Cafe

Question 1

It’s them!

Answer 1

Look about us being married —

Question 2

That’s never happened to me before at the imperial gardens cafe.

Answer 2

Yes, it’s the first time for me, too.

Question 3

The restaurant is so crowded and I had no idea these Scottish patterns had become so common.

Answer 3

I’ve got four schillings left after paying the coachman.

Question 4

If only my mother could see me now! She never dreamed that one day I’d be consorting with the creme caramel!

Answer 4

Have you got any cash?

Question 5

People of my class don’t carry cash.

Answer 5

I only had ten schilling when I set out.

Question 6

You hoped to acquire a past for 10 schilling!

Answer 6

Well I was single then, how was I to know I’d be married by dinner time.

Question 7

Here we are, I’m hungry.

Answer 7

You’re not (to Christopher).

Question 8

Be mine tonight and I will reveal my true identity and give you half my kingdom.

Answer 8

Not hungry.

Question 9

Has the champagne arrived yet?

Answer 9

I dint think e should eat here. It’s entirely too cheap for my taste.

Question 10

It’s probably out the back.

Answer 10

The service here is terrible. Waiter! You see? Let’s move on.

Question 11

Don’t be ridiculous. Anyway you let the coachman go - I don’t know why you didn’t ask him to wait.

Answer 11

I didn’t care for him. He seemed a very disagreeable fellow.

Question 12

That was because of your tip.

Answer 12

I gave him a very good tip. (Sit)

Question 13

There’s a waiter call him over.

Answer 13

(Feebly) waiter… Waiter…

Question 14

Yessir. Are you ready to order, sir?

Answer 14

Ah, waiter — sit down, my dear fellow. You strike me as being a splendid chap. What will you have?

Question 14

WAITER TWO: Sir?

Answer 14

WEINBERL: Why should we accept the places allotted to us by an economic order that sets one man above another? I’ve been giving this matter a great deal of thought lately, and it seems to me that, in a nutshell, the value of labour capital –

Question 15

MRS FISCHER: What are you babbling about?

Answer 15

WEINBERL: You may call it babble but one day, given its chance, Weinberlism will give birth to a new order. History is waiting.

Question 16

MRS FISCHER: We are all waiting.

WAITER TWO: I wouldn’t have the special – it’s herring in oatmeal.

Answer 16

WEINBERL: Society’s accounts will be settled once and for all, and when the bill comes, waiter, I want you to think of me as a comrade.

Question 17

WAITER TWO: Yes, sir. And I wouldn’t have the neeps either, if I were you.

Answer 17

WEINBERL: What are the neeps?

Question 18

WAITER TWO I wouldn’t know, sir. That’s why I wouldn’t have them.
MRS FISCHER: Well, we’d like a drink to begin with.

Answer 18

WEINBERL: All right – bring us three beers and an extra glass.

Question 19

MRS FISCHER: Such a sense of humour. He knows I never drink beer.

Answer 19

WEINBERL: Two beers and a glass of water.

Question 20

MRS FISCHER: I must have something hot.

Answer 20

WEINBERL: Hot water.

Question 21

MRS FISCHER: I mean something hot to eat.

Answer 21

WEINBERL: Two beers and a radish.

Question 22

MME KNORR: You’re right – he’s hilarious.

MRS FISCHER: This has gone quite far enough.

Answer 22

WEINBERL: All right! Bring us two beers, two glasses of the house red and two sausages for the ladies.

Question 23

MRS FISCHER: The house red?

Answer 23

WEINBERL: The wurst is yet to come.

Question 24

CHRISTOPHER: We’ll drink champagne to start, champagne with the main course and with the dessert we’ll have some –

Answer 24

WEINBERL: (Alarmed) Champagne?

Question 25

WAITER TWO: An excellent choice, sir. And if I may say so, it is a pleasure to serve a gentleman. (He glances meaningfully at WEINBERL and departs.)

Answer 25

WEINBERL: It’s people like him who are going to put a spoke into Weinberlist Theory. (To CHRISTOPHER.) Nevertheless the bill will come.

Question 26

CHRISTOPHER: People of my class don’t pay the bill.

Answer 26

WEINBERL: I mean –

Question 27

CHRISTOPHER: (Very deliberately) I know what you mean. I am not entirely stupid. Society will pay. Our society. Do you follow me?

Answer 27

WEINBERL: Not exactly …

Question 28

CHRISTOPHER: (Expansively) It’s a damnable thing Herr Fischer, but when the reckoning comes the clever people are nowhere ‘to be found. They’ve gorn … you see … disappeared … leaving the bill to be paid by the bourgeoisie … the shopkeepers … the widows … and such like, get me?

Answer 28

WEINBERL: (At last) Got you!

Question 29

MRS FISCHER: Oh, do stop talking politics, we came here for a celebration dinner.

Answer 29

WEINBERL’s manner has changed dramatically.) | WEINBERL: My dear wife, why didn’t you say you were hungry! We’ll have a lobster each.

Question 30

MME KNORR: Oh, it’s true love.

Answer 30

WEINBERL: My Empress!

Question 31

MRS FISCHER: (Drily to MADAME KNORR) We're both Empresses now my dear!

Answer 31

WEINBERL: I will give you half my kingdom, too!

Question 32

MRS FISCHER: Hungary?

Answer 32

WEINBERL: Starving!
(To WAITER TWO who has reappeared with the ZANGLER dinner trolley.)
Ah, there you are at last – capital! – look sharp if you value your job, there’s plenty of others’ll do it for the money.

Question 33

MELCHIOR: My employer wishes to eat alone.

Answer 33

WEINBERL: Your employer seems to be confused about the nature of this establishment. It’s what we call a restaurant.

Question 34

MELCHIOR: Why don’t you have your dinner somewhere else?

Answer 34

WEINBERL: Why don’t you take yourself off before you get a lobster down your britches.

Question 35

MELCHIOR: Please! My master wishes to have a clear view of that hansom cabman while he’s eating.

Answer 35

WEINBERL: Your master’s taste in cabmen is something we prefer not to discuss.

Question 36

CHRISTOPHER: Wait a minute! We can’t be shown up like this in front of your wife and her friend.

Answer 36

WEINBERL: We don’t intend to eat our dinner screened off from public view like a lot of –

Question 37

CHRISTOPHER: Journalists –

Answer 37

WEINBERL: – So unless you want your Chinese screen folded round your ears –

Question 38

MELCHIOR: I warn you, my master will not be put out for the likes of you.

Answer 38

WEINBERL: You may tell your master that if he has a bone to pick with me I don’t wish to see his dog.

Question 39

MELCHIOR: You can tell him yourself. I can hear him coming.

Answer 39

WEINBERL: CHRISTOPHER: Screen

Question 40

CHRISTOPHER: (Quietly) Oh yes. (To WEINBERL.) All the luck in the world.

Answer 40

WEINBERL: (Squeakily) Thank you.

Question 41

CHRISTOPHER: Chink glasses.

Answer 41

WEINBERL: (Squeakily) Are they? They must go with the screen.

Question 42

MRS FISCHER: Why are you speaking like that?

Answer 42

WEINBERL: (Squeaks) Like what?

Question 43

MRS FISCHER: You’re speaking in a peculiar way.

Answer 43

WEINBERL: (To CHRISTOPHER) Am I?

Question 44

MME KNORR: I’m not shouting, I’m speaking normally.

Answer 44

WEINBERL: (Squeaks) Not so loud.

Question 45

CHRISTOPHER: (Quietly to WEINBERL) Breast or leg?

Answer 45

WEINBERL: (Squeaks) I’ll take wing – have you got it?

Question 46

CHRISTOPHER (Quietly) Got it. (To MADAME KNORR.) The bottle’s empty. I’ll get a waiter.

Answer 46

WEINBERL: (Squeaks) I’ll get one too.

Question 47

MRS FISCHER: We don’t need two waiters.

Answer 47

WEINBERL: (Squeaks) All right, I’ll help him get the first one.

Question 48

MME KNORR: Oh, look – I’ve got the wish-bone!

Answer 48

WEINBERL: Have you?

Question 49

MME KNORR: Come on, Hildegarde –
(MADAME KNORR and MRS FISCHER pull the wish-bone.)
Ah, well done! You’ve got the main part.

Answer 49

WEINBERL: (Squeaks to MADAME KNORR) That means it’s your wish.

Question 50

MME KNORR: No – it’s your wife’s wish.

Answer 50

WEINBERL: (Squeaks) That’s not how we play it.

Question 51

MRS FISCHER: I’m beginning to regret that I ever married you.

Answer 51

WEINBERL: You’d better both have a wish.

Question 52

MME KNORR: Oh – all right –

Answer 52

WEINBERL: Close your eyes, count to twenty and don’t tell me what you wish.