How to win friends and influence people Flashcards
(113 cards)
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What do people think or say when we criticize them?
Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
What happends when you criticize anyone?
People say - “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.” Note: This is what people think or say when we criticize them, they won’t blame themselves ever. Rather think that we can’t see the true side!
What will the person we are going to correct and condemn probably do?
Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or, like the judge Taft, will say: “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.” Note: Criticisms are like homing pigeons, they always return home. Never Criticise, Condemn or Complain.
Why shouldn’t we criticize anybody?
“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
What does it take to be understanding and forgiving?
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. “A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”
What is the only way to get anybody to do anything?
There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
What is as important as desire for food or sleep?
But there is one longing—almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep—which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls “the desire to be great.” It is what Dewey calls the “desire to be important.”
Who’s the most important person right now?
Make the other person feel important and he will cherish you for years. Treat people like celebrities and celebrities like people. The person you’re with right now is the most important person on earth for you at that moment.
What did William James say was the deepest principle in human nature?
Lincoln once began a letter saying: “Everybody likes a compliment.” William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” He didn’t speak, mind you, of the “wish” or the “desire” or the “longing” to be appreciated. He said the “craving” to be appreciated.
What makes people want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about their brilliant children?
And this same desire made the richest family in your town build a house far too large for its requirements. This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children. It is this desire that lures many boys and girls into joining gangs and engaging in criminal activities.
What determines your character?
If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you.
What miracle can be achieved by giving people honest appreciation?
If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.
What did Schwab consider his greatest asset?
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors.
What’s difference between Schwab and normal people?
I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” That is what Schwab did. But what do average people do? The exact opposite. If they don’t like a thing, they bawl out their subordinates; if they do like it, they say nothing. As the old couplet says: “Once I did bad and that I heard ever / Twice I did good, but that I heard never.”
What’s the right way to criticize? Rockefeller example.
When one of his partners, Edward T. Bedford, lost a million dollars for the firm by a bad buy in South America, John D. might have criticized; but he knew Bedford had done his best—and the incident was closed. So Rockefeller found something to praise; he congratulated Bedford because he had been able to save 60 percent of the money he had invested. “That’s splendid,” said Rockefeller. “We don’t always do as well as that upstairs.”
What is the main reason wives ran away?
The main reason wives ran away? It was “lack of appreciation.” And I’d bet that a similar study made of runaway husbands would come out the same way. We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.
What is the difference between appreciation and flattery?
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
What should one do to make people cherish words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime?
Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime—repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
What is the only way to influence other people?
Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
What is the best piece of advice for would-be persuaders?
And the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
What should you ask yourself before speaking if you want to persuade somebody to do something tomorrow?
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?”
What is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships?
Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships. “If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
What do customers like to feel?
If salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us. We’ll buy. And customers like to feel that they are buying— not being sold. Yet many salespeople spend a lifetime selling without seeing things from the customer’s angle. Note: Always think about: “What’s in it for them?”
