Self Help Flashcards
In the book Sex Talks, what is Spontaneous Type vs. Responsive Type
Spontaneous Type - For people of this type, sex pops into their head at random times. And then they look for sex. Their body may not be even ready for sex at this point, but in their mind, they want it. Hence, they are usually the intitiators.
Responsive Type - Sex doesnt randomly pop in their heads. They dont feel arousal unless they get touched, kissed, emotionally connected, feel wanted, right environment, etc. Sex has to almost start already before they feel arousal. Hence, they need for someone to initiate.
In the book Sex Talks, which two words it mentions never to use in a relationship
Always and Never.
Example - You are always late. You never compliment me.
These types of sentences means there is no chance of improvement. Plus, your spouse just has to do it once to prove you wrong. Such superlaties are rarely true in live. Plus, it creates conflict
In the book Sex Talks, it says to complain, dont use ‘You’. Instead use what?
Use I want or I need [something]. You is very accusatory
Instead of saying, You havent taken out garbage, which creates conflict, say, I want the place to be clean.
In the book Sex Talks, what does it say on how to increase Dopamine in your head before sex
If you anticipate good sex, your body will automatically start to throw dopanine in your head. As a result, you will enjoy sex even more.
In the book Sex Talks: According to a study, you can predict which couple will get divorced in 6 years, based on their first 3 minutes on a topic of disagreement. What did they find?
Women generally bring up the topic to discuss. So women who framed the issue as a criticism of husband’s defective personality as opposed to framing it as a global over issue, and whose husband took it personally and got upset and continued to get upset, ended up getting the divorce in 6 years.
What is the Law of Irrationality by Robert Greene?
We believe that we are very rational but we are not. We feel emotions in our limbic system and act out accordingly. Emotions could be generated based on our own biases or how some triggers and then we go do or say something that we later regret.
A better way is to step back, analyze the emotion as if you are a third person, it is not affecting you, and then act.
What are the 7 categories of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini?
1) Reciprocation
2) Liking
3) Unity
4) Social Proof
5) Authority
6) Committment and Consistency
7) Scarcity
Explain the Reciprocation category in Persuation by Robert Cialdini
Give something to the other person first. Instead of expecting the other person to give you first. This is because when you give something to the other person, that person feels obligated to give you something in return in the future. Because since childhood we are conditioned to give something in return when we take something.
Which is why Sees Candies gives you a free chocolate first, without expecting that you would buy anything. After a few free chocolates, you would feel obligated to purchase something from their store.
If you end up doing a big favour to a friend and the friend comes and says thank you, do not dismiss it by saying “dont mention it” or “my pleasure”. Instead say “thats what friends are for”. This will incept the idea to remember to help you in the future, else they can easily forget the favour since it is dismissed.
Lets say if you help a new aquaintance, and that person comes to say thank you. Dont dismiss it by saying “You’re welcome”. Say “If I would in the same situation, I know you would do the same for me.” This incepts the idea that in the future if you are in the same situation, the person should help you.
Lets say you are entering a situation where you are meeting people for the first time, expect the best from them, this would allow you to be generous with them. This triggers three principles of Persuasion: Liking (they like you for being more generous with them), Reciprocity (they give back what they have first received from you and so they become generous and give you things back), and Commitment and Consistency (since they were generous with you in return, they start seeing you as a partner and so they feel committed to you as someone they want to do exchanges with. And after they have made commitment to someone, they behave in ways that it is consistent with what they have already committed themselves.)
Explain Commitment and Consistency category of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini
If you get people to commit to the task, especially in public, they are more likely to finish it. Because once they commit it publicly, they dont want to look bad in front of others. Even if the commitment is done privately, they are still likely to fulfill it because they don’t want to disappoint themselves either.
Once they have committed to something, they would want to remain consistent with what they have already committed to.
So for example, in a team meeting you can ask “John, do you think you can finish the task by Friday?”. The answer to this would be a commitment.
Also, if you have a project and it is completed halfway, don’t say “here’s our progress thus far”. That will make people more relaxed since they already reached halfway and this also looks back. So better to say “here’s what we have achieved for our goal”. That would make them focus on the goal and feel like they could just relax.
Explain the Authority category of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini
People are more easily persuaded if they see you as an authority or expert in a particular field. If however you don’t have a huge achievement in the field yet because you are new, you can show your degree or certificate or awards to show that you are an authority.
You can also use testimonials. Testimonials also show that you are an authority in a field.
Explain the Liking category of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini
There are two ways you can get people to like you:
1) Finding what you have similiar with others.
Example, you like movies? I like movies. You are the only child? I am the only child.
2) Give genuine praises
So if someone did work that impressed you, mention it. People like to be recognized for the work they have done or the effort they have put it.
Explain the Scarcity category of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini
People like to not lose more than they like to gain. Meaning, they wouldnt care much to lose an opportunity to gain, but they would certainly care a lot if they are losing something.
So for example, if you say you could purchase this by this date, they wouldnt care much because they have time to buy it. But if you say there are only 15 units to purchase, they would suddenly care because there is a competition between customers and they dont want to lose.
Explain the Unity category of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini
To convince a person, find a common faternity that unites you with that person and use that when asking for a favour. Use the “we”, and not I.
For example, instead of saying “I need this, please help me.”, say “We have been in the physics department for 15 years, and I need this…” or “We have been married for 5 years, and I need this…”
Which three principles of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini can be applied when entering a new situation and meeting new people?
Lets say you are entering a situation where you are meeting people for the first time, expect the best from them, this would allow you to be generous with them.
This will trigger three principles of Persuasion in them:
1) Liking - They like you for being more generous with them.
2) Reciprocity - They give back what they have first received from you and so they become generous and give you things back.
3) Commitment and Consistency - Since they were generous with you in return, they start seeing you as a partner and so they feel committed to you as someone they want to do exchanges with. And after they have made commitment to someone, they behave in ways that it is consistent with what they have already committed themselves.
Explain the Social Proof category of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini
People are much easily influenced if they see that others are influenced by you. When people are uncertain about you, they look for social proof. They look for what others think about you.
This is why when we are uncertain about getting a product, we look for reviews. We see what other people like us think about this product. If they like it, then we feel we may like it too.
Hence testimonials also work for social proof.
