d lines gb Flashcards
(136 cards)
1
Q
ALL: LIKE A PEGASUS TAKING FLIGHT? WILL I MEET THE ONE TONIGHT?
A
15 minutes until showtime.
2
Q
Cassandra: Miss Kakolotus-
A
Demetria please.
3
Q
Cassandra: …whole thing off! I have this impending feeling of catastrophic doom overshadowing the entire event.
A
Cassandra. I assure you. We here at Olympus productions have everything under control.
4
Q
Helen: Zeus, not this again. Do I have to share this room with her? Visions are practically dropping out of her sphincter.
A
Please, Helen-
5
Q
Cassandra: Nuts? Why does that sound so ominous?
A
14 minutes until burned.
6
Q
ALL: …WE’RE IN SEARCH OF OUR MR.RIGHT! WILL WE FIND THE ONE TONIGHT?
A
We’re almost at showtime.
7
Q
Narcissus: Hey girl! Well aren’t you delectable?
A
Narcissus, according to our sexual harassment guidelines-
8
Q
Narcissus: I wasn’t talking to you. No offense. I was obvi referring to the stunning creature in the mirror. You know- me.
A
Hera, our gracious godly-
9
Q
Hera: Oh cut that shit out. I’ve heard it all. This wine is delicious by the way. What is it- Assyrian?
A
Greek.
10
Q
Hera: Of course it is.
A
A delicate question. Are you certain… Zeus approves of you participating-?
11
Q
Brittney: We have an emergency!
A
Not now Bridget.
12
Q
Brittney: It’s Brittney-
A
We are ten minutes away from showtime. Do your job and take care of it. Earn those drachmas.
13
Q
Brittney: But it’s about Pandora-
A
What about her?
14
Q
Brittney: She can’t do the show!
A
What do you mean she can’t do the show?
15
Q
Brittney: She’s… she’s… she’s
A
She’s what? What are you stammering for? Where is she?
16
Q
Brittney: …In the box.
A
Is that-?
17
Q
Brittney: It is.
A
Damn it! We’re short one contestant! We need seven!
18
Q
Brittney: Why?
A
What kind of a Greek are you?! Don’t you know your Pythagoras? 7 is our lucky number! This all has to go perfectly! Without a hitch!
19
Q
Brittney: Wasn’t Calypso an alternate? I can try-
A
We’re on an island in the middle of the sea! How is she gonna get here in 5 minutes?
20
Q
Brittney: Aegan Airlines is having a big sale-
A
You!
21
Q
Brittney: Me?
A
Get out of those schmattes and get to wardrobe at once.
22
Q
Brittney: Wait. What?
A
You’re cute enough.
23
Q
Brittney: But-
A
Stop talking. Gimme that head and get in there now!… I’ll figure this out later! Two minutes everyone!
24
Q
(MERELY MORTAL ENDS, BURNING LOVE THEME MUSIC BLARES)
A
Ready mortals and immortals! Eyes wide! Big smiles! Take it Nick! And on time please.
25
Nick: Quiet please! Ready in 5-4-3-2-1! And we are live!
Welcome to the beautiful Island of Lesbos and to the season premiere of Burning Love! For the next few weeks these lucky contestants will compete to win the heart of one of Greece's most eligible bachelors!
26
Hera: I hope it's Perseus. He has killer calves.
They will journey through romantic dates. They will battle through challenges- both physical and mental. And they will be eliminated one by one. Only the last survivor will find their burning love! Before our mystery bachelor meets his potential brides to be- let us first request favor from Aphrodite, the Goddess of love.
27
(HYMN ENDS)
And now the contestants!
28
Hera: Let's get to it already! Who's our man meat?
Our contestants are obviously eager. And no doubt- so are you! So let's not delay any longer. Here is our bachelor, straight from Thessalus- he of the Golden fleece- the one and only- Jason!
29
Jason: Some fine specimens, Demetria. Especially that new one. You don't disappoint.
Here at Olympus productions our goal is to find you that burning love.
30
Eurydice: Has anyone seen the weather out there? It's not looking good.
Why is Zeus doing this to me?
31
Nick: I wouldn't blame Zeus for this one. I just received the weather report. A huge storm is brewing.
So who cares? We'll shoot everything inside for now.
32
Nick: Or asked for his assistance-
What does that mean?
33
Narcissus: ...but second best- yeah. Jason. Absolutely.
Welcome back to Burning Love! So Jason- what are your thoughts? What are you feeling right now?
34
Jason: ...Really, it does. It's been a year of hardships. With the death of my... sorry.
It's okay to cry, Jason.
35
Jason: ...But you know, I will continue. I will make due. You've all been so supportive.
We sincerely hope so. And we are determined to make your love burn. Welcome back contestants! But before we begin with the dates-
36
Hera: It's ominous music. What do you think is happening, you moron.
Jason. You must now eliminate one of the contestants.
37
Narcissus: Girl, what?!
By face value alone. Each one of these urns represent each one of our contestants. A broken urn means a broken heart.
38
Jason: Oh gosh. I didn't know the choice was going to be so difficult. Do I really need to get rid of someone now?
I'm afraid so, Jason.
39
Jason: I have to be honest. There's someone standing before me who isn't a stranger to me.
What a development. In what way?
40
Jason: I hate to reveal this, but needs must... I have... known one of these contestants.
We need a name.
41
Narcissus: Sacreligious!
Do you deny you're from Crete?
42
Ariadne: ...That's like being shocked Odysseus is from Ithaca!
You have been eliminated. You may do the honors.
43
Jason: Sorry babe.
Ariadne, you have been burned.
44
Ariadne: This is bullshit.
Please leave the stage.
45
Brittney: Demetria-
Oh. It's you. You're doing great.
46
Brittney: Really?
It fits you like a glove. You're a natural reality contestant. Gold star for you.
47
Brittney: Can't we see if Penelope is available. I'm just a mere mortal-
Mortal schmortal. Look, besides Hera, we're all mortals here. I get it. So there is no myth of Barbara.
48
Demetria: ...myth of Barbara.
Brittney: It's Britt-
But who's to say after today there won't be one? And besides, do you hear that?
49
Brittney: Hear what?
That. No ones leaving or getting on this island. It's all on you. Enjoy it. Live in it. And you really don't have a choice. You're on my payroll, sweetheart, so you do what Kakolotus says. Got it? Good. You have a swell night.
50
Nick: And action!
Good morning everyone? How was everyone's night? (they respond) Ready for today's challenge? (they respond) You will all be competing for a chance to go on a romantic one on one date with our remarkable bachelor, Jason. How else will you find your burning love? Jason?
51
Jason: ...this game is all about risk. Will you risk it for a chance of love with me?
This game is called Canapes of Chance. You must completely eat what's in front of you. The fastest contestant wins the romantic date.
52
Cassandra: Please don't let it be figs.
Are you ready to see your not so amusing bouches? Please stand behind a cloche. (the contestants do) Before you we have... dehydrated Hydra.
53
Narcissus: Girl, it's like beef jerky.
A Cyclops eyeball.
54
Helen: Gross.
A delicious pasta made from the hair of Medusa.
55
Hera: It could be worse.
A Cereberus urine shooter.
56
...urine shooter.
Eurydice: Are you kidding me?
Minotaur rocky mountain oyster.
57
Cassandra: Isn't the Minotaur human from the waist down?
And... Moussaka.
58
(THIS SINKS SHIPS ENDS)
Well you know what else you're sinking? A chance to go on a date with Jason. So suck it up and start chewing. Questions?... Ready? When I say go.
59
Hera: Just hold your nose.
And go!
60
Helen: Ew. It's gelatinous.
Really? What's going on with you?
61
Brittney: I don't think I can keep doing this-
Nick. Go see what's wrong.
62
Cassandra: Does that mean I can stop eating this?
By the length of a noodle- our winner is Hera!
63
Helen: I can't believe you ate all that Hydra for nothing.
Ok stop filming! Let's get this mess all cleared up.
64
Helen: Ew. There's vomit on my sandals.
Bitsy? You're good? You're not dying are you? We don't need anymore of that.
65
Brittney: I think I just need my epipen-
Get her to her room. You- Cassandra. Help her.
66
Eurydice: Who died? Why did you say dying?
Relax honey. No one died.
67
Eurydice: But you clearly said-
Nick. Get Eurydice some water. You obviously lost some of your sense with all the vomit.
68
Eurydice: I am fine. I know what I heard.
You heard nothing. You- stop whining. There'll be other dating opportunities. Clear the set. Nick, let's shoot everyone from the dating line. Everyone else take a break.
69
Nick: ...electrocuted.
Cassandra: Bubbles.
What is it now?
70
Nick: Hera and Narcissus.
Both of them?
71
Jason: The blender was finicky. I swear. And I had to use a mortar and pestle... They were alive when I left!
Well accidents happen.
72
Eurydice: This can't be an accident.
Are you suggesting something else?
73
Eurydice: A blow dryer in a hot tub?
Narcissus. The vainest of them all. A straight forward explanation.
74
Eurydice: No. I'm not buying that.
Well you're buying what I'm selling. Nick, let's move them somewhere else. We can deal with it when the storm clears.
75
Eurydice: What are you saying?
I'm saying we got a show to do.
76
Cassandra: Is she serious?
Does this look like the face of a person who is joking?
77
Eurydice: You can't expect us to continue with this. Two people are dead. This isn't the 90s. You can't just make us do stuff. We have rights.
Rights? You don't have rights! This is a non union contract! (this show will go on starts)
78
Eurydice: Cameras! We can check the footage.
Sure. We'll check them later.
79
Eurydice: Later? But we can't-
We're on a tight schedule. And I'm not losing any more money on wasted minutes.
80
Eurydice: You're insane.
You gotta be in this business, sweetheart. Let's do the quiz segment. Nick!
81
Eurydice: They are dead!
Accidents happen.
82
Cassandra: Stop!
What now?
83
Jason: Salad dressing?
You. Enough with the prophecies! Make yourself useful and get into the confession booth!
84
Cassandra: But-
I want this segment started in ten!
85
Nick: Is this really a good idea?
You look great.
85
Nick: I'm not an actor. Can't we get an actor?
Is everyone blind? How many times do I need to mention the storm and the fact we're on a secluded island? It's like I'm constantly repeating some important plot point! Besides, Thespis is shooting a pilot.
86
Nick: What do I do? What do I say?
Just talk about male genitalia and alcohol a lot and you'll be fine.
87
Brittney: I thought I saw outside the confession booth.
Get into your formation.
88
Eurydice: What about Cassandra? I'd feel so much better if I knew Cassandra was here.
Fuck your feelings. Get in line.
89
Helen: It wasn't a compliment.
We're rolling! Hello everyone. How is everyone feeling? Any tinges of love? Ok. Let's try that again. Pretend folks! This isn't real life, it's just reality television. Hello everyone. How is everyone feeling? Any tinges of love?
90
Jason: Right back atcha darling.
Eurydice. How do you feel?
91
Eurydice: Me? Really? I'm very much feeling a burning sensation.
Oh well, Nick might have a cream for that. Hera- may I say, you look gorgeous this evening.
92
Nick: I love penises and wine!
Don't we all. And now a little quiz. Please grab a white board. I will ask a series of questions about our hero. The person that matches the most with Jason's answers will join him on a romantic candle light dinner date. I'll ask the question and you will write the answers on your boards. Got it? Great. First question. What is Jason's favorite part on a chicken? Ok. You're writing. Great. Still waiting on Nick- Hera. Ok- ready? Eurydice. Breast. Brittney. Breast. Hera. Giblets? Really?
93
Nick: Giblets are delicious. Quick fry on both sides. A little arugula-
Thank you Hera. Helen. Clucking? What is that even supposed to be? Jason? Clucking too. Ok. Who knew? Second question. What is Jason's middle name? Isn't this exciting? I can feel the tension in the air. Eurydice. Doesn't have one. That is incorrect. Brittney. Kostas. Good guess. Hera. Nick. I wonder where that came from. And Helen. Barry? Really? Ok. Jason. Oh and Barry it is. You learn something new every day.
94
Jason: My mom was a fanilow.
Don't know what that means but let's move on. Question three. Someone else needs to answer this correctly or the win goes to Helen. Ready? Who was Jason's first true love?
95
Demetria: ...Jason's first true love?
Jason: What?
It says it on the card.
96
Jason: I don't want to answer that.
Rules are rules. Look- some of our contestants are already writing.
97
Demetria: ...are already writing.
Jason: But-
Write! Ok- here we go. Eurydice. Medea. Brittney. He hasn't met her yet. Ok- someone doesn't understand the question. Hera? Medusa. Nope. Helen. Creusa... for now. That is confidence. Jason? Creusa!
98
Demetria: ...Creusa.
Helen: Hell yeah!
That makes Helen our lucky winner.
99
Helen: About damn time.
Jason. Helen. Enjoy your romantic date. Great that's done. We'll continue with the date segment in twenty. Is everything set?
100
Helen: See you never, bitches.
You can get out of those things. I'm sure we can all agree you're not cut out for immortality.
101
Jason: I should probably get into something more suitable. Something in loincloth, me thinks.
Let's keep this show moving! Nick!
102
Eurydice: If not Nick or you, or Brittney and it's definitely not me. Who else is left?
Me!
103
Eurydice: Medea?
Do I need to sing the song again?
104
Jason: You! How? And your face-
Dr.Goldbergopolus. A master with a scalpel.
105
Demetria: ...a master with a scalpel.
Jason: Why?
Why? Why?! Do you think I'd let anyone replace me? How dare you even try? There is no competition! I will always be the winner!
106
Demetria: ...I will always be the winner!
Eurydice: But how?
Easy as spinach pie. With a little help from Poseidon and a little help from my minion. When I heard all these ho's would be competing for Jason, I just knew I had to put an end to this madness! I intercepted the real Demetria in Mykonos. Got rid of her. Took her place.
107
Eurydice: Poseidon. The storm. He entrapped us!
P and I are tight. No ones leaving this island alive unless I decree it!
108
Eurydice: So all this is revenge? Just a mad scheme to get rid of anyone who'd possibly date your ex-husband?
That's for all of you out there who haven't caught up yet! Correct! Jason will always be mine!
109
Eurydice: The camera! You can't get away with this. All of this is being recorded!
What cameras? Have you seen any cameras?
110
Demetria: ...Have you seen any cameras?
Eurydice: But-
No cameras.
111
Eurydice: I just assumed they were everywhere.
You assumed wrong!
112
Eurydice: But that looks like a camera-
Paper mache!
113
Eurydice: But the confession booth-
You were all just talking to a wall.
114
Eurydice: But Nick said you were dead!
Nick lied.
115
Eurydice: Why would he do that?
Nick is my bitch. Right, bitch?
116
Eurydice: But Nick was covered in your blood!
Ketchup! You, get rid of this body. It's cramping my space.
117
Jason: What are you trying to do here? I'm never going back to you. Never!
I figured as much.
118
Eurydice: So what now?
If I can't have you- no one will! With a little help from Hephaestus, I'm going to set this whole island on fire! We are all gonna burn!
119
Eurydice: She's not crazy. She's ridiculous.
What? How dare you!
119
Eurydice: ...Why bother with a man like that? Why bother with a man at all?
Shut up! You're right. No ones going to bother with anybody because everyone is going to be burnt and crispy!
120
Brittney: All good things come to an end. An exception being my life. Good bye!
Let her go. She wasn't even part of the plan. If Nick hadn't delivered the box to Pandora early, she'd just be an innocent bystander. She's soon to face Poseidon's wrath anyway. There's no way she'll survive those raging waters!
121
Jason: You know baby-
I'm not your baby.
122
Jason: ...talk about initiative. All these murders- just for me.
Really Jason?
123
Jason: Really. Medea. Will you be my... burning love?
No!
124
Demetria: No!
Jason: No?
I'm not buying your horse shit again. Go peddle that somewhere else! Prepare to be burned! (solo part in deus ex machina) Hephaestus?
125
(deus ex machina ends)
Hephaestus!
126
Eurydice: We thought you were dead!
How can that be?
127
Hera: I'm immortal, you moron! Just like Covid-19, we always come back!
But... but what about Hephaestus?
128
Hera: ...Primarily it involves him doing exactly what I say.
But why?
129
Brittney: It was a large fish, okay?!
Help me oh Hera! Help me enact my revenge!
130
Hera: Help you? You tried to fry me with a hairdryer.
But... it was for a good cause.
131
Hera: ...Where was I?
...My good cause?
132
Hera: ...all these other people was a little... how should I put it? Excessive.
But they knew! They knew the history!
133
Eurydice: We didn't know who our bachelor was until after the reveal!
But you stayed anyway! Fully knowing how he discarded me like an old piece of souvlaki, and drove me to do those horrifying things!
134
Hera: ...I banish you to Corfu, where you will be turned into a Gorgon!
Like hell I am! I am Medea! I survived once and I shall survive again! And I am always prepared! You think I didn't line this entire villa with explosives in case Hephaestus didn't come through! You see this? With one press of my thumb. Kaboom! You will all be...
