ch 9 / 10 / 11 Flashcards Preview

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Flashcards in ch 9 / 10 / 11 Deck (63)
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1

intimacy

close union, contact, association, or acquaintance

2

dimensions of intimacy

physical, emotional, intellectual, and shared activites

3

self-disclosure

process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and would not normally be known by others

4

dyad

one-on-one disclsure that is usually more comfortable than more public revelations

5

incremental self disclosure

small disclosures build confidence to reveal more important information later

6

relatively scarce self-disclosure

most common early in relationships and at crucial times later. Not frequent in mature relationships (where partners know each other well)

7

self- disclosure in positive relationships

most productive when delivered in a constructive manner, even if the information is difficult; have the strength to handle such revelations

8

social penetration theory

contains both breadth (range of subjects being discussed) and depth (shift from relatively impersonal messages to more personal ones)

9

cliches

ritualized, stock responses to social situations

10

facts

most criteria of being intentional, significant, and not otherwise known

11

opinions

every time you offer a personal pinion, you are giving others info about yourself

12

feelings

most revealing out of teh four levels of measuring depth of disclosure

13

catharsis

"getting it off your chest"

14

reciprocity

one act of self-disclosure begets another

15

self-clarification

"talking the problem out"

16

identity management

to make ourselves more attractive

17

social influence

may increase your control over the other person and sometimes over the situation

18

rejection

fear of disapproval

19

risks of self disclosure

rejection, negative impersonation, decrease in relational satisfacion, loss of influence, and hurting the other person

20

communication climate

the emotional tone of the relationship; determined by whether or not people feel valued by the other and to what degree

21

confirming message

messages that convey valuing; they say "You're important", "You exist", "I care about you"

22

disconfirming messages

messages that convey devaluing; they say "You're not important", "I don't care about you", "You don't matter"

23

disagreeing messages

messages that float somewhere between confirming and disconfirming; they say, "You're wrong, but I might value you"

24

Types of disconfirming messages

Impervious Responses, Interrupting, Irrelevant Responses, Tangential Responses, Impersonal Responses, Ambiguous Responses

25

types of disagreeing messages

Aggressiveness, Complaining, Argumentativeness

26

types of confirming messages

Recognition, Acknowledgement, Endorsement

27

impervious response

disconfirming message; doesn't acknowledge the other's message, essentially, it's ignoring the other person

28

interrupting

disconfirming message; speaking over someone; occassional interruption is seen as fine, causes problems when it becomes routine

29

irrelevant response

disconfirming message; a comment that is completely unrelated to what the person just said, ex. "I had a terrible day" "Hey, we need to talk about the weekend"

30

tangential response

disconfirming message; uses part of the other's message to change the topic, ex. "What color do you want to paint the walls?" "We shouldn't paint the room until we move the piano. Will you help me move it?"

31

impersonal responses

disconfirming message; have lots of chiches and never really respond to the speaker, ex. "Someone broke into my house last night." "Well, that life's. You live and you learn."

32

ambitious response

disconfirming message; messages that have more than one meaning, are very vague, ex. "Will you help me move my piano?" "Uh, probably." "On Saturday?" "Maybe. Bye!"

33

agressiveness

disagreeing message; attacking the self-concepts of other people in order to inflict psychological pain on them; the most negative of the disagreeing messages

34

complaining

disagreeing message; a way of communicating dissatifaction; is not necessarily bad, can be healthy; use behavioral complaints, not complaints on personal characteristics, ex. Good = "You interrupt when I'm on the phone.", Bad = "You're inconsiderate."

35

argumentativeness

disagreeing message; presenting and defending poisitions on issues while attacking other's positions, the most positive of disagreeing messages; is positive when attacking issues, not people, ex. an attorney

36

recognition

confirming message; the most basic of confirming messages, shows the least support of the three; is simply saying "You exist", "I know you're there", ex. returning an email or phone call

37

endorsement

confirming message; agreeing with (at least part of) a speaker's message; the strongest of confirming messages; does not have to agree with everything someone says, ex. "I can see why that would be upsetting."

38

escalatory conflict spiral

a way that disconfirming messages reinforce one another; one disconfirming messages leads to another; it grows and grows until it reaches an all-out war

39

de-escalatory conflict spirals

a pattern through with people grow apart; they lessen their dependence on the other and care less and less about the relationship

40

defensiveness

guarding against an attack against the presenting self

41

Gibb categories

Jack Gibb's list of behaviors that make someone defensive and their counterparts (behaviors that lower defensiveness); Included:
1. Evaluation vs. Description
2. Control vs. Problem Orientation
3. Strategy vs. Spontaneity
4. Neutrality vs. Empathy
5. Superiority vs. Equality
6. Certainty vs. Provisionalism

42

Evaluation vs. Desciption

evaluation - judgmental comments, ex. "You're such a pig!"
description - focuses on speaker's thoughts and feelings, ex. "When you don't clean up after yourself, I get frustrated."

43

Control vs. Problem Orientation

control - imposing one's will on another without regard for their needs or wants, ex. "We're going to eat Chinese for dinner."
problem orientation - focus on finding a solution that works for both people, ex. "I'm craving Chinese. Are you ok if we get that for dinner?"

44

Strategy vs. Spontaneity

strategy - using manipulation and underhanded tactics to get one's way, ex. "Tom and Judy go out to dinner every week."
spontaneity - being honest with others in conversation, ex. "I'd like to go out to dinner more often."

45

Neutrality vs. Empathy

neutrality - indifference, lack of concern, ex. "Well, that just how life goes."
empathy - putting yourself in another's shoes, ex. "I know you put a lot of work into that project."

46

Superiority vs. Equality

superiority - any message that suggests "I'm better than you", can be superior in content or the way the message is delivered, ex. "That's not the way it's done."
equality - a message that says "We're in this together", ex. "If you'd like, I can show how it's worked for me."

47

Certainty vs. Provisionalism

certainty - being sure that one is correct and that nothing else is possible, ex. "You don't know what you're talking about!"
provisionalism - being able to acknowledge that one doesn't know everything, even though they may have strong opinions, ex. "I've never heard anything like that before. Where did you hear it?"

48

clear message format

is a way to express oneself without threatening others; it includes five parts:
1. description of behavior
2. an interpretation of the behavior
3. a feeling
4. a consequence (can be for self, others, or the receiver)
5. an intention (can be your stand on an issue, a request for others, or what you plan to do)

49

ways to respond non-defensively to criticism

ask for specifics, guess about specifics, paraphrase, ask what the critic wants, ask about the consequences of your behavior, ask what else is wrong, agree with the facts, agree with the critic's perception

50

accomodating

A lose-win conflict style in which the communicator submits to a situation rather than attempts to have his or her needs met.

51

avoiding

A lose-lose conflict style in which the parties ignore the problem at hand.

52

collaborating

A conflict management style that seeks win-win solutions

53

Competing

A win-lose approach to conflicts that seeks to resolve them in one's own way.

54

Complementary conflict styles

relational conflict style in which partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviors.

55

compromising

An approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what they wanted through self-sacrifice.

56

conflict

An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.

57

conflict ritual

An unacknowledged repeating pattern of interlocking behavior used by participants in a conflict.

58

crazymaking

(See Passive Aggression) An indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness.

59

direct aggression

A criticism or demand that threatens the face of the person at home it is directed.

60

parallel conflict styles

A relational conflict style that in which the approach of the partners varies from one situation to another.

61

passive aggression

An indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness.

62

relational conflict style

A pattern of managing disagreements that repeats itself over time in a relationship.

63

symmetrical conflict style

A relational conflict style in which both partners use the same tactics.