The Psychology of Romantic Love

Question 1

The Essence of Romantic Love

Answer 1

Romantic love (marriage, long term) between a man and a woman can generate the most profound ecstasy. When frustrated, in can also bring the most unutterable suffering.
Romantic love answers profound human needs. But what is the nature of these needs?
Romantic love is not a fantasy. Ecstasy is yet another NORMAL factor in our emotional life. In romantic love, there is a unique depth of absorption and fascination with the being and personality of the partner. You experience a powerful sense of being visible. It is one of the main sources of excitement and nourishment of romance.

Question 2

Romantic Love defined

Answer 2

Romantic Love- a passionate, spiritual-emotional-sexual attachment between a man and a woman that reflects a high regard for the value of each other’s person. It is not romantic if the relationship is not INTENSE in nature. It is not Romantic love if there is no spiritual affinity, if there are no mutual values or outlook, no sense of being soul mates, if no deep emotional involvement is taking place, if there is no mutual admiration (for example, if there is contempt), and **if there is no strong sexual attraction.

Question 3

Love is a predominant theme in our lives

Answer 3

There are different kinds of love that can unite one human being with another.

Question 4

Romantic love is Selfish and Self-Centered

Answer 4

Romantic love is individualistic. It is motivated by the desire to have personal happiness. It is egotistical. It is secular. During this reading, we will come to appreciate how intimately related the themes of individualism and romantic love are. We will learn of healthy selfishness and learn how indispensable to our life and wellbeing, rational or intelligent or enlightened selfishness is. Self-respect for self-interest is a necessity for the survival and CERTAINTY of romantic love.

Question 5

A Private Universe

Answer 5

The music that inspires the souls of lovers exists within themselves and their private universe that they occupy. The courage to hear that music and to honor it is a prerequisite of romantic love. Two selves, two personalities, two senses of life, two islands of consciousness, have intermingled to develop a separate world they inhabit that did not exist before their relationship began. A universe of silent understandings, of eloquent glances- a universe of shared subjectivity. It fulfills our need for the support provided by a private world.

Question 6

The History of Romantic Love

Answer 6

3. The Relevance of History: Recurring Themes (There are always exceptions. From here on, we are dealing with the dominant and prevailing cultural trends)
4. -Certain themes exist on romantic love throughout our human history that can block our progress with love. If you have the notion caught in your mind you can act on it subconsciously and not allow love to be fulfilled in your life. Here is the socio psychological history of romantic love in our human history, to date (from beginning to the present).
   The Tribal Mentality: The Unimportance of the Individual
5. -Economics, not love, was the motivating force for union in primitive societies. The family was a UNIT established for the purpose of optimizing the chances of physical survival. Love was defined in terms of the practical needs associated with hunting, fighting, raising crops, child-rearing, and so forth. In the pre-industrial society, there was a lot of dependence on physical strength and skills. Women needed protection, especially during periods of pregnancy and childbearing (this was made as a justification for the inequality of the sexes and women’s subordination to man)

Question 7

Critics of Romantic Love

Answer 7

America has had many critics of romantic love throughout the 20th century. The notation of building a long-term relationship- marriage- based on emotions, which fluctuate, was, at best, grossly naïve, and at worst, pathological or socially irresponsible. They state that romance is based on short excitements, and that it is meant from far away, where you will not grow accustomed to each other. They stated that love is self-centered and that you marry someone because they fulfill your happiness one minute, and then the feeling goes so you get divorced. Other critics said that romantic love reflects a “spoiled-child psychology.”

Question 8

Marriage for Love or Economic/Socio Benefit

Answer 8

There was a book published in 1965 called, “The Significant Americans,” where they studied sexual behavior of affluent. They survey two types of married people, Utilitarian marriage, upheld by social, financial, and family considerations, and then they follow the, “Intrinsic marriage,” where the two involved are passionate and sexually involved. They said that the couple who were in love always wanted to be together! Some people called in sick and “too dependent.” The couple that married for love WERE found to be genuinely happy, by the end of the study 

Question 9

Humans are Traditional in Romantic Love

Answer 9

“Open relationship” marriages have recorded little exciting success.-Serial monogamy is a realistic option. It is the ideal to remain together, forever. However, human beings grow and change so much over a lifetime that it can be more realistic to stay together for as long as the relationship lasts, and then if either one of the people in the relationship change to the point where their needs change (and the current partner cannot satisfy these new needs), they should break up and find people that suit their new selves. Non-Monogamy does not work for our species, neither does non marriage. Branden says that it seems that people truly desire sexual exclusivity when they get to their forties or early fifties. The reasons involve the desire for a firm commitment, the stability and security that result from total dedication to one person, plus, a certain boredom or disenchantment with the pursuit of sexual variety for its own sake. When you are in love with someone so passionately, you do not wish for them to share their soul and selves with someone else in the context of sex or bonding. Even in a committed relationship, we can find other people attractive. Whether we choose to act on the desire or not is up to us but you do not need to end the relationship if one party cheats. Long term relationships are more likely to happen in the 2nd part of your life. They have a lot of sexual experience and so they will not be concerned with sleeping around and exploring, as they did when they were younger.

Question 10

What Romantic Love is Not

Answer 10

-**There is nothing beautiful or noble about self annihilation (this would be an old school premise). You must truly be yourself.

Question 11

Human kind has yet to Experience Freedom in Being

Answer 11

Throughout human history, the tribal mentality (passed down to us from our indigenous ancestors), or the sacrifice of the individual, for the better of the whole, is responsible for all of the prejudice and lack of freedom that we have experienced as a human race.

Question 12

Modern view of Physics

Answer 12

“Wholeness, organization, dynamics”- these general conceptions may be stated as characteristics of modern, as opposed to the mechanical, world-view of physics.

Question 13

Human Being Are Alive

Answer 13

The attempt to reduce human beings to automatons was NEVER defensible because it ignored too much evidence.

Question 14

We are Born Alone, This Makes All Forms of Love, Possible!

Answer 14

There is a theme of aloneness or separation anxiety that recurs throughout the human experience (when the infant learns of its autonomy, when a mother is left with an empty nest, etc.). Perhaps, during these times when we are forced to be with one’s self, individuation in this case, we must continually ask ourselves, “Who am I?” We must define our answer ourselves through the acts of thinking, and feeling, and of doing- learning to take more and more responsibility for our existence and well-being. It may represent a lifelong task. (We will think more on this WHY he is feeling so lonely, later). Consciousness by its nature is immutably private. In the last analysis, we are islands of consciousness, it is the root of our aloneness (solve this. As we know, life cannot be inherently negative, although he is making a remarkably beautiful point). I’m not the only one who experiences such things, people relate to me on every subject. For some people, this fact is terrifying, and they will most fiercely resist knowing it and passionately deny this fact of their being. The forms their denial take are easily recognizable, and endless: refusing to think and following uncritically the beliefs of others. Pretending to be helpless. Pretending to be confused or stupid. Not wanting to pass individual judgement about things or live responsibly. If we do not understand our aloneness, we cannot understand love. We cannot understand our most enrapturing experiences of union and fusion. We would not understand those extraordinary moments of serenity and bliss when we feel ourselves to be one with all that exists. And, you could not understand the ecstasy of romantic love (WOW! Everything I’ve been feeling in my alcoholism….). ***(ALERT) The tragic irony of people’s lives (this point can hardly be stressed enough) is that the very attempt to deny or hide your aloneness results in denying love. AWWWWWWWWWWWW love is about comforting each other’s aloneness and need for connecting…not feeling separate. AWWWWWWW! -Strong Needs, such as the need for connection, the need for intimacy, etc., creates powerful bonds, it has amazing potential.

Question 15

General Love

Answer 15

Love, is our emotional response to that which we value highly. As such, it is the experience of joy in the existence of the loved object, joy in proximity, and joy in interaction or involvement. You delight in the being whom one loves, you experience pleasure in their presence. You find gratification and fulfillment in contact with that being. We experience the loved being as a source of fulfillment for profoundly important needs, they MAKE your life happy, for instance. We look at this person and we get a rising sense of joy within us. It is more than merely a joy, it is a value judgement that we have made and an action tendency. Love is the highest, most intense, expression of the value assessment “for me,” “beneficial to my life. “In the person we love, we see, in an extraordinarily high measure, many of the traits and characteristics that we feel are most appropriate to life (as we understand it and experience it) and therefore most desirable for our own well-being and happiness. (Review) Every emotion contains an inherent action tendency- the carrying out of a particular action related to that emotion. -**Men and women need to get along as friends.

Question 16

Life is Alive with Context!

Answer 16

Storytime: Nathaniel tells a story of how his love of nature first began . It began when he was admiring a familiar house plant of his. Then, for the first time, he experienced a sense of connection and enjoyment with the plant for the fact that it was alive. This is a brilliant story to expand our awareness (the story sounds like a Buddhist story) of the fact that life is active, it is like a movie. There is MUCh going on .

Question 17

Living Out Loud is a Requirement

Answer 17

Part of my job as a human being is to put the idea of my Self “out there” in the world. To live successfully is to give out loud expression to our THOUGHTS (ALL THE FANTASIES ABOUT PEOPLE THAT YOU HAVE, OR THE PERSON YOU ARE AWARE THAT YOU ARE, OR THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO PEOPLE OR DO, ETC.), values, and goals. Your life is unlived to the extent that this process fails to occur.

Question 18

People MAKE US Experience and Become Who We Are

Answer 18

All of us, to a profoundly important extent, experience who we are in the context of our relationships. When we meet a new human being, our personality contains the consequences of many past encounters and the internalization of many responses and feedback from others. And we keep growing and evolving through our encounters. When we have a strong affinity with a person, we can also experience our self through our perception of that person. Some people can make us feel more visible than others. MOST of the time, this is due to the fact that you guys have so much in common. Aristotle said, “A friend is another self.” Lovers experience this the most, “In loving you, I encounter myself.” I do believe people can have a purely emotional bond, you don’t have to be IDENTICAL to be very close, of course. Visibility in a relationship generates contact with new dimensions of who we are. When the depth of visibility is great, you go through a process of self-discovery .

Question 19

Visibility in Romantic Love

Answer 19

Love devoid of visibility is delusion. You can have visibility with no love. A person wants to TRULY be loved for who they are and NEEDS to know that it is authentic. They need visibility. Love requires it. If someone says they like traits about you that you do not feel you possess, you will hardly feel nourished or loved. In being loved and loving, there is a NEED and DESIRE for visibility. It can be seen as the desire to receive understanding. If I am given a book by a friend, and I am told that this is the kind of book I will enjoy, I only feel joy and pleasure if the friends judgement proves correct because I feel visible. “Blind love,” loving you “just because” (the way fans love celebrities), does not answer to our hunger to feel visible. People want conscious, seeing, understanding- and support. The desire to be validated- confirmed, approved of, in ones being and behavior, is normal. There is some over lapping in the desire to be validated and visible. The lower our self-esteem, the more we feel the need to hide. The more self confident we are, the more we are willing to be visible and the more eager we are to be visible. We will even want others to perceive our value, not create it. We WANT others to see us as we actually are, in reality. To even help us see ourselves MORE clearly (confident people LOVE reality). A causal acquaintance cannot afford us the same visibility as a family member or close friend. In romantic love, the depth and comprehensiveness of visibility is very thorough. In NO other relationships are the varying aspects of the Self expressed so highly. The two selves are celebrated.

Question 20

Behavior is Evidence of HOW We Think

Answer 20

Our psychology is expressed through behavior- the things we say and do, and through the ways we say and do them.

Question 21

Why do We Seek Romantic Love?

Answer 21

To fulfill the psychological need of being Visible

Question 22

Things that Contribute to Visibility

Answer 22

a. You must both be willing to be visible and able.
b. A mutuality of mind and values
c. Note: Offer people visibility as a means of manipulation. To have quick relationships. To be a good lover.
d. They have a similar outlook and orientation toward life.
e. How much they are authentically being themselves.

Question 23

Sex is a Vital Part of the Human Experience

Answer 23

**Sex is obviously, extraordinarily important to human beings. People devote a tremendous amount of time thinking about sex, especially men, daydreaming about sex, seeing movies about sex, engaging in it, etc. Sex gives us two crucial experiences to our growth and development, Life is a value and so are we. There is no knowledge more important than that of the value of life and the value of self, and pleasure. Sex is the integration of body and mind. It integrates perceptions, emotions, values, and thought. Such, it must be stressed, is the potential of sex. You cannot get in the way of its fulfillment or you will not experience these things. You can have very many wonderful experiences with sex, even if you are not committed to the person. However, it is most intense when it is an expression of love of self, life, and of a partner. It is the best when we experience ourselves at our most integrated.

Question 24

What it is like to Experience Healthy Pleasure from Life

Answer 24

When you experience pleasure, you experience the thought, “I am in control of my existence. I like my relationship to reality RIGHT NOW (cool!).”

Question 25

Sex is CRUCIAL in Romantic Love

Answer 25

In romantic love, when a man and a woman express that they would like to make love with one another, it is the highest and most intimate tribute a human being can offer or receive, it is the ultimate form of acknowledging the value of the person we desire. It is not just a physical act and we are able to connect on a soul level. When there is passionate love, the longed for “knowing” of each other is all embracing. You want to explore your lover with your senses, through touch and taste and smell. We explore and share feelings and emotions at greater length, to a greater depth, and with greater regularity than we almost do in any other kind of relationship. The fantasies of our lover can become the subject of our deep, personal interest. The polarity of male and female generates its own dynamic tension, generates curiosity and fascination about the opposite sex and their differences. Also, the way the two different sexes merge is highly pleasurable as well. You can feel GREAT to be the sex that you are 😊.

Question 26

Some of the Needs Romantic Love Fulfills

Answer 26

So far, we have learned what basic needs romantic love can fulfill: the need for companionship, need to love and to admire. The need to be loved and to feel visible. Need of self-discovery. Need of sexual fulfillment. And the need to fully experience yourself as a man or a woman. They are called “needs” in this context because they make such an enormous contribution to our well-being, to our continued efficacious functioning. They have survival value.

Question 27

Romantic Love Never Dies

Answer 27

The experience of many men and women who have been together for a long time is that they continue to find new things to love about the person.

Question 28

Similarities and Carefully Placed, Differences

Answer 28

The foundation of a relationship lies in basic similarities. The excitement, in complementary differences. When a man and a woman experience these complementary differences, they find the relationship stimulating, there is growth, EXCITING, challenging- it is a dynamic FORCE that enhances feelings of aliveness, expansion and growth. The differences must be enriching not frustrating. Often, we are most intolerant toward others who have traits we have disowned in ourselves. Conflict can be resolved if you accept those traits within yourself.

Question 29

Immature Love, Described

Answer 29

This would include insecure people. Those who say, “When I was 5, important needs of mine were not met, and until they are, I’m not moving on to 6!” On a basic level, they are passive, even though, superficially, they appear “aggressive” or like they are steadfast in “getting what they want” (a.k.a., a brat). At the bottom of it all, they are still waiting to be validated or confirmed by outside sources that they are good girls and boys. (I was here.) So in effect, their whole lives may be organized around the desire to please, be taken care of, or to control and dominate- in order to get that validation. They do not trust the authenticity of anyone’s love or caring. They have no confidence that in life, without their facades and manipulations, they would be enough. In immature love, you do not perceive your partner realistically. Fantasies and projections take the place of clear vision.

Question 30

Happiness is our BirthRight

Answer 30

Throughout our history, we have seen struggling and unhappiness Has been a concomitant of life for the human being. People are too comfortable with saying, “So who’s happy?” They are too passive in their lives. This is one of the human vices. **We need to relinquish this belief that frustration and defeat are our natural and inevitable fate. This belief is even sometimes upheld as an expression of higher sophistication, wit, or wisdom. In fact, it is a default on the duty of being alive. For example, there is a reason why love grows and why it dies. It does not, “just happen.” We are going to discuss that now. It is not fate, inexplicable, etc. We are complex creatures, yes, but everything makes sense within our lives and existence.

Question 31

Why Love Lives

Answer 31

a. Self Esteem- this sounds cliché but the first romantic love relationship we must foster is with ourselves before we can have anything at all. Love included. We have to have self-esteem.
b. Realistic Romanticism- The relationship must be based on a foundation of realism. You must accept your partner for all that they truly are in the real world. When passion and sight are integrated, love can flourish.
c. Mutual Self-Disclosure: The Meaning of Sharing a life- you must let your partner enter into the interior of your private world and at the same time, have a genuine interest in their private world. Atmosphere of trust and acceptance. So much of love has to do with sharing and showing who we are with another, being human, being naked. If you do not have self-esteem or awareness, this makes existence impossible.
d. Communicating emotions. Romance is made or broken by the effectiveness of communication.

Question 32

What We Must Communicate

Answer 32

Romance is made or broken by the effectiveness of communication.
i. Pain. You must share your pain as well. We must simply listen to our partner, the art of listening to others is precisely what they need, especially when expressing pain. Sometimes, the only thing they need to do is express what they have to say-nothing more is needed. Do not jump into lectures, tell them they “should” feel this way about things, and so on. The other person WANTS and NEEDS you to understand and see what they are experiencing- they want to share with you.
ii. Fear. Most of us have been taught that fear is an emotion to be hidden to be concealed (I went through this, and, it is due to old school thinking!). We associate it with humiliation. **With “loss of face.” We think that “strength” is lying, **with pretending that we do not feel fear (this is very old school and what I went through also . It is very common.). When we are honest about the fear, something beautiful happens, it brings us closer to the ones we have shared it with and we realize, we are not actually afraid at all! It is normal to share EVERYTHING with people. In order for love and any relationships to be successful, **WE (You are never alone) must give up the notion that there is something heroic about faking what we feel, misinterpreting the reality of our experience or truth of our being. If heroism and strength mean anything, it is the willingness to FACE reality, to face truth, to respect facts, to except that that which is, is. By lying and faking, you are being weak, PERIOD. You will express your true strength and power over situations, people, and places-this is the reality of your being. **NEGATIVE SITUATIONS ARE ONLY ACTUALLY AWFUL AND FRIGHTENINGN WHEN YOU AVOID THEM AND GET INTO YOUR MIND.
iii. Anger-It is not the expression of anger that hurts relationships, it is the repression of it. It is always when you are not honest. Repression kills love, sex, passion.
iv. Love, Joy, Excitement- Communication is the lifeblood of the relationship (or they will not feel connected with you) and this includes happy feelings. In other words, the full range of our mental and emotional world.
v. You must share how you feel about the other person. Express your desire.
vi. “Sharing a Home” is more than keeping company, it means sharing our inner processes, our inner experience, and all that pertains to the self.
vii. **The fact that love can penetrate such persons who are repressed attests to the power of the life force within us, which, breaking through the barrier of our repression and self-alienation, however briefly, points the way to the possibility of ecstasy. Our task is to learn not to betray that possibility!
WANTS
- Many children, even those who are loved, are not taught that their wants and desires are to be taken seriously. Many children, when they are young, are not taken seriously. You have to communicate all of your wants and desires and feelings, and so on.
MANIPULATION
-Many times if you do not communicate forthright, then you resort to manipulations to get your needs met. You try to be “sneaky,” which is unnecessary because all you have to do, and what people & your partner want you to do, is to say what you really think and feel OUT LOUD! Romantic love is not for cowards or liars.
-In true romantic relationships, the excitement and fulfillment does not die :) . You do not, “get used to” each other. One reason for this is that a human being is constantly in the process of unfolding.

Question 33

Some Things We May Need to Fix

Answer 33

VISIBILITY AND EXCITEMENT
**-Many people (it is a problem. Usually, it is the “old school” mentality or the people who “grow up”) live automatically; they live off past thinking and stay put. Past learnings. Hence life loses its freshness. Enthusiasm dies quickly. They turn themselves into machines. They speak with great “authority” on the fact that inevitably, passion is short-lived, their delusion is that they are speaking about reality and being mature, the truth is, they are speaking about themselves, ONLY. ALERT!: HELLOOO?? The world is anew every day! REMINDER: The enemy of life is emotional repression, self-disowning, self-alienation. That is why you wanted to drink and liked its effect, you wanted to be human, you wanted to be your human self; raw and naked. Honest. **ALLLL the pleasure you experienced during being high, was simply you being open. THAT IS IT. AND, OPEN IN REALITY. That is what you were so in love with :) . We stay alive by staying in touch with everything pertaining to our inner experience (very simple). Couples stay alive by sharing this inner world, exposing it, expressing it.
FEAR OF EXCITEMENT
-Some of us were raised to conceal excitement so we can “seem more “grown up””. We fear “getting in trouble” from our parents if we display excitement (this is old school. They were not acknowledging the fact that, THEY WERE KIDS!!). These are the parents who YELL at kids, for being hyper! It makes no sense! Their parents get mad at them for not being as silent as a rock. This is impossible to do when you are so young and not to mention, it is not a desirable thing to do at all.
**-Your partner’s way of treating you is the manner in which they treat themselves. **SO, if you come across people who are uptight, mean, angry, sarcastic, rude for “no reason,” know that this is a reflection of how they treat themselves and the hell that they are in. You are visibly seeing their hell. YOU CAN FORGE A BOND WITH THIS! Know that they are not happy. They cannot love anyone or themselves and they need help and understanding.

Question 34

The Romance Marathon

Answer 34

One homework assignment that Nathaniel Branden will do with couples who are in relationships that have become lifeless, is he will tell them to stay in a room together for 12 hours straight. They can never leave the room. They have to be alone for the entire time, no children, guests, etc. During that time, they are only allowed to talk to each other about, one another, the relationship, or how they are feeling. There may be resistence at first, but after the first hour, they begin to talk. They become closer than they ever have, they share things that they never shared with their partner before, they go to a level that is very deep and hidden, the further time goes on. This exercise, he employs, to teach his clients, Intimacy. Most of the time, the experiment ends happily. Sometimes the couple does discover that the relationship is, in fact, over. This is a good thing so they do not waste their lives together. This assignment, repeated once per month, can bring about the most radical changes within a couples relationship. One being, they discover they have good communication skills that they never could have dreamed of. **This assignment does not allow the couple to live mechanically. If a human being is always on the run, always engaged in “doing something,” he or she has no chance for self encounter and exploration. We need times of stillness and simply, variation in our lives. Relationships need the same leisure time. A couple may run from the tennis court, to the bridge table, to the Saturday night dance at their club, and insist they share a life together, not noticing that they SPEND no time ENCOUNTERING each other. They are together, but they never meet. Creativity requires leisure, an absense of a time schedule, time when the mind and imagination float and wander naturally. (My favorite time is night or early morning, or nights out) Time to dive into the depths of your psyche. Long periods of time may pass in which NOTHING (see, everything is fine. Everyone understands.) seems to be happening. But, know that this kind of space must be created if the mind is to leap out of its accustomed ruts, to part from the mechanical, the known, the standard, and to leap into the new.
-There is no aphrodisiac in the world so powerful and reliable as authentic communication that flows from the core of one being TO THE CORE OF THE OTHER. This is why couples find sex after fighting so exciting, you have broken through each others mechnical pattern of relating, your walls are down (sounds exciting, it is. BUT, geez, just be open and normal! LOL. You don’t HAVE to fight).

Question 35

Time is Our Most Valuable Resource

Answer 35

When it comes to how you spend your time, spend it on the ones that you love, pleasure, looking beautiful, and enjoying life. WE ARE NOT IMMORTAL. We have choices to make and your family life comes first. What I do DOES matter to other human beings (I know that in the past you thought that nothing you did mattered or affected others).

Question 36

Beautiful Selfishness

Answer 36

-**When Nathaniel is talking about selfishness, he is talking about that cocky, youthful, boastful, proud, self-confident, “ANDREA AND CO.,” kind of desire to feel good, FOR MY OWN SAKE. It is a joy in bringing myself ultimate pleasure. Desired: My partner’s happiness is of selfish importance to me :) . Being selfless is a contradiction in use. You ARE doing it because it feels good, that is when it is genuinely expressed. -If someone is repressed and does not know of love, it is immaturity and not selfishness. They would be doing what made them well and feel good, if that were the case.

Question 37

Romance Can Be Enjoyed, or a Nightmare

Answer 37

-Bed can be the place where a child endlessly reenacts the struggle to gain the love and approval of a rejecting parent. **Bed can be the place where an individual’s love affair with life explodes and overflows in a torrent of joy and excitement. If we are not in a struggle with ourselves, we are free to enjoy being. The state of being alive.

Question 38

Living in Awareness Basic Fact: 101

Answer 38

-Unconsciousness is ALWAYS the enemy. The solution is always awareness, acceptance, and free expression.

Question 39

Marriage to One Partner Fulfills a Human Need

Answer 39

-You get married so you can show to the world that the two of you are committed to each other. It is a means to express, solemnize, and objectify their choice in a lifelong partner. The need can arise from the need for structure. You are saying that the needs of the relationship is one of your highest level of priorities and you will profoundly act in ways so as to respect and protect the needs of the relationships. It does fulfill a psychological need for human beings. Marriage is still the preferred state for most men and women.

Question 40

Stability and Movement

Answer 40

-Both parties in the relationship must support the growth and evolution of the relationship and each other. You must balance your need for structure, home, permanence, and meaning in your life, with the fact that life is also, ever changing. You need change in your life, also, it is a need. Life is in motion.

Question 41

See the heart of the Situation

Answer 41

-**Each person in the relationship needs to master the art of leaving the surface of a situation and going to the root of the anger, the fear, the helplessness, etc. What is really going on? See the reality of the situation.