The Courage To Be Disliked - Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga Flashcards
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The Courage To Be Disliked is a Japanese analysis of the work of 19th-century psychologist Alfred Adler, who established that happiness lies in the hands of each human individual and does not depend on past traumas.
The book tells the story of an unhappy young man, who visits a philosopher on the outskirts of his city. Over the course of five conversations, the teacher helps him take control of his own life and happiness.
3 lessons I learned:
1/ One of our most dangerous beliefs is that our past determines our future.
You have to believe that something different can happen in order to break old patterns. And you can choose that new outlook at any time. So why not choose it right now?
2/ If you focus on what’s wrong with you, you might be looking for reasons to hate yourself on purpose.
In talking to the student the philosopher realised that the flaws the young man saw weren’t real. In essence, he was coming up with reasons to hate himself in order to seek isolation from others and, thus, avoid getting hurt. His loneliness was the cause of his misery, not the effect of any actual shortcomings.
3/ A competitive mindset destroys your mental health.
Mark Twain remarked that “comparison is the death of joy.” It’s also the birth of misery.
This is something Adler would agree with. He saw competitive societies as detrimental to our mental health and well-being. Countries like Japan and China also have competition, but are, overall, more focused on cooperation, whereas nations like the US and Germany really focus on individual winner types.
The problem is that if you believe in order to be happy, you need to come out on top of some game, like earning money, getting likes, or having friends, you’ll be sad and stressed either way. The losers feel bad for losing, the winners constantly worry about their success.
Adler sought something much more productive to be the purpose of psychology: to help humans be courageous. Once you let go of a narrow, competitive mindset and embrace abundance, you’ll never feel like anyone is holding you back.
