Week 9-Attraction and Close Relationships Flashcards
(36 cards)
Waters et al. (2000) found that the percentage of adults who had the same attachment style in adulthood as in infancy was…
64%
Stability in Attachment Style
Two kinds of love that appear in most theories of love are:
Companionate & Passionate
What are the cognitive strategies that can maintain a relationship?
- Changing the way you perceive your partner so that they more closely resemble your ideal
- Adjusting your expectations so that your partner can meet them
- Downplaying your partner’s faults
Whether “The Need To Belong” is fundamental?
YES it is fundamental.(Baumeister & Leary, 1995).
Need to satisfy these both components
-> We need positive experiences from other people(the same person)
->Long-term, stable, caring, concern
- SOCIAL BONDING fundamental to human existence (evolutionary advantage)
- Babies are naturally oriented toward humans more than non-social objects (Walton et al., 1992)
Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs- LOVE & BELONGING (friendship, family, sexual intimacy)
What is the impact of Being around other people?
- People form social bonds easily without any special circumstances
- Social bonds form even under aversive conditions(war and conflict form bonds despite circumstances)
What is the impact of NOT Being around other people?
- Deprivation of belongingness has adverse consequences
- Social exclusion (Social Pain) may be connected to the experience of physical pain (e.g., Eisenberger, Lieberman & Williams, 2003)
Solitary confinement (prison) or initiation ceremonies to gain and get that belonging back.
Attachment Across The Lifespan
Bonds we make with other people that gives comfort.
Same Attachment Styles from childhood-adulthood (from cradle till the grave)
Bowlby(1969)–>(Hazan & Shaver, 1987)
1)Secure-Easy to get close to, and depend on others. Don’t worry about getting abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.
2) Avoidant-uncomfortable being close to others; finds it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow yourself to depend on them. Nervous when anyone gets too close, and often love partners want you to be more intimate than you feel comfortable being.
3) Anxious-others are reluctant to get as close you would like. Often worry that your partner doesn’t really love you or won’t want to stay with you. You want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.
Attachment Across The Lifespan
Bonds we make with other people that gives comfort.
Same Attachment Styles from childhood-adulthood (from cradle till the grave)
Bowlby(1969)–>(Hazan & Shaver, 1987)
1)Secure-Easy to get close to, and depend on others. Don’t worry about getting abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.
2) Avoidant-uncomfortable being close to others; finds it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow yourself to depend on them. Nervous when anyone gets too close, and often love partners want you to be more intimate than you feel comfortable being.
3) Anxious-others are reluctant to get as close you would like. Often worry that your partner doesn’t really love you or won’t want to stay with you. You want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.
As we grow up romantic and peer relationships become increasingly important.
Love in adult relationships
Define Love and what are the different kinds of love?
Love = A combination of emotions, cognitions, commitment and behaviour that can be involved in intimate relationships. EMOTION; COGNITION & BEHAVIOUR
Passionate or romantic love – intensely emotional state; confusion of feelings such as tenderness, sexuality, elation, pain, anxiety, relief, altruism and jealousy.
Companionate love – feelings of friendly affection and deep attachment.
What is interpersonal Attraction Guided By?
Combination of ideals, proximity, and situational factors, which allow discovery of similarity
How do relationships endure?
Endure when social exchange is profitable, equitable, and partners are committed
What is the THREE FACTOR THEORY OF LOVE? (Hatfield and Walster)
Romantic love requires:
1)A cultural determinant that acknowledges love as a state. Society or cultures must have a definition of love.
2) An appropriate love object
3) Emotional arousal, self-labelled ‘love’, when thinking about or interacting with the love object
Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg)
1) Intimacy(liking)
2) Passion(Infatuation)
3) Commitment (cognitive- empty love)
Consummate love- has all 3 factors
Companionate love- Commitment & Intimacy
Romantic love-Passion & Intimacy
Fatuous love-Passion & Commitment
No love has none of these 3 factors
Colour Theory (Lee)
No one type of love 3 PRIMARY kinds of love: 1)Eros-Loving an ideal person 2)Ludos- Love as a game 3)Storage-Love as a friendship
Combination of the two love styles can cause SECONDARY LOVE STYLES:
- Mania: Obsessive love (Eros & Ludos)
- Agape: Selfless love(Eros & Storage)
- Pragma: Practical and realistic love(Ludos & Storage)
Hendrick & Hendrick Questionnaire- Love attitude scale.
Women score higher on Storage and Pragma whilst men score higher Ludos.
Basic Descriptions of the 6 Love Styles (Hendrick & Hendrick)
Eros-Passionate love-love is an all-consuming emotional experience
Storage- Friendship/compassionate- Comfortable intimacy that grows out of companionship
Ludos-Gameplaying Love- Enjoy the love game and how to win it
Mania-Possessive love- Emotional; intense; jealous; obsessed with the beloved
Pragma-Logical love-relation works well; compatible partners
Agape-Altrusic love- Unconditional; caring-giving and forgiving
Prototype Theory (Fehr and Russell)
6 studies examined how people defined love:
Love is better to understand from a prototype. The natural language of love has an internal structure. Different ways of defining love.
Does love to endure? Relationship Maintenace
- A lot of biases
- ADAPTATION: Adjust to perception “ideals”
- PARTNER REGULATION: Bring closer to one’s standards, changing behaviours
- Domestic partners; companions and friends; members of one another’s social networks
Overtime (‘honeymoon period’) - social exchange increases
Passionate love—->Compassionate love
Feel more securely attached to a partner
Factors that contribute to an ongoing relationship (Adam & Jones)
1) Personal dedication-a positive attraction to a particular partner and relationship
2) Moral commitment-a sense of obligation, social responsibility or religious duty, controlled by the person’s values and moral principles
3) Constrain commitment-factors that make it costly to leave a relationship, e.g. lack of attractive alternatives; various social, financial, legal investments in the relationship. (can’t financially be independent)
What do healthy relationships include?
Psychological attachment; Long-term orientation; Intention to persist
COGNITIVE STRATEGIES to maintain a relationship
Cognitive strategies to maintain a relationship
1)Enhance your partner’s virtues and downplay their faults (Murray & Holmes, 1999)
2) Change your expectations to fit more closely with what your partner has to offer (Fletcher, Simpson & Thomas, 2000)
3) Adjust your perceptions so that your partner resembles your ideal (Murray, Holmes and Griffin, 1996)
Phases in the breakup of a relationship
1) Intrapsychic phase- Thoughts of breakup
2) Dyadic (two-person) phase- Two people discuss the issues. Strategies to change relationship make it better or call it quits.
3) Social phase- Start to tell people loved ones, friends etc.
4) Grave-dressing phase- Reminisce on the past and look for in a future relationship
Who are we attracted to?
Importance of beauty-subjective? ; Universal characteristics (facial features, physical size); cultural differences (thin or thicker)
Finding a mate
Chemistry
- Evolutionary psychology (Buss & Schmidt, 1993): what motivates mate choice is reproductive fitness
i. e., the opportunity to produce viable offspring. Nurturer/ Producer
-The qualities/characteristics people find attractive are those that signal fitness.
Facial Attractiveness
Mate preference on healthier.
- Human attractiveness evolved because of mate preference for healthy, fertile mates. ( Clear eyes and skin)
- Facial attractiveness ratings
-High agreement in facial attractiveness ratings
Consistent across sexes, sexual orientations, ethnic groups, ages…(correlations 0.3-0.5). SIMILAR AGREEMENT ON FACIAL ATTRACTIVENESS ACROSS CULTURES
- Twin Studies- Monozygotic more symmetrical more attractive than cotwin.
- Average face
