chapter 4

Question 2

negative expectations

Answer 2

when parents do not believe a child will succeed at something, they subtly (sometimes not subtly) communicate that belief to the child

Question 3

unusually high standards

Answer 3

parents sometimes expect performances beyond the ages and abilities of their children

Question 4

promoting competition between siblings

Answer 4

children are discouraged when parents promote competition between them by praising one child’s success while ignoring the other child’s efforts

Question 5

overly ambitious parents

Answer 5

children of overly ambitious parents might not try things unless they feel confident in their success

Question 6

the double standard

Answer 6

some parents practice a double standard by denying their children the privileges they sometimes enjoy

Question 7

appreciate the child’s uniqueness

Answer 7

it is encouraging when parents take an interest in each child’s activities; get to know what is interesting to each child

Question 8

show confidence in children by giving them responsibility

Answer 8

it is important for parents to be aware of the child’s level of ability and mindful of the goal they want to accomplish in assigning the child certain responsibilities

Question 9

show confidence in children by asking them for advice

Answer 9

consulting children for their opinion bolsters their sense of self-worth and encourages them to speak up to parents regarding their ideas and beliefs

Question 10

show confidence in children by avoiding rescuing them

Answer 10

it’s discouraging to children when their parents do things for them on a regular basis that they are capable of doing themselves

Question 11

build on a child’s strengths

Answer 11

acknowledge the things the child does well

Question 12

build on a child’s strengths while disapproving of behaviors

Answer 12

even when a child misbehaves, parents can focus on the child’s strength while expressing disapproval for the child’s misbehavior

Question 12

avoid sending mixed messages

Answer 12

example: “so why don’t you clean your room like this all of the time?”

Question 13

use humor

Answer 13

parents who can see things from a humorous point of view encourage children to reconsider rigid perceptions of themselves and others

Question 14

plus 1 — smile

Answer 14

the parent approaches the child with a smiling face

Question 15

plus 2 — relaxed body language

Answer 15

when parents make a request of a child, it is important to (a) minimize the psychological distance between the parent and the child through the use of relaxed body language, and (b) minimize the physical distance between the parent and the child

Question 16

plus 3 — say the child’s name

Answer 16

when making a request, saying the child’s name while using an approving voice tone personalizes the request and conveys respect for the child

Question 17

plus 4 — pay a compliment to the child

Answer 17

affirm the child by saying something positive about the child or what the child is presently involved in

Question 18

the wish

Answer 18

only after providing 4 pluses for the child does the parent make the request

Question 19

active listening

Answer 19

a technique in which the listener listens to and reflects back (in their own words) the feelings and content of the speaker’s message

Question 20

I-messages

Answer 20

communication with another in which individuals accept responsibility for their feelings and thus do not blame others for the way they feel

Question 21

reinforcement

Answer 21

a consequence that maintains or increases behavior