ONE

Question 1

B: Their deep husky masculine voices.

Answer 1

Oh hi, Blanche.

Question 2

Oh lordy, I’m even starting to hallucinate it.

Answer 2

What’s going on?

Question 3

B: No I don’t mind getting old. It’s looking old that seems to be the problem.

Answer 3

Okay, so you’re five years older, so am I, so is Rose. Alright, so you have a few more wrinkles, so do I, so does Rose. Okay, so you’re a little thicker around the middle, so is Rose.

Question 4

B: …I am deciding in this moment to take some drastic preventative measures.

Answer 4

I hope you’re not talking about plastic surgery, Blanche.

Question 5

B: Rose, that’s Madonna getting out of a taxi.

Answer 5

Ewwwwwwwww.

Question 6

B: I have a perfect hourglass figure.

Answer 6

With ninety minutes extra at the bottom.

Question 7

S: …it’s the matching floaties, that have got to go.

Answer 7

Well I for one think plastic surgery is terrible.

Question 8

R: …get ready for the Annual Miss St. Olaf Yodel Off.

Answer 8

The Annual Miss Saint Olaf Yodel Off?

Question 9

R: …no one has ever seen such a convincing bearded lady!

Answer 9

Rose, hand me that magazine.

Question 10

R: No, you’re going to hit me with it.

Answer 10

No I’m not.

Question 11

R: Promise?

Answer 11

Yes

Question 12

S: A little nip here. A little tuck there.

Answer 12

Ma, what the hell are you doing?

Question 13

S: …but pretty soon it will all be over.

Answer 13

What are you talking about?

Question 14

S: Plastic surgery, Dorothy. Keep up!

Answer 14

Oh ma, you already know my feelings about plastic surgery. I think Blanche made a huge mistake going through with it.

Question 15

R: Is Blanche back from the hospital yet?

Answer 15

She should be back any minute now.

Question 16

B: What on earth do you mean?

Answer 16

Haven’t you seen yourself yet?

Question 17

B: No. Why?

Answer 17

Oh, Blanche. I don’t want to say that I was right. So. (Zip)

Question 18

B: You’re just trying to scare me. Well, it’s not going to work.

Answer 18

Blanche, if anyone is going to be scared, it’ll be the neighborhood children when they see you coming.

Question 19

B: I wish I were dead!

Answer 19

Blanche, you’re overreacting.

Question 20

B: Some of us haven’t had a lifetime to get used to looking in the mirror and disliking what we see.

Answer 20

You’re right, Blanche. In fact, it’s even worse than you think.

Question 21

S: She would know. She can’t even get a date.

Answer 21

Ma, stop helping.

Question 22

S: Well, it’s true. You haven’t had a date in 4 years.

Answer 22

Ma!

Question 23

B: That’s good to hear.

Answer 23

Is my misery actually making you feel better about yourself, Blanche?

Question 24

B: Yes!!

Answer 24

Well, at least we can all be honest with each other. By the way, Blanche, that color really compliments your stretch marks.

Question 25

S: Dorothy, I hope Blanche's face hasn't scared you out of getting a few procedures of your own.

Answer 25

Blanche's face has scared me out of ever falling asleep again.

Question 26

S: Oh, why won't you just think about it?

Answer 26

Ma, you're supposed to tell me that I'm beautiful no matter what.

Question 27

S: I would, but my New Year's Resolution was to lie less.

Answer 27

I can't believe you're still advocating for plastic surgery, even after seeing how much worse Blanche's face looks.

Question 28

S: That's different.

Answer 28

How?

Question 29

Your face is already a lost cause; they have no way to mess it up worse. No offense, pussycat.

Answer 29

None taken, you cankerous little prune.

Question 30

(Blanche comes in with her face covered)

Answer 30

Please! You can take my mother, just leave me the diamonds!

Question 31

B: Dorothy it's me!

Answer 31

Blanche? What the hell are you wearing?

Question 32

R: We're going to run some errands. Do you need anything from the store?

Answer 32

Rose, why are you wearing one too?!

Question 33

R: Solidarity.

Answer 33

Look at this, tweedle dum and tweedle sl*t.

Question 34

R: Which one's which?

Answer 34

Is this really your plan? To cover your head for the rest of your life?

Question 35

B: ... but my horrible monstrosity of a face will now just make things worse.

Answer 35

And you think you'll be able to find a man with your face covered?

Question 36

B: Oh sure, I have plenty of assets that I can use to land myself a man that don't involve my face.

Answer 36

Chloroform?

Question 37

R: I think she meant that she's a sl*t.

Answer 37

You really should have taken my advice, Blanche. Plastic surgery is always a mistake.

Question 38

B: You'll have to forgive me for not taking dating advice from the woman who turned seven of her ex boyfriends gay.

Answer 38

You know, actually there is one favor you can do for me.

Question 39

R: What's that?

Answer 39

Stop at the bank and make a withdrawal.

Question 40

R: Absolutely, what's the pin number?

Answer 40

If you just wave your arms, and say "give me all of your money," they'll know the account.

Question 41

B: ...And I'm not going to take this standing up.

Answer 41

Something Blanche Deveraux has never said before.

Question 42

S: ... and get this, he only has four pending lawsuits.

Answer 42

Ah ma, knock it off. I already told you, I'm not having any work done.

Question 43

S: Dorothy, would it make you feel any better if I told you, that I too have gone under the knife.

Answer 43

You have not!

Question 44

S: Oh, yes I have. I've had a boob lift.

Answer 44

You mean a boob job?

Question 45

S: No.

Answer 45

You mean a face lift?

Question 46

S: I mean a boob lift. They lifted them from waist to navel.

Answer 46

You're making that up.

Question 47

S: So what if I am? I'll say anything to get you to reconsider.

Answer 47

Give it up, Ma. It's not going to happen.

Question 48

S: Dorothy, do you really plan on being miserable for the rest of your life?

Answer 48

That depends.

Question 49

S: On what?

Answer 49

How long you plan on living.

Question 50

(The phone rings)

Answer 50

Yes? Oh my god. Alright!

Question 51

S: What is it?

Answer 51

Blanche was in a car accident, and she's being rushed to the hospital.

Question 52

(Dorothy and Rose carry Blanche in)

Answer 52

Careful now careful. Let's put her on the couch.

Question 53

Look on the bright side, at least it can't be any worse than her last one.

Answer 53

Ma, have some sympathy. Blanche was in a terrible accident.

Question 54

B: Dorothy, you were right.

Answer 54

Thank you, Blanche. I'm over here. I know that was difficult for you.

Question 55

B: I should have never messed with that plastic surgery stuff. Who paints over a masterpiece?

Answer 55

I'm just glad we can put all of this nonsense behind us now.

Question 56

B: ...I will be stuck with for the rest of my life.

Answer 56

Let's start unwrapping.

Question 57

R: She's probably hoping that Blanche's face is even more of a horror than before.

Answer 57

That's not true!

Question 58

B: Girls, don't be so hard on Dorothy.

Answer 58

Thank you, Blanche.

Question 59

B: Absolutely. This whole ordeal has completely changed my perspective on things, and from now on I will be much nicer to dorothy.

Answer 59

Thank you, Blanche.

Question 60

B: Ow! What was that for?

Answer 60

Thought I saw a fly.

Question 61

B: It is?

Answer 61

It's exactly the same as before.

Question 62

B: ... it is ten times more beautiful than before.

Answer 62

But I don't understand, I heard you were in a terrible accident.

Question 63

B: It was a fender bender.

Answer 63

You were taken to the hospital!

Question 64

B: You'll never guess what happened next.

Answer 64

You slept with him?

Question 65

B: What kind of woman do you think I am?

Answer 65

I'm sorry.

Question 66

B: And sensual?

Answer 66

Let me handle this, Rose. Blanche, no woman has ever looked better than you do right now and no one ever will.

Question 67

B: How many times do I have to say it? That was not the problem.

Answer 67

Well, I just hope this ordeal has taught you a good lesson. Beauty needs to come from within.