Emotional Growth Flashcards
Just like Sun Tzu's 'Art of War' helped the Wu defeat the Chu, this deck'll give you the mental strategies to defeat all those negative thought patterns.
What are some mental strategies to help gain confidence right now?
- Decide to be confident – First & foremost, confidence is a choice. Everything else flows from that initial decision.
- Flip the script – Change your identity in your own mental self-talk. e.g. Instead of “I’m terrible with [names, directions, socializing]”, recognize that you are intrinsically talented, but simply haven’t yet worked on it enough.
- Remember that confidence is a “muscle” – People aren’t born confident. They get mentally stronger through thousands of micro-adversities that they habitually overcome. You, too, are a work in progress who continues to overcome adversities.
- Remember that confidence can be “faked” – Many (most?) people who seem confident are just acting more confident than they actually are. In fact, you might already be more confident than they are. They are probably nervous what you think of them!
- Repeat a positive mantra – If you don’t have one, try: “I am imperturbable.”
- Sit or stand up straight – Your body language can feed your confidence, and vice versa (while communicating confidence to those around you).
- Smile! – The vegas nerve in your facial muscles connects directly to the emotional center in your brain.
- Relax! – Try any of your favorite calming techniques, and remain still. A relaxed you is a confident you.
What are some mental strategies to help fight anxiety and frustration?
- Practice gratitude – Thinking deeply of something you’re grateful for is one of the best mental health tactics for many ailments, especially anxiety.
- Practice kindness – Doing a good deed, giving a compliment, or just mentally expressing love for all beings will feel you with ease.
- Accept that there are things you can’t change – You’ve been granted that serenity, so that you can focus on the things you can change. Forgive others (and past situations) if you can.
- Practice deep breathing – Breathe from the lower abdomen on up. Feel those last air sacs fill with oxygen as they banish the stress away.
- Drink some water – A dehydrated brain is more prone to anxiety.
- Do some vigorous exercise – Lifting weights or running will help you sweat the stress away, while filling you with the strength you need to address what’s bothering you.
- Take a cold shower – The best way to endure it is to make yourself relax fully. The combination of relaxation and vigor will remove any jitters.
What are some mental strategies to help reduce anger toward someone?
- Know that they didn’t ask to be this way – Every person is a product of their DNA and experiences. Understanding that can transform anger into empathy.
- Acknowledge the pain they may be concealing – Remember that everyone is fighting battles you don’t know about.
- Give them credit – If you hold someone accountable for the bad they’ve done, they also deserve credit for the good. Remember the things you love about them and it’ll temper your anger.
- Smile when you think of them – You may not feel happy, but smiling triggers your brain’s feel-good juices, and your emotions will mimic your facial expressions.
- Truly forgive them – Do it for yourself: to release yourself from the tension that anger causes YOU.
- Remember that grudges hurt you more than them – Anger is a choice. No person is worth the decision to maintain negative feelings inside you.
- Recognize that anger is a form of weakness, not strength – Your primal brain only succumbs to anger as a “lazy” strategy, rather than calmly dealing with the situation. You are mature enough to beat that primal tendency toward anger.
What are some mental strategies to help reduce anger toward yourself?
- Recognize the cause of your self-anger – Why are you really feeling this way? How would you name this emotion? From where does this self-talk emanate?
- Forgive yourself – Know that everyone makes mistakes. It makes us stronger. You deserve love & forgiveness like anyone else does.
- Talk to yourself as you would a friend – Hug yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself kind, loving advice. Even laughingly mock that stupid negative inner voice that is trying to sabotage you.
- Reframe self-judgments as single events – Instead of thinking “I’m terrible”, think “I made a mistake, and I’ll learn from it.”
- Find opportunities to praise yourself – Even the little things are helpful. Took a shower? Made your bed? Great job! You’re on your way to loving yourself more every day.
What are some strategies to help overcome victimhood?
- Know that you are stronger than your aggressor – Anyone who is putting you down is doing so out of inner weakness of their own. Feeling some pity for them will remind you of your own strength.
- Retain physical composure – In the face of any type of bullying, stillness is key, in your body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. The more you react physically, the more that certain people may take advantage of you.
- Laugh at yourself – In the face of minor verbal mistreatment, just act like you are in on the joke too. This way, the bullying will no longer be enjoyable for others.
NOTE: If you are being seriously physically or emotionally abused, please talk to a professional counselor immediately. Don’t let anyone make you feel like being seriously bullied is your fault.
What are some mental strategies to help quell jealousy?
- Trace it to its roots – Whether your jealousy stems from insecurity, fear, or past relationship patterns, knowing more about the causes can help you figure out how to confront it.
- Voice your feelings – Calmly telling yourself, your friend, or (in the case of romantic jealousy) your partner how you feel can prevent a more destructive blow-up later.
- Remember your own value – Sure, you may envy certain qualities of someone else, but recognize that you have even more special qualities that are the reason you got where you already are.
- Occupy your mind elsewhere – Rather than dwelling on your jealousy, go do something fun, or something to improve yourself. Recognizing that the feeling is just brain chemistry built by evolution can help you accept the emotion and move on.
- Know that no amount of jealous behaviour will PREVENT betrayal. Jealous behaviour only (1) stresses you out and (2) makes you look bad.
What are some mental strategies to help you handle setbacks?
- This obstacle is not ruining your life path. Rather, the obstacle IS the way. Work with it instead of fighting it.
- Recognize that the larger the problem you’re facing, the larger the gift of growth that you’ll get from it.
- Remember that an expert is just someone who has made every mistake possible in a given field. You have a unique talent for turning mistakes into learning experiences.
EVERY successful person we talk about from history went through hell to get there. Albert Einstein was diagnosed as mentally handicapped as a kid. Oprah Winfrey was fired as an anchor for being “unfit for TV news”. Abraham Lincoln lost 7 elections before becoming president.
Success is just a product of overcoming obstacles and failures until you’ve run out of them. The true value is created during the hardest parts of the slog.
What are some mental strategies to help banish regret that you’re “too late to start”?
e.g. learning guitar, getting in shape, starting a new career
Remember that:
- The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is today.
- Many famous people got a late start. Colonel Sanders founded KFC when he was 65. Charles Eugster started lifting weights at age 87 and has broken many bodybuilding records.
- Success is a product of habits, dedication, and time. If you are consistent, you WILL succeed.
What are some mental strategies to help you address fear (of failure, rejection, etc.)?
- Notice the fear; don’t become it. Imagine you’re an outside observer, saying “Hello fear, how are you doing today!”
- Channel the fear into calm excitement. Trying fight the fear can often make it worse.
- Redirect that excitement toward your goal. Give that fear a job!
- Smile at the growth opportunity. Even if you fail, you’ll be a better person for having tried. It’s a win-win regardless!
What are some mental strategies to help you stop constantly checking your phone?
- Leave your phone in another room
- Turn off notifications
- Rest your phone face-down (so you don’t see it light up)
- When you have the urge to check your phone, instead take a deep breath and be mindful of something around you.
Appreciating the real world can be so much more enriching than social media! #gratitude
What are some mental strategies to help address regret?
This is a trick question because you have no regrets!
YOU are uniquely able to acknowledge the past, learn from it, and create a better future because of it.
You would not know all the lessons or have the motivation you have today if you hadn’t made imperfect decisions in the past.
The feeling you may currently be mistaking for “regret” is really the fire that will drive you to be your best self going forward. If you lean into the regret too much, then you are wasting valuable emotional time and energy!
How can I be in a better mood right now?
Remember that being in a bad mood is a choice.
Sure, a bunch of bad annoying stuff might have happened to you recently, and someone might have wronged you.
But you can still decide to pause, smile, and handle this in a positive way that will make others WANT to be around your energy rather than repelled by it.
You ARE strong enough to maintain your composure. You are full of LOVE for everything.
What mood are you going to choose?
What is some positive self-talk to help address feelings of inadequacy?
“It’s perfectly OK if I’m not the tallest, strongest, thinnest, smartest, wittiest, best-looking, or richest person in the world.”
“In fact, people will respect me more for what I achieve without all of those natural traits! My positive energy and growth mindset will carry me further than any of those other superficial advantages.”
What is an easy, discreet breathing exercise you can do any time, anywhere, to reduce anxiety?
The 4-7-8 breathing technique
- Breathe all the way in, through your nose and from the abdomen, over a span of 4 seconds
- Hold your breath for 7 seconds
- Breathe all the way out, through your mouth, over a span of 8 seconds
- Repeat for 10+ breath cycles, or as long as you need!
PROTIP: Consider making it one of your Daily Habits to do this breathing exercise once per day. Through practice, you can actually train yourself to be a better, more mindful breather overall.
What is the opposite of paranoia?
pronoia
Unlike paranoia, the feeling that the world is out to get you, pronoia is the belief that the universe is conspiring to HELP you. i.e. The belief that people have been saying good things about you rather than negative things. Choosing to believe this version is a decision, so make the right choice!
Remember that even if it seems like everything bad is happening to you, that’s just the universe’s way of giving you the gift of an opportunity to GROW. The bigger the problem, the bigger the gift. And deep down, you know this; you just sometimes succumb to the temptation of negative self-talk, like we all do. That stops now!
Interestingly, people who project an attitude of pronoia end up attracting more positive energy, and causing others to speak even better about them. Paranoid people, in contrast, often project negativity and thus attract exactly the type of complaints from others that they are afraid of.
