Guidepost 2 Flashcards
(5 cards)
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought : if I look perfect , live perfectly , and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.
Perfectionism is def-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally , perfectionism is more about perception- we want to be perceived as perfect. Again this is unattainable. There is no way to control perception , regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying.
Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough. So rather then questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to live, look, and do everything just right.
Feeling shamed, judged, and blamed (and the fear of those feelings ) are realities of the human experience. Perfectionism actually increases the odds that well experience these painful emotions and often leads to self-blame : it’s my fault. I’m feeling this way because “I’m not good enough”.
What are the 3 elements of self compassion?
- self- kindness
- common humanity
- mindfulness
Self kindness
Being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self- criticism
Common humanity
Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience - something we all go through rather than something that happens to “me” alone.
Mindfulness
Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed or exaggerated. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Mindfulness requires that we not “over -identify” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negativity
