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Close Relationship Flashcards

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1
Q

What is love?

A 
Passionate love and companionate love
Love and culture 
Love across time
Sternberg triangle
Tradeoff: sex in and out of marriage
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2
Q

Passionate love

A

Strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a special person
Makes people want to spend as much time as possible together, to touch each other, engage in physical intimacy

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3
Q

Companionate love

A

Mutual understanding and caring to make the relationship succeed
Less strongly emotional

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4
Q

Love and culture

A

Passionate love seems to be universal but the forms and expressions vary from one culture to another

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5
Q

Love across time

A

Companionate love is what makes a good marriage or a stable, trustworthy, lasting relationships
Passionate love may be the most effective emotion for starting relationship; companionate love may be the most effective emotion for making it succeed and survive in the long run

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6
Q

Behavioural sign of the decrease in passion can be found in data about frequency of sexual intercourse

A

As time goes by, the average married couple has sex less and less often
James (1981): for most couples, sex is the most frequent during the first month and first year after the wedding and declines after

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7
Q

decline in sex frequency

A

If a couple has a long marriage, the frequency of sex goes down, but if they then divorce and remarry, they typically show a big increase in sexual frequency with their new partners (Call, Sprecher, & Schwartz, 1995)

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8
Q

Tradeoff: sex in and out of marriage

A

Married people: have more frequent sex, benefits from a partner who knows their responses and loves them (know each other better), sex conforms to a stable and regular pattern of familiar activity once or twice a week
Single people: have more partners, spend more time and energy on each sex act and try more things, life alternates between periods of exciting sex with new partner and period of no sex with any partner

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9
Q

Sternberg’s triangle

A

Passion
Intimacy
Commitment

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10
Q

Passion

A

Emotional state characterised by high bodily arousal, such as increase heart rate and blood pressure

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11
Q

Intimacy

A

Feeling of closeness mutual understanding and mutual concern for each other welfare and happiness

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12
Q

Commitment

A

A conscious decision that remains constant

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13
Q

The shift from passionate to compassionate love is explained by Sternbergs theory

A

Passion increases dramatically and tend to decline steadily over time
Intimacy starts low and tends to increase over time

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14
Q

Exchange relationships

A

Relationships based on reciprocity and fairness, in which people expect something in return

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15
Q

Communal relationships

A

Relationships based on mutual love and concern without expectation of repayment
More desirable healthier and mature

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16
Q

Clark (1984): Measure communal versus exchange orientation

A

Participants work on a puzzle either using different coloured pen or the same coloured pen
People who want or have communal relationship are more likely to use the same pen

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17
Q

Bowlby (1969)

A

Influenced by Freudian and learning theory

Believe childhood attachment predicted that the relationship is no longer in the majority opinions

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18
Q

Shaver

A

Describe attachment in adult romantic relationships: anxious/ambivalent, secure, avoidant

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19
Q

Two dimensions of attachment theory

A

A theory that classified people into 4 attachment styles (secure, preoccupied, dismissing avoidant, fearful avoidant) into 2 dimensions (anxiety, avoidance)

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20
Q

Secure attachment

A

Style of attachment in which people are low on anxiety and low on avoidance

They trusted partner, share their feelings, provide and receive support and comfort and enjoy their relationships

Generally have good sex lives

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21
Q

Preoccupied attachment

A

Low on avoidance, high on anxiety

They want and enjoy closeness but worry that their relationship partners will abandon them

May use sex to pull others close to them

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22
Q

Dismissing avoidant attachment

A

Low on anxiety, high on avoidance

They tend to view partners as unreliable and available and uncaring

May avoid sex, or use sex to resist initimacy

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23
Q

Fearful avoidant attachment

A

High on anxiety and high on avoidance

They have low options of themselves and keep others from getting close

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24
Q

Marlow: belongingness and love needs were more basic than self esteem needs

Study These Flashcards
A

Low self esteem engage in behaviour can undermine a relationship: distrustful when partners express love or support
- doubt that they are lovable, so expect others to leave them

High self esteem: do other, different things that are bad for the relationships
- think they are lovable, so they think they can find a new partner relatively easily

25
Narcissists in relationship
High self-esteem; stronger, unstable self-love Harmful to relationship Less committed to love relationships Tend to blame partner and not accept responsibility Take all the credit when things go well
26
Self acceptance
Minimal form of self love and self esteem may be helpful for relationships Regarding yourself as being reasonable person as you
27
Sprecher (1999): changes in love and related affect over time
Good relationships essentially stay the same over long periods of time Relationships: Some stay the same, and others get worse
28
How to maintain a good long-term relationship...
To avoid the downward spiral from starting
29
Rusbult’s investment model
Theory that use three factors: satisfaction, alternative, investment to explain why people stay with their long-term relationship partners
30
Gender differences in married relationship
Men: bing married vs. Not married Women: the quality of the relationship (happy vs. unhappy) seems more powerful
31
Relationship-enhancing style of attribution
Good behaviour = internal attribution Bad behaviour = external attribution
32
Distress-maintaining style of attribution
Good behaviour = external attribution | Bad behaviour = internal attribution
33
Thinking processes in couples
Optimistic Devaluing alternatives
34
Johnson & Rusbult (1989): rate attractiveness of potential dating partners
People in committed relationship gave low rating to the attractive possible dating partners This suggests devaluation of alternative is a defensive response against the danger of becoming interested in someone else People who failed to devalue alternatives, were more likely to break up
35
Honesty is the best policy
People fall in love with an idealised version of each other and this illusion may be difficult to sustain over the long run
36
Devaluating alternatives
Failed to devalue = break up
37
Sexuality: Diamond (2003) based on her studies of female sexuality
Human form relationships based on attachment system and sex drive. They are separated systems
38
Theories of sexuality (3)
Social constructionist theories Evolutionary theory Social exchange theory
39
Social constructionist theories
Theories assert that attitudes and behaviours, including sexual desire and sexual behaviour, are strongly shaped by culture and socialisation Emphasise that sexual attitudes and behaviour are shaped by cultural influences
40
Evolutionary theory
Sex drive has been shaped by natural selection and that it’s forms thus tend to be innate
41
Social exchange theory
Seek to understand social behaviour by analysing the costs and benefits of interacting with each other; it assumes that sex is resource that women have and men want
42
Sex and gender
Men: have strong sex drive than women - innate, biological needs Women show more erotic plasticity than men - sex drives can be shaped by social, cultural - acts as gatekeeper who restrict sex and decide whether an when it will happen
43
Coolidge effect
The sexually arousing power of a new partner greater than the appeal of a familiar partner
44
Food for thought: Eating in front of a cute guy
Restraining one’s food intake may be more important to women seeking to make a good impression on a potential dating partner Men retrain food intake as sen as politeness and general norms
45
Homosexuality: Bem
Exotic becomes erotic Labelling of nevousness as sexual arousal, leading to homosexual self identification
46
Extradyadic sex
Having sex with someone other than one regular relationship partner such as a spouses or boy/girlfriend
47
Extradyadic sex: DNA test
Between 5 - 15% of children are not biological related to their father, suggest the child is through extramarital sex This is true that men in North America and Western Europe have been fooled into raising children who are not their own
48
Reasons for straying
Men: desire novelty Women: emotional attachment to lover
49
Jealousy and possession: cultural perspectives
Jealousy is a product of social roles and exceptions Society can modify jealousy but cannot effectively eliminate it Sexual possessiveness is deeply rooted in human nature. It is normal and natural to feel jealous if your partner has had sexual relations with someone else
50
Evolutionary perspective: threat
Threat to man’s reproductive goal is the possibility the another man might make his wife pregnant Women: possibility that man will become emotionally involved with someone else and therefore withhold crucial resources
51
Evolutionary evidence: Buss et al. (1992)
Would it be worse for your partner to have a one night stand or a lasting emotionally intimate relationship? Majority men objected the sexual infidelity and majority women objected to the emotional infidelity
52
Causes of jealousy
Jealousy thus seems to be a product of both person and situation False jealousy
53
Jealousy and types of interloper
Interloper: the third person People are more jealous when the interloper is more similar to the self Research found both men and women seem to object more strongly to a male interloper than a female interloper
54
Social reality
The more other people know about your partners infidelity, the more jealous and upsetting
55
Culture and female sexuality
All known cultures seek to regulate sex in some ways Cultural regulation is more directed at women because of erotic plasticity and paternity uncertainty
56
Paternity uncertainty
The fact that men can’t be sure the children born to his female partner are his
57
Female sexuality is focused on double standard of sexual morality...
Specific sexual behaviour is acceptable for men but immoral for women
58
What makes us human?
Long term monogamous mating is more common among human then other species Culture plays a role in monogamous Culture gives permission for divorce Culture influences love and sex

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