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Flashcards in Exam Textbook Deck (184):
1

Historically, was a marriage based on love?

no

2

What are the 4 dimensions on which love has varied through time?

Clutural value: is love a desireable or undesirable state?
Sexuality: should love be sexual?
Sexual Orientation: Should love involved heterosexual or same-sex partners?
Marital Status: should we love our spouses, or is love reserved for others?

3

Why is it that the idea of marrying for love is strongest in North America?

Individualism
Economic prosperity (allowing young adults to live by themselves)
Lack of a ruling class or caste system

4

Sternberg's 3 building blocks for love

1. Intimacy
2. Passion
3. Commitment

5

Sternberg's Intimacy =

Feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support and sharing that often characterizes loving relationships

6

Sternberg's Passion =

Physical arousal and desire, excitements and need.
>>Often take the form of sexual longing, but it can be any strong emotional need that is satisfied by one's partner

7

Sternberg's Commitment =

Feelings of permanence, stability, and the decision to devote oneself to a relationship and work to maintain it

8

Commitment is mostly ______ in nature, whereas passion and intimacy are _______

Cognitive
Drives or motives

9

Non-love

None of passion, intimacy or commitment

10

Liking

High intimacy
Low passion and commitment

11

Infatuation

Strong passion
No intimacy or commitment

12

Empty love

High commitment
No intimacy or passion

13

Romantic love

High intimacy and passion

14

Companionate love

High intimacy and commitment
No passion

15

Fatuous love

High passion and commitment
No intimacy

16

Consummate love

High passion, intimacy and commitment

17

Which component of Sternberg's love varies the most

passion

18

Parts of the brain activated by sexual desire, attachment and attraction

Sexual desire = hypothalamus
Attraction = reward (dopamine)
Attachment = oxytocin

19

Two-Factor theory of attraction has 2 components

1) Physiological arousal such as an increased heart rate
2) The belief that another person is the cause of your arousal

20

Does the type of arousal matter for increased attraction?

No, it can be positive or negative

21

What does research say about the phrase "Love is blind"

There is evidence for it, people underestimate or ignore their lover's faults and hold idealized versions of them

22

What are 2 findings of the change in self-concept at the beginning of a new relationship

Self-concept becomes more diverse and self-esteem increases

23

Long lasting marriages seem to include a lot of _____ love

Companionship

24

More compassionate love is related to more ______

relationship satisfaction

25

Compassionate love is rooted in more ______ understandings of our partner's strengths and weaknesses

Accurate
> Recognize deficiencies but love them anyway

26

Eros:

has a strong physical component, heavily influences by appearance

27

Ludus:

Lack of commitment, often multiple partners at once

28

Storge:

Prefers friendship that gradually grows into lasting commitments

29

Mania:

Demanding, possessive and excitable

30

Agape:

Love is altruistic and dutiful

31

Pragma:

Practical, careful, and logical in seeking a mate

32

People with a secure attachment style experience and express better:

- Intimacy
- Passion
- Commitment
- Compassionate love

33

What is a big difference in the way that older people related to their partners

- More cheer
- Less arousal
- Less intense emotions but overall more positive

34

Are men and women more similar or different when it comes to love?

More similar

35

Which of the three aspects of love is more highly associated with men and with women

Men are highly associated with passion
Women are more highly associated with commitment

36

Romantic love typically ____ after people marry

Decreases

37

Passion fades over time, this is associated with the decrease in what (3) of long term relationships

The fantasy, arousal, and novelty of a new relationship

38

Even though passion declines with time, what part of love increases

Intimacy and commitment

39

What is a strategy to keep the love alive in a long-term relationship

Engage in novel activities together

40

When are we generally accepting of pre-marital sex?

When it is in the context of a committed relationship

41

Do people prefer "hooking up" or being in a relationship

relationship

42

In terms of sex, how do men and women differ in what they regret?

Women tend to regret the things they did do
Men tend to regret the thing they didn't do

43

What are 2 reasons people have less negative attitudes towards same-sex couples

1. Gays and lesbians are much more visible to the public
2. We understand homosexuality much better now

44

What is a main factor of why people believe that we should be accepting of homosexuality vs not?

Accepting: believe it is biological
Don't Accept: believe it is a choice

45

Men and women are both just as likely to have sex for emotional reasons. Which gender is more likely to have sex for physical, pragmatic and insecurity reasons?

Males

46

What is the prevalence of infidelity?

21% of women
32% of men

47

What is the motivation for cheating for men and women?

Men want sex
Women want an emotional connection

48

What demographic cheats the most?

Gay men

49

According to the sociosexuality model, who has a more unrestrictive orientation and is more likely to flirt.

Men

50

Can people guess who is sexually restrictive vs unrestrictive just by looking at them?

Yes

51

What facial characteristics suggest men and women are sexually unrestricted

More masculine and attractive face

52

Do people want to have a relationship with sexually unrestrictive people?

Not a long-term relationship

53

The good-gene hypothesis for the explanation for why women cheat

Some women - particularly those with less desirable mates - can profit from a dual mating strategy where they a) pursue long-term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while b) also seeking good genes for their children with other men

54

Are men or women more likely to switch mates as a result of an affair?

Women

55

Why is there such a large proportion of people who have unprotected sex? (7)

- Underestimate the risk of getting an STI (many do not even ask)
- Faulty decision making - men are much worse at making decisions when sexually aroused
- Intoxication
- People think that it is more accepted by others than it actually is
- Differences in power
- Abstinence-only education
- Sex is more enjoyable without condoms

56

Illusion of Unique Invulnerability

perception that bad things are more likely to happen to others than ourselves

57

Pluralistic Ignorance

When people wrongly believe that their feelings and beliefs are different from those of others

58

Does more satisfying sex come from monogamy or multiple partners?

Monogamy

59

Sex is most rewarding when it fulfills what needs? (3)

1. Autonomy
2. Competence
3. Relatedness

60

How do traditional gender roles affect sexual satisfaction

Decrease it

61

Clear _______ about sex is associated with greater satisfaction

Communication

62

Relational value:

the degree to which others consider the relationship with us to be valuable

63

When is exclusion most painful?

When we wanted to be included by others

64

Is there a difference in the hurt feelings experienced when people don't care about us vs are actively avoiding us?

Not really, it seems that our momentary judgment of our self-worth bottom out when people reject us to any extent

65

Is there a significant boost in self-esteem from being very well liked to being adored?

not really

66

What perception of relation value are we most sensitive to?

Ranging from ambivalence to the low end of active inclusion

67

Decreasing acceptance hurts ____ than just constant rejection

more

68

What attachment styles experience the most hurt with relational devaluation (decreased acceptance)

high anxious

69

What attachment style experiences the least pain with the relational devaluation

Avoidant

70

People with _____ self-esteem get hurt less when rejected

high

71

When we are being ostracized what is our perception of temperature

We think rooms are colder and we prefer warm food and drink

72

What happens to time perception when being ostracized?

Feel that it is slower

73

Those who ostracise others are just as likely to ____ and ____ them as to shame and instruct them

frustrate and anger

74

reactive jealousy an be caused by what types of events

past, present or near future events

75

Do men and women differ in their jealous tendencies in general

No

76

Dependance and jealousy

People who have more dependence (low quality of alternatives) are more prone to jealousy

77

Jealousy increases with feelings of ______ in a relationship.

This is related to a person's ____

inadequacy

Self-esteem

78

Which attachment style experiences the most jealousy

preoccupied

79

People high in what personality trait are prone to jealousy

neuroticism

80

What type of mate rivals cause us to be more upset

Friends (vs strangers)
If the person has more to offer

81

Are men or women better at detecting sexual infidelity in their partner?

Men

82

Mate poaching tactics of men and women

Men: offer power and willingness to provide resources
Women: offer good looks and sex

83

What type of cheating to family members find most worrisome?

Sexual infidelity

84

If partners cheat with someone of the same sex, what are men most worried about and what are women most worried about:

Men care about the sex only as much as women do (no chance of paternal uncertainty), the affair is less threatening to them
Women think it is equally awful for a homo vs hetero affair

85

What attachment style is most likely going to try to work out problems after learning about infidelity

Secure

86

The different responses to the threat of your partner's ex of men and women

Women: put on a show and gain approval of partner
Men: protect their ego by confronting rival or flirting with others

87

Are men or women more likely to try to get their partner jealous? Why do they do it?

Women
Do it to test the relationship or to get more attention from partner

88

Ways to reduce their own unwanted jealousy
(2)

Self-reliance: "stay cool" and not dwell
Self-bolstering: boosting own self-esteem

89

Deception:

intentional behaviour that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue

90

Types of deception: (4)

Outright lying
Concealing information
Diverting attention
Half truths

91

Do we tell more or fewer lies to friends/partners than strangers

fewer

92

Deceiver's distrust:

When people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result

93

What type of people tell more lies?

Insecure attachment
People who are concerned about what others think of them
People who are social

94

Truth bias

Assuming our partner is telling the truth

95

Do men and women differ in their tendency to betray

no

96

Who are men and women more likely to betray?

Men: romantic business partners
Women: friends and family

97

What are 3 main problems with revenge?

1. It can turn into a cycle of hurting each other
2. It is less satisfying than expected
3. Being vengeful keeps the hurt alive and does not allow us to heal

98

Why do people with secure attachment forgive more?

They ruminate less

99

What factors make forgiveness easier?

1. Sincere contrition
2. Victim's empathy
3. No rumination

100

Forgiveness is associated with ______ relationship satisfaction when the partner rarely misbehaves and _____ relationship satisfaction when the partner frequently betrays

higher
lower

101

When does conflict occur

When one's wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else

102

Dialetics

Partners differing goals that will always be in conflict with each other by nature

103

Typical dialetics in relationships: (4)

Stability and change
Integration and separation
Openness and closedness
Autonomy and connection

104

Personalities that encounter more conflict>

High neuroticism

105

Attachment style that encounters more conflict

Insecure
More anxious
Especially with an anxious and avoidant diad

106

Age and experiences of romantic conflict

Peaks in mid 20s and then decreases

107

Similarity of partners and conflict

People who are less similar have more conflict

108

Sleep and conflict

People get in more conflicts when they have slept poorly

109

Alcohol and conflict

Intoxication makes people less agreeable and more conflict prone

110

What are the 4 common categories of things that instigate conflict

1. Criticism
2. Illegitimate demands (unjust/unreasonable expectations)
3. Rebuffs
4. Cumulative annoyance

111

Attributional conflict

fighting over whose version of events is correct

112

Attributional biases we have for ourselves that contriute to conflict (2)`

Actor observer bias
self serving bias

113

When compared to unhappy couples, happy couples regard their partner as being ________ motivated and as behaving ______ with ______ intent

selfish
unfair
negative

114

When a person thinks that their partner's bad behaviour is changeable, what are they more likely to do?

More likely to voice their discontent and constructively try to solve it

115

Avoidance in conflict occurs when?

when both partners wish to evade the issue, happens more often when it is not a big deal or does not seem worth it to get into it

116

4 types of direct nastiness in conflict

1. Criticism
2. Demands of compliance
3. Antagonistic questions
4. Sarcastic put-downs

117

Negative affect reciprocity

Partners trade escalating provokations back and forth

118

Two possible reasons for the gender differences in the demand-withdraw pattern

Gender differences : women expected to be expressive, men expected to be independent

Social Structure: comes from the differences in power between men and women --> Men have more power, and if you are getting your way you are likely to resist change

119

Which is more beneficial, voice or loyalty?

Voice

120

Whem are people more likely to exit rather than work through a problem

when there is an attractive alternative

121

Why do volatile, validating and avoidance conflict styles all work?

Because the good outweighs the bad

122

Ratio of good to bad that is required for a happy relationship

5 good for 1 bad

123

Which conflict style gives the most relationship safisfaction

both validating

124

Can you change your conflict style?

It is possible, but less than half manage it

125

Social power:

the ability to influence others and resist their influence

126

To have power you do not always need to HAVE the resource, but rather, you need to:

control the access to it

127

Principle of Lesser interest

In any partnership, the person who has less interest in continuing and maintaining the relationship has more power

128

The influence of alternatives on power

If a person has more alternatives they have more power than their partner

129

Why may the avaliability of alternatives affect the power realtionship for working dads and stay at home moms?

Working men have more access (contect) to alternatives and the means (money) to pursue them

130

Fate control

When one partner controls the other partners outcomes no matter what the partner does (eg. is the only source of the resource they want

131

Behavioural control

Altering your partners behaviour by changing your own behaviour (eg. tit for tat)

132

Counter power

When partners influence over each other is matched

133

3 types of social norms that lead to legitimate power

1. Reciprocity - obligation to return a favour
2. Equity - obligation to put in the same amount of work
3. Social responsibility - be generous to those who depend on us

134

Who is the dominant one in most heterosexual relationships

man

135

Why do men typically have more power over women?

- Have more resources (make more money, employed in positions of power)
- Social norms (powerful women are looked down on)
-

136

Universal resources

Resources that can be exchanges with almost anyone

137

Particularistic resources

resources that are valuable in some siuations but not others

138

Women usually get their way for the small things in a relationship (household matters and kids) but who makes the big decisions (where to live)

Men

139

Even when women make more money than men, who does more of the house work

women

140

Casual sex views of powerful people

They expect that their subordinates will find them sexually appealing and judge others to be more sexually available

141

Power in conversations with men and women

Women will display less power in a conversation with a man than she would with a woman (let him interrupt her more)

142

Non-verbal body language of powerful people: (4)

- larger interpersonal distance
- more intense facial expressions
- postures are less symetrical
- take up more space

143

Who is better at decoring emotions and being more aware of emotions

women

144

Who needs to keep track of the emotions of the other, someone with more or less power

Less powerful people need to keep track of the emotions of powerful people

145

What desire getting technique is used the most in happy relationships?

Direct

146

More powerful people use bilateral or unilateral techniques for getting what they want?

bilateral

147

Is it more gender or power level that predicts influence type

Status/power

148

ratio of men and women who have experienced domestic violence

women: 1/4
Men 1/7

149

Situational couple violence

when there is a heated argument, usually mutual

150

Intimate terrorism

When one partner uses violence as a tool to control the other

151

Violent resitance

A partner forcibly fights back against intimate terrorism

152

8 ways intimate terrorists control their partners

- coercion and threats
- intimidation
- emotional abuse
- econimic abuse
- isolation
- minimizing, denying, blaming
- using children
- using male priviledge

153

Who are more likely to engage in physical violence with their partners

women

154

3 categories of situational couple violence

1. instigating triggers - cause both partners to be on edge
2. Impelling influences - make it more likely that partners will experience violent impulses
3. Inhibiting impulses - encourage partners to refrain from violence

155

2 possible reasons for intimate terrorism

1. Bad at communication and violence is the only way they can make them stay
2. They are antisocial and like inflicting harm

156

Characteristics of abusing men:

- feel intellectually inferior to partner
- low self esteem
- poverty

157

Why don't women leave abusive relationship?

They dont think they would be better off if they left

158

Low income predicts more or less divorce

more

159

Cohabitating before marriage predicts more or less divorce

more

160

What are the 2 main barriers that distinguish couples who divorce with those who dont?

1. Dependence on spouse
2. Religious beleifs

161

Stress spill over

Stresses felt outside of the home are brought home and create conflict

162

Enduring dynapics model predicts how ______ a couple will be

happy

163

2 big conclusions from the PAIR project:
1. The ____ and ____ of changes in romance best predict divorce
2. The psoblems couples bring into a relationship determine how ____ a divorce will occur

1. Size and speed
2. quickly

164

Preserving indirectness in breaking up

Gradual dissatisfaction that led to one partner to make repeated efforts to dissolve the realtionship without ever announcing the intention and without engaging in any attempts to improve or repair the relationship

165

5 general stages of relationship breakup

1. Personal phase - feelings of frustration
2. Dyadic phase - unhappy partner reveals discontent
3. Social phase - partners publicize distress
4. Grave dressing phase - getting over loss
5. Resurrection phase - re-entering single life

166

We can correctly predict how long it will take to get over a break up but over estimate what?

The pain of the initial breakup

167

Do people feel better or worse after divorce

Usually better when it is a long time coming

168

Womens and mens standard of living after a divorce

Women goes down (more mouths to feed with less money) and men's goes up (less mouths to feed, more money)

169

Well being of children of divorced parents

Lower well being

170

If parents are constantly fighting, is it better or worse for the parents to divorce?

Better to divorce

171

Cognitive interdependence

Percieve greater over lap between partners lives and use more plural pronouns

172

Positive illusions

Idealizing each other and percieving the relationship in the best possible light

173

Percieved superiority

Thinking one's relationship is special

174

Inattention to alternatives

Not paying attention to other alternatives

175

Derogation of tepting alternatives

Percieving other potential partners as less attractive than their own

176

5 cognitive relationship maintenence mechanisms

1. Cognitive interdependence
2. Positive illusions
3. Percieved superiority
4. Inattention to alternatives
5. Derogation of tempting alternaties

177

7 behavioural relationship maintaining mechanisms

1. Willingness to sacrifice
2. Prayer
3. Michelangelo phenomeon
4. Accomodation
5. Self control
6. Play
7. Forgiveness

178

Michelangelo phenomenon

helping the other to become who they want to be

179

8 strategies to stay content in a relationship

1. Positivity
2. Openness
3. Relationship talk
4. Assurance
5. Understanding
6. Sharing tasks
7. Sharing social networks
8. Joint activities

180

Of the 8 strategies to stay content in a relationship, which 3 are most important?

Positivity
Assurance
Sharing tasks

181

Traditional behavioural couple therapy encourages partners to behave in what way?

Be more pleasant and rewarding partners

182

Integrative behavioural couple therapy builds on traditional therapy how?

Encourages partners to accept incompatabilities they cannot change

183

Emotionally focused therapy teaches couples what?

To identify maladaptice cycles and replace them with more constructive interactions

184

Insight oriented therapy

Strives to help people understand hoe their habits are creating difficutly in the relationship