won't you?
128
CATERPILLAR. Not a bit.
Well, perhaps your feelings may be different. All I know is, it would feel very strange to me.
128
CATERPILLAR. You! Who are you?
(Irritated:) I think, you ought to tell me who you are, first.
129
CATERPILLAR. So you think you’re changed, do you?
I'm afraid I am, Sir. I don't seem to be the same person at all.
130
CATERPILLAR. Being one person is overrated. Who do you want to be?
Oh, I’m not particular to who, only one should like to feel like oneself, you know.
131
CATERPILLAR. I don’t know.
(The SECOND ALICE runs by.)
There she is!
132
CATERPILLAR. Who?
Alice! I mean, me. I mean, the girl who looks like me.
133
CATERPILLAR. If you ask me, that girl is you.
But if she is me, then who am I?
134
(The CATERPILLAR yawns once or twice, shakes itself, gets down off the mushroom, and crawls away.)
Wait, where are you going?
135
SEVEN. Well, of all the unjust things -
(They finally notice ALICE, stop what they're doing, and bow.)
Would you tell me, why you are painting those roses?
136
QUEEN. And who are these?
How should I know? It’s no business of mine.
136
QUEEN. Who is this? What's your name, child?
My name is Alice, your Majesty.
136
WHITE RABBIT. It’s - it’s a very fine day!
Very. Why is the Knave of Hearts in chains?
137
QUEEN. Off with her head! Off -
Nonsense!
138
QUEEN. (Further examining the roses and noticing the paint:) I see! Off with their heads!
(The procession moves on, except for a couple of SOLDIERS who remain behind to execute the GARDENERS, who run to ALICE for protection.)
Don’t worry, you won't be beheaded!
139
WHITE RABBIT. Hush! Hush! He’s under sentence of execution.
What for?
140
WHITE RABBIT. He stole the Queen’s tarts -
Is that all?!
140
WHITE RABBIT. The trial, of course.
I thought croquet.
141
WHITE RABBIT. Oh, hush! The Queen will hear you! You see, they were missing, and the Queen loves her tarts and -
QUEEN. Get moving!
(Back to the WHITE RABBIT) Where are we going anyway?
142
QUEEN. Collar that Dormouse. Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!
(There is some confusion, as everyone tries to remove the DORMOUSE. The CHESHIRE CAT appears near ALICE, but only its head.)
Cheshire Cat!
143
CHESHIRE CAT. How do you like the Queen?
Not at all. She’s so extremely -
143
CHESHIRE CAT. How are you getting on?
They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there’s anyone left alive!
144
KING. Who are you talking to?
It’s a friend of mine - a Cheshire Cat. Allow me to introduce it.
144
KING. Never mind! Call the next witness!
(The WHITE RABBIT fumbles over the list, then reads out:)
WHITE RABBIT. Alice!
(To herself:) Me? Why would I be called?
145
(There's a general clapping of hands at this.)
QUEEN. That proves his guilt.
It proves nothing of the sort! Why, you don't even know what it’s about!
146
KING. Who are you?
I’m Alice.
147
KING. Rule Forty-two. “No more than one of each person and/or creature in the court at any given time. All persons in duplicate are to leave the court immediately.”
(Everybody looks at ALICE.)
I'm not in duplicate. I’m the only Alice.
147
KING. You are -
QUEEN. - Clearly in duplicate.
Well, I won't go, at any rate. Besides, that’s not a regular rule: you invented it just now.
148
KING. It’s the oldest rule in the book.
Then it ought to be Number One.
148
KING. (Rubbing his hands:) That’s the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet, so now let the jury -
I don't believe there’s an ounce of meaning in it.
149
KING. All right, so far... “I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO -” why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you know -
But, it goes on “THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU.”
150
KING. It's a pun! Don't you get it? Fine, then, let the jury consider their verdict.
QUEEN. No, no! Sentence first - verdict afterwards.
Stuff and nonsense! The idea of having the sentence first!
151
QUEEN. Hold your tongue!
I won't!
152
QUEEN. Off with her head!
Who cares what you think?
153
QUEEN. (To the SOLDIERS:) Seize her! Seize her! Off with her head.
(The SOLDIERS run after ALICE, but she manages to push one into another, and they all fall like dominos.)
You're nothing but a pack of cards!
154
KING. Order in the court! Order, I say!
(SECOND ALICE and ALICE manage to escape.)
Wait! Wait, I'd like to speak with you! Alice!
155
SISTER. (To SECOND ALICE:) Alice!
(To SECOND ALICE:) Alice!
156
SECOND ALICE. Oh, I've had such a curious dream! I followed a White Rabbit down his rabbit hole, and all the creatures there could talk. Even the flowers. And there was another Alice just like me. And she kept chasing me, and I kept running...
If you’re Alice, then who am I?
157
SISTER. That's very curious, indeed...
(She follows the WHITE RABBIT off. ALICE follows her.)
No, sister, wait!...
