Attraction + Relationships Flashcards
(21 cards)
Need to belong
Fundamental human need- feel welcome, supported, liked
Human groups vital for survival in past
Need unfulfilled leads to harm
- psychological and physical pain
- leads to depression
Needs fulfilled= better wellbeing
Synchrony with grouo increase liking and liking increases synchrony
Lonliness:
Feeling deprived of human connection
Intimate loneliness - lack of intimate partner
Regional loneliness- lack of professional connections
Collective loneliness- lack of group relations
Familial loneliness- lack of family connections
Combatting loneliness:
- adaptive: friendliness, therapy, group activities
- maladaptive: drugs, alcohol, toxic relationships
What leads to attraction? Propinquity
Close spatial distance
- single greatest predictor of liking
Mere exposure effect
- liking goes up as encounters go upon
What leads to attraction? Similarity
Percieved simialry increases attraction
Attraction increases perceive simialry
Both physical and psychological
What leads to attraction? Reciprocity
People like ppl who like them
Eye contact, smiling, engagement, back-and-fourth
Want to feel special + unique
Not someone who will fall for anyone
Working to get someonecan be rewarding
Rejection = huge turnoff
What leads to attraction? Misattribution of Arousal
Study by Dutton (1974):
- attractive female experimenter interviewed males in middle of bridge + on ground
- more sexual content in responces in middle of bridge
- high anxiety = high arousal
Eg:
- couples who engage in adventurous sports together
-falling in love with kidnapper
What leads to attraction? Warmth + trustworthiness
Cures for trust, stability, reliability and long-term intentions = long term interested
Short term = opposite— cues of narcissism, rule-breaking, risk-taking
What leads to attraction? Attraction and psychical appearance
Universal agreement:
- symmetry, proportionality
- men: strong jaw
- women: large eyes, full lips
Facia morphing studies:
- average faces togetehr
- resulting face more attractive
Waist-hip ration
Cultural variation
Tattoos, body piercings
Ideal body size/weight -larger more ideal - US currently has thinnest ideal in history
Ideal skin colour
What leads to attraction? Prestige and attractiveness
Women rated men in Bentley more attractive
Car did not effect men’s rating of women
Women rated man in suit more attractive than Burger King outfit
What leads to attraction? Evolutionary perspective
All organisms have 2 basic challenges:
- survival
- reproduction.
Male and female problems:
- finding attractive mate
- investing with mate in offspring
Romantic relationships: security
- mate retention
- minimising stress/ conflict
Men + women mostly want same thing
- kindness, intelligence, beauty, etc
Diferences:
Men-
- more emphasis on youth and beauty
- must impress women - peacock
- reproduce more
Women-
- more emphasis on status
- baby is mayor investment
- more selective and choosy for partner— limited no. Of eggs and years to concieve
- judge more
Short-term mating strategies
Both men and women engage in both short and long-term strategies
Men: more access to mates, more. Offspring, decrease standards
Women: more access to to resources, high-quality men, increased standards
Long-term mating strategies
Long-term monogamous pair bonding:
- marriage = universal: formal ritual, social bonds, families connecting
- creates stable home environment, investment > optimal for child’s success
- successful children grow up happy and securely attached > have easier time securing quality mate
Environment and strategy
Stressful environments motivate short-term strategies — have children earlier, have more, less time energy invested in each
Adaptive approach to this situation:
- stables, lower-stress environment motivate long term strategies - fewer kids- invest more time +effort
Genetic determinism? No
Biology is not destiny
Biology creates possibilities
Several strategies available — success depends on circumstances
Evolution sculpted pp to be sensitive to environmental - use appropriate strategies
Realitionship satisfaction + conflict: attachment
Evolutionary behaviour system in kids
- becomes working model of adult relationships
Bella ace behavior between
- protection from caregivers
- exploring environment + learning
Chargers serve 2 functions:
- safe base for exploration
- secure haven when trouble appears
Secure attachment:
- 60% of population
- men and women = similar
Positive view of self + partner:
- rely on one another
- trust, reliability, stability
Anxious attachment:
-25% of population
- more common among women
- concern that others are inconsistent - might fail us
- needs lots of reassurance- reassure on partner
Avoidant attachment:
- 15% of population
- more common in men
- one earned about too much intimacy - vulnerable
- need to remain string, self-sufficient
- can undermine attempts to get closer
Attachment in romantic relationships:
Imprints diference with adults
- parent-child relationship is 1 way
- parents give, child mostly receives
- adult relationships are reciprocal
Each partners attachment styles matter
- secure = high success
- avoidant= some success
- anxious-anxious= some success
- anxious-avoidant= disaster
Stenberg’s Triangle theory of love
Relationship maintenance cognitions
Positive illusions -you’re the best
Derogation alternatives- everyone else sucks
Relationship superiority bias - were the best
Unrealistic optimism - this will be great
Willingness to sacrifice- overcome conflict
Play- have fun together
Relationship satisfaction + conflict
Motivated reasoning dominates first year or so
Rapid Margery not good idea
Accurately predicting relationship success:
- couple: least accurate
- friends: most accurate
- parents: accurate
The 4 horsemen
Criticism
- generalisations : ‘ you always/ never’
- kitchen-sinking: bringing up every conflict ever
Contempt
- insults
- sarcasm
- belittling
Defensiveness
- excuses
- counter complaints “yes, but”
Stonewalling
- icy
- ignoring other person
Improving things
Halt negative spiral
- avoid fighting poison with poison
- be bigger person
Initiate positive spiral
- do something unexpected + thoughtful
- not about money
- not about direct exchange
Unconditional acceptance of partner
Work with partner
Affirm partner — reduced defensiveness
Create fun again
Pay partner special attention
