Chapter 14 Flashcards

1
Q

Does our society train men to be good LT partners?

A

No- the styles of behaviour we expect of them as a society (assertive and self-reliant) do not encourage them to be warm and tender

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2
Q

How do ppl w low SE act in rs?

A

They sometimes sabotage their own rs by making mountains out of mole holes

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3
Q

3 features that are influential for if a rs will even begin.

A
  1. Proximity
  2. Familiarity
  3. Convenience
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4
Q

Do looks matter?

A

Yes- lot of ppl will pass you by without wanting to get to know you

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5
Q

How many of us aren’t comfortable and relaxed with interdependent theory?

A

1/3! that many of us worry that our partners don’t love us enough or we are ill at east when they get too close.

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6
Q

How many men are just as warm and tender as women are?

A

1/3. those that aren’t CAN learn to be more expressive and warmer than they are now.

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7
Q

How do happy lovers act?

A

They perceive their partners and explain their behaviour in generous ways that give the partners the benefit of any doubt and portray them as kind and caring even with they misbehave.

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8
Q

When passion decreases in a happy rs what is it replaced with?

A

A deep, affecionate friendship that is rich warm and satisfying to those who experience it.

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9
Q

Who does authentic forgiveness benefit?

A

Both the recipient and the giver- it is easiest to attain in those close, satisfying rs that are most worth saving.

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10
Q

_________ the strategic actions ppl take to systain their partnerships.

A

Relationship maintenance mechanisms

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11
Q

How do ppl who are committed to a partnership behave?

A

They perceive themselves, their prtnrs and their rs in ways that help to sustain the partnership and they act in ways that avoid or defuse conflict and that enrich the rs.

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12
Q

______ is the change seen in rs where ppl don’t think of themselves as sep. ind but as a part of a greater whole that includes them and their partners- they perceive a greater overlap b/w their partners’ lives and theirs.

A

Cognitive interdepence

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13
Q

_______ is when committed partners idealize each other and perceive their rs in the best possible light. A partner’s faults are judged to be trivial and the rs deficies are considered to be relatively unimportant.

A

Positive illusions

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14
Q

What is a character that makes up positive illusions?

A

ppl are often aware of these specific obnoxious and thoughtless things their partner does- but they misremember them and explain them away- this allows them to make global evaluations of their partner that are more positive than the sum of their parts.

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15
Q

positive illusion that makes one’s partnership seem to be even more special. this makes the rs that much more likely to last

A

perceived superiority

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16
Q

Contented lovers display ______ that leaves them relatively uninterested and unaware pf how well they could be doing in other rs.

A

Inattention to alternatives

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17
Q

Commitment leads ppl to disparge those who could lure them away from their existing rs and this ___________ allows ppl to feel that other potential partners are less attractive than the ones they already have.

A

Derogation of tempting alternatives

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18
Q

When is derogation of tempting alternatives the strongest?

A

When the alternatives are most tempting and therefore post the greatest threat to one’s rs. eg. say models are attractive- but not other students from class.

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19
Q

5 cognitive maintenance mechanisms in good rs.

A
  1. Cognitive interdependence
  2. Positive illusions
  3. Perceived superiority
  4. Inattention to alternatives
  5. Derogation of tempting alternatives
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20
Q

Committed ppl are often willing to make various personal sacrifices such as doing things they would prefer not to do- or not doing thats that they would like to do in order to promote the WB of their partner or rs.

A

Willingness to sacrifice

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21
Q

How does prayer influence rs?

A

Controlled studies found that those who begin praying for the success and WB of their partners become more satisfied with the sacrifices they make and more forgininh too. Those who pray for their partners are more satisfied and committed too.

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22
Q

When are partners encourage us to be all that we can be by supporting the dev. of skills we want to learn, endorsing our acceptance of promising new roles and responsibilities- both our rs and our personal WB are enhanced.

A

Michelangelo phenomenon.

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23
Q

Committed partners swallow minor mistreatment from their partners without biting back. This is the willingness to control the impulse to respond in kind to a partner’s provocation and to instead respond constructively.

A

Accommodation

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24
Q

The ability to manage one’s impulses, control one’s thoughts, persevere in pursuit of desired goals and curb unwanted behaviour.

A

Self-control

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25
Q

What does self-control promote/what is it related to?

A

ppl high in S-C rarely if ever engage in IPV, they make more sacrifices for their partner, makes foregiveness more likely and it helps us resist the lure of attractive alternatives.

26
Q

How does play ‘play’ into a rs? (haha)

A

those who find ways to engage in novel, challenging, exciting and pleasant activities are more content. those to play together stay together.

27
Q

What is the leading reason marriages end?

A

cheating– but therapy can help!!

28
Q

7 behavioural maintenance mechanisms.

A
  1. Willingness to sacrifice
  2. prayer
  3. michelangelo phenomenon
  4. accommodation
  5. self-control
  6. play
  7. foregivness
29
Q

When looking at maintenance strategies what did ppl do to maintain their rs? (6)

A
  1. Maintain positivity
  2. openness and rs talk- sharing thoughts and feelings and encouraging partner to do the same
  3. assurance that announce their love
  4. social network- having friends in common and spending time with family
  5. share tasks around the home
  6. joint activities
    * *similar activities are used to maintain close friendships
    * *all increase commitment to the rs
30
Q

According to the list in the textbook, what are the 3 best predictors of how happy a rs will be?

A
  1. positivity
  2. assurance
  3. sharing tasks
31
Q

What does the textbook compare maintenance mechanisms that protect and preserve rs to?

A

Taking good care of your car

32
Q

Does playing hard to get work?

A

no

33
Q

How can we fix probs we encounter in our rs?

A

fix them ourselves! our perceptions of our own behaviours tend to be contaminated by self-serving biases and its often hard for us to recognize how we are contributing to the relational difficulties we face. 3rd party observers can usually be more dispassionate and fair in their perceptions that we can. but if you want to do it yourself look to resources- media, books, websites etc.

34
Q

Similar to your car what is a smart thing to do?

A

Invest in major maintenance BEFORE anything goes wrong. Eg. you can go to premarital counseling- eg. priest, pastor or rabbi. there are also computer based instructions that ppl can access at home!

35
Q

What is the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP?)

A

One of the best known rs skills courses. It involves about 12 hours of training spread across 5 sessions.

  1. power of commitment to change partner’s outlooks and behaviour. look at future
  2. importance of having fun together
  3. the value of open communication about sex.
  4. the consequences of inappropriate expectations- be aware of what you want and be reasonable about them!\
    * *Ppl are also taught about the speaker-listener technique
36
Q

Does PREP work?

A

yes! usually beneficial at least for awhile- particularly for high risk couples who need it the most.

37
Q

Does premarital counselling help?

A

Yes- engaged and newlywed couples who participate in premarital prevention programs are less than 1/2 as likely to separate over the next 3 years.

LT effects are still uncertain.

38
Q

What does marital therapies differ in? (3)

A
  1. their focus on problematic behaviour, thoughts or feelings
  2. their focus on ind. vulnerabilities or the couple’s interaction as the source of dysfunction
  3. their emphasis on past events or present difficulties as the source of distress.
39
Q

________ encourages the couple to be more pleasant and rewarding partners. this therapy focuses on the couple’s present interactions and seeks to replace any negative and punishing behaviours with more gracious and generous actions.

A

Traditional behavioural couple therapy (TBCT)

40
Q

How is desirable behaviour elicited in TBCT?

A

therapists may schedule ‘love days’ where one partner sets out to do favours and kindness that are requested by the other.

41
Q

When couplesmay enter into agreements to reward positive behaviour from their partner with desirable behaviour of their own. Behaviour change from one partner is directly linked to behaviour change by the other. eg. one cleans bathroom on sat and other does laundry on sun.

A

Quid pro quo contract.

42
Q

________, parallel agreements in which behaviour change is rewarded with special privileges. eg. he cleans bathroom so he gets to pick activity for the evening.

A

Good faith contracts.

43
Q

________ seeks to change various aspects of the ways partners’ think about and appraise their partnership.

A

Cognitive-behavioural couple therapy (CBCT)

44
Q

What does CBCT address?

A
(1) spouses' selective attention-their tendency to notice some things and ignore others.
try to instill more reasonable (2) expectations
more forgiving (3) attributions and more adaptive (4) relationship beliefs.
CBCT acknowledges that ppl often import problematic habits of thinking that they have learned in past rs.
45
Q

An approach that seeks both to encourage more desirable behaviour and to teach the partners to tolerantly accept the incompatabilities that they cannot change.

A

Integrative behavioural couple therapy. (IBCT)

46
Q

What does IBCT teach?

A

the communication skills and employs the behaviour modification techniques of TBCT, but it also assumes that even when 2 partners are doing well some frustrating incompatabilites will still remain.

47
Q

________ that is taught in IBCT where spouses are taught to express their pain and vulnerabilities without any blame or resentment that will makes their partners defensive. the point is to create empathy.

A

Empathetic joining

48
Q

An intellectual perspectiev that defuses emotion and helps the couple understand their problematic patterns of interaction with cool dispassion. the couple is invited to describe the events that causes frustration and to identify the triggers that set them in motion while avoiding the negative emotion that resultfrom such events. used in IBCT

A

unified detachment

49
Q

IBCT technique where spouses are taught to become less sensitive and to react less intensely when problematic behaviour occurs- negative patters of interaction are rehearsed and analyzed in therapy sessions and the partners are actually encouraged to give up their efforts to change everything they dislike in ea other.

A

Tolerance building

50
Q
  1. techniques used in IBCT.
A
  1. Empathetic joining
  2. unified detachment
  3. tolerance building
51
Q

How are the 3 marital behavioural approaches similar?

A

they share a focus on the partners’ actions towards each other. BUT they are different in that..

  1. TBCT- seeks to change spouses’ behaviour
  2. CBCT- seeks to change their behaviour and their cognitions
  3. IBCT- seeks to change their behaviour and their emotions.
52
Q

How successful are behavioural approaches for marital therapy?

A

about 60-70% of couples who seriously undertake any of these therapies achieve noticable reductions in their dissatisfaction and distress that lasts for years.

53
Q

What is emotionally focused therapy?

A

EFT- is derived from attachment theory- this therapy strives to improve rs y increasing the partner’s attachment security. it tries to identify maladaptive cycles of emotional communication and to replace them with restructured interactions that allow the partner to feel safe, loved and securely connected to one another.

54
Q

What are the 3 stages of EFT?

A
  1. Problematic patterns of communication/conflict are identified and the couple is encourages to think of themselves as collaborators united in a fight against a common foe. the therapist also helps the couple explore the unmet needs for acceptance and security that fuels the conflict.
  2. the partners begin to create constructive new patters that acknowledge the others needs and provides support.
  3. the partners rehearse and reinforce their responsiveness to ea/ other and rely on their new security to figure out old probs.
55
Q

Who is EFT effective with?

A

Moderately distressed- about 70% overcome their dissatisfaction

56
Q

What is insight-oriented couple therapy based from and what is distinctive about it compared to other therapies?

A

based from Freud saying ppl have baggage and contaminate their current rs.
IOCT emphasizes ind. vulnerabilities to a greater extent than the others.

57
Q

What does IOCT strive to do?

A

It strives to help ppl comprehend how their habits and assumptions in old rs have created difficulties in their current rs. It examines past events to fuller extent than other therapies do.

58
Q

What is a primary tool of IOCT?

A

Affective reconstruction- the process through which a spouse re-imagines and revisits past rs in an effort to identify the themes and coping styles that characterized conflicts with past partners. A person is guided through close inspection of his/her relational history and careful attention is given to the patterns of any interpersonal injury- the client is lead to understand connects that may exist b/w the themes of past rs to current.

59
Q

How successful are marital therapies roughly?

A

About 2/3rds of them will no longer be dissatisfied with their marriages

60
Q

3 reasons why the best marital therapy for you is likely to be the one that sounds the most interesting?

A
  1. they all share common features- that may be why they all work.
  2. the therapist you select may be just as important as the therapy you choose.
  3. the one that interests you may be more likely to offer hope that real change is possible. optimism can do wonders!