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Florence, David, and Art > Confessions of a Facebook Addict > Flashcards

Confessions of a Facebook Addict Flashcards

1
Q

Bruce: Hey Man the games about to start…

A

Carlton: You can not just barge in on a (wo)man when (s)he is on his (her) computer.

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2
Q

Bruce: Um this is my house too. I can barge into any room I want. And besides thats my computer… Why? Is that facebook?

A

Carlton: You have one too.

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3
Q

Yes but unlike you I know wen the big game is on it trumps facebook any day.

A

Carlton: Towch

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4
Q

Bruce: Um you mean touche

A

Carlton: No I mean towch

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5
Q

Bruce: psh idiot

A

Carlton: Excuse me I am…. attending to some very… important friends right now so if you could just…

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6
Q

Bruce: Yeah cus you dont have any really friends in the real world

A

Carlton: Alright let go there. how many friends do you have on facebook?

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7
Q

Bruce: Idk like maybe ten

A

Carlton: You are soo not… cool

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8
Q

Bruce: And how many might you have?

A

Carlton: oh pff only like (cough) 15,000

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9
Q

Bruce: You dont even know 15 people. how can you possibly have 15,000 friends?

A

Carlton: I accept anyone who sends me a friend request. Just come over here and look

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10
Q

Looks at computer with bruce.

A

Carlton: Heres a new request from a girl named Natasha… shes 35 years old… and russian. (pause) welcome to america Ms. Natasha.

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11
Q

Bruce: just send me a miracle … send me an angel.

A

Carlton: Groans loudly

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12
Q

Bruce: An angel? Which one is it? Michael? Gabriel?

A

Carlton: Bruce?

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13
Q

Bruce: Lucifer?

A

Carlton: No… Its Carlton.

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14
Q

Bruce: Same thing…

A

Carlton: Huh.

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15
Q

Bruce: Nothing…nothing.

A

Carlton: Where are we? Why am I tied to a chair?

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16
Q

Bruce: How would I know? The last thing I remember is watching the game at the apartment when all of a sudden those FBI agents burst through the door and told us to go with them.

A

Carlton: You know what? That was weird… I dont think those guys were really FBI agents.

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17
Q

Bruce:…No you tink?

A

Carlton: Yeah, in fact, I bet they were the ones who kidnapped us and tied us to these chairs.

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18
Q

Bruce: wow. Sherlock nothing gets by you.

A

Carlton: (Long pause). Bruce? Are we gonna die?

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19
Q

Bruce: No we are not gonna die.

A

Carlton: (Pause) Were gonna die.

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20
Q

Bruce: No! Were gonna get out. Well be fine. Lets just focus on getting out of here now. Try to get to that window over there.

A

Carlton: How?

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21
Q

Bruce: Carlton? Are you okay?

A

Carlton: I hate you

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22
Q

Bruce: Get up

A

Carlton. Its not working

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23
Q

Bruce: Try something else

A

Carlton: I have an idea… Here

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24
Q

Bruce: What are you doing?

A

Carlton: Just grab my foot and pull me up.

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25
Q

Bruce: You know im tied to a chair right.

A

Carlton: Well… Just…bite it.

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26
Q

Bruce: What? are you suggesting that I…

A

Carlton: Just bite my foot and pull me up with your mouth… please

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27
Q

Bruce: let me be clear… There is no way in gods green earth is your foot going into my mouth

A

Carlton: Were gonna die

28
Q

Bruce: Clam down im coming

A

Carlton: Calm down. you wnat me to calm down? Im strapped to a chair face suction-cupped to the ground, we may only have a couple minutes to live, ive lost my job, my fiance is expecting me to support a family, and my facebook status hasnt been changed in god know how long.

29
Q

Bruce: C-Carlton just take deep breaths

A

Carlton: And I just borrowed half a million dollars from a facebook friend.

30
Q

Bruce: You did what?

A

Carlton: Uh…nothing

31
Q

Bruce: But you wouldnt do that… thatd be stupid… right

A

Carlton: Funny thing Bruce… Remember when we were at the house before the game?

32
Q

Bruce: you are rediculous

A

Carlton: All I did was chat with him a bit … then I poked hime

33
Q

Bruce: Borrowed a butt-load of money from him…then you poked him?

A

Carlton: Thats what friends do on facebook they poke eachother.

34
Q

Bruce: well im sorry to question your wisdom, oh wise guru of the facebook

A

Carlton: Your forgivin…plus it was only 500,000$

35
Q

Bruce: what on earth were you planning to do with half a million dollars

A

Carlton: i dont know: pay some bills… Maybe buy a lamborgini, a big house, a pool, servants, a classy door bell… you know the kind that go…(make door bell song)

36
Q

Bruce: and you have no idea wy were here

A

Carlton: no?

37
Q

Bruce: let me explain it.

A

Carlton: hey bruce

38
Q

Bruce: there are two types of people in this world

A

Carlton: Could you help me up first

39
Q

Bruce: There are those who are loan sharks

A

Carlton: My wrists hurt

40
Q

Bruce: And those who are not loan sharks

A

Carlton: There bleeding

41
Q

Bruce: you are not a loan shark you are a loan guppy. When the guppies borrow from the sharks, the guppies get kidnapped by fake FBI agents.

A

Carlton: My wrists still hurt

42
Q

Bruce: Were getting out of here now

A

Carlton:OWOW

43
Q

Bruce: What

A

Carlton: you gave me rug burn

44
Q

Bruce: you got me kidnapped

A

Carlton: towch

45
Q

Bruce: you mean touche

A

Carlton: no I mean towche

46
Q

Bruce: we are leaving this instant and there is nothing you can do to screw it up

A

Carlton: What are yu doing

47
Q

Bruce: ready

A

Carlton: no

48
Q

Bruce: 1

A

Carlton: why are you counting

49
Q

Bruce: 2

A

Carlton: stop counting

50
Q

Bruce: 3… when we get out of here im deleting your facebook account

A

Carlton: (laugh) good one

51
Q

Bruce: im not kidding. say goodbye to your 14,999 friends

A

Carlton: 15000

52
Q

Bruce: one of them was a loan shark that kidnapped you. does that really constitute friendship

A

Carlton: towch

53
Q

Bruce: Are you almost done… weve got things to do

A

Carlton: How far down is it?

54
Q

Bruce: idk it too dark to see

A

Carlton: We cant just jump

55
Q

Bruce. well i we uh.. i think i here someone coming

A

Carlton: what. oh no were gonna die

56
Q

Bruce: no we just gotta jump and hope we dont do the the splat

A

Carlton: splat

57
Q

Bruce: Just truct me. on the count of three. 1 2

A

Carlton: wait wait bruce before we jump and possibly do the splat.. i love you.. as a brother(sister)

58
Q

Bruce: Im so glad you clarified. okay are you ready

A

Carlton: yes

59
Q

Bruce: are you sure..

A

Carlton: yes

60
Q

Bruce: okay on the count of three 1 2

A

Carlton: wait

61
Q

Bruce: what

A

Carlton: on three or after three

62
Q

Bruce: carlton we already landed

A

Carlton: we already landed?

63
Q

Bruce: we already landed we were on the fisrt story

A

Calrton: we were only on the first floor

64
Q

start to run after dance party

A

Carlton: wait… you pushed me out of a window.. and you had no idea how high we were

65
Q

Bruce: not now.. I . hope. youve learned. something. from. all .this.

A

Carlton: I sure have

66
Q

Bruce: And

A

Carlton: its pronounced touche

Florence, David, and Art (3 decks)

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