WHO Doing What Matters During Stress

Question 1

When do we use grounding?

Answer 1

sometimes thoughts/feelings are very painful-overpowering-emotional storms
we then use grounding - get down from the tree - much safer on the ground

Question 2

How do we ground?

Answer 2

slow down, connect with your body
slow and full breathing
slowly press feet into the floor
slowly stretch arms or slowly press hands together

then 54321

Notice how you are feeling
slow down, connect with body
slowly breathe out, stretch, push feet on the floor
refocus on the world around you
pay attention to what you can see, hear, touch, smell and taste
it should take about 30 seconds

you can do it anytime, anywhere

Question 3

What does grounding do?

Answer 3

it keeps you safe until the emotional storm passes

some storms last long, some pass quickly

Question 4

What does grounding not do?

Answer 4

grounding doesn’t make the storm disappear

Question 5

What is the purpose of grounding?

Answer 5

the purpose is not to get rid of feelings

the purpose of unhooking and grounding is to help you engage in life
and to help you move towards your values - to behave more like the person you want to be

and help you focus on what you are doing so you can do it well

Question 6

What are very painful or overwhelming thoughts/feelings like?

Answer 6

emotional storms

Question 7

What are emotional storms?

Answer 7

sometimes thoughts/feelings are very painful-overpowering

Question 8

What does learning grounding require?

Answer 8

it requires practice
the more you practice the better it gets
it’s like building muscles

practice throughout the day, at every chance you get
it can help to make a plan
like when and where, how many times you will practice

Question 9

When can you practice grounding?

Answer 9

you can do it anytime, anywhere

Question 10

What do difficult thoughts and feelings do?

Answer 10

they pull us away from our values
when we get hooked our behaviour changes.
we often start doing things that make our lives worse.

Question 11

What hooks us?

Answer 11

difficult thoughts and feelings

Question 12

What pulls us away from our values?

Answer 12

being hooked by difficult thoughts and feelings

Question 13

What happens when we get hooked?

Answer 13

we get pulled away from our values
our behaviour changes.
we often start doing things that make our lives worse.

we disengage and get distracted

Question 14

How do we unhook?

Answer 14

we unhook by refocusing and engaging in what we are doing

Question 15

What happens when you engage and focus?

Answer 15

It helps you to move towards your values - to behave more like the person you want to be

and helps you focus on what you are doing so you can do it well

you may find it more satisfying
even the activities that are boring/frustrating

Question 16

What to do when a thought/feeling hooks you again?

Answer 16

when you realise this
refocus
if thoughts and feelings hook you 1000 times
you unhook yourself 1000 times

Question 17

When can you practice unhooking?

Answer 17

Anytime, anywhere

Question 18

How do we tend to move away from our values?

Answer 18

fights/arguments/disagreements
withdrawal from people we love

or lying in bed

Question 19

What do we tend to do when we get hooked?
(include the behaviors)

Answer 19

We tend to move away from our values

fights/arguments/disagreements
withdrawal from people we love
or lying in bed

Question 20

Will difficult thoughts and feelings go away?

Answer 20

it makes sense that you would want them to go away
but is it realistic to think we can simply get rid of them?
think of all the ways you have tried to get rid of these thoughts and feelings

yelling, trying not to think, avoiding people/places/situations, isolating yourself, giving up, staying in bed, alcohol, drugs, arguments, blaming/criticising self

Question 21

What are some of the ways you have tried to get rid of your thoughts/feelings?

Answer 21

yelling, trying not to think, avoiding people/places/situations, isolating yourself, giving up, staying in bed, alcohol, drugs, arguments, blaming/criticising self

Question 22

What happens when we try to get rid of thoughts/feelings?

Answer 22

our life usually gets worse

Question 23

What’s a new way of handling difficult thoughts and feelings?

Answer 23

instead of trying to push them away
stop struggling with them
and when you get hooked
unhook yourself again

Question 24

What are some of the thoughts that hook you?

Answer 24

I will never find anyone.
I will fail, I will not be able to get success.
I will never be able to make enough money.

Question 25

Where do you notice the feelings that hook you?

Answer 25

Chest, head, near eyebrows

Question 26

What are the first two steps in unhooking?

Answer 26

Notice and Name here is a thought/feeling here is a tightness in my chest here is a painful memory here are fears about the future here is a difficult thought about the past here is anger add I notice I notice here is a thought/feeling

Question 27

When do thoughts and feelings hook us?

Answer 27

when we are unaware of them

Question 28

What’s the next step after noticing and naming?

Answer 28

refocus and engage fully pay full attention act on values

Question 29

What steps do we follow when we get hooked? (mention all of them)

Answer 29

Notice Name Re-engage and re-focus Act on values here is a difficult thought and even with this difficult thought I choose to act on my values

Question 30

What are some times/places/situation for regular practice?

Answer 30

with family on phone with friends when they visit the room whenever shame, anxiety comes up whenever freeze/shut down response comes up whenever feeling sad, hopeless, lonely

Question 31

What can you do while lying in bed, unable to sleep?

Answer 31

practice slowing down and connecting with the body it may not make you sleep, but will help in feeling rested

Question 32

What if you feel too tired/sad/angry/scared?

Answer 32

remind yourself over and over it’s a new way it takes a lot of practice

Question 33

What are some unhelpful thoughts about this practice?

Answer 33

this is stupid it’s not important it doesn’t work I can’t do it I am too busy as soon as you realise you have been hooked, notice, name and refocus

Question 34

What are values?

Answer 34

values describe the kind of person you want to be how you want to treat yourself and others and the world around you

Question 35

What are goals?

Answer 35

goals describe what you are trying to get

Question 36

What can you do when it’s impossible to achieve your goal at the moment?

Answer 36

you can still live your values of being kind, supportive, loving and caring

Question 37

What can you do when you are in a difficult situation?

Answer 37

even if you are facing a difficult situation separated from family and friends you can still live your values you can find little ways to act on these values with people around you

Question 38

What happens when you focus more on your own actions?

Answer 38

the more you focus on your own actions the more you can influence the immediate world around you you may not stop the war but can stop arguing with people you may influence the people around you through your actions

Question 39

When it comes to acting on values, what questions should you keep asking yourself?

Answer 39

do my actions support my values? are my actions moving towards or away from your values?

Question 40

What are your values?

Answer 40

honesty, fair, just, truthful integrity courage humour love, compassion, kindness caring - for self and others reasonably disciplined patience, persistence focus

Question 41

What are your top 3 values?

Question 42

What values does someone you admire embody?

Answer 42

courage, love, humour, compassion

Question 43

In how many directions do values move toward?

Answer 43

Values go both ways towards yourself and towards others so caring and kindness towards self as well

Question 44

What values do you want to live by with your family?

Question 45

What values do you want to live by with your self?

Question 46

What values do you want to live by with your friends?

Question 47

What values do you want to live by with your work?

Question 48

What does a giant tree grow from?

Answer 48

tiny seed

Question 49

How big do your actions have to be to really matter?

Answer 49

even the tiniest actions matter

Question 50

In the hardest and most stressful of times, what can you do?

Answer 50

you can take small actions to live by your values

Question 51

What happens when you act on your values?

Answer 51

you begin to create a more satisfying and fulfilling life.

Question 52

What will you do next week to act on your values?

Question 53

What happens if difficult thoughts/feelings stop you from following your plans?

Answer 53

Notice, Name, Re-engage, Re-focus, Act on values Even the tiniest action matters.

Question 54

What can you do at the start of the day to remind yourself to live by your values?

Answer 54

start each day thinking of two or three values you want to live by. Look for ways to act on those values. And every time you act on your values, acknowledge it to yourself

Question 55

What can you (to encourage yourself) do every time you act on your values?

Answer 55

every time you act on your values, acknowledge it to yourself

Question 56

What are three possible responses to any situation?

Answer 56

Leave Change what can be changed. Accept the pain that cannot be changed, and live by your values. Give up and move away from values.

Question 57

What if there’s nothing that you can do to change/improve your situation?

Answer 57

find other ways to live by your values

Question 58

What’s the one thing that can help in improving any difficult situation, at least a little bit?

Answer 58

Being kind.

Question 59

How would you like to be no matter how bad the situation?

Answer 59

Kind

Question 60

In a difficult situation, who all should you be kind towards?

Answer 60

include yourself

Question 61

In a difficult situation, how can you be kind towards yourself?

Answer 61

No matter how bad your situation whether you are in danger in a family argument without income you are always better off if you have a friend by your side someone who is kind, caring and helpful yet many of us are not kind to ourselves when we are in difficult situation

Question 62

What’s an interesting way of being kind to yourself?

Answer 62

Take one of your hands, imagine filling it with kindness. Place it on your chest or some other part, feel the warmth flowing form your hand into your body. See if you can be kind to yourself through this hand.

Question 63

When you are in bed, unable to sleep, how can you be kind to yourself?

Answer 63

Place a hand over the painful feeling. See if you can be kind to yourself by imagining you are breathing through your hand to this painful feeling.

Question 64

Explain making room.

Answer 64

No matter how sever the weather, the sky has room for it. And sooner or later the weather always changes. We can learn to be like the sky, and make room for difficult thoughts/feelings without being hurt by them.

Question 65

What’s a helpful way of imagining a painful feeling?

Answer 65

It often helps to imagine a painful feeling as an object (like a brick on the chest).