factors affecting attraction:self disclosure Flashcards
(7 cards)
self-disclosure
In the early days of a relationship, we love to learn as much as we can about our new partner, and the more we learn about them the more we seem to like them. By revealing ourselves to another person, we share our likes and dislikes, our hopes and fears, our interests and attitudes. We share what really matters to us. Our partner understands us better, and we them.
This self-disclosure has a vital role in a relationship beyond the initial attraction. But most people are careful about what they disclose, at least to begin with. Used wisely and effectively it really can help the course of true love run smoother.
Social penetration theory
Self-disclosure is a major concept within Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor’s
(1973) social penetration theory of how relationships develop. It is the gradual process of revealing your inner self to someone else, of giving away your deepest thoughts and feelings. In romantic relationships, it involves the reciprocal exchange of information between intimate partners. When one partner reveals some personal information they are signalling I trust you. To go further the other partner must also reveal sensitive information. As they increasingly disclose more and more, romantic partners ‘penetrate’ more deeply into each other’s lives, and gain a greater understanding of each other.
It is a basic feature of romantic relationships. After all, it’s difficult to ‘bear one’s soul to a relative stranger. Doing so means that a relationship has reached a certain stage where such self-disclosure will be welcomed and - hopefully - reciprocated.
breadth and depth in social penetration theory
According to Altman and Taylor, self-disclosure has two elements - breadth and depth. As both of these increase, romantic partners become more committed to each other. The researchers use the metaphor of the many layers of an onion to illustrate this process. We disclose a lot about ourselves at the start of a relationship, but what we reveal is superficial, mostly on the surface, like the outer layers of an onion. It is the kind of
“low-risk’ information we would reveal to anyone, friends, co-workers, even acquaintances. Breadth of disclosure is narrow because many topics are ‘off-limits’ in the early stage of a relationship. If we were to reveal too much too soon, we might get the response TMI!’ (too much information), possibly even threatening the relationship before it’s had a chance to get going.
However, as a relationship develops, self-disclosure becomes deeper, progressively removing more and more layers to reveal our true selves and encompassing a wider range of topics, especially concerning those things that matter most to us. Eventually we are prepared to reveal intimate, high-risk information - painful memories and experiences, strongly-held beliefs, perhaps even secrets.
Altman and Taylor also used the term depenetration to describe how dissatisfied partners self-disclose less as they gradually disengage from the relationship.
reciprocity of self disclosure
As Harry Reis and Philip Shaver (1988) point out, for a relationship to develop, as well as an increase in breadth and depth there needs to be a reciprocal element to disclosure. Once you have decided to disclose something that reveals your true self, hopefully your partner will respond in a way that is rewarding, with empathy and also their own intimate thoughts and feelings.
So there is a balance of self-disclosure between both partners in a successful romantic relationship, which increases feelings of intimacy and deepens the relationship.
strength-research support
One strength is that several predictions about self-disclosure derived from social penetration theory have been supported by research.
Susan Sprecher and Susan Hendrick (2004) studied heterosexual dating couples and found strong correlations between several measures of satisfaction and self-disclosure for both partners. Men and women who used self-disclosure (and believed their partners did likewise) were more satisfied with and committed to their romantic relationship. In a later study, Sprecher et al. (2013) showed that relationships are closer and more satisfying when partners take turns to self-disclose (i.e. disclosure is reciprocated).
These supportive research findings increase the validity of the theory that reciprocated self-disclosure leads to more satisfying relationships.
Counterpoint Much self-disclosure research is correlational, including Sprecher and Hendrick’s study. It is usually assumed that greater self-disclosure creates more satisfaction (i.e. a causal link) but a correlation does not tell us if this is a valid conclusion to draw. Alternative explanations are just as likely. For instance, it may be that the more satisfied the partners are, the more they self-disclose. Or perhaps self-disclosure and satisfaction are independent of each other and both are caused by a third variable. This could be the amount of time the partners spend together.
Therefore self-disclosures may not cause satisfaction directly, reducing
the validity of social penetration theory of self-disclosure.
l-cultural differences
One limitation is that it is not true for all cultures that increasing depth and breadth of self-disclosures leads to a more satisfying and intimate romantic relationship.
Nu Tang et al. (2013) reviewed research into sexual self-disclosure (i.e. disclosures related to feelings about specific sexual practices). They concluded that men and women in the US (generally an individualist culture) self-disclose significantly more sexual thoughts and feelings than men and women in China (generally a collectivist culture). Despite lower levels of disclosure in China, levels of satisfaction were no different from those in the US.
Therefore self-disclosure theory is a limited explanation of romantic relationships because it is based on findings from individualist cultures which are not necessarily generalisable to other cultures.
reciprocity of self disclosure
As Harry Reis and Philip Shaver (1988) point out, for a relationship to develop, as well as an increase in breadth and depth there needs to be a reciprocal element to disclosure. Once you have decided to disclose something that reveals your true self, hopefully your partner will respond in a way that is rewarding, with empathy and also their own intimate thoughts and feelings.
So there is a balance of self-disclosure between both partners in a successful romantic relationship, which increases feelings of intimacy and deepens the
relationship.
