Find A Partner!

Question 1

Dua lipa starts playing, walked off rostra

Answer 1

“ Number 2?”

Question 2

Boy 2 steps forward

Answer 2

Yeah. I think number two could be my partner. He looks a bit handy, a bit helpful. Quite fit. Not so fit that I’d be in a constant state of threat and not so un-fit that he’d bring our average down. He has the fitness of someone that would love me about 10 times more than I love him, and that’s all anyone wants really.

Question 3

I’m so grateful you chose me.

Answer 3

Aww. Oh, actually. Could you just turn your head again?

Question 4

Boy 2 turns his head

Answer 4

Oh. Oh no. You see that? He’s got a slightly deviated jawline. It’s fine now but that’s an early sign his kids are gonna be crap at sports. Mama don’t want nerds!

Question 5

Boy 2 shakes his head frantically.

Answer 5

Plus, his sneakers make him look like a dick. So I’ll go with number 3.

Question 6

Boy 3- oh my god thank you

Answer 6

Hi ya! Yeah, number 3 is my final choice.

Question 7

Boy 1 and 2 shot to the floor.

Answer 7

I’m not picky, I just value myself.

Question 8

Spec 1- who’ll be out next? Who’s gonna lose, and who’s gonna-

Answer 8

Win at love!

Question 9

Andy- I dunno, just keep smiling

Answer 9

Are we supposed to start arguing yet?

Question 10

Jess and Andy- we have a thing!

Answer 10

Pull boy 3 to center stage. do you have a history of mental illness in the family?

Question 11

Boy 3 shakes his head no

Answer 11

Diabetes? shakes his head male pattern baldness? shakes head Oh so are you like a secretly hairy family?

Question 12

No we have, like, a normal amount of hair.

Answer 12

And have you got all your own teeth? * he nods* can I have a look?

Question 13

You- want to look at my teeth?

Answer 13

Yeah.

Question 14

Boy 3- umm.

Answer 14

Unless… you’ve got something to hide? look at teeth what’s your name by the way?

Question 15

Boy 3- unintelligible “Joey”

Answer 15

What?

Question 16

Joey.

Answer 16

Well that’s not gonna work is it?

Question 17

Why not?

Answer 17

What’s our partner name gonna be? Hoey?

Question 18

Boy 3- uhhh

Answer 18

When are we getting new boys in people?!

Question 19

See? This is totally sustainable.

Answer 19

Fine. I mean there’s no one else anyway

Question 20

Do we kiss now?

Answer 20

Fine.

Question 21

Sam- introducing self

Answer 21

Hi, I’m Hayley.

Question 22

Sam shakes my hand

Answer 22

Yeah so I’m getting like, a medium vibe with Sam.

Question 23

Hi I’m also sam!

Answer 23

Oh my god that’s hilarious! What would your partner name be, SAM?! Hahaahaha

Question 24

I guess we can’t be partners then Hayley.

Answer 24

Wow that was like, reallyveryrude.

Question 25

Sam- and you’ll never be out

Answer 25

I’ll take him!

Question 26

So! Would anyone like to swap partners?

Answer 26

Ummm I- I do! I’m sorry but, I might be happier with Sam. What do you want me to be? Possibly not be happier?

Question 27

Precarious!

Answer 27

*Walk onto rostra* so what happens now? Did I win yet?

Question 28

Goooo Ham!

Answer 28

AAAAAAAA

Question 29

But we literally just met

Answer 29

Shut up.

Question 30

How do you feel?

Answer 30

Uh, the best?

Question 31

Wasn’t that easy?

Answer 31

*Pull Sam to center stage.* What do you think our being in love will look like? Should we like, pretend get a dog? Pretend go on holiday? We could pretend do anything!

Question 32

Why don’t we just pretend slow down a bit and pretend have a conversation first.

Answer 32

OK. What do you want to talk about?

Question 33

Look how much we’re pretend nailing it.

Answer 33

Don’t you want to actually get to know me?

Question 34

And then we’ll want eachother out.

Answer 34

D’you really think so?

Question 35

Just, don’t make it hard for me.

Answer 35

Ok, sorry.

Question 36

What kind of arbitrary morality is this?

Answer 36

Why are you using the words arbitrary morality? Seriously- who do you think you’re talking to?!

Question 37

I have no interest in him like that!

Answer 37

I AM NOT GOING OUT. YOU PROMISED.

Question 38

And Haley?

Answer 38

Yes.

Question 39

Haley? What are you doing?

Answer 39

What did you expect sam. I’m just doing it to you before you do it to me.

Question 40

You don’t know I was gonna do that.

Answer 40

Weren’t you? Right so I’m supposed to just.. let you? Exactly. I’m not gonna be left on a sinking ship when the violins are playing. I’m getting on a friggin lifeboat. Sorry Sam, love youuu. But crucially? I don’t. I want to partner with…

Question 41

Haley’s on the manpage

Answer 41

Andy. I think he needs it the most.

Question 42

Never in a million years would I-

Answer 42

Actually, actually, I choose Jacob.

Question 43

Why are you doing this Hayley?

Answer 43

I have my reasons. I don’t judge *your* shit decisions.

Question 44

Yes- you do!

Answer 44

Come on poppet.

Question 45

She picked me! It wasn’t my idea.

Answer 45

Pretty easy trade though wasn’t it Jacob?

Question 46

Kind of feel like you brought this on yourself?

Answer 46

Yeah. Sad times.

Question 47

Like, fight fight fight!

Answer 47

Actually, actually I want Sam again.

Question 48

Shit

Answer 48

You comin back to me boo?

Question 49

I haven’t got much of a fucking choice have i.

Answer 49

Awww

Question 50

Are we still playing?

Answer 50

Of course we’re still playing. We have to keep playing!

Question 51

I want to partner with Sam. Really?

Answer 51

Bloody knew it.

Question 52

Wait, what? *Ground shakes.*

Answer 52

What happened there?

Question 53

I’m scared

Answer 53

No! We have to keep playing! What happens now? WHAT HAPPENS NOW?! We have to keep playing. We have to keep playing. Someone can still win this! Go love go live goooo love!

Question 54

Hayley you can’t win. It’s over.

Answer 54

Yes I know I can’t win alone. I need a partner.

Question 55

It’s OVER

Answer 55

Can’t win without a partner. That’s insane! No one on their own is winning. Let’s face it. I’d like to partner with- MAX.

Question 56

Look at us.

Answer 56

Aww. We look good together don’t we?

Question 57

Oh shit

Answer 57

That’s quite embarrassing hun. Like you didn’t need to do all that.

Question 58

Me too, cool isn’t it? *they leave*

Answer 58

Right so, we MUST win now.

Question 59

Humanity, faith, restored.

Answer 59

Smile for gods sake, we can still win this!

Question 60

Sam is shot. Specs look away.

Answer 60

Max, max. Look! We’re the last ones left!

Question 61

What?

Answer 61

I think we won! Oh my god, we’ve won!

Question 62

Max pumps a fist

Answer 62

Oh my god!

Question 63

I knew I’d win, I knew I’d win.

Answer 63

We won we won! Go love go love, Goooooo LOVE!