Lecture: Attraction, Love, Attraction 2 Flashcards
(115 cards)
1
Q
Why is Flirting useful?
A
Low investment and deniable “testing the waters”
2
Q
Do men misinterpret friendly females behaviour?
A
Numerous studies show that men over-perceive female friends’ sexual interest in them.
**No studies have explored why men may misperceive their opposite-sex friends’ sexual interest in them
3
Q
Have studies been done on whether women under perceive males sexual interest in them?
A
No studies have explored whether women underperceive male friends’ sexual interest in them.
4
Q
Misperception of Sexual Interest: University men and women were asked: Have you ever been friendly to someone of the opposite sex only to discover that she/he had misperceived your friendliness as a sexual come on? You were just trying to be nice but they assumed you were sexually attracted to them”
A
- 72% of women said “yes”
- 60% of men said “yes”
- Mostly causal friends
- Mostly at parties
- **So misperception of sexual interest is common.
- Men are more likely to misperceive women’s friendliness as sexual interest.
5
Q
Men over perceive a women’s sexual interest, why?
A
Because of their own interest in that woman.
6
Q
Reactions to Misperception of Sexual Interest: Anger
A
Women more likely than men to report anger (32% vs 8%)
7
Q
Reactions to Misperception of Sexual Interest: feeling guilty
A
Women more likely than men to report feeling guilty (25% vs 16%)
8
Q
Reactions to Misperception of Sexual Interest: Feeling Used
A
Women more likely than men to report feeling used (8% vs 2%)
9
Q
Reactions to Misperception of Sexual Interest: Feel happy
A
Men more likely than women to feel happy (18% vs 12%)
10
Q
Do Men Over-perceive and Women Under perceive Opposite Sex Others’ Sexual Interest—And Why?
- In opposite sex pairs, friends rated their sexual interest in their friend and their perceptions of their friend’s sexual interest in them
A
- Men over-perceived and women under perceived opposite sex friend’s sexual interest
- Men’s and women’s estimates of their opposite sex friend’s sexual interest in them was based on their own sexual interest in their opposite sex friend
- *This can lead to sexual harrassment
11
Q
Proceptivity and Rejection
A
“It is widely believed that men are the initiators in sexual encounters and that women are sexually reluctant, hesitant, or coy. Men, it is believed, initiate sexual encounters both formally, by asking the woman for a date, and informally, by pressing her for sexual intimacy. According to this view, the woman restrains the man’s sexual ardor as part of her sexual gatekeeper function. However, evidence from animal research requires that we rethink the woman’s role in sexual encounters. Proceptivity—behaviors performed by a female to solicit the male sexually—is extremely common in female mammals. A contradiction seems to exist between the belief that women are sexually reluctant and recent research evidence that women can be highly proceptive.”
12
Q
Proceptivity
A
Behaviours performed by a female to solicit the male sexually.
13
Q
US and Canadian College Women Wrote Essays on Proception and Rejection:
Environmental Proception
A
- Dress seductively
- Offer a drink
- Invite to private place
- Romantic atmosphere
- Music
14
Q
US and Canadian College Women Wrote Essays on Proception and Rejection:
Verbal proception
A
- Sexy talk
- Romantic talk
- Compliments
- Laugh
- Direct ask
15
Q
US and Canadian College Women Wrote Essays on Proception and Rejection:
Nonverbal proception
A
- Eye contact
- Move closer
- Touch
- Kiss
16
Q
US and Canadian College Women Wrote Essays on Proception and Rejection: Strategic plans
A
- Woman starts… then man responds….
- Woman starts… then man takes over
- Unresponsive male: “if - then” strategies
- If no response continue:
“I have warm feelings for you” - Implement gentle nonverbal action
- If no response, then stop
- If no response, then hope
**Evaluate each step, proceed with caution
17
Q
US and Canadian College Women Wrote Essays on Proception and Rejection: Rejection
A
- Avoid proceptive behaviours (touch, dress, situation)
- Actively avoid proception
- Ignore male’s signals
- Diversions and distractions
- Excuses
- Direct “no”
- Physical rejection
18
Q
Jealousy and Natural Selection: What is jealousy?
A
“Jealousy is the negative emotional experience that results from the potential loss of valued relationships to real or imagined rivals.”
19
Q
Men who were sensitive to SEXUAL infidelity and paternity uncertainty would have been favoured by natural selection, why?
A
- They would avoid provisioning genetically unrelated offspring
- Men should be most troubled by female sexual infidelity.
20
Q
Women who were sensitive to EMOTIONAL infidelity would have been favoured by natural selection, why?
A
- Vigilance about resource withdrawal would have been favoured by natural selection
- Women should be most troubled by male emotional infidelity
21
Q
“Please think of a serious committed romantic relationship that you have had in the past, that you currently have, or that you would like to have. Imagine that you discover the person with whom you’ve been seriously involved became interested in someone else. What would upset you more?
- -Imagining your partner forming a deep emotional (but not sexual) relationship with that person. [Should threaten women more]
- -Imaging your partner enjoying a sexual (but not emotional) relationship with that person. [Should threaten men more]
A
- Men were 61 % more upset if a partner enjoyed a sexual but (not emotional) relationships. (3x to 4x more upset) women were 14%
- Women were 86% more upset if a partner enjoyed an emotional (but not sexual) relationship with an opposite sex. (3x more) - men were 39%
** could be that we are socialized this way.
22
Q
Mate Poaching
A
“We define human mate poaching as behavior intended to attract someone who is already in a romantic relationship. The fundamental assumption is that those in the past whose romantic desires led them to succeed at poaching out-produced those that failed poaching.”
23
Q
Mate poaching in men and women?
A
- Way for men to make a cheap investment in additional reproduction.
- Way for women to improve genetic fitness of offspring (“trade up.”)
- “Partner insurance” for both men and women.
- Poaching is common and often successful
24
Q
Is mate poaching common?
A
Yes
- More than half men have tried to poach someone
- Almost everyone feels that someone has trues.
- Most subjects have been successfully poached.
25
Mate Guarding Behaviours: who would natural selection favour?
Natural selection would favor males and females who guarded their mates from rivals so as to reduce paternity uncertainty and resource withdrawal.
26
Sex Differences in Mate Guarding Behaviours: MEN
- Men’s use of these behaviours is strongly related to youth and perceived physical attractiveness of their wives
- Men’s use of these behaviours is not related to their wives’ income or status striving behaviours
27
Sex Differences in Mate Guarding Behaviours: Women
- Women’s use of these behaviours is weakly related to youth and perceived physical attractiveness of their husbands.
- Women’s use of these behaviours is strongly related with their husband’s income and husband’s status striving behaviours.
28
Undergraduate students were surveyed to assess the prevalence of, and motivations for, hook-up behaviour, what were the results?
- 64% reported having engaged in a hook-up.
- Those who had hooked up, 51% had done so with the intention of initiating a traditional romantic relationship; there were no sex differences
29
Hooking up is argued as an evolved behaviour, why?
- Argued that hooking up is evolved behaviour; occurring with increasing age of mothers at first birth and greater acceptance of social sexualization of youth.
30
Do studies show that hooking up can result in feeling better?
Yes, young adults who reported more depressive symptoms and feelings of loneliness at Time 1, then engaged in hookups reported fewer depressive symptoms and lower feelings of loneliness at Time 2, as compared to young adults who did not hook up.
- Young adults who reported fewer depressive symptoms and were less lonely at Time 1 and engaged in hookups reported more depressive symptoms and greater feelings of loneliness at Time 2, as compared to young adults who did not hook up
31
Rubin’s Theory of Love:
1. Affiliation and dependence
2. Predisposition to help
3. Exclusiveness and Absorption
32
Validating Rubin’s Theory of Love:
- Love and liking for a friend is always less than a partner.
- Good correlation of your score and "love
- Couples with higher love scores gaze at eachother longer.
33
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
More fully developed model of love, comprised of 3 components:
1. Intimacy: Feeling of emotional closeness and mutual understanding
Communicating personal feelings
- Offering empathy and support
2. Passion: Motivation for physical closeness and sexual expression
-Touching
-Lovemaking
3. Commitment: Decision that one is in love and commitment to maintain love for the long term
-“I love you”
34
Different types of love? (7)
1. Consummate : Intimacy and passion and commitment.
2. Companionate :Intimacy and commitment.
3. Romantic: Intimacy and passion
4. Fatuous: Passion and commitment
5. Infatuation: passion
Liking:
6. Intimacy: Empty
commitment
35
Testing Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love:
Adults in heterosexual relationships completed his love scale and relationship satisfaction surveys.
36
Sternberg’s triangular theory of love valid?
- Intimacy scale scores correlate with intimate behaviour
- Passion scale scores correlate with passionate behaviour
- Commitment scores correlate with committed behaviour
- Intimacy, passion,and commitment scales correlated with parallel measures of these constructs
37
Consummate love
Intimacy and passion and commitment
38
Companionate
Intimacy and commitment
39
Romantic
Intimacy and passion
40
Fatuous
Passion and commitment
41
Infatuation
Passion
42
Liking
intimacy
43
Empty
commitment
44
Testing Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love:
| Is Sternberg’s triangular theory of love valid?
- Intimacy scale scores correlate with intimate behaviour
- Passion scale scores correlate with passionate behaviour
- Commitment scores correlate with committed behaviour
- Intimacy, passion,and commitment scales correlated with parallel measures of these constructs
45
Testing Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love: Is his theory empirically supported?
- Intimacy, passion, and commitment scores are correlated with one another
^^ above scores are also related with relationship satisfaction
- Discrepancies are negatively correlated with relationship satisfaction
- Stage of relationship (not length) is associated with increased intimacy and commitment and similar passion for men but less passion for women
46
How do intimate, passion, and commitment In romantic couples work together?
The more you have the more you are committed.
47
Passionate Love
“A state of intense longing for one another. Reciprocated love is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy. Unrequited love is associated with emptiness, anxiety, or despair”
48
In passionate love, what makes you think that you are in love?
Physiological arousal + cognitive label = passionate love
49
Physiological arousal + cognitive label =
passionate love
50
Passionate love Implications: Physiological arousal
- Mislabelling of physiological arousal as love is possible.
- Passionate love will not outlast initial physiological arousal.
- Not a bad way to get to start a relationship however
51
Passionate Love and the Misattribution of Arousal:
| Male participants ran in place for 120 seconds (high physiological arousal) or 15 seconds (low physiological arousal)
- Saw videotape of highly attractive or less attractive female and were told they would have an informal date with her.
- Physiologically aroused and unaroused male participants rated her sexual and general attractiveness
- Sexual attractiveness: how physically attractive, sexy, like to date, like to kiss
- General attractiveness: how similar, enjoy working with, like to get to know, get along with
52
Passionate Love and the Misattribution of Arousal:
Male participants ran in place for 120 seconds (high physiological arousal) or 15 seconds (low physiological arousal)
The aroused participants gave more generous ratings in attractive domain compared to low arousal, and less generous ratings in unattractive domain compared to low arousal
53
Pair-Bonding: Accepted Wisdom
- In every known culture, formal marriage (pair bonding) arrangements between men and women exist.
- Marital attachment (pair bonding attachment) is a universal feature of human existence, and most people in the world marry (pair bond) only one person at a time.
54
Pair-Bonding: Accepted Wisdom
- In every known culture, formal marriage (pair bonding) arrangements between men and women exist.
- Marital attachment (pair bonding attachment) is a universal feature of human existence, and most people in the world marry (pair bond) only one person at a time.
- This is the case because children survive to their own reproductive maturity best with two married (pair-bonded) parents.
55
Cognitive Labels and physiological attraction: High arousal and Unattractive
HIGH arousal rated unattractive as less attractive on personality, romantic attraction, and general attraction.
*** Rated less attractive than what LOW arousal people rated.
56
Why do children survive to their own reproductive maturity best with two married (pair-bonded) parents?
- At age 4 years old they can fend for themselves.
| - Peak of divorce is 4 years into relationship (Helen fisher)
57
Contrarian View
The “nuclear family” pair bond view is based upon anthropology of agricultural societies—the very recent past in evolutionary history— where land and property mattered for provisioning offspring.(hunter gathers)
*** ANTI-PAIR BOND VIEW
58
Contrarian View: hunter gatherer societies
- Ryan and Jetha (2011) argue that hunter gatherer societies—most of the human evolution timespan—shared work, food, and mates.
- It was advantageous to not know who the father of a child was.
- Everyone “made”-- and everyone took care of– children.
- Fathers could easily be replaced and often needed to be.
- Bonobo, not chimpanzee, is the model.
59
Making Love Last: Communication and Relationships
- Couples experiencing relationship distress have poor communication skills
- Couples experiencing sexual distress have poor general and poor sexual communication skills
- Communication skills predict marital satisfaction
- Communication training improve marital satisfaction
60
The use to which communication skills are put is crucial: ( 4 components)
1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Withdrawal
61
Communication: Intent
What I meant to communicate.
62
Communication: Impact
The effect of my communication.
63
Effective communicators’ have what 2 characteristics?
Intent and impact match.
64
Communication: Documenting
- Provide an illustration.
- Don’t overgeneralize.
- But also don’t list.
65
Communication: Leveling
- Say what you mean.
- Be clear about expectations.
- Be clear about feelings.
66
Communication: Editing
- Censor deliberately - hurtful.
| - Your aim is to be effective not sadistic.
67
Communication: Listening
- Open-ended questions.
- Listen non defensively.
- Paraphrase to check out understanding.
68
Communication: Nonverbal communication
- Be aware of posture and tone
| - Does verbal match nonverbal?
69
Communicating Up Close and Personal: Sexual and Nonsexual Self-Disclosure:
Couples were asked about their general and sexual self-disclosure and relationship satisfaction, what were the results?
- Nonsexual and sexual self-disclosure was roughly similar
- More nonsexual than sexual disclosure
- More sexual disclosure concerning likes than dislikes
- More past partners, more self-disclosure
- Women self-disclosed more than men about both sexual and nonsexual issues
- Sexual and nonsexual self-disclosure was related to sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, and satisfaction with communication
70
Sexual and nonsexual self-disclosure was related to what?
sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, and satisfaction with communication
71
Nonsexual and sexual self-disclosure was roughly ____?
similar
72
_____ nonsexual than sexual disclosure.
more
73
More sexual disclosure concerning ____than____.
1. likes
| 2. dislikes
74
Do women self-disclose more than men about both sexual and nonsexual issues?
Yes they do.
75
Attachment
- Humans need to form and maintain strong and stable interpersonal relationships..
76
T/F: From the perspective of evolution it is essential for infants to have strong and stable relationships with caregivers.
T
77
T/F: From the perspective of evolution, it is essential for adults to form strong and stable relationships with pair-bonded others for support
T
78
Attachment theory
The “model of attachment” that one learns in infancy—one’s expectations concerning relationship stability and strength— will likely transfer and become the “model of attachment” that one applies to one’s adult relationships.
79
Bowlby Research on Attachment WWII
All children develop an “internal working model of attachment” that children use to guide their interactions with caregivers and with adults more generally.
80
Bowlby Research on Attachment WWII: What is the nature of children’s “internal working models of attachment” a result of?
The nature of children’s “internal working models of attachment” is a result of the mother—child—environment interaction.
81
The nature of children’s “internal working models of attachment” differs across children; it is _____; and it is ______.
1. Stable
| 2. Consequencial
82
Secure attachment
Mental model of caregiver as dependable and reliable person and base from which to explore the world and seek comfort when in distress.
83
Anxious attachment
Mental model of caregiver as unreliable source of support and comfort generally and in time of distress. Attachment is to be sought and confirmed continually.
84
Avoidant attachment
Caregivers do not provide comfort at all. Attachment attempts are frustrating and to be avoided.
85
Ainsworth Strange Situation: Test of attachment
Parent leaves room and stranger enters.
86
Ainsworth Strange Situation: Securely attached child
- Plays with toys while mother is present
- Upset when mother leaves
- Calms down quickly and resumes playing when mother returns
- 65% of US middle class children are secure
87
Ainsworth Strange Situation: Anxiously/ambivalently attached child
- Clings to mother and less interested in playing
- Very upset when mom leaves
- Doesn’t calm down when mother returns, seems renewed contact, but resists attempts to comfort
- 23% of US middle class children
88
Ainsworth Strange Situation: Avoidantly attached child
- Plays with toys while mother is present
- Not upset when mom leaves
- Accepts comforting from stranger
- Child looks away upon mother’s return
- 12% of US middle class children
89
Hazan and Shaver: Romantic Love as an Attachment Process
- “Attachment behaviour characterizes human beings from the cradle to the grave”
- Explored whether Bowlby and Ainsworth’s theory—designed primarily with infant attachment in mind—offers a valuable perspective for understanding adult romantic love.
90
Adult Romantic Attachment Styles: Secure
Attachment marked by trust that the other will continue to provide love and support.
91
Adult Romantic Attachment Styles: Anxious/Ambivalent
Fear of abandonment and feeling that one's needs are not being met.
92
Adult Romantic Attachment Styles: Avoidant
Defensive detachment from the other.
93
Romantic Love as an Attachment Process (Hazan and Shaver): Hypothesis 1
Adult and childhood attachment orientation occur in similar proportions (remember for kids 60% are secure, 25% are anxious, and 15% are avoidant)
- Results suggest that adult attachment may have been determined by some of the same kinds of forces that affect attachment styles of infants and children (adults: 56% secure, 19% anxious, and 25% avoidant
94
Romantic Love as an Attachment Process (Hazan and Shaver): Hypothesis 2:
- Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals should experience their most important love relationships very differently.
-
95
Hypothesis 2: (Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals should experience their most important love relationships very differently) : Securely attached
Securely attached individuals will experience love as characterized by trust, friendship, and positive emotions.
96
Hypothesis 2: (Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals should experience their most important love relationships very differently) : Anxious/ambivalent
adults will experience love as a obsessive struggle to gain affection from the lover.
97
Hypothesis 2: (Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals should experience their most important love relationships very differently) : Avoidant attached
Avoidantly attached persons will experience love as marked by fear of closeness.
98
Hypothesis 2: RESULTS - Secure
- Securely attached lovers rated their most important love experience as especially happy, friendly, and trusting.
- Securely attached lovers’ relationships lasted longer (10.02 years) than those of anxiously/ambivalent (4.86 years) or avoidant (5.97 years) persons. Only 6% of secure but 10% of anxious/ambivalent, and 12% of avoidant persons had been divorced.
99
Hypothesis 2: RESULTS - Anxious/Ambivalent
Anxious/ambivalent participants experienced their most important love relationship as involving obsession, desire for reciprocation, emotional highs and lows, and extreme sexual attraction and jealousy.
100
Hypothesis 2: RESULTS - Avoidant
Avoidant participants characterized their most important love relationship as involving fear of intimacy and were never most positive on any rating dimension
101
Hypothesis 3: Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals should have different expectations of love and of their own “lovableness”
- Securely attached individuals should believe in enduring love and see the self as worthy of love.
- Anxious/ambivalent adults will fall in love readily—too readily—but will have considerable trouble making it last.
- Avoidantly attached persons doubt the existence and durability of love and believe that they do not need it
102
Hypothesis 4: Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals should report different childhood attachment histories.
- Securely attached individuals should remember their mothers as dependably responsive and caring.
- Anxious/ambivalent adults will remember their mothers as inconsistently positive and negative.
- Avoidantly attached persons will remember their mothers as cold and rejecting.
103
Hypothesis 4: Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals should report different childhood attachment histories. RESULTS
- Securely attached adults reported warm childhood relationships with their parents and between their parents.
- Anxious/ambivalent adults reported that their parents were not rejecting and that their father was unfair, compared to avoidant adults.
- Avoidantly attached adults described their mothers as cold and rejecting
- No association of separation from parents, or parental divorce with attachment orientation, instead the quality of the relationship with parents seemed to be the determining factor
104
Hypothesis 5: Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals will be differentially vulnerable to loneliness.
Securely attached individuals are unlikely to be lonely.
Anxious/ambivalent adults will be very likely to be lonely
Avoidantly attached persons will be lonely but will report less loneliness than anxiously/ambivalently attached adults.
105
Hypothesis 5: Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals will be differentially vulnerable to loneliness. RESULTS
Anxious ambivalent are trait and star lonely.
| *** Often destroy relationships
106
Securely, anxiously/ambivalently, and avoidantly attached individuals should view themselves as differentially lovable.
- Securely attached adults saw themselves as easy to get to know and liked by most people and viewed other people as mostly well-intentioned and good-hearted.
- Anxious/ambivalent adults reported having self-doubts, being misunderstood and under-appreciated, and finding others less willing to commit themselves to a relationship.
- Avoidant adults reported that “I can get along quite well by myself” (80%)
107
Degree of attachment anxiety
- Degree of vigilance concerning rejection and abandonment
- Regulates behaviour when attachment system is activated by anxiety or distress or threat
- Results in monitoring the availability of attachment figures
108
Degree of attachment avoidance
- Degree of discomfort with closeness and dependency and reluctance to be intimate with others
- Regulates behaviour when attachment system is activated by anxiety or distress or threat
- Results in distancing the individual from dependency
109
Attachment Anxiety and Relationship Conflict: Individuals who are high in attachment anxiety should provoke relationship conflict, why?
they seek endless evidence of affection from their partner and will be more sensitive to relationship conflict
110
University couples participated in a 2 week diary study, provided reports of conflicts, supportive events, and relationship satisfaction : Anxiously attached persons reported?
- More relationship conflict in general.
- Greater number of specific conflicts.
- More conflicts than the partner reported.
- More conflicts that escalated beyond the specific initiating event.
- Conflicts that were more hurtful.
- More significant future negative effects of conflicts on the relationship, in diary study
- Attachment anxiety exaggerates effects of presence or absence of conflict
111
Attachment Orientation and Sexuality: Securely Attached
- Comfortable with their sexuality, open to sexual exploration, and enjoy a variety of sexual activities.
- Likely to have sex with intimate relationship partners, and are likely to have sex that is mutually initiated.
- Unlikely to have casual sexual partners, one-night stands, or sex outside of their primary relationships.
112
Attachment Orientation and Sexuality: Anxiously/Ambivalently Attached
- Report having sex to reduce insecurity and establish intense closeness.
- Fear that requests for sexual discussion or negotiation will alienate their partners.
- Have higher levels of erotophobia, lower levels of orgasmic consistency (females), and more negative beliefs about condoms (relationship disturbance: “comes between us”).
- Have sexual fantasies that involve submission to partners
113
Attachment Orientation and Sexuality: Avoidantly Attached
- Distance themselves from sexual activities by having sex at a later age and engaging in fewer sexual behaviors.
- When avoidant individuals do engage in sexual relations, they tend to do so in contexts where intimacy is unlikely.
- The sexual fantasies of avoidant individuals typically lack loving or romantic themes
114
Attachment Orientation from Infancy to Adulthood: Prototype Perspective
Early childhood experiences produce secure, anxious/ambivalent, and avoidant mental models that incline the individual to select and interpret relationships in a fashion that renders attachment orientation stable across the lifespan.
115
Attachment Orientation from Infancy to Adulthood: Revisionist Perspective
Experience may contribute to revision of an individual’s attachment orientation, making him or her more secure, or anxious/ambivalent, or avoidant, and attachment orientation may change from infancy to adulthood.
