Chapter 10 & 11: Stresses and Conflict Flashcards
(63 cards)
What are four dialectical tensions in relationships?
- Autonomy and connection
2.Openness and closedness - Stability and change
- Integration and separation
What are dialectics?
opposing motivations that can never be entirely satisfied because they contradict each other
What is relational stress?
strain or tension related to the relationship
How does stress impact the body?
the brain releases cortisol into the body, which impacts the immune system (impacts the distribution and function of immune cells)
What is an allostatic load?
Strain on the body produced by repeated ups and downs of
physiological response, as well as elevated activity of these
systems as they respond to prolonged environmental demand
- Impacts psychological distress and physiological arousal
- Related to risky behaviors
Is stress always negative?
oftentimes, but can function to help someone “get ready” (like for an exam or going on a first date)
What is relational value and how is this impacted by stress?
degree to which someone considers the relationship to be valuable, important or close
- Different levels of acceptance and rejection
- The core of stresses and strains stem from the “perception
that others value their relationships with us less than we want
them to”
What is perceived relational value?
The apparent importance that others attach to their relationships with us–is lower than we want it to be
Rejection
- feels terrible at any level
- decreases in acceptance feel worse than being outright rejected from the beginning
- rejection hurts (similar to physical pain)
- pain relievers improve the pain of social rejection
True or False: mild rejection from others usually feels just as bad as more extreme rejection does.
True - and decreases in the acceptance we receive from others may be even worse as a result, especially when they occur in that range between ambivalence and active inclusion
Define relational devaluation
Apparent decreases in others’ regard for us–and it causes a variety of unhappy emotions
- people who have high levels of anxiety relating to abandonment experience more hurt in response to drops in perceived relational value than those with lower anxiety do
What factors can influence the level of heart one experiences after rejection?
Attachment styles
a) high anxiety = more hurt in response to drops in perceived relational value
b) high avoidance = less pain when others withdraw
Self-esteem also contributes
a) low self esteem = more hurt
b) high self esteem = less hurt
_____________ is a significant predictor of how people respond to potent experiences of rejection, including ostracism
self-esteem
What are some everyday stresses and strains in interpersonal relationships?
- Ostracism - in which people are given the “cold shoulder” and ignored by those around them
- Jealousy
- Deception and Lying
- Betrayal
Reasons for giving a partner the “cold shoulder?”
- punish partner
- avoid confrontation
- calm down and cool off after a conflict/fight
reactions to getting the “cold shoulder”
- usually, there is no explanation for the cold shoulder, so recipients take it personally and believe their relationship is being damaged
Reactions:
- trying to gain belongingness through compliance
- attempts at repair
- devaluing the relationship/person
- finding a new relationship
- those with higher self-esteem are more likely to terminate a relationship with someone who ostracizes and hurts them
effects of giving someone the “cold shoulder”
people feel hurt, confused, and unhappy; the room actually feels colder; food and drink are more desirable; cortisol increases; time passes slower
Define jealousy
can involve a variety of feelings, ranging all the way from sad dejection to actual pride that one’s partner is desirable to others, but the three feelings that define jealousy are hurt, anger, and fear
Hurt follows from the perception
that our partners do not value us enough to honor their commitments to our relationships
Fear and anxiety result from
the dreadful prospect of abandonment and loss
What is the difference between reactive and suspicious jealousy?
Reactive jealousy = occurs when someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship
suspicious jealousy = occurs when one’s partner has not misbehaved and one’s suspicions do not fit the facts at hand
Who is prone to jealousy?
Precursors include:
- dependency: meaning any threat is menacing to their relationship, especially if a person doesn’t have alternatives
- inadequacy: worry that they cannot measure up to their partner’s expectations, will be replaced–more jealous compared to those who know they can keep their partners satisfied
Other factors include:
- attachment style: those who are preoccupied find themselves seeking closeness with others, but they remain chronically worried that their partners do not love them in return
- personality traits: those high in neuroticism also possess more jealous –Dark Triad in particular
Who gets us jealous?
- Rivals who have high mate value and are attractive to our partners are particularly threatening (friends horning in are more upsetting compared to a complete and utter stranger)
- Partners expressing affection for past mates
What gets us jealous?
Due to paternal uncertainty, men are more likely than women to consider sexual infidelity to be more distressing than emotional infidelity (thought that their partners are falling in love with someone else) – 83%
- This finding has engendered criticism, but it has also been replicated around the world
