Psalm Stories Flashcards
The 0s
Do cats like TEA? I don’t KNOW, but they do MEOW and they do like to bask in the RAY of a sunbeam. Second question: if a cat could talk, would it LIE? Maybe the SHY grey cat would– he seems a little sneak-KEY. A talkative crow might be a FOE to our grey cat. I would ask Edgar Allen POE about it, but I won’t because I’m not a nec-crow-mancer.
The 1s
In TEXAS, every DAD wears a TIN foil cowboy hat and TIM is the most popular name for dads there. Some Texan dads have tried using TARO cards to make their DULL tumbleweed lives more interesting, despite all the Bible would TEACH them. I once knew one Texan dad who practiced Wicca. He got a TICK bite, which made him go DEAF and he ended up living in a TEEPEE.
The 2s
Once I said to a group of Buddhist women: “The NOISE of one hand clapping? That’s gibberish! NOD if you agree.” Not one did, but then a NUN came in nodding and I said: “What’s your NAME, nun? Speak up and come NEAR so I can hear you.” When she approached she pointed out a Buddhist woman with long NAILs– she was dipping them in NACHO cheese. I said “This ain’t right– NUKE her with the NAVY!” The Nun said NOPE that’s way too violent…
The 3s
They say Yankee kids make a MESS and leave footsteps of MUD when it snows, especially in MAINE. They also say that in New Hampshire, they send pregnant MOMs MYRRH in the MAIL, along with dehydrated MASH potatoes. All moms are shy in the north, even MEEK. They spend their days knitting ear MUFFs for their kids and MOP’n up their melting snowmen.
The 4s
My wild Irish ROSE would have went to ROT in the RAIN, but I poured RUM on it as soon as I saw the flood waters. I was a death ROWER when the flood came, but when I added crown ROYAL to my rose it helped me escape my ARCH nemesis (played by Patrick swayzee) by turning into a boat. My cellmate RICK James sprinkled cocaine on the rose and it made both of us funky and the boat went faster. Then I saw a leak in the boat’s ROOF, so I RUB’d pollen on it: a quick fix.
The 5s
The golden LASSO remained hidden beneath the LID of the treasure chest until a terrible LION started tearing the LIMBs off of various righteous LAWYERs. (Just kidding, LOL, there is no such thing as a righteous lawyer.) The lawyers hired lion tamers to LASH the lion with whips, LOCK it up, and even feed it an explosive LOAF of bread but nothing could stop him. All this is recounted in detail on Pink Floyd’s latest LP.
The 6s
When you play CHESS do you CHAT about weather with your opponent, stroke your CHIN quietly or CHIME in with some smack talk? At one match, I lost my rook so I had to use a CHEERIO instead. I find that a CHILL in the air helps me focus, but a CHOOCHOO train ruins my concentration. If my opponent talks crap I smack his CHEEK with a glove to defend my honor but if he apologizes I smoke a peace pipe with him like some Indian CHIEF. Only top notch tobacco, no CHEAP stuff.
The 7s
If you KISS up to your boss and complement him when he shows you a picture of his KID maybe he won’t CAN you for chewing GUM loudly and then dropping it in the gas tank of his CAR. These kinds of pranks can not only KILL a man, but also cost you CASH, you KOOK! You could have gotten CUFF’d or maybe even CAP’d.
The 8s
Choie made a FUSS over her FUD again, while zenzen was having FUN sticking her entire face in the bowl. Zenzen’s FAME is widespread now because of her FUR, which has a magical FEEL. Perhaps choie will eat some FISH? Zenzen will surely eat it, but we will need to FAKE her out by hiding her FIVE pills in the fish’s fat flesh. Won’t worry, this FIB will be good for her health.
The 9s
The burly BOSS man barfed on his BED after eating a bogus BEAN. Then BOOM a BEAR barged in! I rang the alarm BELL and barricaded the door with a giant PEACH. The bear took one PEEK over it and saw how BUFF the boss is. He got scared and prayed to the POPE.
The 10s
That DISEASE of the mind you have can be identified with a TEST, but you will need a DOZEN shrinks, the latest edition of the DSM and a strong DESIRE to improve. Some DIESEL gasoline is also required: you will need a strong DOSAGE of it to reboot that floppy DISK of a brain you have. Please note: you will be forced to gargle either glue or some other ADHESIVE if you DISOBEY.
The 11s
Policing the internet can be TEDIOUS work. You need a can-do ATTITUDE to DETAIN teenage trolls in the DAYTIME, which is when they are active on TWITTER. Mean teens can be DEADLY, so DITCH any IDIOTIC complacency. You will need black coffee to stay alert. Do not put in milk or any other ADDITIVE. Use an AUDIOTAPE to record any conversations you have with them.
The 12s
One day I was TENSE so my robot made a DONUT but he made a TEENYWEENY one so I gave him more power and AUTONOMY to make a huge donut for DINNER. That donut was saltier than a TOENAIL, so I tossed it and said “Hey robot, make a DANISH.”
He said “No man, I’m making you a TWINKIE.” These glitches were wack, by then I HADENUFF so I switched him off for a TUNEUP.
The 13s
Relax, or stress will be your DEMISE. Take a TIMEOUT or the DEMON will tempt you. TOOMUCHMONEY is also a snare, it will get you TOMORROW if not today. Enjoy your pleasantly plain OATMEAL life or boredom will DAMAGE your soul like a spiritual TOMAHAWK or like waiting at the DMV for the clerk to inspect your papers, as he taps his pencil in a slow TEMPO
The 14s
The ODOROUS DART of music piracy will DRAIN your bank, O Lars! Use the protection of DRM on your music or the hacker will rip your drum beats like a rat TERRIER, post them to YouTube and then mercilessly TROLL you in the comments with insults that will TORCH your legacy and ruin your reputation! So hire a TRUCK of lawyers to stop this, even if it costs a treasure TROVE, or else you will end up seeking THERAPY from some cowboy shrink in DALLAS.
