Afilliation, Attraction, Close Relationships Flashcards Preview

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Flashcards in Afilliation, Attraction, Close Relationships Deck (29)
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reasons behind the need to belong

social comparison:
- the need to understand the world and ourselves
- compare the self with similar others to see how we measure up
- upward social comparison
- downward social comparison

social exchange
- keep track of relationship costs and rewards
- exit relationship cost/reward ratio is too high relative to alternative relationships


biology and affiliation

- the social attachment "alarm" system is in the anterior cingulate cortex (same area of the brain is involved in pain detection)
- introverts experience higher levels of central nervous system arousal chronically (they seek to keep environment from pushing arousal to an uncomfortable level
- extroverts experience greater activation of dopamine pathways


socialization and the need to belong

positive correlation between a country's individualism and its people's need to belong
- individualists have relatively numerous, but non-intimate relationships

interdependent self
- seen more often in girls than boys
- associated with more committed relationships
- produces better money for relational events


belongingness and anxiety

- people awaiting an unpleasant experience prefer the company of others also awaiting it ("misery loves only miserable company)
- when aversion is due to expected embarrassment, people prefer to be alone
- when anticipating a fearful event, people may prefer to be with someone who has gone through is already
- this reflects a need for cognitive clarity and social support


social anxiety

- the unpleasant emotion we experience due to our concern with interpersonal evaluation and social status
- unlike other kinds of anxiety, social anxiety reduces desire to affiliate with others

when socially anxious we:
- less likely to initiate interaction
- sometimes stammer and stutter
- occasionally withdraw from interactions



- having a smaller/less satisfying network of social relationships than we desire
- chronically lonely people use more internal, stable attributions for loneliness (changing the attributional style reduces loneliness)
- desire for quality friendships over quantity friendships


social skills deficits and loneliness

lonely people rate themselves more negatively (and expect others to see them this way too):
- less friendly
- less honest and open
- less warm

in interactions, they:
- spend more time talking about self
- show less interest in conversation partners


social relationships and technology

- the internet is now a primary way people maintain friendships and social relationships
- young adults have greater numbers of social ties than their parents
- but people rely on face to face more than long distance relationships when they are in trouble


how important are social relationships: Ted Talk

maybe you should watch it??


the need for affiliation

- desire to make and keep close personal relationships
- those with close friendships have better health than those without
- our psychological and social health is also better
- the brain may register social pain as it does physical pain


how do early parent child interactions impact future relationships

- our very first interactions have profound impact on later life
- for most of us, our parents are our first personal contact
- this relationship "lays the groundwork" for future interpersonal relationships in life
- oxytocin - the bonding hormone
- physical contact increases oxytocin levels in mother's and in babies -- leads to bonding behaviours and increased feelings of trust
- men are as hardwired to bond with children as women



- the degree of security experienced in a relationship
- Harlow's monkeys: infant bonding
- contact comfort more important than nourishment in fostering attachment


attachment styles

Bowlby - research on humans
early interactions lead to attitudes about:
1) self esteem: am I valued and loved?
2) interpersonal trust: are other dependable?
- where you fall on these dimensions defines attachment style

Preoccupied: high interpersonal trust (low avoidance) + low self esteem (high anxiety)

Fearful-avoidant: low self esteem (high anxiety) + low interpersonal trust (high avoidance)

Dismissing-avoidant: low interpersonal trust (high avoidance) + high self esteem (low anxiety)

Secure: high self esteem (low anxiety) + high interpersonal trust (low anxiety)


four attachment styles

attachment styles assessed in "Strange Situations Test"
1) secure
- high in self esteem and IPT - 70% of babies
- tend to form lasting, satisfying relationships
2) fearful-avoidant
- low in self esteem and IPT
- unable to form close/fulfilling relationships; linked to abusive relationships
3) preoccupied
- low self esteem and high IPT
- AKA: anxious-ambivalent; crave closeness and approval, self destructive, "stage 5 clinger"
4) dismissive
- high self esteem and low IPT
- expects worst of others, fearful of getting close to others


what leads to attraction

- "attraction" refer to both romantic and social attraction (lovers as well as friends)
- proximity, mere exposure, and interaction
- proximity = physical closeness between 2 individuals
- smaller proximity leads to more repeated contacts and mutual attraction
- the impact of physical attractiveness, whether we admit it or not, looks do matter
- attractiveness affects all sorts of things, including how much money we earn
- standards of beauty are quite similar across many cultures - eg symmetry and clear skin (indicate a "hardwiring" of what we find attractive as human beings - evolutionary reason?)
- physical beauty is the easiest thing to spot in social interactions - we tend to hold a "beautiful is good" stereotype


physical attractiveness stereotype

we believes "what is beautiful is good"
- attractive people are assumed to be more successful, happy, intelligent, and socially skilled than others
- effect occurs in both individualistic and collectivist cultures
- stereotype affects observers reactions
- seen in interactions with infants, children, adults

meta-analysis indicated that this stereotype is false except for social skills
- social skills advantage may be a self fulfilling prophecy


attractiveness standards

- men place greater value on physical attractiveness of partner than women
- facial symmetry is preferred across cultures - indicated health
- averaged (features that aren't extreme) facial features for a culture is preferred in that culture
- feature maturity is preferred for men (facial hair, strong jawline)
- feature immaturity is preferred for women (youthful)



evolutionary argument
- women have a shorter time span to reproduce than men
- therefore men will seek women who look young
- women will seek men who can protect and provide for offspring

sociocultural argument
- women have historically been excluded from positions of power
- social advancement is therefore tied to a man's status
- women's physical appearance is her "currency" in the relationship marketplace


what leads to attractiveness: similarity

matching hypothesis:
- loge term relationships are more likely to from with:
- those we share similar attributes
- those who are similar to us in physical attractiveness
proportion of similarity:
- turns attractions into mathematics
- divide topics of similarity by total number if topics discussed
- higher the outcome (ratio), the greater the attraction
repulsion hypothesis:
- theory that we aren't attracted to similarity, but repulsed by dissimilarity


what leads to attraction: reciprocity

- if we find out someone likes us, we tend to like them back
- not rule of thumb, but it does happen
- this, in turn, leads to higher levels of trust


the role of gender

- evolutionary theory looks at mate preference and reproduction potential
- are men more "into" beauty because it signals fertility?
- are women more into men with "stuff" because they're better providers?
- men and women are both interested in "healthy and wealthy" mates
- men appear to be more focused then women on the sexual mating system
- women appear more focused than men on the attachment system
- both men and women have desires arising from each system
- men fall in love more quickly and fall out of love more slowly


evolutionary explanations for gender differences in love

- it is adoptive for men to establish sexual intimacy quickly (low cost of reproduction)
- it is adoptive for women to judge carefully (high cost of reproduction)
- differences in length of reproductive lives explains the relative speed of existing relationships


sociocultural explanations for gender differences in love

- historically, a man's status was not dependant on his romantic partner's status
- however, a women's future was dependant in her mate
- men could afford to be more idealistic about love
- women needed to be more pragmatic
- heterosexual men may fall in love quickly because they are deprived of intimacy in friendship


types of love

passionate love:
- a state of longing for union with one's partner
- roller coaster of emotions
- 1st appearance may coincide with puberty
- highly related to increased physical arousal
- intense circumstances may cause us to mistake physical arousal for love

companionate love:
- feeling affection for someone when your lives are intertwined
- deep sense of trust
- more stable and calm than passionate love
- present after couple has been together for a long time


triangular theory of love

3 components of love:
1) intimacy: feelings of closeness and connectedness
2) passion: physical attraction and sexual consummation
3) commitment: the decision to be in love and stay in love
- the combination of the 3 components leads to 8 types of love


8 types of love

1) liking = intimacy (top of triangle
2) companionate love = intimacy + commitment (right side of triangle)
3) empty love = commitment (right corner of triangle)
4) fatuous love = passion + commitment (bottom of triangle)
5) infatuation = passion (left corner of triangle)
6) romantic love = passion + intimacy (left corner of triangle)
7) consummate love = intimacy + passion + commitment (middle of triangle)


how are relationships maintained?

- social exchange theory: people base behaviours on maximizing and minimizing costa in relationships (business like)

- equity theory: relationships are the best when we give as much as we get, and get as much as we give

- the investment model: the more resources (time, energy, self disclosure) we put into a relationship, the higher our commitment

- exchange and communal relationships:
- exchange = strict reciprocity is expected
- communal = partners expect mutual responsiveness to needs


what role does conflict play in relationships

- conflict is expected and often healthy
- 4 conflict styles can be very unhealthy:
1) criticism: "you never clean up the toilet"
2) contempt: "he's so lazy"
3) defensiveness: "you're being overly sensitive"
4) stonewalling: giving the silent treatment



- active responses to problems: either choose to end things or work to make them better
- passive responses: wait it out and hope it improves
- active is better