Flashcards in Exam Textbook Deck (184):
Historically, was a marriage based on love?
What are the 4 dimensions on which love has varied through time?
Clutural value: is love a desireable or undesirable state?
Sexuality: should love be sexual?
Sexual Orientation: Should love involved heterosexual or same-sex partners?
Marital Status: should we love our spouses, or is love reserved for others?
Why is it that the idea of marrying for love is strongest in North America?
Economic prosperity (allowing young adults to live by themselves)
Lack of a ruling class or caste system
Sternberg's 3 building blocks for love
Sternberg's Intimacy =
Feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support and sharing that often characterizes loving relationships
Sternberg's Passion =
Physical arousal and desire, excitements and need.
>>Often take the form of sexual longing, but it can be any strong emotional need that is satisfied by one's partner
Sternberg's Commitment =
Feelings of permanence, stability, and the decision to devote oneself to a relationship and work to maintain it
Commitment is mostly ______ in nature, whereas passion and intimacy are _______
Drives or motives
None of passion, intimacy or commitment
Low passion and commitment
No intimacy or commitment
No intimacy or passion
High intimacy and passion
High intimacy and commitment
High passion and commitment
High passion, intimacy and commitment
Which component of Sternberg's love varies the most
Parts of the brain activated by sexual desire, attachment and attraction
Sexual desire = hypothalamus
Attraction = reward (dopamine)
Attachment = oxytocin
Two-Factor theory of attraction has 2 components
1) Physiological arousal such as an increased heart rate
2) The belief that another person is the cause of your arousal
Does the type of arousal matter for increased attraction?
No, it can be positive or negative
What does research say about the phrase "Love is blind"
There is evidence for it, people underestimate or ignore their lover's faults and hold idealized versions of them
What are 2 findings of the change in self-concept at the beginning of a new relationship
Self-concept becomes more diverse and self-esteem increases
Long lasting marriages seem to include a lot of _____ love
More compassionate love is related to more ______
Compassionate love is rooted in more ______ understandings of our partner's strengths and weaknesses
> Recognize deficiencies but love them anyway
has a strong physical component, heavily influences by appearance
Lack of commitment, often multiple partners at once
Prefers friendship that gradually grows into lasting commitments
Demanding, possessive and excitable
Love is altruistic and dutiful
Practical, careful, and logical in seeking a mate
People with a secure attachment style experience and express better:
- Compassionate love
What is a big difference in the way that older people related to their partners
- More cheer
- Less arousal
- Less intense emotions but overall more positive
Are men and women more similar or different when it comes to love?
Which of the three aspects of love is more highly associated with men and with women
Men are highly associated with passion
Women are more highly associated with commitment
Romantic love typically ____ after people marry
Passion fades over time, this is associated with the decrease in what (3) of long term relationships
The fantasy, arousal, and novelty of a new relationship
Even though passion declines with time, what part of love increases
Intimacy and commitment
What is a strategy to keep the love alive in a long-term relationship
Engage in novel activities together
When are we generally accepting of pre-marital sex?
When it is in the context of a committed relationship
Do people prefer "hooking up" or being in a relationship
In terms of sex, how do men and women differ in what they regret?
Women tend to regret the things they did do
Men tend to regret the thing they didn't do
What are 2 reasons people have less negative attitudes towards same-sex couples
1. Gays and lesbians are much more visible to the public
2. We understand homosexuality much better now
What is a main factor of why people believe that we should be accepting of homosexuality vs not?
Accepting: believe it is biological
Don't Accept: believe it is a choice
Men and women are both just as likely to have sex for emotional reasons. Which gender is more likely to have sex for physical, pragmatic and insecurity reasons?
What is the prevalence of infidelity?
21% of women
32% of men
What is the motivation for cheating for men and women?
Men want sex
Women want an emotional connection
What demographic cheats the most?
According to the sociosexuality model, who has a more unrestrictive orientation and is more likely to flirt.
Can people guess who is sexually restrictive vs unrestrictive just by looking at them?
What facial characteristics suggest men and women are sexually unrestricted
More masculine and attractive face
Do people want to have a relationship with sexually unrestrictive people?
Not a long-term relationship
The good-gene hypothesis for the explanation for why women cheat
Some women - particularly those with less desirable mates - can profit from a dual mating strategy where they a) pursue long-term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while b) also seeking good genes for their children with other men
Are men or women more likely to switch mates as a result of an affair?
Why is there such a large proportion of people who have unprotected sex? (7)
- Underestimate the risk of getting an STI (many do not even ask)
- Faulty decision making - men are much worse at making decisions when sexually aroused
- People think that it is more accepted by others than it actually is
- Differences in power
- Abstinence-only education
- Sex is more enjoyable without condoms
Illusion of Unique Invulnerability
perception that bad things are more likely to happen to others than ourselves
When people wrongly believe that their feelings and beliefs are different from those of others
Does more satisfying sex come from monogamy or multiple partners?
Sex is most rewarding when it fulfills what needs? (3)
How do traditional gender roles affect sexual satisfaction
Clear _______ about sex is associated with greater satisfaction
the degree to which others consider the relationship with us to be valuable
When is exclusion most painful?
When we wanted to be included by others
Is there a difference in the hurt feelings experienced when people don't care about us vs are actively avoiding us?
Not really, it seems that our momentary judgment of our self-worth bottom out when people reject us to any extent
Is there a significant boost in self-esteem from being very well liked to being adored?
What perception of relation value are we most sensitive to?
Ranging from ambivalence to the low end of active inclusion
Decreasing acceptance hurts ____ than just constant rejection
What attachment styles experience the most hurt with relational devaluation (decreased acceptance)
What attachment style experiences the least pain with the relational devaluation
People with _____ self-esteem get hurt less when rejected
When we are being ostracized what is our perception of temperature
We think rooms are colder and we prefer warm food and drink
What happens to time perception when being ostracized?
Feel that it is slower
Those who ostracise others are just as likely to ____ and ____ them as to shame and instruct them
frustrate and anger
reactive jealousy an be caused by what types of events
past, present or near future events
Do men and women differ in their jealous tendencies in general
Dependance and jealousy
People who have more dependence (low quality of alternatives) are more prone to jealousy
Jealousy increases with feelings of ______ in a relationship.
This is related to a person's ____
Which attachment style experiences the most jealousy
People high in what personality trait are prone to jealousy
What type of mate rivals cause us to be more upset
Friends (vs strangers)
If the person has more to offer
Are men or women better at detecting sexual infidelity in their partner?
Mate poaching tactics of men and women
Men: offer power and willingness to provide resources
Women: offer good looks and sex
What type of cheating to family members find most worrisome?
If partners cheat with someone of the same sex, what are men most worried about and what are women most worried about:
Men care about the sex only as much as women do (no chance of paternal uncertainty), the affair is less threatening to them
Women think it is equally awful for a homo vs hetero affair
What attachment style is most likely going to try to work out problems after learning about infidelity
The different responses to the threat of your partner's ex of men and women
Women: put on a show and gain approval of partner
Men: protect their ego by confronting rival or flirting with others
Are men or women more likely to try to get their partner jealous? Why do they do it?
Do it to test the relationship or to get more attention from partner
Ways to reduce their own unwanted jealousy
Self-reliance: "stay cool" and not dwell
Self-bolstering: boosting own self-esteem
intentional behaviour that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue
Types of deception: (4)
Do we tell more or fewer lies to friends/partners than strangers
When people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result
What type of people tell more lies?
People who are concerned about what others think of them
People who are social
Assuming our partner is telling the truth
Do men and women differ in their tendency to betray
Who are men and women more likely to betray?
Men: romantic business partners
Women: friends and family
What are 3 main problems with revenge?
1. It can turn into a cycle of hurting each other
2. It is less satisfying than expected
3. Being vengeful keeps the hurt alive and does not allow us to heal
Why do people with secure attachment forgive more?
They ruminate less
What factors make forgiveness easier?
1. Sincere contrition
2. Victim's empathy
3. No rumination
Forgiveness is associated with ______ relationship satisfaction when the partner rarely misbehaves and _____ relationship satisfaction when the partner frequently betrays
When does conflict occur
When one's wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else
Partners differing goals that will always be in conflict with each other by nature
Typical dialetics in relationships: (4)
Stability and change
Integration and separation
Openness and closedness
Autonomy and connection
Personalities that encounter more conflict>
Attachment style that encounters more conflict
Especially with an anxious and avoidant diad
Age and experiences of romantic conflict
Peaks in mid 20s and then decreases
Similarity of partners and conflict
People who are less similar have more conflict
Sleep and conflict
People get in more conflicts when they have slept poorly
Alcohol and conflict
Intoxication makes people less agreeable and more conflict prone
What are the 4 common categories of things that instigate conflict
2. Illegitimate demands (unjust/unreasonable expectations)
4. Cumulative annoyance
fighting over whose version of events is correct
Attributional biases we have for ourselves that contriute to conflict (2)`
Actor observer bias
self serving bias
When compared to unhappy couples, happy couples regard their partner as being ________ motivated and as behaving ______ with ______ intent
When a person thinks that their partner's bad behaviour is changeable, what are they more likely to do?
More likely to voice their discontent and constructively try to solve it
Avoidance in conflict occurs when?
when both partners wish to evade the issue, happens more often when it is not a big deal or does not seem worth it to get into it
4 types of direct nastiness in conflict
2. Demands of compliance
3. Antagonistic questions
4. Sarcastic put-downs
Negative affect reciprocity
Partners trade escalating provokations back and forth
Two possible reasons for the gender differences in the demand-withdraw pattern
Gender differences : women expected to be expressive, men expected to be independent
Social Structure: comes from the differences in power between men and women --> Men have more power, and if you are getting your way you are likely to resist change
Which is more beneficial, voice or loyalty?
Whem are people more likely to exit rather than work through a problem
when there is an attractive alternative
Why do volatile, validating and avoidance conflict styles all work?
Because the good outweighs the bad
Ratio of good to bad that is required for a happy relationship
5 good for 1 bad
Which conflict style gives the most relationship safisfaction
Can you change your conflict style?
It is possible, but less than half manage it
the ability to influence others and resist their influence
To have power you do not always need to HAVE the resource, but rather, you need to:
control the access to it
Principle of Lesser interest
In any partnership, the person who has less interest in continuing and maintaining the relationship has more power
The influence of alternatives on power
If a person has more alternatives they have more power than their partner
Why may the avaliability of alternatives affect the power realtionship for working dads and stay at home moms?
Working men have more access (contect) to alternatives and the means (money) to pursue them
When one partner controls the other partners outcomes no matter what the partner does (eg. is the only source of the resource they want
Altering your partners behaviour by changing your own behaviour (eg. tit for tat)
When partners influence over each other is matched
3 types of social norms that lead to legitimate power
1. Reciprocity - obligation to return a favour
2. Equity - obligation to put in the same amount of work
3. Social responsibility - be generous to those who depend on us
Who is the dominant one in most heterosexual relationships
Why do men typically have more power over women?
- Have more resources (make more money, employed in positions of power)
- Social norms (powerful women are looked down on)
Resources that can be exchanges with almost anyone
resources that are valuable in some siuations but not others
Women usually get their way for the small things in a relationship (household matters and kids) but who makes the big decisions (where to live)
Even when women make more money than men, who does more of the house work
Casual sex views of powerful people
They expect that their subordinates will find them sexually appealing and judge others to be more sexually available
Power in conversations with men and women
Women will display less power in a conversation with a man than she would with a woman (let him interrupt her more)
Non-verbal body language of powerful people: (4)
- larger interpersonal distance
- more intense facial expressions
- postures are less symetrical
- take up more space
Who is better at decoring emotions and being more aware of emotions
Who needs to keep track of the emotions of the other, someone with more or less power
Less powerful people need to keep track of the emotions of powerful people
What desire getting technique is used the most in happy relationships?
More powerful people use bilateral or unilateral techniques for getting what they want?
Is it more gender or power level that predicts influence type
ratio of men and women who have experienced domestic violence
Situational couple violence
when there is a heated argument, usually mutual
When one partner uses violence as a tool to control the other
A partner forcibly fights back against intimate terrorism
8 ways intimate terrorists control their partners
- coercion and threats
- emotional abuse
- econimic abuse
- minimizing, denying, blaming
- using children
- using male priviledge
Who are more likely to engage in physical violence with their partners
3 categories of situational couple violence
1. instigating triggers - cause both partners to be on edge
2. Impelling influences - make it more likely that partners will experience violent impulses
3. Inhibiting impulses - encourage partners to refrain from violence
2 possible reasons for intimate terrorism
1. Bad at communication and violence is the only way they can make them stay
2. They are antisocial and like inflicting harm
Characteristics of abusing men:
- feel intellectually inferior to partner
- low self esteem
Why don't women leave abusive relationship?
They dont think they would be better off if they left
Low income predicts more or less divorce
Cohabitating before marriage predicts more or less divorce
What are the 2 main barriers that distinguish couples who divorce with those who dont?
1. Dependence on spouse
2. Religious beleifs
Stress spill over
Stresses felt outside of the home are brought home and create conflict
Enduring dynapics model predicts how ______ a couple will be
2 big conclusions from the PAIR project:
1. The ____ and ____ of changes in romance best predict divorce
2. The psoblems couples bring into a relationship determine how ____ a divorce will occur
1. Size and speed
Preserving indirectness in breaking up
Gradual dissatisfaction that led to one partner to make repeated efforts to dissolve the realtionship without ever announcing the intention and without engaging in any attempts to improve or repair the relationship
5 general stages of relationship breakup
1. Personal phase - feelings of frustration
2. Dyadic phase - unhappy partner reveals discontent
3. Social phase - partners publicize distress
4. Grave dressing phase - getting over loss
5. Resurrection phase - re-entering single life
We can correctly predict how long it will take to get over a break up but over estimate what?
The pain of the initial breakup
Do people feel better or worse after divorce
Usually better when it is a long time coming
Womens and mens standard of living after a divorce
Women goes down (more mouths to feed with less money) and men's goes up (less mouths to feed, more money)
Well being of children of divorced parents
Lower well being
If parents are constantly fighting, is it better or worse for the parents to divorce?
Better to divorce
Percieve greater over lap between partners lives and use more plural pronouns
Idealizing each other and percieving the relationship in the best possible light
Thinking one's relationship is special
Inattention to alternatives
Not paying attention to other alternatives
Derogation of tepting alternatives
Percieving other potential partners as less attractive than their own
5 cognitive relationship maintenence mechanisms
1. Cognitive interdependence
2. Positive illusions
3. Percieved superiority
4. Inattention to alternatives
5. Derogation of tempting alternaties
7 behavioural relationship maintaining mechanisms
1. Willingness to sacrifice
3. Michelangelo phenomeon
5. Self control
helping the other to become who they want to be
8 strategies to stay content in a relationship
3. Relationship talk
6. Sharing tasks
7. Sharing social networks
8. Joint activities
Of the 8 strategies to stay content in a relationship, which 3 are most important?
Traditional behavioural couple therapy encourages partners to behave in what way?
Be more pleasant and rewarding partners
Integrative behavioural couple therapy builds on traditional therapy how?
Encourages partners to accept incompatabilities they cannot change
Emotionally focused therapy teaches couples what?
To identify maladaptice cycles and replace them with more constructive interactions