Chapter Eight - Making a Love Connection Flashcards
Internal Working Models
Cognitive conceptions of others and self which influence love, intimacy, and interpersonal interaction (ex: positive model of self and positive model of others)
Secure Base
In attachment theory, this is the idea that children feel secure about exploring their environment when a preferred caregiver is present to go back to if they need help or are uncomfortable (preferred caregiver = secure base).
Attachment Theory
A social-developmental approach that helps account for how interactions between children and their caregiver initially shape people’s attachment styles and, as a result, how they communicate in relationships across the life span.
Positive self-model
An internalized sense of self worth that is not dependent on ongoing validation from others.
Negative self-model
An internalized sense of self-doubt that leads one to seek the approval of others.
Positive model of others
A perception that reflects expectations that people will be supportive, receptive,
and accepting, and that relationships will be rewarding; approach orientations toward intimacy
Negative model of others
The perception that reflects expectations that people will be unsupportive and unaccepting or will cause problems; avoidant orientations toward intimacy.
Attachment style
A social interaction style that is consistent with the type and quality of relationship one wishes to share with others, based on working models of self and others. Attachment styles include one’s own communication style, the way one processes and interprets others’ behavior, and the way one reacts to others’ behavior.
Secure Attachment Style
> > responsive and warm parents, received moderate levels of stimulation, and engaged in synchronized interaction with their caregivers.
more likely to feel free to explore, approach others, and be positive toward strangers.
> > more likely to protest separation and then show happiness when reunited with caregivers.
Avoidant Attachment Style
> > have caregivers who are either insensitive to their signals or try too hard to please.
overstimulated, they retreat from social interaction; under-stimulated, they learn to cope without social interaction.
Stay within themselves, rarely
explore, and are rarely positive towards strangers.
Don’t protest separation, aren’t happy to reunite.
Anxious Ambivalent Attachment Style
> > inconsistent caregiver
communication: sometimes appropriately, neglectful, or overstimulating, or caregivers are preoccupied with their own problems.
Children blame themselves for this inconsistency and develop a self-model of doubt/insecurity.
tentative to exploring their environment in front of caregiver, scared to explore without them.
protest separation yet are relieved/angry when the caregiver return
Reinforcement effect
When this effect occurs, people communicate in cycles that reinforce their attachment style. Secure individuals are self-confident, readily approach others, more likely to make friends, develop relationships, and thus feel even better about themselves and others. Preoccupied individuals, by contrast, continually reach for higher levels of intimacy, a process reinforces that individual’s negative model of self and positive model of others.
Paradoxical interaction patterns
Fearful individuals’ fear of pain and rejection keeps them from reaching out to others and developing the kind of intimate relationship that would bring them out of their protective shells. If dismissive individuals continually avoid highly committed relationships and refuse to ask others for help and support, they reinforce their view that other people are unnecessary and they should rely only on themselves.
Secure (prosocial style)
Positive model of others and self; these people have realistic expectations are satisfied with their relationships, comfortable depending on others, not afraid of being alone. Seek and provide support and comfort to relational partners. Communication is pleasant, attentive, and expressive. They smile, laugh, and touch their partners more than other styles do. Able to express negative feelings appropriately; jealousy/anger managed by behaviors that bolster self-esteem; can compromise and solve problems in relational conflict. Engage is high levels of relational maintenance.
Preoccupied (emotional style)
Positive model of others, negative model of self = overly
dependent on relationships (deep feelings of unworthiness). Need relationship to feel worthwhile, will cling to partner in times of trouble. Exhibit mixed messages:high need for intimacy x low self-esteem
usually positive unless they are anxious. Can be overly sensitive, have trouble controlling emotions,
and may disclose too fast to find intimacy. In conflict: they tend to engage in controlling behavior, nag and whine, and express anger using aggressive or passive aggressive behaviors.
Fearful (hesitant style)
Negative model of self and others; scared of rejection, find it hard to open up/depend on others. Even in relationships, they tend to be hesitant when communicating emotions/escalating relationship. Inability to open up undermines their chance for building the relationship they want. Less composed, less assertive, physically distant, trouble responding to other’s emotions, use less relational maintenance, have trouble confronting issues, and will withdrawal/accommodate partner
Dismissive (detachment style)
Positive models of self, negative models of others. So self
sufficient they shun close involvement with others. Considered counter-dependent which allows them
to feel good about themselves without opening themselves to criticism of others. Do not desire or fear close relationships, simply lack motivation to build or maintain them. Higher value on autonomy. Less disclosure, affection, and involvement. Don’t like to accommodate their partners. Dismiss personal problems and insist on handling them alone.
What characterizes love?
stronger attachment, a level of caring that includes making sacrifices for one another, and emotional and behavioral interdependence.
Liking
A feeling or connection characterized by affection and respect. According to triangular theory,
liking occurs when people experience high levels of intimacy and low levels of commitment and passion.
Storge
Friendship or companionate Love : based on high levels of intimacy and commitment, but comparatively low levels of passion
Pragma
Practical Love: combines elements of storge (compatibility) and ludus (avoiding risk/commitment); search for a person who fits a particular image in terms of vital statistics, such as age, height, religion, and occupation, as well as preferred characteristics, such as being a loyal partner or having the potential to be a good parent
Ludus
Game-Playing Love : see relationships as fun, playful, and casual; they view relationships as games to be played and are less committed and less securely attached to relationships than are people with other love styles
Mania
Possessive Love : Combination of eros and ludus; more demanding, dependent, possessive, and
jealous; need to know and control everything their partner does is a result of high levels of physical
attraction and passion.
Eros
Romantic or passionate Love: is rooted in feelings of affection, attraction, and sexual desire; being “in love” and feeling secure in relationship
