learn to be an emotional conductor (and become impervious to insults, criticism and mockery) control the mood instead of simply reacting to it 1. remain calm 2. decide your own mood 3. re-direct criticism to something positive a. calmly explain why incorrect b. laugh it off and take it in stride c. ignore it completely (sometimes the strongest response is none at all)

never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit people are mostly focused on themselves 1. embarrassment doesnt make alot of sense since others are only focusing a small portion of their thoughts on judging you 2. mean hurtful people dont usually do it intentionally 3. relationships are your job to maintain. dont wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you

deck 1 Flashcards by Ben Ali

hussey rule one

be prepared.

takes more than three weeks to prepare an imprompu speech

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hussey rule two

be a master of the conversational sleight of hand

always answer the question you wish you’d have been asked

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hussey rule three

learn to be an emotional conductor (and become impervious to insults, criticism and mockery)

control the mood instead of simply reacting to it

remain calm
decide your own mood
re-direct criticism to something positive
a. calmly explain why incorrect
b. laugh it off and take it in stride
c. ignore it completely

(sometimes the strongest response is none at all)

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hussey rule four

adopt a value delivering mindset (and let others praise you for it)

never take position for granted

a. not being complacent
b. being prepared to sell your ideas as though no one has ever heard them before

doesnt take criticism seriously or the praise doesnt pretend to be all knowing

value through over delivering entertainment intriguing ideas or fresh perspective on old problem

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hussey rule five

being a master story teller

use vivid language prepare (rule one) etc

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hussey rule six

be empathetic and show appreciation to others

seek first to understand, then to be understood

understand what concerns others and tailor your message to their needs feel like your message is just for them

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scotthyoung rule one

never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit

people are mostly focused on themselves

embarrassment doesnt make alot of sense since others are only focusing a small portion of their thoughts on judging you
mean hurtful people dont usually do it intentionally
relationships are your job to maintain. dont wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you

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scottyoung rule two

few social behaviors are explicit

most intentions behind our actions are hidden (ex. “fine” “go ahead” not meaning what say)

focus on empathy not just hearing a person youll get to heart of issue faster

most of the time you feel something nobodyelse knows dont get angry they cant read minds

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scottyoung rule three

behavior is largely dictated by selfish altruism

transactions buyer and seller both win
familial
status helping someone is a sign of power
implied reciprocity i help you one day youll help me someday

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scottyoung rule four

people have poor memories

dont get mad or offended if someone forgets your name or a meeting etc

you can demonstrate reliability by remembering things and being organized

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scottyoung rule five

everyone is emotional

being sensitive to those underlying currents give you an advantage in trying to help

people generaly think everything with you is ok unless you have break down

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scottyoung rule six

people are lonely

very common

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scottyoung rule seven

people are self absorbed

need to take charge do not place individual happiness in the hands of others

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do just to face fear

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not as awkward as i think

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focus outward (avoid self focused attention)

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what will happen? will it matter tomorrow, a year, 5 years.

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people dont care as much as i think focused on selves

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avoid should thoughts

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anticipatory anxiety

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capable of conversation and approaching

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YES! out of comfort zone

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people watch

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observe (body language, clothing, location, color of items)

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open ended questions 5Ws and H

avoid umms and uhhs

DON'T JUST SIT THERE!

any time social success exagerate positive

ex. made them laugh im funny not many people blah blah blah

how to act toward rude people

act if theyre shy act polite back as if youre not phased

intonation should not go up at end of sentence

when not asking question

truly listen be in the moment

do not think of your opinion or what you are going to say next

joke about lack of int walk away

but not really

stop bant move to report at some point

youll know when

involve everyone

friends bartender etc

have multiple sources of confidence

have many squares not one big one if you lose that you lose all confidence

3levels to confidence

surface- can be faked middle- lifestyle friends family hobbies interests (get yo shit together) core-gained by truly loving self appreciate who you are own best friend

3C's

condition- well being, mental, and physical health calling- what you do with timel connections- friends, coworkers, servers, everyone

do not have to be perfect

3C's should always be growing

am i waiting for oppurtunity or

am i creating opportunity

free chocolate story negotiation

compliment specific hows the day focus on them not you. need-im shopping for choc not used to nice choc whats your favorite put focus on them

compliment them. not earing look good but

you look great in those earings

forest fire

if they know a little about you they assume you are like that in other aspects of your life. they fill in the blanks with the info they have.

give person the image you want them to have

ex. i like you because you always buy lunch

dont be in head, worry about self, others opinions.

dont do anything to be liked or for others approval focus on making others feel good

cooperative personality

treat everyone as if they have value and like they are equals from boss to homeless

story telling make them feel like they are there

and share emotions not the story

what did you find interesting about them

everyone cashiers strangers etc

find something unique about them and let them know

they want to be unique and interesting to you

accept anxiety

do not fight it

do not dwell on negative

only dwell on positive

dont think how relates to me. what are their motivations why do they like this

make statement about it ex. (dancing) must be outgoing must be a good way to express yourself what do they feel when they do this

be person person you want wants

secret camera on you all time do they like what they see

buy me a drink for something

ignore insults just continue no uhh umms

3 things reflex response

history- past experiences (most influential) current mood- dont know what happened to them that day you- (least important) determine your standard positivity self assurance how much fun youll have do this before go out or it will be influenced by people youre with or interact with

once you decide your standard and you are in a good state

you influence others standards

physical chem.-visual includes looks, body language, movement, eye contact, way you walk, talk etc. perceived value- what do i bring to the table do i represent values charachteristics others dont demonstrate ex. cocky self assured and gentlemen (unique pairing not necessarily this example)

perceived challenge people dont value what they dont earn have to earn value

accept a6 7 combative need approval 8 competitive compliment

flag pole emotionaly stable dont be reactionary aka 7or8 (helps with police)

find reasons to love what you dont notice accomplishments positives ***_5 years life terrible if dont try now_***

find reasons to love what you dont notice accomplishments positives ***_5years life terrible if dont try now_***

working to change self/inner

not hedgm or others

replace need to, should, etc with

i will

to succeed

fail beself dgaf

ask why anxious right now

most likely no reason

AOC 3 important things

positive mant visualizations talk to everyone cashiers servers etc

to succeed at begining

get comfortable with location start small generous with energy focus outward

10 AOC things to do or watch for

1. overuse filler words and talking to fast 2. overly thought out answers 3. waiting 4. keep hands low 5. no head snapping slow con movements 6. fidgeting 7. buying attention 8. loosen jaw 9. qualifying (unnecessary bragging) 10. pecking

AOC execises

straighten up in doorways describe stories with all five senses long enough to know eye color

abundance mentality

comes from seeing the the world as a place full of amazing women who would love to meet a guy like you. "ohh look another one"

first you could view it as a total waste of your time that you suffer through

or you could view it as just one part of a super fufilling life

to improve voice tonality

watch videos on youtube read books outloud listen to self on tape modify your tone

to learn to talk about anything

quick word association

everyday when i wake up ask myself

how can i make today the best

own who you are

enjoy your life regardless of whether or not there is a woman in it. if you keep an active life filled with the things and people you enjoy then you truly wont need a woman to feel complete

show confidence by giving value

give her that attention and acceptance all people crave. look to brighten up her day. when you give freely like this (and expect nothing in return) you will not only come across as confident

to listen more effectively and avoid getting distracted by thoughts

listen repeat words in head to be in the moment

30 day challenge

incremental steps toward goals journal to keep track

where will i be in one year if i dont try now

same place i am now