4. Understanding ourselves and others Flashcards
Examine and understand how empathy and compassion fit into nonviolent communication
What is the difference between emotional intelligence and empathy?
Emotional intelligence is the capability to understand the difference in feelings and behaviour between one’s self and others, and adjust to accomodate or compromise in a given situation.
Empathy is much more powerful and precious than that quality.
- “When someone really hears you without judging what you’re saying, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mould you, it feels damn good. You are able to perceive your world in a new way and go on.”*
- Marshall Rosenberg
When working in a hierarchically structured institution, how are you likely to hear words from people deemed “higher up” than yourself in that institution?
You’ll likely hear commands or judgements.
Instead, try empathically listening as you would do with peers or subordinates.
In any given situation, at what point does self-expression become easier?
When we empathise with others.
What does “don’t put your butt in the face of an angry person” actually mean?
Don’t use the word “but”. This is placing a judgement on what they’ve just said. Empathise and find the need.
What needs to be done when someone’s content becomes dry and they have lost connection with themselves?
Speak up immediately. They would want you to help.
Help them stop “on-and-on-and-on-onymous” conversation.
Bring the conversation to life.
When people give stories about their past in order to get empathy, they often don’t realise that’s what they’re looking for. What is a better way of using that story to get their need met?
Describing what is still alive in them now, about that experience.
When a presenter (or whoever is talking) is boring everybody, what is your best choice?
Considering they are likely bored themselves and now struggling, you can choose to interject tactfully.
The reason for self-deprecating and self-violent behaviour is a result of what?
Seeing yourself as an object full of shortcomings.
Self-deprecating and self-violent behaviour can be transformed into compassion, but how?
Changes in out moment-to-moment evaluation of ourselves. It is okay to do something less than perfect and you do not need verbally assault yourself when this happens.
You do not need to suffer for what you’ve done.
How do we avoid trying change life for the better but from the place of destructive motivational energies such as shame or guilt?
The changes need to be stimulated by a clear desire to enrich life, moment-by-moment, for ourselves and others.
Shame is a form of what?
Self-hatred.
If the way we evaluate ourselves allow us to feel shame, and we constantly change our behaviour, what is actually happening?
We are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.
In some situations, actions taken from reaction to shame can actually be free and joyful acts. True or false?
False (of course).
Even if our actions intended to be nice and pleasing, if shame or guilt are behind our actions, people will be less appreciative of them. What motivation is truer and would be more appreciated?
The motivation driven purely by the human desire to contribute to life.
The word “should” implies what?
There is no choice.
The word “should” is a threat to which human need?
The need for autonomy.
The word “should” (as in “I should really exercise this morning”), leads to what conflict of being?
It leads to the state of not behaving in harmony with one’s own needs.
You will naturally fight against a “should” because of the attack on your autonomy.
Evaluating ourselves in terms of whether or how well our needs that are being fulfilled leads to what desirable outcome?
We are likely to learn from the evaluation without losing self-respect.
