Madge

Question 1

Felix: Greetings and salutations

Answer 1

Madge: what country,friend is this?

Question 2

Felix: it is Illyria, lady.

Answer 2

Madge: “my brother, he is in elysium. Perchance he is not drowned! What think you, sailor?

Question 3

Felix: not you, you idiot, Aggie. I’ve been in love with her since I was, uh oh, there’s my wife.

Answer 3

Madge: keep talking darling. It will sound so wonderful when it is repeated in court.

Question 4

Aggie: how was your time off?

Answer 4

Madge: luxurious. We went to the spa. Felix hated it.

Question 5

Felix: there was nothing to eat or drink and we had to do some Buddhist exercise.

Answer 5

Madge: it’s called yoga

Question 6

Felix: I thought that was the white pudding stuff.

Answer 6

Madge: that was yoghurt.

Question 7

Aggie: I can’t get over this place, can you?

Answer 7

Madge: he said it was something, but I had no idea.

Question 8

Felix: and I repeat, the man is insane.

Answer 8

Madge: he builds an awfully nice house, though. It would be excellent for a murder.

Question 9

Simon: why a murder

Answer 9

Madge: it’s isolated. There are loads of rooms for hiding the body, and it’s on a river so you can drown people. What more do you want, an ax?

Question 10

Aggie: William

Answer 10

Madge: Willie-boy

Question 11

Gillette: “to sleep no more.”

Answer 11

Madge: FAULT! You repeated “sleep.” Game. Set. And match to Felix.

Question 12

Felix: my God I love you

Answer 12

Madge: of course you do

Question 13

Martha: Hello darlings, I’ve brought some bubbly so we can really celebrate.

Answer 13

Madge: now you’re talking.

Question 14

Felix: that’s a wonderful guess, Simon but it’s wrong.

Answer 14

Madge: Henry the fifth

Question 15

Felix: of course

Answer 15

Madge: “once more unto the breach dear friends, once more, or close the wall up with our English dead.”

Question 16

Felix: “I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, straining upon the stars.”

Answer 16

Madge & Felix: THE GAME’S AFOOT

Question 17

Felix: but what does it mean?

Answer 17

Madge: it means whoever is trying to kill you is seriously crazy.

Question 18

Gillett: an impression pressed into the paper when it’s manufactured.

Answer 18

Madge: a sort of advertisement. Hotels do it, and businesses.

Question 19

Simon: what

Answer 19

Madge: where is it from

Question 20

Felix: the palace theater

Answer 20

Madge: Oh no!

Question 21

Aggie: I’m not following

Answer 21

Madge: it means whoever wrote this has access to the theaters stationary. It means they worked at our theater.

Question 22

Gillett: ladies and gentlemen to the sniper, cheers.

Answer 22

All: cheers/ merry Christmas to us

Question 23

Simon: Aggie and I are married

Answer 23

Madge: what?

Question 24

Aggie: no, married, four weeks ago

Answer 24

Madge: oh Simon/ Aggie

Question 25

Martha: did you really? I hear it’s expensive.

Answer 25

Madge: her husband was quiet well off.

Question 26

Felix: I’m a lugubrious sort of way.

Answer 26

Madge: don’t you start. Martha’s right. You have to face up to life. No matter we what the world throws at you, no matter how difficult it can get sometimes. You just have to say to hell with the bastards and go on living.

Question 27

Simon: here, here

Answer 27

Madge: to the happy couple

Question 28

Felix: …. Followed by a lump of roast beef.

Answer 28

Madge: she said I played Hamlets mother looking like a worried hamster.

Question 29

Daria: … how I looked up to you with all your years of experience

Answer 29

Madge: and yet my friends and I called you “mother”

Question 30

Daria: now stop it! That’s impossible, you didn’t have any friends.

Answer 30

Madge: I had Felix.

Question 31

Daria: … and poor you it must have been quiet upsetting.

Answer 31

Madge: I bet you don’t know they’re married now.

Question 32

Daria: its like I invented you just for the purpose

Answer 32

Madge: we’d rather you wrote about the play and not us.

Question 33

Daria: at your theater last night. Not at the murder of course

Answer 33

Madge: but there’s no show on at the moment

Question 34

Gillett: that would be very comforting, indeed, except his throat was cut from ear to ear with a razor blade.

Answer 34

Madge: there’s a storm brewing.

Question 35

Gillett: let’s leave the doors open so we can hear the music, shall we?

Answer 35

Madge: (quietly) are we still going to go through with it

Question 36

Felix: now get the cards so we can play bridge

Answer 36

Madge: I vote for pinochle

Question 37

Martha: oh, willie.

Answer 37

Madge: here he goes again

Question 38

Felix: you are really creepy

Answer 38

Madge: be quiet!

Question 39

Felix: life imitates art

Answer 39

Madge: isn’t that comforting

Question 40

Felix: good, good.

Answer 40

Madge: shhhhhhhhh!

Question 41

Felix: I think we should put a stop to this-

Answer 41

Madge: oh don’t be a baby

Question 42

Gillett: …. Confess it I beg you…. No one

Answer 42

Madge: well

Question 43

Gillett: …. Confess it I beg you…. No one

Answer 43

Madge: well

Question 44

Others: AHHHHHH

Answer 44

Madge: that didn’t work very well, now did it?

Question 45

Gillett: it was a good try, though.

Answer 45

Madge: except now we are going to get yelled at, I can feel it.

Question 46

Felix: Madge?????

Answer 46

Madge: I’m sorry, darling. It was his idea. And we had this knife leftover from the Maid of Turkey, and the blood was from Titus-

Question 47

Felix: you mean to tell me this was a joke

Answer 47

Madge: well not a joke, exactly-

Question 48

Felix: don’t touch me you idiot

Answer 48

Madge: Oh, darling-

Question 49

Gillett: excuse me, but someone is trying to kill me and I’d like to stop them before it’s too late

Answer 49

Madge: I’m sorry, darling I really am I was simply trying to help

Question 50

Daria: that he made love to me in a New York hotel room Felix:….. one night, big mistake, no fun at all.

Answer 50

Madge: slaps Felix

Question 51

Aggie: Simon you know it’s not true….Simon

Answer 51

Madge runs off stage

Question 52

Gillett: a quiet evening with a few retiring friends

Answer 52

Madge: holy hell in a hand basket. That is just lovely, now a policeman wants to talk to me about a murder. Are you the policeman?

Question 53

Inspector: yes I am, actually.

Answer 53

Madge: Good! Arrest my husband!

Question 54

Inspector: I beg your pardon

Answer 54

Madge: Arrest him! He’s as guilty as sin. & of sin as it happens, the charge is adultery.

Question 55

Felix: Madge would you stop it!

Answer 55

Madge: well it’s true isn’t it. You stood right here and admitted it in front of everybody!

Question 56

Felix: well what was I supposed to do?

Answer 56

Madge: you could have lied like every other husband on the planet!

Question 57

Felix: look at me I’m catatonic and I’m scary my husband to death

Answer 57

Madge: I did it to stole the mystery, didn’t I?

Question 58

Felix:well it didn’t work now did it?

Answer 58

Madge: but it could have

Question 59

Felix: ladies and gentlemen the academy award this year goes to Madge Geisel for vomiting blood on her fellow guest this weekend.

Answer 59

Madge: *slaps Felix*

Question 60

Felix: excuse me but I would know if my wife was missing or not and she is definitely missing

Answer 60

Madge: who’s missing

Question 61

Felix: oh thank God! Madge, where have you been?

Answer 61

Madge: I was in the kitchen getting a snack.

Question 62

Felix: you should have told me

Answer 62

Madge: that I was hungry?

Question 63

Inspector: who’s Daria

Answer 63

Madge: Daria Chase, the columnist.

Question 64

Felix: she left after you all went to bed.

Answer 64

Madge: in this weather?

Question 65

Felix: women do

Answer 65

Madge: she’d never leave here without her handbag. That’s impossible.

Question 66

Aggie: perhaps someone should look in her room

Answer 66

Madge: I’ll go

Question 67

Act 2 scene 2

Answer 67

Madge: I guess this means we’re not exchanging presents tonight….

Question 68

Inspector: I’m afraid it isn’t over, Mr. Bright. Miss Chase has been murdered and I have been lied to.

Answer 68

Madge: did you dispose of the body like they do in the mysteries?

Question 69

Felix: we put her in the greenhouse next ti a very beautiful orchid. She looks rather holy.

Answer 69

Madge: well that’s a first.

Question 70

Gillett: …. BECAUSE IM TRYING TO THINK

Answer 70

Madge: WE GOT IT!

Question 71

Felix: WE GOT IT

Answer 71

Madge: WE KNOW WHODUNIT

Question 72

Felix: What a team we make

Answer 72

Madge: like Astair and Rogers

Question 73

Felix: Nock and Nora

Answer 73

Madge: Sacco & Vanzetti

Question 74

Felix: you know, we could do this professionally.

Answer 74

Madge: we’re awfully good at it

Question 75

Inspector: what are you talking about Felix: we solved the murder

Answer 75

Madge: it’s all wrapped up

Question 76

Felix: don’t try to thank us Inspector: but you are suspect’s yourselves

Answer 76

Madge: not anymore. we figured it out!

Question 77

Felix: …. All the murders and attempted murder

Answer 77

Madge: working backwards, that includes, Daria, Noggs, You, and Hugo.

Question 78

Felix: so who are the suspects? The people I this house, right?

Answer 78

Madge: ussens

Question 79

Felix: but.

Answer 79

Madge: BUT!

Question 80

Felix: or hiring someone to kill her son

Answer 80

Madge: then killing Noggs?

Question 81

Felix: with a razor blade Inspector: all right, I give.

Answer 81

Madge: now, what about you? Did you do it?

Question 82

Felix: so now we’re down to four suspects. Let’s start with us. Did you do it, darling?

Answer 82

Madge: No my love, and you?

Question 83

Inspector: but those are denials! They carry no weight whatsoever! Felix: EXCEPT.

Answer 83

Madge: EXCEPT!

Question 84

Felix: for Noggs

Answer 84

Madge: Good Ol Noggsy

Question 85

Felix: he was killed last night and we were staying at my sisters house in Rhinebeck last night.

Answer 85

Madge: We have 10 witnesses

Question 86

Felix: he and Daria met at Killington. They both said so. But she said she left before Hugo died

Answer 86

Madge: and he said he arrived there after the killing-in response to Aggies call for help.

Question 87

Gillett: so he could murder Hugo and get away with it

Answer 87

FELIX & MADGE: BINGO

Question 88

Felix: and Daria knew all of this because she happened to be at killington and saw him

Answer 88

Madge: so she became a threat to Simon and he had to kill her

Question 89

Gillett: so do I.

Answer 89

Madge: so do I! He missed, right?

Question 90

Inspector: …. Let it ricochet twice around the theatre and have it come between his testicles

Answer 90

Madge: you don’t understand do you. This man missed entirely. He was shoot at Aggie, he missed her, and the bullet hit Willie.

Question 91

Inspector: ingenious! But why on earth was be shooting at Aggie?

Answer 91

All: Tamsin

Question 92

Inspector: Tamsin?

Answer 92

Madge: Simon has a girlfriend

Question 93

Gillett: ….. he’s in love with Tamsin. Solution:

Answer 93

All: Kill Aggie

Question 94

Gillett/ Inspector: gave it to her.

Answer 94

Madge: so if i may recap, from the beginning, just once

Question 95

Felix: Go

Answer 95

Madge: Simon is in love with Tamsin and he’s friends with Aggie

Question 96

Gillette: so Simon who is ambitious

Answer 96

Madge: and a sociopath

Question 97

Felix: so he leave a a note making it look like Gillette was the intended victim

Answer 97

Madge: but

Question 98

Felix: but! Noggs overheard Simon hiring someone to kill Aggie

Answer 98

Madge: and whoever it is, misses Aggie, his intended victim, and hits our beloved leader here.

Question 99

Felix: and blackmails Simon

Answer 99

Madge: so he stabs her in the back!

Question 100

Martha: she’s going to be fine, thank God.

Answer 100

Madge: Martha, have you seen Simon around?

Question 101

Inspector: possibly

Answer 101

Madge: wait a second was Aggie with him?

Question 102

Gillette: you go out the French doors and surround them

Answer 102

Madge: Wait! I think we should make lots of noise so he knows we’re coming and thinks twice about hurting her.

Question 103

Inspector: that’s excellent

Answer 103

Madge: AYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYE

Question 104

Inspector: I’ll go round front

Answer 104

Madge: we’ll take the lawn

Question 105

Gillette: AMAZING

Answer 105

Madge: Aggie. Who would have guessed.

Question 106

Felix: well I did, actually.

Answer 106

Madge: what do you mean

Question 107

Felix; …… I had a feeling she was up to something

Answer 107

Madge: I thought you were out here fooling around with Daria.

Question 108

Felix: Madge, me?

Answer 108

Madge: I’m sorry, willie were you in love with her?

Question 109

Felix: present mirth hath present laughter

Answer 109

Madge: what’s to come is still unsure

Question 110

Gillette: then come kiss me sweet and twenty

Answer 110

Madge: youth’s a stuff will not endure.

Question 111

Gillette: Yes!

Answer 111

Madge: Felix! Be careful!

Question 112

Felix: oh it’s not and I’ll prove it

Answer 112

Madge: DON’T