Marriage Prep Final - 2 Flashcards
(135 cards)
1
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A Divine Means
A
That by which something is done or obtained - a method, process, or mechanism to accomplish an intended goal
2
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Three Pillars of Eternity
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- Creation; 2. Fall ; 3. Atonement
3
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A Devine End
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The reason why something is done; the final goal - the culmination, objective, or purpose of an activity or process
4
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Grand Prizes of Mortal Life
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- Receive a physical body; 2. Progress & grow spiritually; 3. Form an eternal marriage and family
5
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Marriage=
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A divine means (institution) and a divine end (purpose of life).
6
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Three Views of Marriage
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- Couple relationship (divine, foundation-less) ; 2. Social institution; 3. Divine institution
7
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Marriage is a Divine Institution:
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—When marriage is viewed as a divine institution it is seen as a sacred system established by our Father in Heaven, with divinely decreed laws and practices, which are intended to bring about His eternal purposes.
8
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Pillars of Eternity Compared to Family Life
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Creations: creation of the family institution, set pattern; Fall: Ability to have children, progress, learn; Atonement : Overcome the fall, allow return to Heavenly Father, exaltation as families
9
Q
Eternal Life & Eternal Families
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Eternal life: means to become like the Father and to live in families in happiness and joy forever. To live like the Father, not just to live with Him. Eternal life is more about lifestyle than location. (more to do with how we will live, than where we will live.); Eternal families:=eternal marriages; links of the chain=sealing of spouses.
10
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How Does Discipleship & Consecration Influence our Dating, Courtship & Marriage?
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Change of heart, desire to serve others with charity ; It’s more about who we are, not what we do; Don’t separate dating and discipleship
11
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How Are Faith & Repentance Relationship Principles?
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Trust, reliance on, confidence in - Sacrifice all earthly things, get rid of doubts and fears; Everyone deserves our respect; Believe your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does
12
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Becoming v. Doing in Our Discipleship
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We don’t want to return to Eden, but progress onto Zion.; Who we are is more important than what we do. ; Become as Christ and serve by doing
13
Q
Marriage is an Ordinance & Covenant
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Ordinance: ceremony, exact, symbol of obedience, manifest God’s power, necessary, by priesthood authority ; Covenant: open window to heaven’s blessings, combined identity, each gives 100%
14
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The Divine Triangle of Marriage
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-God; -Husband; -Wife; *The closer we get to our spouse, the closer we get to God. The closer we get to God, the closer we get to our spouse.
15
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Parable of the Good Shepherd and the Marriage Covenant
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Knows His own, knows their lives - they know His voice; Will defend them with his life
16
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Hireling Spouse v. Shepherd Spouse
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Flight rather than fight tendencies when danger or challenges arise. Committed even when the wolves come.
17
Q
Devotion Commitment v. Constraint Commitment
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Devotion: want to = interpersonal -motivation to build and maintain relationship quality, couple identity, willing to sacrifice ; Constraint: have to= institutional - factors of reinforcement, when satisfaction and dedication wane, (finances, tang. investments, moral obligation, concern for partner)
18
Q
A Covenant Differs from a Contract
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A covenant has God involved and not just two people.; A covenant differs from a contract in scope, duration, intensity, and conditions. Covenant marriage is unconditional, unlimited, and eternal while a contract marriage is subject to conditions and limited in the breadth of its demands as well as its expected duration- Elder Hafen article
19
Q
Cleaving, Spousal Preeminence, Marital Identity
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cleaving: love with all your heart; remain attached, devoted or faithful to, leave parents; s.p: spouse before parents, and even children; m.i.: you become one, independent from others, yet dependent on each other
20
Q
Cleaving for Newly Married Couples
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Children must leave parents, and parents must let go of children, physically, and in advice, confidence, and counseling. Don’t talk to anyone other than your spouse about problems between yourselves
21
Q
Interdependent Nature of Wives & Husbands Stewardship
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common element (goal?formation of eternal family); need eachother; husbands- preside, provide, and protect; wives- nurture ; 3P=N Equal partners
22
Q
Helpmeet
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Equal strength to rescue/save
23
Q
Equal Counsel & Consent
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decisions are made together, doesn’t matter what the decision was, prayerfully come to a unified decision, both with full knowledge and full participation in all decisions
24
Q
Patriarchal Priesthood
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governing authority, not husband, he is the holder, he is the blinds/window by which the sun can enter. However a mother doesn’t need to go through her husband to receive revelation. Typically passed from father to son.
25
Presiding in the Home v. Presiding in the Church
Home: governing responsibility to provide for, protect, strengthen and shield his wife; equally yoked, work together, patriarchal; Church: leader, head , hierarchal, makes final decision
26
Nurturing
Not a group activity (one on one relationship), meet the needs - mind, body, spirit; near to divinity
27
Sequential Living
Women can have a career, travel, have a family - but not at the same time. Be productive with life, but family is the most important and the ultimate goal.
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Research Perspectives on Marital Equality
equality: increased couple intimacy, relationship satisfaction, mental health; inequality: less self-esteem, feelings of hostility, loss of intimacy, less satisfaction
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Five P's of Equal Partnership
Power; Purpose; Possibility ; Participation; Prominence
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Marriage Centered Chastity
Chastity and fidelity begin in the spirit, not the body, involves giving our hearts; a means, not an ends - sacred powers of procreation, multiply and replenish, unify spouses with each other and God.; Expressing ourselves sexually in God's appointed way
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We Are Sexual Beings
Intimacy is part of God's plan, but must be used as He intended and as He directs
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Doctrine of the Soul & Sexual Intimacy
Trivializing another's soul, trivializes the Atonement. Spirit and body are the soul of man,
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Doctrine of the Symbol & Sexual Intimacy
Total union: hearts, hopes, lives, love, family, future, everything
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Sacramental Nature & Sexual Intimacy
Union of mortals and deity, our nothingness with His limitless power of creation
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Risk of Sexual Intimacy Before Marriage
Sexual Fragmentation: no emotional connection, insecurity, cannot deliver acceptance, understanding or love. Illusion of psychological rewards.; Counterfeit Intimacy: Relate to each other in fragments, miss full relationship
36
Deinstitutionalization of Marriage
The weakening of the social norms that define people's behaviour in a social institution such as marriage.; Changing Division of Labor in the Home; Out-of-wedlock children; Growth of Cohabitation; Legalization of Same-Sex Partnerships; Historically high divorce rates; Declining Marriage Rate
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Marriage: Institutional-Compassionate-Individualized
Institutional: "permanent and precious" (Dallin H Oaks) Fundamental unit of society. Strength of it affects strength of society. About children's needs; Companionate: An agreement between two adults that can be severed at the will of either (Oaks); Individualized: About adults' rights Families serve needs of individuals, not individuals serving the needs of families.
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Paradigms of Modernity
A set of assumptions, concepts, values and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them
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Secularism
Answers to life found through rational means. Leads to spiritual waywardness and spiritual apathy.
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Individualism
Rights and freedoms of individual bigger than group. Leads to selfishness, careerism, divorce, delay of marriage, intentional childlessness, narcism, false self-esteem
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Materialism
accumulating $, tangible possessions, consumer activities important to happiness. Leads to Careerism, debt/financial strain.
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Hedonism
Good=fun, comfortable, stimulating, pleasurable - physical pleasure emphasized. Leads to sexual immorality, addictions, focus on leisure/recreation.
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Threats to Forming Lasting Marriages
Transition of loss vs. gain.; Cohabitation - Declining Marriage Rate; Historically high divorce rates
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Health Benefits of Marriage
live longer, suffer less from illness, recover quicker, lower rates of suicide and alcoholism. Happier, less depression,; financially better off: save vs spend, 2 parents fight poverty; Sexual relations more fulfilling, less disinterest or anxiety
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Selection v. Causation Theories Between Health & Marriage
*Causation - marriage causes benefits; selection - only healthy people get married, false
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Domains of Marital Competence
Internal Distal Factors ; Family of Origin; External Distal Factors ; Social Context; Proximal factors ; Personal Readiness, Couple Processes
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Finding v. Becoming Approach
How do I find the right person for me? If you focus on finding it leads to anxiety and unpredictable patterns.; How do I become ready to form a loving and lasting relationship? Become what you hope your spouse will be. Think about what you can offer the relationship, not what you can gain from your spouse. ; Become - Find - Commit
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Four Domains in the Ecology of Marriage (Tree Model)
Soil - family experience; Roots - personal readiness; Trunk - couple process; Branches & leaves - marital outcomes; Climate - social context
49
Distal & Proximal Factors in the Equality of Marriage
Distal: FoO; internal-wife & husband FoO (soil); external-social context, friends, family and work (climate) ; Proximal: Social context - personal readiness ; Wife & husband personal readiness, couple processes (trunk)
50
Family Life is Generational
Not just a couple relationship, but raising children involves parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. Your family of origin from previous generations influence your thinking and behaviors in current relationships. "Here & now" focus
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Intergenerational Transmission
Transmitting of "lifestyle" from on generation to the next. "Lifestyle" includes: beliefs (ideologies & values), behaviors patterns (ways of doing things), communication (skills and handling differences), emotions (intimacy and handling stress)
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Transitional Characters
One who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of the lineage. The changes may be for good or ill but they break the mold. They refuse the observation that abused children become abusive parents. Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives.
53
Marriage Success Related to the Family of Origin Domain (Soil)
Quality of parent/child relationship; Overall family environment; Teen peer and dating experiences; Current family relationships; Personal commitment to marriage (both feet in) ; Develop relationship skills (within family) ; Develop strong personal security (emotional regulation, vulnerability, self-worth, disclosure)
54
Intergenerational Transmission of Divorce
On average, higher divorce rates for children of divorce. This variation could be from a commitment to marriage and following factors:; -current family relationships; -personal commitment to marriage (both feet in); -develop relationship skills (within family); -develop strong personal security (emotional regulation, vulnerability, self worth, trusting, disclosure)
55
Amae
Longing for belonging; the need for belonging.; o "People simply desire to be connected with others, especially in close relationships."; o Describes the innate need and desire within each person to depend on and need for other people. "Amae is the desire to receive love. Through the fulfillment of our amae we find not only security but also freedom and meaning."; o The gospel's most fundamental promise is the at-one-ment of Jesus Christ, which offers the assurance of returning us to unity with God in eternal satisfaction of our amae"; o Amae is the receiving of Christ like love (charity = giving of Christ like love; amae = receiving of Christ-like love)
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Belonging
-a basis of self-worth. Self worth through belonging and security.; -belonging ; -attachment ; -need to be loved ; -our true nature, we are relational beings; -can't truly love self til love others
57
Seeing Self-Esteem as a Root v. Fruit of Connection in Relationships
Self esteem is a root because it cannot be based on unstable things such as a relationship with a mortal, flawed being. It's a root because how one sees oneself affects how one sees and treats others as well as reacts to others.
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Marriage Success Related to Personal Security
self esteem/sense of self worth; -secure attachment -- low anxiety, low avoidance(more willing to rely, trust, open up) a powerful predictor of relationships; -negative affect regulation (anger, anxiety, depression) important factor, our relationship is influenced by how well we manage these things
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Divine Heritage
Past - beloved child of Heavenly Father/Mother
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Divine Destiny
Future, proclamation - "heir of eternal life"
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Divine Nature
Present - read Elder Pratt quote
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Worth v. Worthiness
worth is independent of worthiness. Our worth is based on our divine identity, not by how well we do in society or what mistakes we have made in the past. ; worthiness is defined by how well we live the standards that we are expected to live.
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Common False Foundations of Self-Esteem
temporal things that we value as a society (example: GPA, physical appearance, temporal possessions, even the gospel or a relationship, jewelery) ; if i have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, married or single, or church callings... can all be counterfeit sources of self-worth. status can also be a counterfeit form of self-esteem.
64
Seeing Communication as a Root v. Fruit of Other Centered-ness in Marriage
Start with good communication, rather than let it happen because of a good relationship
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Fower's Four Martial Virtues
1. Virtue of Friendship - Embodied in characteristics of caring, helpfulness and companionship ; 2. Virtue of Fairness - Fostered when spouses are equal partners and share the work of family life together; 3. Virtue of Generosity - Exhibited when spouses give freely to one another, forgive one another, and see the best in each other
66
Mature Love v. Immature Love
See Google Doc table
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What are the emotional, cognitive and behavioral features of mature love that sustains marriage?
Emotions (feelings -heart); Cognitive (attitudes - mind) ; Behavior (actions - strength)
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Empathetic Listening
Communication appears zero times in the Proclamation ; Judged completely by how the other person feels. It isn't content, but how the other person that is talking to you feels.
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Freedom Through Emotional Security
-marriage is one of the Lord's primary institutions for individual perfection.; How do we strengthen this aspect of marriage readiness?; -ground our sense of self-worth on true foundations of belonging; -recognize our individual worth and true identity; -service and self-forgetting; -avoid false notions of self-esteem
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Eight Ways to be a Better Listener:
1. Stop talking; 2. Put the speaker at ease; 3. pay attention to nonverbal language; 4. listen for what is not said; 5. know exactly what the other person is saying; 6. be patient. Don't interrupt the speaker; 7. hold your temper; 8. empathize with the speaker.
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Clear-Sending Communication
In order to be an effective communicator, we have to be authentic in our conversations with others. Simply put, we have to "say what we mean and mean what we say" - while respecting the feelings and the perspectives of others. True relationships are built on the communication of the truth.; Commit to true authenticity.
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Authenticity
Never fake, deceptive or pretending
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Love-Languages
how people respond: through verbal, touch, time, service, etc. "sending errors": tailor it to the person and "receiving errors": don't be too narrow in our recieving, be as broad as possible. Do we know our own love language? This affects our effective communication. Ask the question what is their love-language?
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I-Statements
invite others to disclosure through self disclosure. Help us have that disclosure. but still must have personal security. Describe your feelings and ideas, take responsibility for your thoughts and emotions, avoid judgemental tone, build trust through disclosure, invite open disclosure from others.
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Other Centers:
Mature love & martial virtues are all connected. All tied together and can be used interchangeably
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Who Introduces Mature/Immature Love?
Noah - it was quite radical
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Mature Love v. Immature Love - Top 5 Principles
? Three aspects of mature love; - Emotional dimension [most common] (feelings - heart); - Cognitive dimension (attitudes - mind); - Behavior (actions - strength); - i.e. Not only feeling in love, but choosing in love and doing in love.; - Easy love according to Noah is when you are feeling the emotions of love (when someone is close to us, are good to us, "new" element/not taking it for granted, emotional intimacy, supporting, validating - when it is going as we expect); - Hard to love - everything above flipped to the other side. Those are the times that matter the most. Hard love - emotional dimension is low. Even if/when you don't feel it - choose and do it. That's where love comes from - all of these are connected. The emotion of love is not the only part of the equation.; - Love involves acknowledging and accepting differences and weaknesses, love involves an internal decision to love another person and a long-term commitment to maintain that love. That love is controllable and needs to be nurtured and nourished by the lovers.; - I.e. emotional, cognitive and behavioral (heart, mind, strength) are interconnected and all vital for mature love.
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Emotional Love
Immature: possessiveness, jealousy, infatuation, preoccupation, anxiety; Mature: lasting passion, companionship, contentment
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Cognitive Love
Immature: love is external, out of control; Mature: love is chosen, commitment, trust, sharing, sacrifice
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Behavior Love
Immature: Selfish, lustful, all needs, clinging, demanding
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Read the Noller Article
...
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Prophetic Teachings on Marriage Timing
The best time to find an eternal companion is during young adulthood; while being a student
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Influence of Age on Marriage
Those that marry too young or old are most likely to have a poorer quality in marriage. The ideal age range is 22-25.
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Risks of Intentionally Delaying Marriage
Adults may get set in their routines and ways. Can develop innapropriate character traits that are /hard to change when we get older. Smaller dating pool.
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A Right Person v. The Right Person
Your only chance at finding perfection is in creating perfection together. (Uchtdorf). Its the concept that there isn't just one right person a "soulmate" but rather there are many right people.
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Prophetic Teachings About Soulmates
Soulmates are fiction and illusion. Once you commit to marriage, your spouse becomes your soulmate.
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One-and-only Found v. Made
A one-and-only is made, not found. We should have a growth perspective (grow toward perfection together with a spouse) not a destiny perspective (we were meant for each other).
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Deeper Questions of Physical Attraction
What is physical attraction?; Why is it important? ; Will our physical attributes change during this life? ; Are there other traits that influence our attraction to someone? ; Is attraction to others agentive?
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Compatibility v. Complementary
Compatibility=Not matching, but coordinating same goals, same priorities. Proper combination of similarities and differences. The important foundational things are present. ; Complementary=Acting as a compliment, making up what is lacking in another, inter-relationship
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Erosion of Courtship in Modern Society
Scholars have noted that the culture of dating that young adults experience today is markedly different than the one experienced by their parents and grandparents. In particular, there has been an erosion of traditional courtship practices and patterns, and the new dating culture appears to be one that lacks any socially defined norms, rituals, and relationship milestones to guide young people toward marriage ; pessimism about marriage, seeing marriage as a transition of loss rather than gain; the idea the one needs to "get ahead before getting wed"; Sexual permissiveness-hooking up; acceptance of cohabitation; the practice of hanging out vs dating
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5 Prophetically-Defined Stages of Dating
Pre-dating stage- Combined YM/YW, supervised mixed activities, non-date dances (12-16); Group dating stage- Date variety of people, group dates, date dances (16-18); Paired dating stage- Date variety of people, group dates, one-on-one dates, (18+); Exclusive Dating Stage- Couple status, steady dating, hanging out as a couple, merge schedules (18+, post-mission); Engaged Dating Stage- engagement, forsake others, hanging out as a couple, merge lives (age varies, but probably 18+, post-mission)
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6 Ships of Dating
1. Courtship (top and smallest) ; 2. Partnership; 3. Companionship; 4. Friendship; 5. Relationship; 6. Discipleship (bottom, largest, foundation, most important)
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Hanging Out v. Dating
Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to shop around" in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out."; 3 P's = planned ahead, paid for, paired off
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Changes in Relationship When It Becomes a Couple
Begin to merge schedules, change to a couple status, off-market to others, hang out as a couple
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Key Principles of Dating
1. Optimal courtship is based on the foundation of other relationship experiences ; 2. Dating and social experience is needed; 3. It is possible to back-up in stages; 4. Pairing is powerful! Couple-status is very influential - use it wisely
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Behavioral Chastity
Individual - the "do nots", disconnect from the why and the consequences, rationalizes actions, "law of Moses"
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Marital Chastity
Relationship capable of complete marital intimacy, it's about the covenants
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Spiritual Chastity
Treat with respect and not as objects used to satisfy lustful and selfish desires; -Not to arouse body, but as well your spirit ; -Stop looking at behaviors, rather consequences and motives
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Emotional Intimacy
when two people experience a sense of security, support, trust, comfort, and safety with one another. Emotional intimacy is deeply connected to your innate need to belong and be loved by others and by God. In dating, a couple's level of emotional intimacy can be measured by each partner's ability to be emotionally open, allowing themselves to be vulnerable, and allowing the other to understand them on a deeper level.
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Affectionate Intimacy
Any form of physical touch that communicates care, concern and affection that does not arouse the sexual response of our souls (body and spirit)
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Passionate Intimacy
Involves any form of physical touch that communicates love, commitment and passion that does arouse the sexual response of our souls (body and spirit)
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Orgasmic Intimacy
Involves any form of physical touch that communicates love, commitment and passion that initiates the orgasm response of our souls (body and spirit)
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Emotional Intimacy = Sexual Fulfillment
As emotional intimacy increases the couples vulnerability, trust, and commitment to one another increases. Our amae desires connect to our need for connection. Emotional intimacy is the foundation for the other intimacy. Also arousal for sexual connection in marriage comes in great .part due to the brain-psychosocial element of relationships.
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How Pornography Influences our Views of Sexuality
Avoid any semblance of pornography. It will desensitize the spirit and erode the conscience. We are told in the Doctrine and Covenants - that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness. Such is pornography ; 'Any immodesty inducing impure thoughts is a desecration of the body--the temple in which the Holy Spirit may dwell.' ; danger of labeling- analogy of leprosy and pornography addict ; Self-centered sexuality v. harmonious passion (lust v. love); Behavior Pattern; Relationship patterns:; Never viewed "abstaining"; Not currently viewing "avoiding"; Self-centered patterns:; Some Viewing "viewing"; Habitual viewing "seeking"; Compulsive viewing "craving"
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3 Questions to ask About Handling Differences
It isn't about how many differences, it's about how the differences are handled - opportunities rather than problems. ; 1. When discussing differences, do we stay focused on resolving the problem?; 2. Do we manage our emotions during conflicts?; 3. Do we maintain respect and concern for one another during an argument?
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What Are Perpetual Problems?
Problems that often never get fully resolved. 70% of couples fit into this label.
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Types of Differences
Identity; Preference
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Sources of Differences
Unique individuals; Gender differences; Intergenerational transmission
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Softened Start-up v. Hard Start-up Complaints
Soft=Invites conversation, lets go of blame; Hard=You statements, blow up, aggressive, places blame
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Four Horsemen of Marital Conflict
1. Criticism (pestilence) - negative tone and focus, negative intent, over-generalizing, attack the person with blame.; 2. Defensiveness (famine) - Deny responsibility, excuses, body language, escalation; 3. Contempt (war) - intent to insult, hurt, or harm, negative focus ; 4. Stone-walling (death) - habitual withdrawal, silent treatment, emotional and psychological breakup (hope/energy leaves relationship)
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Overt v. Covert Conflict
Overt=confront each other in open disagreement; Covert=when person hides anger and hostility. Can result in internalized feelings of frustration.
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Meta-Communication
Communication about how you communicate - DTR
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6 Steps of Solution-Talk
Seeking to find a solution - focus on what is working, future focused; 1. Share the goal ; 2. Get educated (about other point of view) ; 3. Confirm understanding; 4. Encourage ideas; 5. Identified preferred solution; 6. Plan follow-up
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Time-Famine
People report they don't have any time in life. Life is hectic, fast-paced, rushed. Instant gratification.
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Common Threats to Marital Time
1. Work/education; 2. Over-scheduling children; 3. Extended family; 4. Hobbies/recreation; 5. TV/media
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Marital Rituals
Rituals are social interactions that are repeated, coordinated, and significant. Connection rituals, talk rituals, love rituals, intimacy rituals, celebration rituals. It's about time together to build couple identity. Five magic hours a week increase likelihood of happiness and success by 95%.
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Guiding Principles of Extended Family Relationships
It's about our own family & the cleaving principle. Own family comes first.
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Prophetically-Defined Pattern of Self-Reliance
We become self-reliant through obtaining sufficient knowledge, education, and literacy; by managing money and resources wisely, being spiritually strong, preparing for emergencies and eventualities; and by having physical health and social and emotional well-being. Julie B. Beck; This seems to suggest: education <> preparation <> well-being; live within our means
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Key Principles of Financial Security
Pay tithes and offerings, avoid debt, use a budget, build a reserve, teach family members.; Materialism predicts financial problems more than income level.; 1 materialistic spouse - 3x more likely to have financial problems; 2 materialistic spouses - 5x more likely to have financial problems; "world village" - where do you stand compared to the rest of the world?
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Acceptable Debt
live within your means, everyone should have access to the family's finances, pay an honest tithe, distinguish between needs and wants, develop and live within a budget, allow for a little surplus; Debt is acceptable when it is used for real estate debt (buying a home), sometimes installment debt (student loans/cars), but never for consumer debt; Provident living:; pay tithes and offerings; avoid debt - spend less than you make, exceptions (modest home, education, vital needs), pay it off quickly; use a budget - keep a record, review monthly income, reduce non essentials, family budget; build a reserve - use it for emergencies, gradually build, accumulates over time; teach family members - teach children, set family financial goals, hard work, frugality and saving, stress management, obtaining an education
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Different Purposes of Intimacy
All important for marital closeness. Without any, the intimacy in marriage can become unbalanced and unstable. ; Emotional=conversation, shared time; Affectionate=holding hands, cuddling; Sexual=desire, arousal, orgasm, after glow
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4 Phases of the Sexual Response Cycle
1. Desire phase - strong emotional urges initiate and respond to sexual stimulation. Complex phenomenon impacted by biology, past experiences, current marital dynamics.; 2. Arousal phase - stimulated by thoughts or sensations leads to sexual arousal. Physical changes are most noticeable. ; 3. Orgasm/climax - occurs when sexual arousal reaches a climax or threshold, tension is released; 4. Afterglow phase - brain chemistry changes leading to feelings of attachment, satisfaction and closeness. Women stay aroused longer than men.
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2 Phases of Sexual Relationship Cycle
1. Foundation phase - loving relationship; 2. Outcome phase - sexual unity
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Good Girl Syndrome
negative conditioning about sex and our bodies ; ?discomfort or embarrassment in discussing sexual matters; ?underlying belief that sex is bad, wrong, dirty, and sinful ; ?inability to relax and "let go" within sexual experiences ; ?inappropriate inhibitions, guilt, shame, or awkwardness associated with sexual relations; ?lack of understanding of the divine purposes of sex
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Bad Boy Syndrome
internalized sexual conditioning of mainstream society. ; pre-pornographic and pornographic images ; ?objectification and distortion: sexual appetite model...selfishness. not a lot of thought to fostering the relationship. ; ?intimacy detached from relationship outcomes; ?marriage=license to lust ; ?marital finish line of chastity
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Basic Anatomy of Sexual Response
o Brain is most important sexual organ: psychologically, and physically wise too. ; o Wife's sexual response: ; ? Brain: 60% ; ? Clitoris: 30% (most sensitive part in any human body, female or male) has the same number of nerve endings as does the penis. Only 1/10 of the size. Women are unable to climax without direct or indirect stimulation of the clitoris. ; ? Vagina: 5%; ? Other: 5% (the neck massage, parts of the inner arm and inner thigh have high nerve responding) ; o Husband's sexual response; ? Brain: 51% ; ? Penis: 44%; ? Other: 5%
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Higher Desire Spouse & Lower Desire Spouse
o Different intimacy preferences ; o Differences are opportunities not difficulties ; o Common pattern: lower desire / higher desire ; o Types of intimacy:; ? Emotional intimacy: conversation, shared time, ext; ? Affectionate intimacy: holding hands, cuddling, ext; ? Passionate intimacy: desire, arousal, orgasm, after glow, etc.; o The person with least interest holds the power. (If you're the one wanting to do it freq. and your spouse is not as interested, they then hold the power because they decide when they will comply knowing you are always down) ; **Hiking analogy--only progress as fast as the slowest person.
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Desire and Arousal Phase
o Sequence of arousal: desire and arousal phases are reversed for many spouses; ? Men are more physical and visual sexually stimulated. Pretty high level of desire. Then moves to arousal. Men have desire before they become aroused typically.; ? Women are pretty touch base when it comes to sexual arousal. Then vascular congestion. Desire increases. Some women are typically aroused before they become desirous.
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Selfless Sex
Selfless intimacy can literally double your sexual pleasure: you get satisfaction not only from your own sexual response but from your partner's as well... love and concern for one's partner shifts the focus away from the self in a sexual relationship and toward the other person
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All-Negative or All-Positive Parenting Perspective
Errors are at the extremes. Demanding/Overwhelming vs. Wonderful/Fulfilling; All negative risk is that you never find the joy of having children ; All positive risk is not being prepared to have children economically, emotionally etc. ; parenting is what you focus on. You will be disappointed when parenting is not constantly easy, amazing and rewarding.
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Couple Stewardship Over Procreation
Proclamation to the World "We declare that God's commandment to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force."; How many and when to have them is between the husband and wife. Married couples should have as many children as they are able to care for.; Children must be loved, nurtured, taught, fed, clothed, housed, and well started in their capacities to be good parents themselves. ; Birth control and it's consequences rest solely with couples decisions. ; The church "strongly discourages" fertility treatments that do not maintain the husband and wife relationship.
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Key Factors that Predict the Transition to Parenthood
1. Quality of the pre-parent relationship; 2. Quality of marital friendship and communication; 3. Establishment of work-family patterns
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Prophetic Principles of Divorce
Just cause for divorce = "nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship...which is destructive of a person's dignity as a human being" -(Faust); "There may be circumstances which make the continuance of the marriage state a greater evil than divorce. But these are extreme cases- they are the mistakes, the calamities in the realm of marriage" (McKay); for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache (Oaks)
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Key Factors in Divorce Decision Making
Divorce does not reduce symptoms of depression for unhappily married adults or raise their self-esteem, or increase their sense of mastery, on average compared to unhappy spouses who stayed married.; A marriage can heal. Once it gets bad, it doesn't have to stay that way.; Unhappy marriages are less common than unhappy spouses - ? unhappy marriages include a happy spouse
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Marital Turnarounds
Problems--research on own
