Dentity Crisis Monolog

Question 1

I can’t stand it.

Answer 1

My mother thinks she’s invented cheese

Question 2

My mother thinks she’s invented cheese

Answer 2

and I start to think maybe she has. There’s a man living in the house

Question 3

and I start to think maybe she has. There’s a man living in the house

Answer 3

and I’m not sure whether he’s my brother or my father or my grandfather.

Question 4

and I’m not sure whether he’s my brother or my father or my grandfather.

Answer 4

I can’t be sure of anything anymore.

Question 5

I can’t be sure of anything anymore.

Answer 5

A few days ago I woke up and I heard this voice saying

Question 6

A few days ago I woke up and I heard this voice saying

Answer 6

“It wasn’t enough.”

Question 7

“It wasn’t enough.”

Answer 7

I didn’t recognize the voice, at first…but then it started to come back to me.

Question 8

I didn’t recognize the voice, at first…but then it started to come back to me.

Answer 8

When I was eight years old,

Question 9

When I was eight years old,

Answer 9

someone brought me to a theatre

Question 10

someone brought me to a theatre

Answer 10

with lots of other children.

Question 11

with lots of other children.

Answer 11

We had come to see a production

Question 12

We had come to see a production

Answer 12

of Peter Pan.

Question 13

of Peter Pan.

Answer 13

And I remember something seemed wrong

Question 14

And I remember something seemed wrong

Answer 14

with the whole production,

Question 15

with the whole production,

Answer 15

odd things kept happening.

Question 16

odd things kept happening.

Answer 16

Like when the children would fly,

Question 17

Like when the children would fly,

Answer 17

the ropes would keep breaking

Question 18

the ropes would keep breaking

Answer 18

and the actors would come thumping

Question 19

and the actors would come thumping

Answer 19

to the ground and they’d have to be

Question 20

to the ground and they’d have to be

Answer 20

carried off by the stagehands.

Question 21

carried off by the stagehands.

Answer 21

There seemed to be an unlimited supply

Question 22

There seemed to be an unlimited supply

Answer 22

of understudies

Question 23

of understudies

Answer 23

to take the children’s places, and then they’d fall to the ground.

Question 24

to take the children’s places, and then they’d fall to the ground.

Answer 24

And then the crocodile that chases

Question 25

And then the crocodile that chases

Answer 25

Captain Hook seemed to be a real crocodile,

Question 26

Captain Hook seemed to be a real crocodile,

Answer 26

it wasn't an actor, and at one point it fell off the stage,

Question 27

it wasn't an actor, and at one point it fell off the stage,

Answer 27

crushing several children in the front row.

Question 28

crushing several children in the front row.

Answer 28

Several understudies came and took their places in the audience.

Question 29

Several understudies came and took their places in the audience.

Answer 29

And from scene to scene Wendy seemed to get fatter and fatter

Question 30

And from scene to scene Wendy seemed to get fatter and fatter

Answer 30

until finally by the second act she was

Question 31

until finally by the second act she was

Answer 31

immobile

Question 32

immobile

Answer 32

and had to be moved with a cart.

Question 33

and had to be moved with a cart.

Answer 33

The voice

Question 34

The voice

Answer 34

—the one I heard when I woke up—

Question 35

—the one I heard when I woke up—

Answer 35

belonged to the actress playing Peter Pan.

Question 36

belonged to the actress playing Peter Pan.

Answer 36

You remember how in the second act Tinkerbell drinks some poison

Question 37

You remember how in the second act Tinkerbell drinks some poison

Answer 37

that Peter's about to drink in order to save him?

Question 38

that Peter's about to drink in order to save him?

Answer 38

And then Peter turns to the audience and he says that Tinkerbell's going to die because not enough people believe in fairies, but that if everybody in the

Question 39

And then Peter turns to the audience and he says that Tinkerbell's going to die because not enough people believe in fairies, but that if everybody in the

Answer 39

audience claps

Question 40

audience claps

Answer 40

real hard to show that they do believe in fairies, then maybe Tinkerbell won't die.

Question 41

real hard to show that they do believe in fairies, then maybe Tinkerbell won't die.

Answer 41

And so then all the children start to clap. We clapped very hard and very long. My palms hurt and even started to bleed I clapped so hard.

Question 42

And so then all the children start to clap. We clapped very hard and very long. My palms hurt and even started to bleed I clapped so hard.

Answer 42

Then suddenly the actress playing Peter Pan turned to the audience and said "That wasn't enough. You didn't clap hard enough. Tinkerbell's dead.”

Question 43

Then suddenly the actress playing Peter Pan turned to the audience and said "That wasn't enough. You didn't clap hard enough. Tinkerbell's dead.”

Answer 43

Uh... well, and…

Question 44

Uh... well, and…

Answer 44

and then everyone started to cry. The actress stalked offstage and refused to continue with the play, and they finally had to bring down the curtain.

Question 45

and then everyone started to cry. The actress stalked offstage and refused to continue with the play, and they finally had to bring down the curtain.

Answer 45

No one could see anything through all the tears,

Question 46

No one could see anything through all the tears,

Answer 46

and the ushers had to come help the children

Question 47

and the ushers had to come help the children

Answer 47

up the aisles and

Question 48

up the aisles and

Answer 48

out into the street.

Question 49

out into the street.

Answer 49

I don't think any of us were ever the same

Question 50

I don't think any of us were ever the same

Answer 50

after that experience.

Question 51

after that experience.

Answer 51

It certainly turned me against theater;

Question 52

It certainly turned me against theater;

Answer 52

but more damagingly, I think it’s warped my sense of life.

Question 53

but more damagingly, I think it’s warped my sense of life.

Answer 53

You know—nothing seems worth

Question 54

You know—nothing seems worth

Answer 54

trying

Question 55

trying

Answer 55

if TInkerbell’s just going to die.

Question 56

if TInkerbell’s just going to die.

Answer 56

So I wanted to die like Tinkerbell