The Writer, Ella Hickson

Question 1

Because you…

Answer 1

Because you genuinely enjoy a sofa.
And I know it sounds elitist and a bit cunty and I sound like a narcissistic prick but there are cheerful people who sit all day and watch TV and love it.

Question 2

You are never …

Answer 2

You are never happier than in the exotic food aisle in Waitrose selecting a new selection of snacking nuts and sometimes, I stand there, with the trolley and I feel like I’m dissolving inside just watching your capacity for happiness.

Question 3

And in me,

Answer 3

And in me, for some reason, snacking nuts, exotic or otherwise,
don’t stop this constant need for something - bigger - all the time.
I want awe.
I feel like I need blood.
All the time.
And anything less than that makes me feel desperate.
It makes me feel like I want to die.

Question 4

Either…

Answer 4

Either I can feel real but I’m living in a world of cartoons

or you and the world are real and I feel like I go see-through.

Question 5

And …

Answer 5

And it’s not like that for you.
You have snacking nuts.
You’re perfectly happy in the world as it is.
And it hurts to watch because I want to be like that so badly that it makes me actually hurt to watch you in Waitrose, smiling so much, over those snacking nuts.