Small Island Flashcards
(219 cards)
1
Q
I thought I’d been to Africa
A
You did not go to Africa, you merely went to the British Empire Exhibition (prologue)
2
Q
Who drank so much…
A
… That they had not been awake long enough to take part in the war. (prologue)
3
Q
The whole Empire in little…
A
… Building after building that housed every country we British owned. (prologue)
4
Q
Practically the whole world there to be looked at.
A
‘Makes you proud,’ Graham said to Father. (prologue)
5
Q
And all these women had red dots in the middle of their forehead…
A
… No could tell me what the dots were for… Mother said I shouldn’t unless the red dots meant they were ill- in case they were contagious. (prologue)
6
Q
‘We’ve got machines to do all that now…
A
… She can’t understand… They’re not civilised.’ (prologue)
7
Q
A black man who looked to be carved from melting chocolate…
A
… I clung to Emily… A monkey man sweating a smell of mothballs… His lips were brown, not pink like they should be. (prologue)
8
Q
And I shook and African man’s hand…
A
… It was warm and slightly sweaty like anyone else’s. (prologue)
9
Q
Evidently, when they speak English…
A
… You know that they have learned to be civilised- taught English by the white man, missionaries probably.
10
Q
I did not dare to dream…
A
… That it would one day be I who would go to England. (Hortense, 1948)
11
Q
But there was I!…
A
… Standing at the door of a house in London and ringing the bell… Oh, Celia Langley, where were you then with your big ideas and your nose in the air?… Hortense Roberts married… Mrs Gilbert Joseph… There was I in England ringing the doorbell on one of the tallest houses I had ever seen. (Hortense, 1948)
12
Q
Shabby in a grand sort of way…
A
… I was sure this house could once have been home to a doctor or a lawyer or perhaps a friend of a friend of a king. (Hortense, 1948)
13
Q
It was true that some were missing, replaced by cardboard and strips of white tape…
A
… But who knows what devilish deeds Mr Hitler’s bombs had carried out during the war? (Hortense, 1948)
14
Q
‘I beg your pardon?’ (Q2H)
A
‘Gilbert Joseph?’ I said, a little slower. (Hortense, 1948)
15
Q
‘I have not seen Gilbert,’ I told her, then went on to ask…
A
… ‘But this is perchance where he is aboding?’ (Hortense, 1948)
16
Q
‘It’s the size of the Isle of Wight’
A
I laughed too, so as not to give her the notion that I did not know what she was talking about in regards to this ‘white island’. (Hortense, 1948)
17
Q
Ropes and pulleys was all I could conceive…
A
… Ropes and pulleys to hoist me up. (Hortense, 1948)
18
Q
In Gilbert Joseph’s last letter he had made me a promise that he would be there to meet me when my ship arrived…
A
… ‘You will see me waving my hand with joy at my young bride coming at last to England’. (Hortense, 1948)
19
Q
The only way he would be sure of recognising his bride was by looking out for a frowning woman stared embarrassed at the jumping, waving buffoon she had married…
A
… But it did not matter- he was not there. (Hortense, 1948)
20
Q
Have you seen Sugar?…
A
… She’s one of you… You must know her. (Hortense, 1948)
21
Q
‘I can’t take you all the way on my trolley, love’
A
This working white man thought me so stupid as to expect him, with only his two-wheeled cart, to take me through the streets of London. (Hortense, 1948)
22
Q
It took me several attempts at saying the address to the driver of the taxi vehicle before his lit with recognition…
A
… But still this taxi driver did not understand me. (Hortense, 1948)
23
Q
‘Just go and ring the bell…
A
… You know about bells and knockers? You got them where you come from?’ (Hortense, 1948)
24
Q
‘I’m sure someone inside will help you with this dear. Just ring the bell.’…
A
… He mouthed the last words with the slow exaggeration I generally reserved for the teaching of small children. It occured to me then that perhaps white men who worked were made to work because they were fools. (Hortense, 1948)
25
‘Don’t Hortense me, Gilbert Joseph.’
‘You no pleased to see me, Hortense?’ (Hortense, 1948)
26
‘So I go home and take the opportunity of fixing the place up nice for when you come...’
His shirt was not buttoned properly. (Hortense, 1948)
27
But he was Gilbert, I could tell...
... I could tell by the way the fool hopped about as he pronounced his excuses. (Hortense, 1948)
28
‘Well, I hope you have guava and mango and rum and-’
‘I hope you’re not bringing anything into the house that will smell?’ The Englishwoman interrupted. (Hortense, 1948)
29
‘Show me the rest, nah, I am tired from the long journey’.
Gilbert spoke so softly I could hardly hear. He said, ‘But this is it.’ (Hortense, 1948)
30
‘This is it, Hortense. This is the room I am living.’
Three steps would take me to one side of this room. (Hortense, 1948)
31
‘Just this?’
‘Just this? This is where you are living? Just this?’. (Hortense, 1948)
32
‘What you expect, woman? Yes, just this! What you expect? Everyone live like this. There has been a war’
He left me alone to stare at just this. (Hortense, 1948)
33
That question became a mournful lament...
... ‘Is this the way the English live?’ (Gilbert, 1948)
34
She drift to the window, look quizzical upon the scene...
... Rub her gloved hand on the pane of glass, examine it before saying once more, ‘This the way the English live?’ (Gilbert, 1948)
34
‘What, funnier than Queenie?’
She gave a little laugh although I had not made a joke. (Gilbert, 1948)
35
‘You a man. She just come off the boat- you mus’ show who boss...
... If she no like it a little licking will make her obey’ (Kenneth2G) (Gilbert, 1948)
36
Silly as two pantomime clowns...
... The trunk fell back down one whole flight when Kenneth, letting go, insisted that a cigarette- which I had to supply- was the only thing that would help him catch his breath. (Gilbert, 1948)
37
Let me tell the truth, I had been asleep before she come...
... Then I lie on the bed intending to just doze... Is it a sin that I fall asleep? (Gilbert, 1948)
38
‘You friendly with her?’
Wow! Friendly. (Gilbert, 1948)
39
‘Then why you no use a cloth?’
Reason tell me if I am not to kill this woman I must take a deep breath. (Gilbert, 1948)
40
‘A dump it may be, ducky, but you ain’t weeing in here... Gilbert, can you help me? This one thinks I’m a bloody toilet’
‘Bloody hell- she's so fresh off the boat, I can smell the sea.’ (Gilbert, 1948)
41
The frown that pinched her eyebrows was from a little girl confused...
... She pulled away. ‘Okay- I am not a disease not to be caught’. (Gilbert, 1948)
42
I stoop down to feel under the bed for the potty...
... After I place it under her nose... I ask myself, Gilbert why the hell you no empty it before Hortense come? The content is slopping over the side. (Gilbert, 1948)
43
She rage at me... I lose me temper.
‘Little miss Stick-up-your-nose-in-the-air... this... is where you will... write your mummy to tell her how the Mother Country is so fine. And... one thing about England you don’t know yet... You are lucky.’ (Gilbert, 1948)
44
I grew to look as my father did...
... My complexion was... the colour of honey. It was no the bitter chocolate hue of Alberta and her mother. With such a countenance there was a chance of a golden life for I. (Hortense, before)
45
‘You are a nuisance to me Michael Roberts,’ I told him...
... Mr Philip told me that it was not godly for girls to lift themselves into branches as a monkey would. (Hortense, before)
46
‘Miss Jewel,’ I told her,
‘You should learn to speak properly as the King of England does. Not in this rough country way.’ (Hortense, before)
47
I taught her the poem by Mr William Wordsworth that I had learned to recite at school...
I wander’d lonely as a cloud/ That floats on high o’er vales and hills,/ When all at once I saw a crowd,/ A host of golden daffodils. (Hortense, before)
48
But soon she was rehearsing her own version as she went about her day.
‘Ah walk under a cloud and den me float over de ill. An’ me see Miss Hortense a look pon de daffodil dem.’ (Hortense, before)
49
Whatever it was, I knew...
... -From the moment my eyes first beheld this handsome, dapper, newly made man- Iknew that I loved him. (Hortense, before)
50
And all that time I wondered...
... How did Michael know her given name was Stella? (Hortense, before)
51
No living person should ever see the underside of a tree...
... As I fled from the schoolhouse after the hurricane had passed, the world was upside-down. (Hortense, before)
52
‘Mrs Ryder is alone in the schoolhouse with Michael Roberts.’
‘Did you know my son was committing a mortal sin with Mrs Ryder- a married woman?’ (Hortense, before)
53
Mr Philip and Miss Ma had taken no more notice of...
... My leaving the homestead than if I were a piece of their livestock whose time had come to be sent for slaughter. Had they forgotten that my father was Lovell Roberts? (Hortense, before)
54
We new girls dazzled in our white gloves...
... We new girls were ready to be cultivated into teachers and only after three years of residential study would we be ready for release into the schools of Jamaica. (Hortense, before)
55
It was Celia Langley...
... Who pulled me from my bed that first morning. She believed it was the duty of a third-year pupil such as she to teach an untrained new girl (such as I) about the necessity of arriving early for the morning shower. (Hortense, before)
56
There were sixty pupils in the first class I had teach...
... Sixty children fidgeting like vermin... nappy- headed, runny- nosed, foul- smelling ragamuffins... staring on me, gaping as idiots do. (Hortense, before)
57
‘You must understand, if this Hitler man wins this war he will bring back slavery. We will all be in chains again. We will work for no pay.’
‘Celia, I work for no pay now.’ (Hortense, before)
58
Perhaps she did not understand my joke... a look of distaste passed carefully across her features...
... I could understand why it was of the greatest importance to her that slavery should not return. Her skin was so dark. But mine was not of that hue- it was the colour of warm honey. No one would think to enchain someone such as I... ‘Britons never, never, never shall be slaves.’ (Hortense, before)
59
‘Hortense, let me give you a secret...
... When I am older, I will be leaving Jamaica and... going to England. I will have a big house... and I will ring the bell, ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling.’ (Hortense, before)
60
‘Any news of Michael Roberts is a joy to my ear... Oh, he will soon turn up... He is always off doing some mischief.’
‘I don’t think that you have altogether understood the significance of this letter.’ (Hortense, before)
61
‘Miss Roberts, there is a war on...
... When the family of a serviceman is told that their relative is missing in action, the intention is to prepare them for the news that the young man may be dead.’ (Hortense, before)
62
‘The letter says nothing of him being dead.’
‘Prepare yourself... take comfort... that many people believe that no matter what their colour... men who are fighting to protect... Great Britain... are gallant heroes- be they alive or dead.’ (Hortense, before)
63
To think that I mistook this uncouth man for Michael Roberts.
‘You’re mother never tell you pawpaw is to go in your mouth and not on your foot?’ And his smile then became a chuckle at his own joke. (Hortense, before)
64
My dream was... that I should find employment... at the Church of England school in Kingston...
... for it was there that light-skinned girls in pristine uniforms gathered to drink from the fountain of an English curriculum. (Hortense, before)
65
But my interview for a position saw the headmaster... concerned... only with the facts of my upbringing...
... Lovell Roberts, my father, a man of character, a man of intelligence, noble in a way that made him a legend. (Hortense, before)
66
'You ever see a picture of the House of Parliament in London?...
... It looks to all the world like a fairytale castle.' (Hortense, before)
67
'These dazzling leaves fall... covering... the pavements with a blanket of gold...
... Everyone delighting in the leaves that float around them like golden rain.' (Hortense, before)
68
'Then come now with me to England, Celia'
Celia's eyes were dazzled by that blanket of gold. (Hortense, before)
69
'But what about your mother, Celia?'
I told him... the nature of her mother's ailment... she was unfortunately quite mad... but she did not smile that thank-you look to me. (Hortense, before)
70
'Your mother never tell you, neither a lender nor a borrower be?'
'I will lend you the money, we will be married and you can send for me to come to England when you have a place for me to live' (Hortense, before)
71
'A single woman cannot travel on her own... a married woman might go anywhere she pleased.'
It took Gilbert only two hours to decide to ask me if I would marry him. And he shook my hand... like a business deal. (Hortense, before)
72
Gilbert stood before me as naked as Adam...
... Between his legs a thing grew. (Hortense, before)
73
'What is that'
'This is my manhood' (Hortense, before)
74
'But, Hortense, I am your husband.' He laughed, before realising that I was making no joke.
If a body in its beauty is the work of God, then this hideous predicament between his legs was without doubt the work of the devil. (Hortense, before)
75
He held his palms up... then, glancing down, cupped his hands over his disgustingness...
... He struggled into his trousers hopping round the room like a jackass. (Hortense, before)
76
For the teeth and glasses...
... That was the reason so many coloured people were coming to this country, according to my next-door neighbour Mr Todd. 'That National Health Service- it's pulling them in, Mrs Bligh.' (Queenie, 1948)
77
You don't see many coloured women...
... I'd seen old ones with backsides as big as buses but never a young one with a trim waist. (Queenie, 1948)
78
They were the same during the war, although even they couldn't blame me for that...
... Too many Poles... Czechs... Belgians... and as for Jews. They moaned about Jews even after we knew what the poor beggars had been through. (Queenie, 1948)
79
I told him [Jean] was a nurse...
... Choked on his cup of tea before enquiring if I was very sure of that. (Queenie, 1948)
80
He wanted my errant husband home to put an end to me taking in all the flotsam and jetsam off the streets...
... A nearly-not-quite-widow. No man to protect me, guide me, show me the error of my ways. He looked out for me as neighbours should... Our own kind sticking together. (Queenie, 1948)
81
Darkies! I'd taken in darkies next door to him...
... His concern... was that they would turn the area into a jungle... I'd often wondered what happened to Airman Gilbert Joseph. You do with a war... everyone scattered like dandelion seeds. (Queenie, 1948)
82
Mother and father suggested I move back to the farm until the war was over...
... How many times was I meant to escape from that blinking place? I'd already done it twice. (Queenie, 1948)
83
I didn't celebrate VE Day- my husband and thousands more were still fighting out east...
... With the war over I did my patriotic duty- got myself looking as good as I could. (Queenie, 1948)
84
'How can you think of being a woman alone in a house with coloureds?' Blanche said...
... They had different ways from us and knew nothing of manners... sent her husband round to reason with me because he knew all about blacks. Morris blushed scarlet telling me of their animal desires. (Queenie, 1948)
85
'This is not what he wanted, Mrs Bligh...
... He's just back from fighting a war and now this country no longer feels his own.' (Queenie, 1948)
86
'I just get undress'
'That is why I should like the light extinguished,' I had to inform the fool. (Queenie, 1948)
87
How the English built empires when their armies marched on nothing but mush should be one of the wonders of the world...
... Now I am telling you this so you might better understand what a lustless and ravenous Jamaican experienced when he arrived... bacon, egg (two proper eggs!), sausages, fried tomato, fried potatoes. (Gilbert, before)
88
I swear many tears were wept over that breakfast...
... Paradise, we all decided, America is paradise... Paradise popping from our mouths like the cork from champagne. (Gilbert, before)
89
'You will be able to use the movie theatre, the playing fields, all mess facilities, et cetera, et cetera.'
'Where is this et cetera?' the small island boys whispered to each other. (Gilbert, before)
90
'While on the camp you will be under the command of your own NCOs and following British military law.'
Who cared about law as long as the British were not cooking the food? (Gilbert, before)
91
This war business was getting me down...
No one knew how long we would be immured on this camp without seeing a curvaceous bosom, a rounded hip, a shapely leg... No American girl was to see me in uniform. (Gilbert, before)
92
'You will mix with white service personnel...
... Have you boys any idea how lucky you are? You will not be treated as n-groes.' (Gilbert, before)
93
Perhaps my cousin Elwood was right.
'Man, this is a white man's war... But you think winning this war going to change anything for me and you?' (Gilbert, before)
94
Anthropoid- I looked to the dictionary to find the meaning of this word used by Hitler and his friends to describe Jews and coloured men...
... 'resembling a human, but primitive, like an ape'. Two whacks I got. For I am a black man whose father was born a Jew. (Gilbert, before)
95
'Remember... you could have been Jewish'
This to him was the worst curse that could befall anyone. (Gilbert, before)
96
'Thank Jesus Christ that I saw the light'
It was during the First World War... he met Jesus on the battlefield... 'I can know if a man is Jewish by the rear'. (Gilbert, before)
97
My mother, Louise, took him in, pleased to be parading round this nearly white husband...
... My father took Christianity very seriously. He would march his family every Sunday to the Anglican church. (Gilbert, before)
98
But I was ready to fight this master race theory...
... For my father was a Jew and my brother is a black man... 'If this war is not won then you can be certain nothing here will ever change.' (Gilbert, before)
99
We West Indians, being subjects of His Majesty King George VI, had, for the time being, superior black skin...
... We were allowed to live with white soldiers, while the inferior American n-gro was not... 'Your American n-gger don't work... same kinda thing happens in the animal kingdom. But you boys being British are different.' (Gilbert, before)
100
'What the bloody 'ell have they sent me?'
Every action we took confirmed to this man that all West Indian RAF volunteers were thoroughly stupid... Cor blimey, all the daft things we darkies did. (Gilbert, before)
101
'My husband here says it's not English you're speaking...
... There, I told you. They speak it just like us, only funnier. Ta, ducks, sorry to bother ya.' (Gilbert, before)
102
Let me ask you to imagine this...
... Living far from you is... a relation so dear a kin she is known as Mother... refined mannerly and cultured... one day you hear Mother calling... troubled... leave home... familiar... love... The filthy tramp that eventually meets you... offers you no comfort... 'who the bloody hell are you?' (Gilbert, before)
103
Let me ask the Mother country just this one simple question...
... How come England did not know me? (Gilbert, before)
104
'Tommy, tell me nah, where is Jamaica?'
'Well, dunno, Africa, ain't it?' (Gilbert, before)
105
'He's coloured, sir... he's coloured... blac,k sir'
'He's what... ah, shit. Coloured you say?... yeah, thank you, sergeant. I do know what coloured means. What the hell are they playing at? Fucking limeys.' (Gilbert, before)
106
'He sent me that black just to piss me off...
... Fucking limeys. I'll get him on the phone. These n-ggers are more trouble than their worth.' (Gilbert, before)
107
'No, Jamaica is not in England but it is part of the British Empire.'
'The British Empire, you say. And where would that be, Joe?... And you say your mother lives in one of them?' (Gilbert, before)
108
All I knew was that a pretty woman looked at me for the count of two seconds with an excited recognition.
'He thinks he knows you. He brought you back for me...He thinks you're someone else.' (Gilbert, before)
109
'Oh, you were trying to make me laugh were you, Airman?'
'Laughter is part of my war effort' (Gilbert, before)
110
'What- your husband won't mind if you entertain me?'
'I'll go write to him. Should get a reply within the year.' (Gilbert, before)
111
Sergeant Baxter... taught me... that owing to shortages and rationing in Britain if invited for food into someone’s home the polite response was to say no, thank you...
... Perhaps with the excuse that you had eaten already. ‘They can’t go giving the likes of you their precious food.’ (Gilbert, before)
112
There that laugh came from nowhere...
... An alarming sound, which suddenly filled every corner of the dull and dour room with dazzle. (Gilbert, before)
113
Everyone fighting a war hates...
... All must conjure a list of demons. The enemy. Top of most British Tommies’ list would be... the Nazis. (Gilbert, before)
114
But from that first uneasy hospitality at the American base in Virginia to this cocky hatred that was charging across the room to yell in the face of a coloured man whose audacity was to sit with a white woman...
... I was learning to despise the American GI above all other... If defeat of hatred is the purpose of war, then... I and all other coloured servicemen were fighting this war on another front. (Gilbert, before)
115
Paying the waitress I tipped her so handsomely she almost smiled on me...
... It was too late to don a disguise... they would still know me in a blonde wig. (Gilbert, before)
116
‘You’re coloured...
... It’s the rules... all coloureds up the back rows... our our other customers don’t like to sit next to coloureds.’ (Gilbert, before)
117
I wanted to be so pleased that this sweet Englishwoman was speaking up for me...
... Queenie’s good intentions were entirely missing the point. (Gilbert, before)
118
‘Madam, there is no Jim Crow in this country... Jim Crow.’
‘Who?... Well, if he’s coloured he’ll have to sit at the back.’ (Gilbert, before)
119
We fighting the persecution of the Jew...
... Yet even in my RAF blue my coloured skin can permit anyone to treat me as less than a man. (Gilbert, before
120
Only when I tried to release Queenie’s aching grasp...
... Did I recognise that this woman was not seeking my protection. No, Queenie Bligh believed herself to be safeguarding me. (Gilbert, before)
121
Man, it was hatred in these men’s eyes not anger!...
... Tell me, if you build a bonfire from the driest tinder, is it the stray spark you blame when the flames start to lick? (Gilbert, before)
122
‘You wan’ it n-gger? You gonna get it... Fucking son-of-a-bitch you’re a dead man...’
These US comrades buttoned into the same green uniform for a fight against foreign aggression were about to start their own uncivil war. (Gilbert, before)
123
‘Get away from her, n-gger.’ Only now did I experience the searing pain of this fight- and not from the grazing on my face or the wrench in my shoulder...
... Arthur Bligh had become another casualty of war- but come, tell me, someone... which war? (Gilbert, before)
124
We only heard Enid when Auntie Corinne screeched for us to come.
‘Close all the windows!’... hovering homeless... angry bees... ‘Gilbert, you wan’ see us eaten alive, man.’... Auntie Corinne fell to her knees praying very loud, ‘Lord deliver us from this plague of bees,’... and all our bees gone... was Elwood a fool or just plain mad?... ‘Elwood, you think I am about to run round this island looking for lost bees?’. (Gilbert, before)
125
‘Gilbert, me know you would do this...
... You may look like one of us but not’in’ gon’ change the fact your daddy is a white man.’ (Gilbert, before)
126
I was a giant living on land no bigger than the soles of my shoes...
... The palm trees that tourists thought rested so beautiful on every shore were my prison bars... The King- oh, a fine man, and Shakespeare too. (Gilbert, before)
127
But with Hortense my feet landed on solid ground with such a thump my ankles nearly snapped...
... Oh, she was pretty... a golden complexion... eyes flashing alive... she did not like me... my tales of war bored her... she let me know that I would have to marry her for the money. This woman was looking for an escape and I was to be the back she would ride out on... I am not too proud to tell you I sobbed like a boy lost... There was no choice before me except one. (Gilbert, before)
128
I hoped that Celia Langley could no longer see me...
... I never dreamed England would be like this. (Hortense, 1948)
129
I was useless...
... Was I not speaking English? (Hortense, 1948)
130
‘You’ll soon get used to our language.’
‘I can speak and understand the English language very well, thank you.’ (Hortense, 1948)
131
‘You’ll find I’m not like most...
... It doesn’t worry me to be seen out with darkies.’ (Hortense, 1948)
132
And what is a darkie?
‘Can you perchance tell me... how do you make a chip?’ (Hortense, 1948)
133
Hundreds of Queenies would appear...
... But not one Victoria. (Queenie, before)
134
Auntie Dorothy loosened her corset the day I came to London to live with her.
'Oh, Queenie, I'll make a good catch of you,' she said, tightening mine. (Queenie, before)
135
'No, that one's a gentleman...
... No spivs or ne'er-do-wells ever read the times.' (Queenie, before)
136
He started coming in twice a day...
... You'd think I was going on stage the way she winked at me for good luck as she opened he door from the back room into the shop. (Queenie, before)
137
We'd been stepping out for about four months...
... When I began to hate the back of his neck. (Queenie, before)
138
I don't know how she missed it- it made him look really queer...
... And he dithered over change.
139
'He don't talk much, auntie'
'That's good- you'd not want a chatterbox' (Queenie, before)
140
All three of us were listening to the dog lick its private parts when Bernard piped up...
... He'd never said anything near half as interesting to me. (Queenie, before)
141
'That man is a brick- you'll be safe as houses with him'
'Is that all courting is?' (Queenie, before)
142
Unmistakable it was, the quivering lip, the watering eye...
... He was about to cry. It was the most exciting thing he'd ever done. (Queenie, before)
143
'I didn't know you'd be so upset,' I said...
... I thought only women felt emotion- all men are far too practical for such silliness. (Queenie, before)
144
Oh, blinking heck, I thought...
... Which is not what you should think when your best boy's just proposed. (Queenie, before)
145
'Auntie, you've fallen on the dog!'
They assured me at the hospital that she was killed outright and, honestly, truly, wouldn't have known that when she fell she crushed poor Prudence flat. She'd only got off her lounger to... measure out some of her blinking coconut ice. (Queenie, before)
146
'There's plenty for you to do around the farm' Not on your nelly, Mother!
'I'm getting married, Mother, yo Bernard Bligh.' (Queenie, before)
147
Bernard would untie his pyjama bottoms...
... Bunch the fabric... so they... didn't spoil the surprise... Later it was the peck from a chicken's beak... slippery as a greasy sausage... If he stuck his tongue in your mouth that was definitely a baby... And what girl didn't know you could fall pregnant sitting on a toilet seat. (Queenie, before)
148
If I didn't partake fully and enjoy relations with my husband I would never get pregnant, he assured me.
'I would like children, Queenie'... What he didn't know was that with every curse that came and went I cried over those bloody rags. (Queenie, before)
149
And, silly woman that I am...
... Didn't I know that there was a war coming. (Queenie, before)
150
Bernard moved first- not towards me...
... He lunged for Arthur's gas mask... it was his next... any loud noise made Arthur next... 'get a grip'. (Queenie, before)
151
I thought I heard my husband say 'Suit yourself'.
But Bernard said, 'These Jews are more trouble than they're worth.' (Queenie, before)
152
Bombers arrive like thunderclouds...
... We couldn't get Arthur into the shelter when the real bombs came. No amount of coaxing... could get him into another trench. (Queenie, before)
153
'They'd be happier among their own kind.'
But it wasn't an invasion- it was a sadder sight than that. It was a family. 'Is every waif and stray to end up here?' (Queenie, before)
154
'You'll be safe as houses,' Auntie Dorothy had been very fond of saying...
... Anything solid she thought to be safe. Even Bernard. I was glad she wasn't alive to have to face the fact that even solid can crumble. (Queenie, before)
155
Violet and her sister Margery...
... They'd lost everything but they giggled. Hysterical euphoria. (Queenie, before)
156
'Look at you- you're tired. You look awful.'
'There's thousands of people having much more of a war than you are.' (Queenie, before)
157
And when I talked about him I plumped almost as proud as Auntie Dorothy with Montgomery...
... Without Bernard... he began to unfurl as sure as a flower that finally feels the sun when the tree is gone. (Queenie, before)
158
The RAF man's hand was raised almost in salute, ready to knock at the door once more...
... But that wasn't the first thing I noticed. I was lost in Africa again at the Empire Exhibition... He was coloured. (Queenie, before)
159
Only Michael appeared in the morning...
... The dress I had on was a little too short and a little too tight... Bits that used to work on their own suddenly needed my control. (Queenie, before)
160
'Would you perchance...
... Have a tin-opener' (Queenie, before)
161
'Why every English person I meet think Jamaica is in Africa?'
'I have no family in Jamaica. My Mother and Father are dead. There is no one else.' (Queenie, before)
162
It wasn't me...
Mrs Queenie Bligh, she wasn't even there... If it hadn't been for the blackout, could have lit up London. (Queenie, before)
163
'Queenie, can you hear me?...
... Can you hear me? Come on, love- not far now. We'll soon have you nice and safe.' (Queenie, before)
164
Years of war...
... All those bombed-out people who could joke and smile at me with a steady gaze just after they'd had everything wiped out, and here was I, shaking so much that an old shell-shocked veteran had to help me get tea to my lips. (Queenie, before)
165
'I would die if anything happened to you'
'Arthur, you spoke'... I started to sob. Bring me back the blinking chiming clock... I had had enough of war. Come on, let's all just get back to being bored. 'Don't leave me.' (Queenie, before)
166
'Eat up... before it gets perishing.'
'How long you been in this country and you don't know what is perishing.' (Hortense, 1948)
167
'I do not need any help from you, Gilbert Joseph'
'Have it your way, Miss Can't Cook.' (Hortense, 1948)
168
Perhaps Elwood was right.
'Stay and fight till you look 'pon what you wan' see.' (Gilbert, 1948)
169
I had no intention of eating that precious candy...
... For it was a salvation to me- not for the sugar but for the act of kindness. The human tenderness with which it was given to me. I had become hungry for the good in people... A sticky sweet rescued me as sure as if that Englishwoman had pulled me from drowning in the sea. (Gilbert, 1948)
170
'See here, miss Mucky Foot'
'You know what the English do... they eat this food straight from the newspaper.' I knew this high-class woman would not be able to keep her face solemn in the presence of such barbarity... 'Not everything the English do is good.' (Gilbert, 1948)
171
Could the woman not see this coat was not only ugly but too small for her?...
... I was dressed as a woman such as I should be when visiting the shops in England... And as if the Almighty had stolen the rainbow from this place not one person was dressed in a colour bright enough to cheer my eye. All was grey. (Hortense, 1948)
172
'This shop is called the grocer's'
What else could it be? But I was waiting for this blue-eye-yet-black-hair woman to speak. Was she English, or foreign? (Hortense, 1948)
173
'Have you got cheese today'
Impeccable English, rounded and haughty. My mouth could do nothing but gape... Why no one in this country understand my English?... Tired of this silly dance of miscomprehension... She think me a fool that does not know what is bread. (Hortense, 1948)
174
'She's coloured'
'Are they talking to me?' (Hortense, 1948)
175
I, as a visitor to his country...
... Should step off the pavement into the road if an English person wishes to pass. (Hortense, 1948)
176
There was a man with his back towards us standing at the door of the house.
'Bernard? Bernard?' (Hortense, 1948)
177
I'd have recognised it anywhere, the back of Bernard's neck.
'Bernard. You've been away a long time.' (Hortense, 1948)
178
Even started whistling (nothing fancy)...
... Now I was part of a team... mechanic (engines)- and proud to be an erk. (Bernard, before)
179
Maxi and me hugging like goal scorers...
... Would Queenie have recognised her husband now?... Not that pallid bank clerk, fretting when the tube got too crowded. (Bernard, before)
180
Wondering what sort of Britain was being built without us...
... Forgotten war, forgotten army, forgotten again. (Bernard, before)
181
How those coolies recognised one another...
... Was mystery to all. After two years in India, they still all looked the same to me. (Bernard, before)
182
'Wait a minute. Were they Hindu or Muslim?' One joker aksed.
'Who the bloody hell cares?' (Bernard, before)
183
Muslims butchering Hindus. Hindus massacring Muslims...
... Made me smile to think of that ragged bunch of illiterates wanting to run their own country. (Bernard, before)
184
'You speak good English'
I knew lots of them had been educated. 'Taught by missionaries, was it?' (Bernard, before)
185
'I am lucky to learn the language at school'
I was glad to hear he was grateful. (Bernard, before)
186
'Are you not protecting us all this time from the filthy Japs with their slitty eyes?...
... Your British bulldog understands that there is nothing worse than foreigners invading your land.' (Bernard, before)
187
'Maxi's in there. Come on, pop.' I just ran...
... I'm so pleased to see him that I hug him... I ask about Maxi. (Bernard, before)
188
Murdering thugs would strangle their own mother for money...
... Worse than the Japs... bloody coolies... wretched, simpering little wog. (Bernard, before)
189
Started to realise I'd gone so far...
... Ma, a little unrecognisable figure on the beach, calling me back. Pa wading out, sweeping me up safe in his arms. (Bernard, before)
190
I told her to shut up...
I grabbed her hair into a bunch... wriggling whore... Surely no more than fifteen... even twelve... what would Queenie think of her husband now? Trousers round my ankles in a brothel, defiling someone's daughter... The was hadn't made me a hero. It had brought me to my knees... threw the money at the wretched whore. (Bernard, before)
191
Syphilis!
The inevitable result of my sexual relations with the wrong type. A small girl with black eyes as harmless as a baby's. The wretched whore in Calcutta- still left clinging on me. Syphilis! I couldn't imagine what Queenie would say to that. (Bernard, before)
192
She looked older...
... Who could doubt I owed Queenie an explanation?... I found Maxi's house... Maxi had never seen this younger son. I felt like a thief, stealing a sight that should have been his. (Bernard, before)
193
It was the darkie woman I saw first...
... I was dumbfounded to see that the white woman she accompanied was Queenie. (Bernard, 1948)
194
'Oh. Is that all you can say? Oh?'
That's what war had done to me. Made death a reasonable thing. But she was quite hysterical. (Bernard, 1948)
195
He slapped his palm on the table, quite startled me, and said, 'A prostitute and coloureds. What were you thinking'
'Did they have to be coloured? Couldn't you have got decent lodgers for the house?Respectable people?... Well, they'll have to go now I'm back... the street has gone to the dogs, What with all these coloureds swamping the place. Hardly like our own country anymore.' (Queenie, 1948)
196
'We should move out...
... Get rid of all these coolies... the lodgers, I mean. Let them find somewhere more suitable for their type... Thought I'd start a rabbit farm.
197
Funny dream. Odd...
... Then he's there. The Jap. This one looks comical but I know there's nothing funny about a Jap... I knew we were in danger... Queenie sits up... and says 'Hello'... like she's talking to a neighbour. (Bernard, 1948)
198
There was something I recognised on the face of Bernard Bligh...
... I know it like a foe... 'Him call me a wog and a darkie'. (Queenie, 1948)
199
'You can't teach in this country. You're no qualified to teach here in England'
'I will come back again when I am qualified to teach in this country.'... I opened a door... only when my foot kicked against a bucket did I realise I had walked into a cupboard. (Hortense, 1948)
200
This was probably the first time the woman's cheek ever felt a tear...
... No one will watch us weep in this country. (Gilbert, 1948)
201
Instead of laughing hearty on the joke of this proud woman's humiliation, my heart snapped in two... 'What was this cupboard like?'
Her expression flashed 'What is this fool man saying?' but she answered, 'There was a bucket and perhaps a mop.'... she smiled. (Gilbert, 1948)
202
'Enough time for them to think me a fool'
'Ah, well, not so long, then.' (Gilbert, 1948)
203
'People always stare on us'
'The King has the same problem.' (Gilbert, 1948)
204
'I dreamed of coming to London'
'Are you teasing me, Gilbert Joseph?' (Gilbert, 1948)
205
The war was fought so people might live amongst their own kind...
... The British knew fair play. Leave India to the Indians... These brown gadabouts were nothing but trouble... According to this darkie I could not just come into his room. (Bernard, 1948)
206
Wanting to know if Queenie... also required him to go...
207
The fool husband then turned his gaze to me.
'It nothing to do with me, man... I sorry for you. But this business is nothing to do with me'... 'It's everything to do with you. You and your kind'... He glared upon my face with unmistakenable hate... accuse me of all sorts of things I had never got the chance to do with his wife.' (Gilbert, 1948)
208
I didn't kid myself that Michael loved me...
... A lonely pretty almost-widow to spend his last nights with... The darkies are bad enough but now an illegitimate child. (Queenie, 1948)
209
'Just this'... as I knew she would.
'we can fix it up... with a liitle paint and some carpet' (Gilbert, 1948)
210
This beautiful woman commanded nothing but the best...'There are many, many more rooms.'
'Do you want to sleep in the bed with me?' (Gilbert, 1948)
211
Anger, hurt, disapproval. It was pitiful. I was blank as a sheet of white paper...
... I put my hand down... to his stomach... no need to cry... seemed to calm him... didn't want him wide awake... before telling the truth of my stay in Brighton... I passed her someone else's son. (Bernard, 1948)
212
Giggling together...
... Hortense and Gilbert... Hortense: her face was as stiff as an aristocrat's. (Queenie, 1948)
213
'Michael'
'It is a favourite name of mine'... 'Will you take him... when you leave... bring him up as your son... I trust you.' What the hell was the stupid man talking about? (Queenie, 1948)
214
'You know what your trouble is man?...
... Your white skin. You think it makes you better than me... it make you white. That is all... we both finish fighting a war... for the better world we wan' see... you wan' tell me I am worthless and you are not.' (Hortense, 1948)
215
Had he really no idea why we, two white people, could not bring up a coloured child?...
Bernard had no right to be so sensible... just... caring... 'He's coloured Bernard... and he's not your son... that little black bastard... it would kill you... I haven't got the spine... and I'm his blessed mother... They'd want Michael to go to the back of the picture house' (Queenie, 1948)
216
My husband, was a man of class...
... of character... of intelligence. Noble in the way that would some day make him a legend. (Hortense, 1948)
217
But this Englishman just carried on.
'I'm sorry... but I just can't understand a single word that you're saying.' (Hortense, 1948)
218
'They took me from my mummy because, with my golden skin, everyone agreed that I would have a golden future.'
'You wan' us take the child, Gilbert?'... 'Perhaps... I am a fool... I truly believe there is nothing else that we can do.' (Hortense, 1948)
