ch 9 / 10 / 11

Question 1

intimacy

Answer 1

close union, contact, association, or acquaintance

Question 2

dimensions of intimacy

Answer 2

physical, emotional, intellectual, and shared activites

Question 3

self-disclosure

Answer 3

process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and would not normally be known by others

Question 4

dyad

Answer 4

one-on-one disclsure that is usually more comfortable than more public revelations

Question 5

incremental self disclosure

Answer 5

small disclosures build confidence to reveal more important information later

Question 6

relatively scarce self-disclosure

Answer 6

most common early in relationships and at crucial times later. Not frequent in mature relationships (where partners know each other well)

Question 7

self- disclosure in positive relationships

Answer 7

most productive when delivered in a constructive manner, even if the information is difficult; have the strength to handle such revelations

Question 8

social penetration theory

Answer 8

contains both breadth (range of subjects being discussed) and depth (shift from relatively impersonal messages to more personal ones)

Question 9

cliches

Answer 9

ritualized, stock responses to social situations

Question 10

facts

Answer 10

most criteria of being intentional, significant, and not otherwise known

Question 11

opinions

Answer 11

every time you offer a personal pinion, you are giving others info about yourself

Question 12

feelings

Answer 12

most revealing out of teh four levels of measuring depth of disclosure

Question 13

catharsis

Answer 13

“getting it off your chest”

Question 14

reciprocity

Answer 14

one act of self-disclosure begets another

Question 15

self-clarification

Answer 15

“talking the problem out”

Question 16

identity management

Answer 16

to make ourselves more attractive

Question 17

social influence

Answer 17

may increase your control over the other person and sometimes over the situation

Question 18

rejection

Answer 18

fear of disapproval

Question 19

risks of self disclosure

Answer 19

rejection, negative impersonation, decrease in relational satisfacion, loss of influence, and hurting the other person

Question 20

communication climate

Answer 20

the emotional tone of the relationship; determined by whether or not people feel valued by the other and to what degree

Question 21

confirming message

Answer 21

messages that convey valuing; they say “You’re important”, “You exist”, “I care about you”

Question 22

disconfirming messages

Answer 22

messages that convey devaluing; they say “You’re not important”, “I don’t care about you”, “You don’t matter”

Question 23

disagreeing messages

Answer 23

messages that float somewhere between confirming and disconfirming; they say, “You’re wrong, but I might value you”

Question 24

Types of disconfirming messages

Answer 24

Impervious Responses, Interrupting, Irrelevant Responses, Tangential Responses, Impersonal Responses, Ambiguous Responses

Question 25

types of disagreeing messages

Answer 25

Aggressiveness, Complaining, Argumentativeness

Question 26

types of confirming messages

Answer 26

Recognition, Acknowledgement, Endorsement

Question 27

impervious response

Answer 27

disconfirming message; doesn't acknowledge the other's message, essentially, it's ignoring the other person

Question 28

interrupting

Answer 28

disconfirming message; speaking over someone; occassional interruption is seen as fine, causes problems when it becomes routine

Question 29

irrelevant response

Answer 29

disconfirming message; a comment that is completely unrelated to what the person just said, ex. "I had a terrible day" "Hey, we need to talk about the weekend"

Question 30

tangential response

Answer 30

disconfirming message; uses part of the other's message to change the topic, ex. "What color do you want to paint the walls?" "We shouldn't paint the room until we move the piano. Will you help me move it?"

Question 31

impersonal responses

Answer 31

disconfirming message; have lots of chiches and never really respond to the speaker, ex. "Someone broke into my house last night." "Well, that life's. You live and you learn."

Question 32

ambitious response

Answer 32

disconfirming message; messages that have more than one meaning, are very vague, ex. "Will you help me move my piano?" "Uh, probably." "On Saturday?" "Maybe. Bye!"

Question 33

agressiveness

Answer 33

disagreeing message; attacking the self-concepts of other people in order to inflict psychological pain on them; the most negative of the disagreeing messages

Question 34

complaining

Answer 34

disagreeing message; a way of communicating dissatifaction; is not necessarily bad, can be healthy; use behavioral complaints, not complaints on personal characteristics, ex. Good = "You interrupt when I'm on the phone.", Bad = "You're inconsiderate."

Question 35

argumentativeness

Answer 35

disagreeing message; presenting and defending poisitions on issues while attacking other's positions, the most positive of disagreeing messages; is positive when attacking issues, not people, ex. an attorney

Question 36

recognition

Answer 36

confirming message; the most basic of confirming messages, shows the least support of the three; is simply saying "You exist", "I know you're there", ex. returning an email or phone call

Question 37

endorsement

Answer 37

confirming message; agreeing with (at least part of) a speaker's message; the strongest of confirming messages; does not have to agree with everything someone says, ex. "I can see why that would be upsetting."

Question 38

escalatory conflict spiral

Answer 38

a way that disconfirming messages reinforce one another; one disconfirming messages leads to another; it grows and grows until it reaches an all-out war

Question 39

de-escalatory conflict spirals

Answer 39

a pattern through with people grow apart; they lessen their dependence on the other and care less and less about the relationship

Question 40

defensiveness

Answer 40

guarding against an attack against the presenting self

Question 41

Gibb categories

Answer 41

Jack Gibb's list of behaviors that make someone defensive and their counterparts (behaviors that lower defensiveness); Included: 1. Evaluation vs. Description 2. Control vs. Problem Orientation 3. Strategy vs. Spontaneity 4. Neutrality vs. Empathy 5. Superiority vs. Equality 6. Certainty vs. Provisionalism

Question 42

Evaluation vs. Desciption

Answer 42

evaluation - judgmental comments, ex. "You're such a pig!" description - focuses on speaker's thoughts and feelings, ex. "When you don't clean up after yourself, I get frustrated."

Question 43

Control vs. Problem Orientation

Answer 43

control - imposing one's will on another without regard for their needs or wants, ex. "We're going to eat Chinese for dinner." problem orientation - focus on finding a solution that works for both people, ex. "I'm craving Chinese. Are you ok if we get that for dinner?"

Question 44

Strategy vs. Spontaneity

Answer 44

strategy - using manipulation and underhanded tactics to get one's way, ex. "Tom and Judy go out to dinner every week." spontaneity - being honest with others in conversation, ex. "I'd like to go out to dinner more often."

Question 45

Neutrality vs. Empathy

Answer 45

neutrality - indifference, lack of concern, ex. "Well, that just how life goes." empathy - putting yourself in another's shoes, ex. "I know you put a lot of work into that project."

Question 46

Superiority vs. Equality

Answer 46

superiority - any message that suggests "I'm better than you", can be superior in content or the way the message is delivered, ex. "That's not the way it's done." equality - a message that says "We're in this together", ex. "If you'd like, I can show how it's worked for me."

Question 47

Certainty vs. Provisionalism

Answer 47

certainty - being sure that one is correct and that nothing else is possible, ex. "You don't know what you're talking about!" provisionalism - being able to acknowledge that one doesn't know everything, even though they may have strong opinions, ex. "I've never heard anything like that before. Where did you hear it?"

Question 48

clear message format

Answer 48

is a way to express oneself without threatening others; it includes five parts: 1. description of behavior 2. an interpretation of the behavior 3. a feeling 4. a consequence (can be for self, others, or the receiver) 5. an intention (can be your stand on an issue, a request for others, or what you plan to do)

Question 49

ways to respond non-defensively to criticism

Answer 49

ask for specifics, guess about specifics, paraphrase, ask what the critic wants, ask about the consequences of your behavior, ask what else is wrong, agree with the facts, agree with the critic's perception

Question 50

accomodating

Answer 50

A lose-win conflict style in which the communicator submits to a situation rather than attempts to have his or her needs met.

Question 51

avoiding

Answer 51

A lose-lose conflict style in which the parties ignore the problem at hand.

Question 52

collaborating

Answer 52

A conflict management style that seeks win-win solutions

Question 53

Competing

Answer 53

A win-lose approach to conflicts that seeks to resolve them in one's own way.

Question 54

Complementary conflict styles

Answer 54

relational conflict style in which partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviors.

Question 55

compromising

Answer 55

An approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what they wanted through self-sacrifice.

Question 56

conflict

Answer 56

An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.

Question 57

conflict ritual

Answer 57

An unacknowledged repeating pattern of interlocking behavior used by participants in a conflict.

Question 58

crazymaking

Answer 58

(See Passive Aggression) An indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness.

Question 59

direct aggression

Answer 59

A criticism or demand that threatens the face of the person at home it is directed.

Question 60

parallel conflict styles

Answer 60

A relational conflict style that in which the approach of the partners varies from one situation to another.

Question 61

passive aggression

Answer 61

An indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness.

Question 62

relational conflict style

Answer 62

A pattern of managing disagreements that repeats itself over time in a relationship.

Question 63

symmetrical conflict style

Answer 63

A relational conflict style in which both partners use the same tactics.