CHADE-MENG TAN - SEARCH INSIDE YOURSELF Flashcards
Define emotional intelligence?
The ability:
1) to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions,
2) to discriminate among them
3) to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.
Goleman adds a very useful structure to emotional intelligence by classifying it into five domains. They are:
- Self-awareness:
Knowledge of one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions - Self-regulation:
Management of one’s internal states, impulses, and resources - Motivation:
Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals - Empathy:
Awareness of others’ feelings, needs, and concerns - Social skills:
Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others
In the context of the work environment, which three important skill sets enables emotional intelligence?
- stellar work performance,
- outstanding leadership,
- the ability to create the conditions for happiness.
What are the top six competencies that distinguish star performers from average performers in the tech sector?
The top six competencies that distinguish star performers from average performers in the tech sector are (in this order):
- Strong achievement drive and high achievement standards
- Ability to influence
- Conceptual thinking
- Analytical ability
- Initiative in taking on challenges
- Self-confidence
What is the idea of neuroplasticity?
The idea is that
what we THINK,
DO,
and PAY ATTENTION to
CHANGES the structure and function of our brains.
We can intentionally change our brains with training.
How do we begin training emotional intelligence?
We begin by TRAINING ATTENTION.
A strong, stable, and perceptive attention that affords you calmness and clarity is the foundation upon which emotional intelligence is built.
On what does self-awareness depend?
Self-awareness depends on being able to see ourselves objectively,
and that requires the ability to examine our thoughts
and emotions from a third-person perspective:
not getting swept up in the emotion,
not identifying with it,
but just seeing it clearly and objectively.
This requires a stable and clear, non-judging attention.
What is the ability called “response flexibility”?
“Response flexibility,” is the ability to:
PAUSE BEFORE YOU ACT.
You experience a strong emotional stimulus, but instead of reacting immediately as you normally would, you pause for a split second, and that pause gives you choice in how you want to react in that emotional situation.
Note a quote of Viktor Frankl:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”
How is mindfulness defined?
Mindfulness is defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn as: “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.”
The famous Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh defined mindfulness as
“keeping one’s consciousness alive to the present reality.”
Define a simple technique for self-regulation called “affect labeling”:
“Affect labeling” simply means labeling feelings with words.
When you label an emotion you are experiencing (for example, “I feel anger”), it somehow helps you manage that emotion.
The evidence suggests that labeling increases the activity in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (RVLPFC), commonly associated with being the brain’s “brake pedal,” which in turn increases the activation of part of the executive center of the brain called the medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC), which then down-regulates the amygdala.
What does high-resolution perception mean?
High-resolution perception means your perception becomes so refined across both time and space that
you can watch an emotion the moment it is arising,
you can perceive its subtle changes as it waxes and wanes,
you can watch it the moment it ceases.
This ability is important because the better we can perceive our emotions, the better we can manage them.
When we are able to perceive emotions arising and changing in slow motion, we can become skillful at managing them.
What is the neurological explanation for why intuition is experienced in the body?
Evidence suggests that the basal ganglia are the neuroanatomical bases of both implicit learning and intuition.
The basal ganglia observes everything we do in life, every situation, and extracts decision rules….
Our life wisdom on any topic is stored in the basal ganglia.
The basal ganglia is so primitive that it has zero connectivity to the verbal cortex. It can’t tell us what it knows in words.
It tells us in feelings, it has a lot of connectivity to the emotional centers of the brain and to the gut.
It tells us this is right or this is wrong as a gut feeling.
How does Search Inside Yourself work?
Search Inside Yourself works in three steps:
- Attention training
- Self-knowledge and self-mastery
- Creating useful mental habits
Ü: Sit alone or together without agenda for two minutes.
For two minutes a day, we quietly enjoy being alive and being together.
More fundamentally, for two minutes a day, we enjoy being. Just being.
To just be is simultaneously the most ordinary and the most precious experience in life.
Effect:
If practiced often enough, it deepens the inherent calmness and clarity in the mind. It opens up the possibility of fully appreciating each moment in life, every one of which is precious.
Which two important faculties does mindfulness train?
Define them.
Mindfulness trains two important faculties:
1) Attention:
Taking possession by the mind, in clear and vivid form.
2) Meta-attention:
Meta-attention is attention of attention, the ability to pay attention to attention itself.
What are the three wonderful qualities when the mind becomes highly relaxed and alert at the same time?
When the mind becomes highly relaxed and alert at the same time, three wonderful qualities of mind naturally emerge:
- calmness
- clarity
- happiness.
What is the process of mindfulness meditation?
Intention.
Start by creating an intention, a reason for wanting to abide in mindfulness.
Attention
Follow your breath. Just bring a gentle attention to the process of breathing.
Distraction
In that state of distraction, we may start ruminating, worrying, or fantasizing. Regain attentional focus by bringing attention back to the process of breathing; it is the process of growth and developing powerful mental “muscles.”
Attitude
Toward yourself. See how you treat yourself and how often you engage in nasty gossip about yourself. If possible, shift the attitude toward self-directed kindness and curiosity. This shift is, by itself, another meditation. Once again, it is about forming mental habits.
What are the 3 parts to mindful conversation?
The three parts to this skill are:
1) Listening:
giving the gift of attention to the speaker.
2) Looping:
closing the loop of communication by demonstrating that you have really heard what the person is saying.
Do not try to remember everything: if you really listen, you will hear.
3) Dipping:
checking in with yourself, knowing how you are feeling about what you are hearing.
Note:
Part of the practice is becoming able to give full attention to the speaker, with full awareness of your own feelings.
Ü: FORMAL PRACTICE OF MINDFUL CONVERSATION
Part I: Monologue
Person A speaks in monologue for 4 minutes.
When you are speaking, maintain some mindfulness on your body (this is the dipping part).
The entire 4 minutes belong to you, so if you run out of things to say, you can both sit in silence, and when you have something else to say later, you may just say it.
Person B listens.
Your job is to give your full attention to the speaker as a gift, while at the same time maintaining some mindfulness on your body (this is again the dipping part).
You are giving him the gift of your attention, without losing awareness of your body.
You may acknowledge, but do not over-acknowledge. You may not speak except to acknowledge.
Ü: FORMAL PRACTICE OF MINDFUL CONVERSATION
Part II: Resolution
After that, B repeats back to A what she thinks she heard. B may start by saying, “What I heard you say was…” Immediately after, A gives feedback by telling B what he feels B got right or wrong (for example, what she missed, what she misrepresented, etc).
Go back and forth until A is satisfied that he is completely understood by B.
Do this for as long as it takes, or until 6 minutes are up. (This is the looping part).
Then we switch places, so B gets to be the speaker and A the listener.
After the exercise, spend 4 minutes in meta-conversation discussing the experience.
Some suggested topics for conversation:
- Your self-assessment. Your impressions of yourself, what you like, what you want to change, etc.
- A difficult situation that happened recently or a long time ago that you want to talk about.
- Any other topic that is meaningful to you.
Ü: INFORMAL PRACTICE OF MINDFUL CONVERSATION
You can practice mindful conversation during any conversation, but it is most useful when communication is at an impasse, for example, in a conflict situation.
Begin with mindful listening (see Informal Practice of Mindful Listening). Give the speaker the gift of your attention without losing awareness of your body. If any strong emotion arises, acknowledge it and, if possible, let it go.
After the speaker is done expressing her views, make sure you fully understood by asking for permission to repeat back what you heard. You may say something like, “What you say sounds important. To make sure I understand you correctly, I would like to repeat to you what I think I heard. Let me know if my understanding is correct. Is that okay for you?” If the speaker says yes, repeat back what you heard and then invite the speaker to let you know what you understood correctly or incorrectly.
After the speaker offers her input, repeat her corrections in your own words to make sure you understood those correctly.
Repeat this process until the speaker is fully satisfied that she is understood.
After demonstrating that you understood the speaker, it is your turn to speak. If you are comfortable doing so, you may explain the looping process and respectfully invite the other person to participate if she wants to. You may say something like, “I want to make sure I do not miscommunicate anything, so if it is okay with you, after I speak, I’d like to invite you to let me know what you heard. Shall we do that?” If the other person accepts the invitation, you may apply the looping process.
Ü: FORMAL PRACTICE OF MINDFUL LISTENING
We will listen in pairs, with a family member or a friend, each person taking turns to be the speaker and the listener.
Instructions for the speaker:
This will be a monologue. You get to speak uninterrupted for 3 minutes. If you run out of things to say, that is fine; you can just sit in silence and whenever you have something to say, you may continue speaking again. The entire 3 minutes belong to you, you can use the time in whatever ways you want, and know that whenever you are ready to speak, there is a person ready to listen to you.
Instructions for the listener:
Your job is to listen. When you listen, give your full attention to the speaker. You may not ask questions during these 3 minutes. You may acknowledge with facial expressions, by nodding your head, or by saying, “I see,” or “I understand.” You may not speak except to acknowledge. Try not to over-acknowledge, or you might end up leading the speaker. And if the speaker runs out of things to say, give her the space for silence, and then be available to listen when she speaks again.
Let us have one person speak and one listen for 3 minutes and then switch over for another 3 minutes.
After that, have a 3-minute meta-conversation, in which both of you talk about what this experience was like for you.
Suggested topics for the monologue:
- What are you feeling right now?
- What is something that happened today that you want to talk about?
- Anything else you want to talk about.
Ü: INFORMAL PRACTICE OF MINDFUL LISTENING
When a friend or loved one is speaking to you, adopt a generous attitude by giving this person the gift of your full attention and the gift of airtime.
Remind yourself that because this person is so valuable to you, he or she is entitled to all your attention and all the space and time needed to express himself or herself.
As you listen, give your full attention to the speaker. If you find your attention wandering away, just very gently bring it back to the speaker, as if he or she is a sacred object of meditation. As much as possible, try to refrain from speaking, asking questions, or leading the speaker. Remember, you are giving him or her the valuable gift of airtime. You may acknowledge with facial expressions, or by nodding your head, or by saying, “I see,” or “I understand,” but try not to over-acknowledge so as to not lead the speaker.
If the speaker runs out of things to say, give him or her space for silence, and then be available to listen when he or she speaks again.
3 suggestions how can we sustain a mindfulness practice?
- Have a buddy:
We suggest finding a mindfulness buddy and committing to a fifteen-minute conversation every week, covering at least these two topics:
- How am I doing with my commitment to my practice?
- What has arisen in my life that relates to my practice?
We also suggest ending the conversation with the question, how did this conversation go?
- Do less than you can:
The idea is to do less formal practice than you are capable of.
The reason is to keep the practice from becoming a burden. If mindfulness practice feels like a chore, it’s not sustainable. Sit often, for short periods. - Take one breath a day: Just one. Breathe in and breathe out mindfully, and your commitment for the day is fulfilled; everything else is a bonus.
Ü: Joyful Mindfulness - Bringing mindfulness to joyful experiences.
A really good way to practice mindfulness is using joy as an object of meditation, especially the type of joy with a gentle quality that doesn’t overwhelm the senses. For example, taking a nice walk, holding hands with a loved one, enjoying a good meal, carrying a sleeping baby, or sitting with your child while she is reading a good book are great opportunities to practice mindfulness by bringing full moment-to-moment attention to the joyful experience, to the mind, and to the body.
Translate from the Sanskrit: sukha.
The most common translations for sukha are:
“bliss,”
“ease,”
“happiness.”
The best translation of sukha is its most technical translation:
“non-energetic joy.”
Ü: MEDITATION CIRCUIT TRAINING
Let us begin by sitting comfortably in a position that enables you to be both relaxed and alert at the same time.
For 2 minutes let us rest the mind. If you like, you can visualize the breath to be a resting place, or a cushion, or a mattress, and let the mind rest on it.
Let us shift into focused attention. Bring your attention to your breath, or any other object of meditation you choose. Let this attention be stable like a rock, undiundisturbed by any distraction. If the mind is distracted, gently but firmly bring the mind back. Let’s continue this exercise for the remainder of 3 minutes.
Now we shift into open attention. Bring your attention to whatever you experience and whatever comes to mind. Let this attention be flexible like grass moving in the wind. In this mind, there is no such thing as a distraction. Every object you experience is an object of meditation. Everything is fair game. Let us continue this exercise for the remainder of 3 minutes.
Shift to focused attention for 3 minutes.
Then shift to open attention for 3 minutes.
For 2 minutes, let us end this sitting by resting the mind. If you like, you can again visualize the breath to be a resting place, or a cushion, or a mattress, and let the mind rest on it.
How does Daniel Goleman define self-awareness?
Daniel Goleman defines self-awareness as
knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions.
What are the 3 Self-Awareness Competencies?
- Emotional awareness:
Recognizing one’s emotions and their effects - Accurate self-assessment:
Knowing one’s strengths and limits - Self-confidence:
A strong sense of one’s self-worth and capabilities
What is the key difference between emotional awareness and accurate self-assessment?
Emotional awareness operates mostly at the level of physiology, my accurately perceiving emotions in my body, knowing where they come from, and understanding how they affect my behavior.
Accurate self-assessment, in contrast, operates mostly at the level of meaning. It goes beyond the emotions I feel and includes knowledge into myself as a human being.
It asks questions like: What are my strengths and weaknesses? What are my resources and limitations? What matters to me?
Accurate self-assessment builds on emotional awareness.
Which is a simple linear relationship between the three emotional competencies of self-awareness?
Strong emotional awareness leads to more accurate self-assessment, which in turn leads to higher self-confidence.
