Chapter 10 - Stresses and Strains

Question 1

Relational value

Answer 1

the degree to which others consider their relationships with us to be valuable and important

Question 2

Degrees of Acceptance and Rejection (7)

Answer 2

-Maximal inclusion
-Active inclusion
-Passive inclusion
-Ambivalence
-Passive exclusion
-Active exclusion
-Maximal exclusion

Question 3

Maximal inclusion

Answer 3

Others seek us out and go out of their way to interact with us.

Question 4

Active inclusion

Answer 4

Others want us and welcome us but do not go to lengths to be with us.

Question 5

Passive inclusion

Answer 5

others allow us to be included

Question 6

Ambivalence

Answer 6

others do not care whether we are included or not

Question 7

Passive exclusion

Answer 7

others ignore us but do not avoid us

Question 8

Active exclusion

Answer 8

Others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary

Question 9

Maximal exclusion

Answer 9

Others banish us, send us away or abandon us

Question 10

Perceived relational value

Answer 10

Our perception (regardless of accuracy) of how others value their relationships to us

Question 11

Does maximal exclusion feel worse than ambivalence

Answer 11

Not by much

Question 12

Relational devaluation

Answer 12

apparent decreases in others’ regard for us

Question 13

What is an important predictor of how people respond to potent experiences of rejection

Answer 13

self-esteem

Question 14

Ostracism

Answer 14

people are given the “cold shoulder” and ignored by those around them.

Question 15

how do ostracizers justify their actions? (3)

Answer 15

-Punish partners
-Avoid confrontation
-Calm down following a conflict

Question 16

Why is ostracism so painful

Answer 16

-Threatens our need to belong
-Damages self-worth
-Reduces perceived control over our interactions

Question 17

How do people with low self-regard handle ostracism

Answer 17

hang around but be spiteful

Question 18

Jealousy feelings (3)

Answer 18

hurt, anger and fear

Question 19

How does jealousy lead to hurt

Answer 19

perception that our partners do not value us enough to honor their commitments to our relationships

Question 20

How does jealousy lead to anger

Answer 20

Being cast aside for someone else leads to anger at both parties

Question 21

How does jealousy lead to fear

Answer 21

the dreadful prospect of abandonment and loss

Question 22

Types of jealousy (2)

Answer 22

-suspicious jealousy
-reactive jealousy

Question 23

Reactive jealousy

Answer 23

when someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship

Question 24

Suspicious jealousy

Answer 24

when one’s partner hasn’t misbehaved and one’s suspicions do not fit the facts at hand

Question 25

How does a low CLalt affect jealousy

Answer 25

Makes you more prone to jealousy

Question 26

Mate poaching

Answer 26

behavior that is intended to lure someone away from an existing relationship at least for one night

Question 27

What makes a mate poacher likely to succeed?

Answer 27

If they are already our friends

Question 28

How to cope with jealousy

Answer 28

separate exclusivity of relationship from our sense of self worth

Question 29

Clinical approaches to treat jealousy (4)

Answer 29

-Reduce irrational, catastrophic thinking that exaggerates either the threat
-Enhance the self-esteem
-improve communication skills to prevent jealous misunderstandings
-increase satisfaction and fairness

Question 30

Deception

Answer 30

intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue

Question 31

Techniques of deception (3)

Answer 31

-Half-truths
-Divert attention
-Conceal info

Question 32

Reasons for lying (4)

Answer 32

-ward off embarrassment, guilt or obligation
-Seek approval or material gain
-Protect other’s feelings
-Advance other’s interests

Question 33

Deceiver’s distrust

Answer 33

When people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result.

Question 34

Truth bias

Answer 34

assume that their partners are usually telling the truth

Question 35

Betrayal

Answer 35

disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such treachery.

Question 36

What can be considered a betrayal

Answer 36

any behavior that violates the norms of benevolence, loyalty, respect, and trustworthiness that support intimate relationships

Question 37

Problems with revenge (3)

Answer 37

-partners rarely agree on the amount of retribution that’s just, can lead to a cycle of hurtful actions
-Expect revenge to be more satisfying than it is
-people who are prone to vengeance tend to be pretty sour folks who are high in negative emotionality low in agreeableness,

Question 38

Forgiveness

Answer 38

Decision to give up your perceived/actual right to get even/hold in debt someone who has wronged you

Question 39

Components of forgiveness (3)

Answer 39

-Contrition
-Desire to continue the relationship
-Letting go of anger

Question 40

Contrition

Answer 40

meaningful apology and acknowledgement of wrongdoings

Question 41

Forgiveness is usually only effective if

Answer 41

There aren’t too many transgressions