—to connect with others in enduring, close relationships.:T
need to belong
Satisfy the need to belong in balance with two other human needs—to feel … and …
autonomy and competence
Exclusion hurts longest for …
anx- ious people and younger people
ostracisms opposite
love
the pain of social rejection is so real that …
a pain-relieving Tylenol can reduce hurt feelings
Ostracism is a real pain. And love is a natural painkiller.
t
social ostracism evokes a brain response similar to that triggered by physical pain, activating the … and the right …
anterior cingulate (A) ventral prefrontal cortex (B).
My colleagues in sociology have pointed out that minority groups who feel excluded show many of the same patterns that our laboratory manipulations elicit: high rates of … decreased …., poorer …, more self- destructive acts, short-term focus, and the like.
aggression and antisocial behaviour,
willing- ness to cooperate and obey rules
intellectual performance
those that help initiate attrac- tion: …4
proximity, physical attractiveness, similarity, and feeling liked.
Even more significant than geographical distance is “….”—how often people’s paths cross.
functional distance
Why does proximity breed liking? One factor is …
availabil- ity
Anticipation of interaction
MERE EXPOSURE
T: t to all sorts of novel stimuli—nonsense syllables, Chinese cal- ligraphy characters, musical selections, faces—boosts people’s ratings of them.
mere exposure effect
when does repertion breed bordom
when it continuing without pause or interruption.
You can probably recall immediately liking or disliking something or someone without consciously know- ing why. why
emotions are often more instantaneous than thinking. Zajonc’s rather astonishing idea—that emotions are semi-independent of thinking
It is a “hard-wired” phenomenon that predisposes our attractions and attachments and that helped our ancestors categorize things and people as either familiar and safe or unfamiliar and possibly dangerous.
whats mere exposures negative side
fear of the. unknown = racism
how does physical attractivness influence woman and men differently
attractive wives led to happier husbands, but attractive husbands had less effect on wives’ happiness
woman better recall others appearences
t
Do women respond to men’s looks?
yes just as important for m and woman
heterosexual people display a positive bias toward attractive job candidates and university applicants of both sexes
f — if they are of the other sex
When choosing whom to approach, knowing that the other is free to say yes or no, people usually approach someone whose attractiveness roughly matches their own :T
matching phenomenon
Perhaps this research prompts you to think of happy couples who differ in perceived “hotness.” whats going on here
In such cases, the less attractive person often has com- pensating qualities.
Men who advertise their …, and women who advertise their …, receive more responses to their ads (
.income and education
youth and looks
Does the attractiveness effect spring entirely from sexual attractiveness?
no
how do adults respond to attractive children differently
they assume they have more redeeming qualities
T: What is beautiful is good. Children learn the stereotype quite early—and one of the ways they learn it is through stories told to them by adults.
physical-attractiveness stereotype
o say that attractiveness is important, other things being equal, is not to say that …
physical appearance always outranks other qualities
physical appearence has most of its effect on …
first impressions
They found that for each additional scale unit of rated attractiveness, people earned, on average, an additional $1988 annually is this more for men or woman
men
Is the “beautiful is good” stereotype accurate?
physically attractive people do not differ from others in basic personal- ity traits,
what’s crucial to your social skill is not how you look but ..
how people treat you and how you feel about yourself—whether you accept yourself, like yourself, feel comfort- able with yourself.
why are attractive people morel liked
small average differences between attractive and unattractive people probably result from self-fulfilling prophecies. Attractive people are valued and favoured and so may develop more social self-confidence.
what is attractive
Strictly speaking, attractiveness is whatever the people of any given place and time find attractive. This, of course, varies. The beauty standards by which Miss Universe is judged hardly apply to the whole planet.
strong agreement both within and across cultures about who is and who is not attractive,
t
universally what is attractive
perfectly average = easier for brain to categorize
They assume that beauty signals bio- logically important information: …
health, youth, and fertility.
Men with attractive faces have higher-quality sperm.
t
men require a modicum of … woman require…, and both welcome …
physical attractiveness, women require status and resources
kindness and intelligence.
During …, women show heightened preference for men with masculinized faces, voices, and bodies
ovulation
Although our mating psychology has wisdom, attraction is not all hard-wired. What’s attractive to you also depends on your ….
comparison standards.
Being sexually aroused makes a person of the other sex seem more attractive.
f only temporarily make
is attractivness follow yuo for your whole lifespan
no a 17-year-old girl’s facial attractiveness is a surprisingly weak predictor of her attractiveness at ages 30 and 50.
When an attractive member of the opposite sex threatens people’s relationships, they rate this person as less attractive if …
the threat posed by the person matches their level of commitment.
Does similarity lead to liking? Or does liking lead to similarity?
they found that the more similar someone’s attitudes are to your own, the more you will like the person. Likeness produces liking likeness-leads-to-liking effect
T:toward assuming that others share our attitudes.
—the false consensus bias—
what bias leads dissim leading to dislike
false consensus bias
“Cultural racism” persists, argued social psychologist James Jones because …
cultural differences are a fact of life. and difference = dislike
Do opposites attract?
Some complementarity may evolve as a relationship progresses (even a relationship between identical twins). Yet people seem slightly more prone to like and to marry those whose needs and personalities are similar
… may be one such way complimentary acts (Dryer & Horowitz, 1997). And we tend not to feel attracted to those who show our …
Dominance/submissiveness
own worst traits
As we’ve seen, flattery will get you somewhere—but not everywhere. when does flattery not work
when praise clearly violates what we know is true
Our reac- tions depend on our attributions. Do we attribute the flattery to …—to a self- serving strategy?
ingratiation
who is more liekly to attribute compliments to ingratiation—
low self esteem
another’s approval is especially rewarding after we have been deprived of approval, much as eating is most powerfully rewarding after fasting.
t This helps explain why people sometimes fall passionately in love on the rebound, after an ego-bruising rejection.
low-self-esteem individuals believe they will be less accepted than high-self-esteem individuals. These lower expectations of acceptance lead to…
low-self-esteem individuals to behave in a less warm and friendly manner, which ultimately leads them to really be less accepted by others
If approval that comes after disapproval is powerfully rewarding, then would we most like someone who liked us after initially disliking us? Or would we most like someone who liked us from the start (and, therefore, gave us more total approval)?
option 1 Perhaps Sophia’s nice words have more credibility coming after her not-so-nice words. Or, perhaps after being withheld, they are espe- cially gratifying.
constant approval can lose value. W
what is the reward theory of attraction:
Those who reward us, or whom we associate with rewards, we like. If a relationship gives us more rewards than costs, we will like it and will want it to con- tinue.
Those who reward us, or whom we associate with rewards, we like. If a relationship gives us more rewards than costs, we will like it and will want it to con- tinue. :T
reward theory of attraction
We not only like people who are rewarding to be with, but, also, according to the second version of the reward principle, …
we like those we associate with good feelings.
how does reward theory explain liking people similar to us
If others have similar opinions, we feel rewarded because we presume that they like us in return. Moreover, those who share our views help validate those views. We especially like people if we have successfully converted them to our way of thinking
how does social reward theory explain proximity
Proximity is rewarding. It costs less time and effort to receive friendship’s benefits with someone who lives or works close by.
love as a triangle consisting of three components: …
passion, intimacy, and commitment
T: (passion + commitment)
fatuous love
T: “a state of intense longing for union with another”
passionate love
passionate love is the psychological experience of being …
biologically aroused by someone we find attractive.
how does the two factor theory of emotion explain passionate love
two-factor theory of emotion, developed by Stanley Schachter and Jerome Singer (1962), argue that when the revved-up men responded to a woman, they easily misattributed some of their arousal to her.
theories for passionate love?
two factor theory of emotion
love is just a psychological phenomenon
f also biolgical
mRI scans from young adults intensely in love revealed areas, such as the …., that became more active when gazing at the loved one’s photo (but not when gazing at the photo of another acquaintance).
caudate nucleus
mRI scans from young adults intensely in love revealed areas, such as the …., that became more active when gazing at the loved one’s photo (but not when gazing at the photo of another acquaintance).
caudate nucleus
is passionate love more than lust
yes its lust plus attachment
2 ways love varries between people?
culture and gender
do women fall in love more readily
no men do
who falls out of love more easily
women
Women are also somewhat more likely than men to focus on the …. Men are more likely than women to think about the… of the relationship
intimacy of the friendship and on their concern for their partner
playful and physical aspects
The passion-facilitating hormones (testosterone, dopamine, adrenaline) subside, while the hormone oxytocin supports feel- ings of attachment and trust :T
companionate love
why are arranged marriage partners reporting more love long term
Those who married for love reported diminishing feelings of love after a five-year newlywed period. By contrast, those in arranged marriages reported more love if their marriage was five or more years old
..Asians are also less prone to the self-focused individu- alism that in the long run can undermine a relationship and lead to divorce
Asians are also less prone to the self-focused individu- alism that in the long run can undermine a relationship and lead to divorce
What factors influence the ups and downs of our close relationships? Let’s consider three factors: …
attachment styles, equity, and self-disclosure.
Passionate love is not just for lovers. who else
The intense love of parent and infant for each other qualifies as a form of passionate love, even to the point of engaging brain areas akin to those enabling passionate romantic love.
2 types of avoidant attachment
fearful and dismissing
fearful (“I am uncomfortable getting close to others”) or dismissing (“It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient”)
summed up the idea: “Early attachment experiences form the basis for … or characteristic ways of thinking about relationships.”
internal working models
are the effects of temperment temporary?
no
Which attachment style combinations are the best—and the worst?
best 2 secure worst avodiant and anxious
Therefore, our society teaches us to exchange rewards by the … principle of attraction: What you and your partner get out of a relationship should be proportional to what you each put into it
equity
Don’t we sometimes give in response to a loved one’s need without expecting anything in return? …
Indeed, those involved in an equitable, long-term relationship are unconcerned with short-term equity.
(Given the … bias—most husbands perceive themselves as contributing more housework than their wives credit them for—the person who is “overbenefited” is less sensitive to the inequity.
self-serving
… trigger marital distress, which fosters the perception of inequities.
Perceived inequities
As a relationship grows, … partners reveal more and more of themselves to one another; their knowledge of one another penetrates to deeper and deeper levels.
self-disclosing
what causes disclosure
Disclosure begets dis- closure (
T: Disclosure begets dis- closure
disclosure reciprocity effect
“Rising intimacy will create a strong sense of …
passion,
“…” listeners—people who are genuine in revealing their own feelings, who are accepting of others’ feelings, and who are empathetic, sensitive, reflec- tive listeners.
growth-promoting
“….”: intertwined self-concepts
self-other integration
why do online dating formulas not work
The best predictors of relationship suc- cess, such as communication patterns and other indications of compatibility, emerge only after people meet and get to know one another.
married couples who met online were less likely to break up and more likely to be satisfied with their marriages
t
what is the impossible equation of 21rst century relationships
argue that marriage has become more challenging in individualistic recent times as couples expect more fulfillment from marriage but invest fewer resources in it—a potentially impossible equation.
One national survey found that 86 percent of those who were unhappily married but who stayed with the mar- riage were, when reinterviewed five years later, now mostly …
“very” or “quite” happy with their marriages
explored three ways of coping with a failing relationship.?
loyalty, neglect, voice
Would intimate eye gazing similarly stir feelings between those not in love
separated, the eye gazers reported a tingle of attraction and affection toward each other. Simulating love had begun to stir it.
how does attractivness act differently in lab vs in real likfe
In everyday life, however, people tend to choose and marry someone whose attractiveness roughly matches their own (or someone who, if less attractive, has other compensating qualities).