forgiveness Flashcards
(45 cards)
Why are close relationships both fulfilling and painful?
They satisfy our deepest affiliative needs but are also sources of our most heart-wrenching hurts.
What typically follows hurt in close relationships?
Stress and negative feelings, potentially disrupting the relationship.
What is one ethical, pro-relationship way to cope with hurt?
Forgiveness
How can forgiveness help the relationship?
It breaks old patterns and gives the relationship a second chance.
What does forgiveness free you from?
The control of the person who caused the harm.
What power does the offender lose when you forgive?
The power to cause you to feel negative emotions.
What does choosing vengeance do to your story?
It chains your story to your enemies for the rest of time.
What is the only real path to freedom?
Forgiveness.
Is forgiveness the same as condoning?
No, forgiving does not tolerate the injustice.
Is forgiveness necessarily reconciliation?
No, reconciliation involves two people and depends on the offender’s willingness and ability to change.
Does forgiveness mean forgetting?
No, forgiving is remembering in new ways.
What kind of response is forgiveness?
A complex of cognitive, affective, and possibly behavioral responses to a transgression.
Is forgiveness intrapersonal, interpersonal, or both?
It is an intrapersonal process and usually, but not necessarily, interpersonal.
What are the two dimensions of forgiveness?
A negative dimension (e.g., reducing resentment) and a positive dimension (e.g., compassion).
When do people forgive, according to the definition?
When they rationally determine they’ve been unfairly treated and willfully abandon resentment to respond based on beneficence.
What might beneficence include in forgiveness?
Compassion, unconditional worth, generosity, and moral love.
What is decisional forgiveness?
A behavioral intention to eliminate revenge and avoidance, possibly restoring interaction.
What is emotional forgiveness?
Replacement of negative emotions with positive, other-oriented ones.
What does one give up in forgiveness?
Resentment, revenge, and retribution — things one has a right to.
What does one give that isn’t necessarily deserved?
Beneficence — compassion, unconditional worth, generosity, and moral love.
What is the forgiveness process about?
Changing the way we view someone or something that has happened.
What are the stages of forgiveness?
Impact stage – disorientation, anger, withdrawal.
Meaning stage – trying to understand, regain control, reduce resentment.
Moving on stage – seeing the offender as more than the wrongdoing.
Can forgiveness be required?
No, it is a gift.
Is forgiving quickly necessarily better?
No, it takes time and continuing effort.
